| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/12/2005 6:01:30 PM | Ok..I’ve done it. You’ve done it. We’ve sat and watched in horror as other people have done it, so let’s have some laughs at the expense at ourselves and co workers, or friends LOL:
“Jim are these your balls in a this can?” I said loudly to co worker after finding can of tennis balls on front counter of the restaurant I was working
“Steve can I borrow the pencil in your pocket”…said by me to co worker who I just saw put a pencil in his pocket and I could not find one to write out an order
“Wow, what happened did you all decide to go to the same funeral?”….said by me to several co workers who came in dressed all in black, who had all in fact came back from a friends funeral
“What’s the matter did they kick you out of your office?” said by me to coworker who had been sitting out in a cubicle for two days while they remolded his office…for another person…after they had IN FACT kicked him out of his office and I was the only person who didn’t know
“The boss wants to see you, he’s going to fire you!” said jokingly by a coworker to a temp, who was in fact asked into the managers office in the next 10 minutes and who was subsequently fired..
“Come on guys, give the guy another chance” said by co worker jokingly while passing another persons cubicle, not realizing they were having him clean out his desk to escort him to the door | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/12/2005 6:36:40 PM | LOL
The funny thing is that if I wanted to blurt out something outlandish and raunchy I'm not sure I could get it right, however I seem to have no problem blurting out unintentional porn or insults.... | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/12/2005 6:49:19 PM | | When I am in a certain mood and faced with talking to really hot guys, I sometimes get really flustered, really geeky, or just unable to hide my smile.....not slick at all. I remember once at an old job years ago this really cute guy came in and ordered food....I was so struck that I couldn't even focus and had that really cheesy smile that I can't seem to hide on my face. I asked him if the number 5 condom was all that he needed? My coworkers and even the guy thought that was hilarious....I had to go hide in the back until he and the mortified feeling was gone! Now I work at a Casino. There was this guy who came over to the salad bar and was talking to me. I ended up asking him if he had gotten lucky yet. He went on to grin a devious little smile and say...no why will I be. I now all flustered make a jerking motion with my wrist which he howls at and then I say....no, no, no, on the slots!! See how slick I am? :) | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/12/2005 6:55:10 PM | LMAO: Oh thank God you and I did not work in the same place!
At the same restaurant with the pencil and tennis balls (there must have been something in the water) one lady was calling for a customer to come pick up his food, and one of the managers had written “Master Bates” for the name, so of course over the loud speaker the very innocent older co-worker is calling out ‘Master Bates, your order is ready, Master Bates!”…and the whole restaurant was rolling from laughter….. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/13/2005 7:36:32 PM | | OK...we cannot be the only people who have made outlandish faux paus........50 people have read this post, fess up now! LOL | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/14/2005 6:01:20 PM | | when I was working as a waitress in a family restaurant, this one guy was complaining about the service as there was only one girl on and I had finished my shift, so I served coffee to the customers to help her out. When he came up the the cash register to pay he apologized for how he acted. I ended up blurting out its ok I ignore my kids when they whine too. All I could say is oops didnt mean for it to come out this way. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/14/2005 7:52:37 PM | My straight-laced grandmother told me that she heard that a family friend's son was badly injured in a car accident. She phoned her friend, Benny, and asked: "How's your Peter?" to which he replied: "Oh, it's fine."
She meant his son, Peter.  | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/14/2005 10:07:38 PM | OK…the more I have this up here the more I remember (sigh) I was newly married and I always made sure to be properly and respectfully dressed in front of my then spouse’s family, because it was all guys except for his mom and I always wanted to make a good impression.
One day we had gone to the museum of natural history and I saw the great t-shirt with a mom wolf and her pups on it, so I bought it as my souvenir.
The next morning I wore it to breakfast and it really was a unique and cute shirt so my ‘father-in-law’ surprised by the shirt (he did not see me pick it out) exclaimed LOUDLY as he looked right at my chest” Wow what gorgeous puppies!” I stopped like a dear in the headlights …dead silence …..and everyone looked at me anxiously to figure out where that came from, ……relieved, no one broke a smirk …..we just went on and on for the next 10 minutes about the ‘gorgeous’ shirt…God I was mortified! It was straight out of a sitcom…. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/16/2005 5:11:09 PM | | one of the best ones i ever heard was when i was the best man at my cousins wedding.his brides father had shelled out the bucks so his only daughter could have the perfect wedding.well as my cousin was saying his vows i almost lost it when in a loud and proud voice he promised to always give her all his love and infection.i kept a straight face for a second but his younger brother lost it and busted out laughing. i could not hold it in at that point so all the groomsmen started laughing out loud.his bride of course was mortified and for some reason the marriage did not last very long. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/16/2005 5:49:26 PM | OK, I'm gonna cheat because this one was in readers digest but I still remember it after all these years....:
A woman whose husband had been out of town for a few days, let her little girl sleep in her bed while he was gone, so running through the airport to her dad she shouted "Daddy, daddy, you'll never guess who slept with mommy while you were gone!".....
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/16/2005 6:32:46 PM | I know I have had plenty of "foot in mouth desease" but the olny one that comes to mind is
I work in customer service I sometimes have to calm down angry irrate customers, generally I handle this pretty well, but one day I was getting an earfull on the phone while also taking care of the customers in front of me.
The guy on the phone wouldn't let me get a word in edge wise, wouldn't listen to reason and just kept sceaming and cursing me louder and louder.
I FINNALLY ended the call and one sympithetic customer asked quite innocently
"what was HIS problem?"
I blurted out
"he was an A$$hole"
what could I say? I looked her right in the eye and said
"oh I am sorry, did I say that out loud?"  | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/16/2005 6:43:56 PM | OOH OOH i have one...just happened the other day...i was sitting with my sons grandparents discussing how to get something screwed into the wall. Well i thought it would be easier to have a power drill, so i said "I just cant screw that hard!" yep my face was red. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/16/2005 7:40:11 PM | | had a friend in college come up to me while i was eating lunch at the snack shop and say so did you tag any last night on your date.the girl who i had been on the date with and was sitting at the table behind me turns around gives him one of the biggest if looks could kill looks.i just looked at my friend and said rich meet jen,jen this is rich.he hung his head and walked away.i still laugh every time i see him and remind him about that. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/16/2005 7:58:46 PM | | OK, I work in Tech Support for a company that sells expensive and sometimes complicated coffee brewers, one of our major issues is this part that always comes loose during shipping. While walking a customer through how to install the pieces I said " now slide up and down on the shaft untill it fits." The customer started laughing and said "can you maybe use different terminology so I can concentrate." I was so embarrassed. | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 12/17/2005 1:08:59 AM | LMAO: JUSTINBOY88, Your friend owes you favors for the rest of his life!.....
When I was married I went to my exes family reunion and one guy showed up with the worst God awful haircut known to man...there were at least 60 men there and NO ONE would stop chiding him about it.......it wasn't until they were about to leave hours later that while introducing his girlfriend to someone, he mentioned that she was a beautician....yeah, DUH she had to hear for hours how bad she was at it!
And at our department meeting a few weeks back, our very straight laced Mormon supervisor, said "Yes, I know we have been super busy and I have been pulled in meetings all week leaving you guys to deal with my hairy balls I've thrown at you!"....... deadpan silence as our brains tried to wrap around those words coming out of his mouth and then trying to figure out what the Hell he meant to say.......instead of using a sentence like "dealing with my screw-ups", he was trying to say “dealing with all the HAIRBALLS I've tossed your way" (as in an innocent cat comparison-no way for that to sound offensive right?)...
finally we couldn't control our laughter and it went on for minutes until most of us had tears running down our faces...yeah we won't let him live it down now! | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 1/3/2006 2:50:52 AM | The funniest one I can think of is when my brothers and I were teenagers.
We were in the kitchen for the feeding frenzie, horsing around with each other as usual.
My Mom had gotten her plate, a glass of milk for my dad and a paper towel with a couple of rolls on it. Her hands being full and frustrated with our goofing she blurts out.
"HEY!! will one of you guys butter my muffin" we were all in histerics except for her as she said "what" 3 times before it dawned on her. She then turned red, giggled a bit and very smoothly made her way into the livingroom. (Dad didnt hear a thing or he didnt acknowledge it at all) | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 1/3/2006 5:33:38 PM | Ok.. I got one.
When I was about 16. I used to work at this kinda outdoor marketplace. I used to see this really attactive blond girl very often. She used to work for this old guy as a salesperson. I would smile at her and wave Hi each time I saw her and she would return the greeting.
Well, I finally decided to go over and talk to her, but, when I went over to see if she was there, she wasnt around.
So I asked the old guy, "Scuse me sir, (I was apparently very obvious in my intentions) Is your daughter here with you today?"
He looked around and then realized who I was talking about. With a scowl on his face, he turned to me and said " Daughter?!.. Thats my Wife!"
Whoops!!!
-paul.  | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 1/3/2006 9:30:03 PM | ^^^^well if you can't find a date as a young lad, just resort to picking up customers's young wives apparently! LMAO^^^^^
Fortunately I have not done as many “oops” as I’ve SAID…..I do have to say that as far as stuff you only see in sitcoms, I did in fact watch a young girl (with her mouth hanging open just like in the movies drooling) run face forward into a large round column, because she was so enamored by one of the good looking guys I worked with….I believe she honestly almost gave herself a concussion….and generally I try not to laugh out loud and embarrass someone when they do something stupid, but all bets were off!…which was horrible because I know she was mortified….
but we just stood there (the whole wait staff) like deer in headlights because we couldn’t believe that she did that…… he couldn’t believe it….he just said, “Did she really just run into the wall?” At which point he actually turned red and felt sorry for her and was embarrassed as to why she did it (and her friend literally dragged her out of the restaurant because she couldn’t speak or barely stand)…so since he was a great guy and he was good looking but not full of himself, he was in fact ‘face first beam worthy!” LOL ......I just would not want to have to explain that in the emergency room...... | |
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 1/3/2006 10:00:09 PM | OK…this blue ribbon goes to a friend’s husband. He was taking her to the emergency room when she in fact did get a concussion at same said restaurants as “beam lady” (She was emptying a trash can and raised up and smacked her head on the electric hand dryer they had recently installed to make life easier)
All the way to the emergency room and in the waiting area he kept trying to embarrass her by pretending to be her boyfriend…(They were married, she didn’t like being insulted like that and he found it hilarious) so he kept saying stuff like “Do you want me to call your husband?” “What time does he get off work?”...all the time holding her hand and kissing her forehead.... It was annoying her greatly but the head pain won out so she just ignored him…OK, she smirked some, and ignored him mostly, because he was relentless...he had a captive audience and he would not back down…
Finally when this old nurse was asking her questions, she got to the question “What does your husband do for a living?”, to which he started to answer her…(he in fact being her husband) ..Well the nurse was NOT a happy camper and this was bible country and she proceeded to ball him out in front of everyone and tell him that she “Did not in fact give a DAMN what HE did for a living and wanted to know what this woman’s husband did, and that he should be blatantly ashamed of exploiting a woman in pain and if she had her way she’d beat the Hell out of him!!!”…
it took several times of her telling the nurse he was in fact her husband before she believed him and he finally had to show her his drivers license…finally she busted out laughing but his wife was sure the nurse was going to drag him out of there by his ear and beat the crap of him in front entire staff…He learned to back it waaaay down after that, or to at least know his audience first….LMAO
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| “Insert Foot in mouth” confessions
Posted: 1/4/2006 12:25:12 PM | When I was in college I had a classmate who took a year off to pursue "personal interests" (get married). When she came back, let's just say her figure was much fuller and rounder. When I saw her again I was so happy... I hugged her and patting her 8-month pregnant belly I asked, "How far along are you?" She said "I'm not pregnant, I'm fat. FAT!!! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!" I could have died of embarrassment right there. Turns out many people had made the same assumption and she was sick of being asked about "the baby". 
Never ever ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see an actual baby emerging from her. | |
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