| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/11/2005 3:11:59 PM | I feel so low right now.
I spent all week wondering how to put things right again.
Now it's over.
I've been told I'm too negative. And that I make big problems out of small ones, and have no conception of what pain really is.
Well I'm suffering severely.
How do I stop this pain? | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/11/2005 3:25:18 PM | | Find some girl and treat her like crap....LOL Oh wait..Man, its all about time...From experience, it took me over a year to get over my first love. I used the time to get to know myself and convinced myself it was the girls loss not me being rejected. Sounds corny but it worked for me. Youll be ok. Go out and do all that stuff you couldnt do when you were single. | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/11/2005 3:26:51 PM | | You'll learn but you have to listen to what you've been told. Most people are too negative. Especially the young and cynical. And if you do make big problems out of small ones its a valid criticism. Most people do. So you have to turn that around. When you do, you'll learn that you can view life in two different ways: The glass is either half full or half empty. Pain is a good tool to teach you about life. You can't get back what you lost but you can learn from your experiences and learn what not to do. That's how you develop social skills, but if you hide in your shell trying to avoid pain in the future you'll never grow as a person. | |
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mogrl
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Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 4 | |
| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/11/2005 3:39:11 PM | Wasn`t it you that just posted the other day that you were afraid of losing her??
You know,sometimes it drives people away.Insecurity is something very difficult to deal with. | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/11/2005 3:40:10 PM | There is only one person who can change how you feel. That person is YOU. It is time to get proactive in recovering you spirit. It begins by taking care of yourself. Eat. Rest. And then when you have recovered some physical strength you must evaluate your emotions, and be honest with yourself. If you have been told you are too negative, determine within yourself if this is true. If you have been told you over react, again see it within yourself. With awareness of these frailties, you can take steps to change.
As for pain, no doubt, you suffer...but is it self imposed through your own thinking and unaccepting responses to lifes normal events.
You will shake it off and you will be OK...Just allow for time to heal wounds that you cannot heal for yourself. | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/11/2005 3:40:49 PM | | There is no way too stop it, naturally speaking. We can block the pain with drugs and alchohol but that is not the healthy way. These emotions you are having are part of life and if you deal with them naturally you'll be stronger after. Attachments often lead to suffering, thats why the Buddists believe we should free ourselves from them. Dont allow peoples words to shoot down your self esteem, I find it helps to talk to those close to you about how you are feeling. Hard as it is to believe this now, it does get easier. | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/11/2005 3:55:21 PM | The first thing is you need to be honest with yourself, do you make big problems out of small ones? As for being negative maybe passed hurts have made you feel that way and that is something you have to work through yourself, dont tar everyone with the same brush because everyone is not the same.
The pain you feel now will go, but it takes time, i know everyone will be saying "get out there and enjoy yourself" but you dont feel like doing it, give yourself a week or so and then start, take things slowly and dont go rushing into other relationships in the hope they will make you feel better.
Keep your chin up sunshine and good luck
xxx | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/11/2005 6:42:01 PM | I'm sorry you are in such pain. I've been there, so I know it can be worse than physical pain. There is one thing you can get out of this, and that's to learn how to let go. It was one the hardest but most valuable things I ever learned. I wish I could tell you it's esy, but knowing it is possible may help you find your way to it. The following is what I did, and perhaps it will work for you.
I can tell you to focus on each and every moment. What is ACTUALLY happening this moment? Are you physically okay? Are you hungry? Are you sleepy? Or cold, or warm? You will find that you are okay in this moment, if you focus on what is going on NOW. You may be with a caring friend, or out somewhere. Focus on the friend or whatever, and your feelings for your friend. Anything that is real NOW, and not what happened. THIS moment is okay if you do this. The next follows, and the next. After awhile, you have a lot of okay moments, and you see you can get past the memory of pain. Then, perhaps, you've learned to let go, and you can move on. | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/11/2005 10:20:58 PM | This is something I received in my email today, and is something worth thinking about:
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't
supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old onedid. You'll cry because time is passing
too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt
because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never
get back. | |
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jimb77
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Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/11/2005 10:30:35 PM | I can tell from what you wrote, you dwell on things. Do you know what that means? It means you think about it too much. I know it is current, I know it hurts, I know you aren't happy, I know it is hard to do what I am going to say next but you WILL get over it so try to occupy your mind with something else.
Mental pain can be worse than physical pain but you can control your thoughts. Let it go, worry won't solve anything. Stay postive, stay up, stay busy, and remember...it will get better with time. | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/11/2005 10:37:05 PM | During the holidays too...... man that really sux. It's so easy for those well meaning friends and family members to think that it's easy to just forget. It's not Silver and you have every right to grieve as long as it takes you to start feeling better. The best thing to do is let the grieving happen instead of as the friends think..... bury it. If you bury it..... it just gets worse so it's essential to bring it to the surface and let it go.
I know it feels like a big green runny pile, but I promise you, it will get better, you just have to let it out. That's the healthy part. In the meantime, I can suggest to involve yourself in activities that you like to do, hobbies, reading, things like that, keeps you busy, out of trouble and most importantly you regain your sense of pride. Take care Silver.
Blessings,
Witchy | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/11/2005 10:37:23 PM | Very hard to do...but find the happy switch inside you...
and click it to "happy 
Women can sence poor pityful me...and avoid it like a plague.
The quicker you get back to the Happy you 
the quicker your heart feels happy. | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/14/2005 6:46:22 AM | You cannot break a negative habit without replacing it with a postive habit, thought or feeling. I think you have some real issues that you need to look closely at and deal with. If you don't do it now, you may never. I think you have already taken a huge step by even listing what you've been told by others. That took courage. You need to follow the next steps though. Acknowledge what is real about what has been said, and what is not relevent. Figure out why you do it, and then put a plan in place to stop those negative habits. They didn't come over night and for no reason. You won't change overnight, but years from now, will just be years from now, unless you are proactive in becoming the person you want to be, and that others will want to be with. My very best to you. The pain will subside with time, don't let the lesson slide away. Peace.  | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:10:41 AM |
I've been told I'm too negative. And that I make big problems out of small ones, and have no conception of what pain really is.
Well I'm suffering severely.
How do I stop this pain?
Silverblade, this is your lucky day. I'm in the same boat. I mean my gf of two years ago ended it with me last week and everything has been a whirlwind since. I'm on this downward spiral of hurt, devistation, total loss and anger. That is until I found this site...
http://www.vitalcoaching.com/ This man, a professional councelling coach is AMAZING! He really knows exactly what you need to hear, and gives it to you in a way that you can become impowered by his words. I happened to search his site and he has a ebook on How to get your power back after she breaks up with you (for men) BUT he also has AUDIO files to go along with the book. I found the directory with all of his audio files...
I strongly suggest (if you have highspeed dsl/cable etc) that you go download every single MP3 file in this directory, and listen to it. I've been doing this for a week now, just replaying his messages over and over and it has given me great strenght. It's put a positive and motivative spin on my new single life. Me being here is one of those results. Because before finding his stuff I was stuck in the pitfall of wanting to change her mind, to get her to want to come back to me. After listening to his audio files I realized that wasn't going to happen. And in my case he was right. She's already got another bf and living with him.
Anyhow, If you want a quicker recovery from this crisis you're in, you need to go to this link and download those audio files and listen to them as much as you need to hear it. I think every file put together there is about 3 hours worth of audio coaching on this issue. He covers quite a bit, AND IT WILL HELP YOU!
The MP3 files are here:
http://vitalcoaching.com/files/bup1/
and the title of that stuff is: HOW TO GET YOUR POWER BACK, AFTER THE BREAKUP (for men) | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:50:15 AM | Hi Silverblade;
Sorry to hear you are in so much pain. Pain in life is unfortunately inevitable. At least you took the risk to try to love somebody. Don't blame yourself that it ended. Sometimes, two people just were "meant to" end. Perhaps something much better is around the corner for you. As for the negativity, it is much easier to deal with someone who is more optimistic. Just remember, it's just her opinion though. Take care
Tracey | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/14/2005 12:46:10 PM | [quote i think whoever said...'it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
at all'...is totally fulla shit..../quote]
Boise, do you really believe that? You didn't have anything good come out of your past relationships?
A person who has never loved or been loved would be a very sad and lonely person, in my opinion. Sure, it hurts bad when the love is first lost, but afterwards, when you reflect on it, there was usually some good that came from it, even if it is only memories.... | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/15/2005 8:52:47 AM | yeah dceeeee...i do believe what i said.
sorry to say...i have not had any fond memories from the 25 year gig either.
your opinion is accurate and dead on too...
thus ive learned to now follow these credos:
1. never fall in love with potential...they either have it or they dont.
2. marry the right person. 90% of your future happiness or misery comes from this one decision.
3. marry someone you like to talk with, cuz later on in life this is about all thats left... | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/15/2005 9:05:00 AM | Dude.
All you do la is get with your mates and go out and have a laugh. You dont need no girl to make you happy, you do that yourself.
I was with the ex for 7yrs, and when we split it was like a breath of fresh air. Ive started acting like a teenager again. Dont jump into the first bird that shows interest. I waited about 8months. I had loadsa offers but I was more interseted in having a good time. It also makes you feel good when you knock a bird back. You would be getting one back for all the lads out there.
Enjoy your freedom, its all you have. Next time you can then make sure that the girl is the write one for you.
Take it easy.
Big "scouse" Moon | |
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/15/2005 3:34:44 PM | There are some really good pieces of advice here. This place rocks.
Sorry to hear of your situation, but it will get better. Loves a lottery, and sometimes ( if you are not with the right person), the numbers just don't come out.
Don't focus on " What could have been..." , because that is denial of the obvious. Life is presented to you, and how you react to the good and bad defines your character. Realizing the facts, and moving on to a better future is the key.
Relationships are made from the actions of two people. Each person is influenced by the other's actions - or inactions. What you were with one person may not be the same if you are with another one. When you are in a relationship that breaks up, you don't "lose" anything. You just find out what you never really had in the first place.
Those post break up times can serve as a catalyst for change. You can learn from the past greatly, and decide to change your future. Some people never do, and repeatedly follow the same patterns over and over again. Look around, you can see that everywhere.
Take a break from the battle, and spend some time getting to know yourself. Go and take some long walks. Start a journal. Go visit somewhere you would normally never think of going. Don't even think of dating for a while, and concentrate on yourself. Start taking care of YOU, and not falling in to the snares of depression and anger. Avoid drugs and drinking.
Every person has value. Every person has something unique to offer. Every person can be in a relationship that makes them happy. Relationships are sometimes difficult, and they require work and a willing partner that sees things in the same way you do. A good relationship is a decision between two people to be together, and to work together, towards staying together.
It sometimes requires change, but never requires losing your base beliefs. The strongest bonds are formed between two people that realize they are not in competition, but are complimenting each other.
What you need now is to build a new, and strong foundation. Learn from your mistakes ( and those of others) , and get to know yourself. If you do this properly, you will be a much stronger person, instead of a bitter one.
It takes only a few things to make that happen. One is getting rid of any chains that are binding you. Another is to open your eyes to the person you are with. One of the principal things is realizing that you are indeed in control of your life.
Many of us blame others for things, as that makes them far easier to accept. If you are sitting in the passengers seat, and you don't like the scenery going by outside - well, it's not your fault, because you aren't driving right ?
Stop the car, take the wheel, and drive where your heart takes you.
It may hurt now, and I have felt that pain too. I got divorced over two years ago after a seventeen year marriage - at Christmas.
Believe it or not, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. My only regret was that it did not happen about five years earlier.
I decided to take the wheel then, and I have never looked back since.
Good luck, and take care brother.
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| It's well and truly over - please help me
Posted: 12/15/2005 7:20:51 PM | Well said Mont., My wife just left me three weeks ago. I searched for answers and found pof, thanks to everyone for thier stories, it helps knowing I am not the only one going through this. I feel the pain for other people who are going through worse things than I am, I am thankful I went to see a counselor, he helped me in 3 sessions to realize things most people already know.
1-when you meet someone, be the real you, put your best foot forward, but don't pretend to be better than that.
2- remember that it is not just the holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and other special occations-it is every day in between that makes the difference.
3- find a compatible person for your mate, don't settle for less, don't think you can change them, or you can change for them.
Just to name a few things that I learned. | |
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