| I will seriously edit your profile for you.
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:46:20 AM | I figure I'm offering my opinion on all of them anyway, I may as well start my own thread.
1. I will edit your profile, make suggestions and corrections that are serious and non-biased and reflect your intent.
2. I will also offer my opinion on your pics (not attractiveness level), to let you know if they relay your intent, or if they suggest something else. | |
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| I will seriously edit your profile for you.
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:48:43 AM | interesting, last night there was a psychologist offering to do something similar...lol
i guess im still working on mine, i put it up in a hurry but go ahead for fun, just email the
results, not in the forum please :)...i cant say id impliment the changes but it would be interesting
to get someones perspective on it | |
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| I will seriously edit your profile for you.
Posted: 12/13/2005 11:14:25 AM | Hey Shellybelly!
Alright, I would gladly welcome your opinion. It took me a while to write my profile, and I think that it's a pretty good one, but other's point of view can only but help!
Cheers
Jesen | |
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| I will seriously edit your profile for you.
Posted: 12/13/2005 12:06:25 PM | Frenchfrie
I deleted the paragraph on the pic. It's usually a bad idea to point out that other PoFers didn't "get it".
"Well, here's some things that you need to know about me: I put Ketchup on my grilled cheese sandwich, I eat my frenchfries with Mayonnaise, I am a huge hockey freak, I own over 25 pairs of shoes, Spider-Man is my hero, I still watch Saturday morning cartoons while eating Frosted Flakes once in while, I like my Scotch neat, I prize honesty and intelligence, I am deadly allergic to peanuts, and I drink too much coffee."
I changed the language a bit to be positive. Always use positives wherever possible.
"I am looking for my partner in crime. Someone with a great sense of humour, a "Hockey Night in Canada" watching buddy, someone who enjoys renting a movie over drinking at a club. Ideally, we will challenge each other on every level: physically, emotionally, sexually, and intellectually. Only one question matters: Will I care about what this woman has to say to me over dinner eight years from now?"
I changed your "I want" to reflect that it's something you hope that you will share with your partner. The danger in being "me" specific, is that it sometimes can make you appear too demanding...a simple rephrasing and the same content is there with a better tone.
I deleted the entire paragraph about your previous engagement and mother's death. Although touching and informative, this is something you can share when you know someone better. Women get the wrong impression when you mention an ex in a profile (that you're not over her). A general rule is just to never mention the word "baggage".
"For me, respect is HUGE. The TRUST needs to be there, the want has to be greater than the need and the laughter must be constant. At risk of sounding cliché, it is all about compromise. Well, if you're interested, drop me a line!"
I deleted reference to past relationships again.
Other stuff
Your pics are pretty good. You may consider cropping the one of your mother for the reasons you have stated in your profile (if you really like that pic of yourself)...otherwise I would suggest you delete it. You can email it to someone after you know them better, when you're ready to explain about your mother's illness, etc.
I deleted some paragraphs both for the reasons I mentioned and also because, while I love a long profile, I am in the minority. Most people want, "just the facts m'am" so it needed to be a little shorter as well.
One tiny technical thing: fix your interests list, I believe it's commas between them, then they will be highlighted and show up on a search if you share them with others.
I hope this helps. | |
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| I will seriously edit your profile for you.
Posted: 12/13/2005 12:31:03 PM | Lonewolf15054
My dream is to have my own internet business and eventually get off the road, so I am currently working on a business degree online.
I deleted your profession and age because they are already written in a different column.
I like to shoot pool, ride motorcycles, build mud trucks, go fishing, camping, watch the occasional NASCAR event and wrestling (yes, I will sit on the couch eating bon-bons and watching my guy soap opera).
There is no need to write what you "don't" like, so I deleted that part. The guy "soap opera" bit is cute.
I would say my favorite activity is definitely being at the lake. I love to water-ski, tube, just cruise around in the boat. I love to ride jet skies and I’m thinking of getting one. I’m also looking into getting a parasail rig for the boat. I’ve never tried it, but it looks like a lot of fun.
I just deleted the "extremist" thing...never set off anyone's warning signs if you can help it.
I am very romantic and I think I have a big heart. I think I have a good sense of humor, and I tend to cheer people up around me, even to the point of embarassing myself in public if it is the only way to make someone smile (you’ve been warned). I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I make mistakes but I believe I have learned from them.
I deleted reference to past relationships...I deleted reference to marriage. I deleted reference to dating women with children, its' assumed that unless you state otherwise, you are open to dating all. I would normally take out the warning about publicly embarassing yourself, but the way you wrote it is kind of funny, so it could go either way.
I am looking for a "free spirit," if I understand the term... Someone that is not afraid to live life. Someone that would play in the rain, then warm up in front of a fireplace, cuddling under a blanket.... Someone that can have fun without caring what other people think. Someone that understands a relationship takes work and is willing to put forth the effort... Someone that is romantic and can appreciate the "little things"... But also someone that is their own person and not dependent on others.
I just changed a couple of words, it's a pretty good paragraph.
I deleted the last paragraph...it has to go without saying...it is a little bitter in tone and mentions a past relationship.
Other Stuff
I would suggest possibly changing your main pic to be the one of you sitting down. You have a nice smile in that one.
In the "first date" section, you don't need the second paragraph. The first one is fine on it's own. | |
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| *moves within 75 miles of ottawa*
Posted: 12/13/2005 2:12:32 PM | | hehee...hi there shellybelly....no i don't desire a profile review but i did want to say hello. yeah yeah, scold me for breaking the rules. i always see you on common threads we post on but since i can't email you i'll just say hello here...and...move within 75 miles ;) oh crap, and change my age, and.... | |
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| *moves within 75 miles of ottawa*
Posted: 12/13/2005 3:47:51 PM | photius
I can't email you because I'm too old...(against your age restrictions), but if you'd change that, I will do it first thing in the morning for you. :) | |
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| I will seriously edit your profile for you.
Posted: 12/13/2005 3:58:18 PM | FLGuy4u0503
"Looking for some magic in your life?
What you see is what you a get, and what you get is a man who has great qualities both inside and out. He is compassionate to animals and as reliable as an alarm clock. He knows when to talk and more importantly, when to listen. He is a very hard worker who really earns his dough. Sports is his passion, which is why he is a Complex Coordinator at Disney's Wide World of Sports. When he enters a room he has an enormous smile and upbeat charm that can lighten even the darkest mood. When he is given credit for his work he acknowledges others and always remembers where he came from. He lives a simple life but simple does not describe his personality and ambitions for others. He has goals and dreams that he is constantly trying to fulfill.
This man looks forward to all replies and wishes the best to the one who can find the rabbit in the hat."
I took out "social parties" because I have no idea what you mean by it. If you want to keep it in, I suggest you clarify it a bit. Other than that, I just reworded a couple of things and separated the "magic" statements to be open and closers for your profile and to stand out a bit more. At first I was going to suggest you delete them, but after reading that you work at Disney, the magic kind of seems appropriate.
First Date
"A first date starts with a phone call and then going to a place with a cozy and relaxing atmosphere. Your magician would use his own unique charm to make his date feel as special as if she was the only one in the room."
I just rephrased it for the most part. I found the second part a little confusing, so I moved some things around and brought in your magic theme from the profile.
Other Stuff
1. Remove the "prefer not to say"...most people on PoF can't stand that phrase...there is nothing wrong with you having or not having children. If you do have kids, their privacy is still maintained by not posting pics of them.
2. I would suggest you rethink the phone call before you meet. If this is a deal breaker for you, I understand...but a lot of women will opt for meeting in a public place before they give a stranger their phone number. Think it over, it's a personal choice.
Hope this helps.
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Posted: 12/13/2005 4:11:23 PM | Bandito and vendor65, I appreciate the compliments.  | |
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Posted: 12/13/2005 4:13:35 PM | SHELLY
Sorry lol i'll do that right now:) | |
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Posted: 12/13/2005 4:16:26 PM | | er...I also live too far away... | |
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Posted: 12/13/2005 4:33:39 PM | | Can you check mine out? curious wha ja gonna say | |
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Posted: 12/13/2005 5:08:43 PM | squarepeg
"Welcome, I'm so happy you decided to check me out! I have a steady job as a manager at a bicycle/fitness store. I love my job and it's reflected in how well my store does. I'm always looking for ways to improve as an employee and as a person so I try to take classes when I can. I also enjoy a good jigsaw puzzle every now and again and have an artistic side that is currently being exercised in designing the layout for the new store we are building."
I removed the "look and act younger than my age," because you run the risk of ladies misinterpreting that as "I'm immature."
"One of my hobbies is riding bikes, of course! In my younger days I was a pretty good bike racer but now I ride for fun and fitness. I enjoy traveling but would not consider myself "well traveled," though I have camped as far west as Colorado. My favorite so far, are the mountains of North Carolina. I also enjoy my boating habit there. I like to canoe and white water raft but I can't seem to stay upright in a kayak."
Changed only minor sentence structure stuff.
"The special lady I'm looking for would be someone I'd be able to talk honestly with about any subject and with whom I would grow clower to with age. I'm sure she would share some of my likes and dislikes but she would also be her own person. If she rode a bicycle that would be great! If not, we could still spend time hiking, camping, checking out some live music or just staying inside soothing each other after a long day. I did spend a year in massage school, it would be a shame to waste that! I'm very open to explore any interests she may have as well, because I really enjoy new and exciting experiences."
Again, only minor structure things...content is good.
I deleted the paragraph on the previous employment. I took out the artistic side and designing the store layout and added it to your first paragraph where you mention that you work in a store.
I removed the last sentence..."real people" implies that there are "non-real" people...which in turn implies that you've either heard bad things or are speaking from a past negative experience...which we never put into a profile. Only positives. If you'd like to sum up with a sentence, use a generic, happy-sounding one.
First Date
Let's get to know each other by email then move to the phone for some good conversation. After some time we can go somewhere warm and cozy so we can look into each others eyes while we babble about nothing.
Basically removed the part about kissing...you nullified it anyway by saying it was unrealistic, so it serves no purpose.
Other Stuff
1. Pics are good, although you may want to consider getting a bust shot...from the waist up, so that we have a close up of your face. Failing that, I would suggest moving your third pic to your first position as people prefer a smiley face to a non-smiley one. Also, the one with you teaching a class is sheer brilliance and I expect shall do well with the ladies.
2. You have a couple of typos in your interests that you may want to just quickly look at. | |
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Posted: 12/13/2005 5:39:45 PM | | It is done shelly... it should be alright now lol | |
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Posted: 12/13/2005 5:46:33 PM | Hey Shelly, how ya doin? A little help with my profile please? Thanks in advance.
Matt | |
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Posted: 12/13/2005 6:44:41 PM | | Thanks Shelly, you've helped a bunch. | |
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Posted: 12/14/2005 4:59:37 AM | n6254ac
"I love extreme sports like snowboarding and skydiving. I enjoy nature, animals, and working on cars and planes. I like to go on drives, and I like to be lazy once in a while and veg on the couch with a good movie or book. I love Italian restaurants and seafood and enjoy experiencing new things, including new cuisines. I'm basically looking for friends to hang out with and/or date. I'm not really looking for anything serious right now, but who knows what could happen down the road. I am a little shy when I first meet someone, but open up pretty quick. I value a great sense of humor and the ability to laugh. I would like you to be fairly attractive, honest, and open to new things. I'd love to hear from you, so drop me a line."
Deleted the "hey ladies". If you want to put it in, okay, but it is in a lot of profiles. Deleted your real name. Changed the phrasing in a few places. Deleted "I have" and replaced it with "I value". If you compliment yourself no one knows if it's true, but said like this, it means basically the same thing and includes your potential partner, as well. Deleted "not extremely picky", if you put it right next to a list of qualifiers, then it appears to not be true, so it's best not to put it at all. Deleted the "too tall order...sometimes it seems like it" because it references a general disillusionment/negativity. Deleted "ya", short forms make it appear that you didn't spend a lot of time writing this.
First Date
"For a first date it should be something casual like dinner and a movie. Maybe a nice romantic Italian restaurant with low lighting and great food, and then a good comedy to lighten the mood."
Deleted "lot of good ideas"...because you're not saying what they are so there is no point in saying that you have them. Deleted "walk on the beach", it really is too cliché to say. Put the "liking cuisines" line in your profile where it should be.
Other Stuff
1. Your pics...the primary one is nice, but the second one, because of the block on your friends' eyes, kinda looks like something you'd see on COPS, so I'd either crop them out of the photo entirely, or delete that pic. Also, the female in it looks to be about your age, so people may assume it's an ex...never a good thing.
2. Interests...fill out this section. When you do a search, these items are highlighted if the female shares them, so they are important. Also, some people only look at this section. It's important to have at least 5, if possible.
3. If what you're looking for is friends first...I suggest you change that selection in the top portion of the profile page. Saying you want dating when you actually want friends and maybe dating eventually, is misleading. | |
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