| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/15/2005 5:01:12 PM | Time and time again I get men who will do a complete 180 on me when I say "thanks but I'll politely decline" or "sorry thanks for your message but I'm not interested"???
Are men that egotisticle that they can't take rejection? The worse part is when they talk to me all sweetly and I politely thank them for their compliments. Then 80% of the men continue to talk about sex, what kind of sex, positions, do you like to spank men?, can I do you? etc etc? Do you guys out there really think that is the best way to begin finding out about someone?
What really gets me, is once I tell them I'm sorry that isn't the type of converstion I'm inclined to be in, they do the jeckel and hyde 180 on me and then start fat bashing me!! Ok so I was ok to talk sweetly to about sex and compliment me on my looks, but once I say I'm not into talking about sex as a way to get to know someone or that I'm not interested, you turn on me and call me the opposite of the pretty, sexy woman that you just told me I was 5 mins before that???
Do men think BBW's are easy?? Do you figure that because we are BBW's and single that we dont' have sex and it's your duty to provide it or something? LMAO.
Read my profile, do i state anywhere that I like to talk about sex when I first meet someone? NO. Do I say that I want an intimate encounter? NO. So why bother messaging me, sweet talk me, and have to go through this stupid dance of words, only to end up calling me "fat cow", fatty" or say things like "don't eat too much over the holidays?"
I just dont' understand alot of men these days. I know who I am, I know that I'm pretty, outgoing and a great person to be around. Yes and I also know that I'm a full figured woman. Not to say I'm not working on it, and trying to get more healthy for myself, but if you dont' talk to me about these types of things, and keep talking about sex, how does anyone get to know anyone anymore?
Heck I like sex, dont' get me wrong. But I really enjoy it more, when it's in the boundaries of a steady relationship. Everyone is human and needs to be close to someone, I just dont' come online looking for sex. Why does this concept sseem so hard to accept?
Ok, done my venting.   LMAO
Shiloh | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/15/2005 10:51:01 PM | Most guys I've rejected have been cool about it. "Yeah, you're cute and all, but I think we're looking for different things. Wish you luck. Take care." And mosey on.
You don't like the conversation? End it. Don't let it continue and then do this oh, woe, type thing about it. Close the chat window, block them, whatever.
Like Ann Landers always said, no one can walk over you until you give them permission to do so.
Ann rocked. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/15/2005 11:08:26 PM | | I've never had a guy get bent out of shape over me not having an interest in him the way he might in me. The thing is, I see a lot of attitude coming from you and maybe when you get involved in the rejection deal, you might be spreading that attitude all over them, which could be causing the reactions you are getting. There are a lot of men who immediately want to get right to the chase but it's real easy to get their minds off their initial ideas and get them talking about all kinds of things that they probably never would have dreamed that would be happening to them, then they really like you, for you, and I would say if they pushed the issue, I'm flattered, truly am, but no thanks, you're not the type I go for, simple, they accept it, no bad attitudes exchanged either way. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 2:16:10 AM | | Well quite naturally I have to turn this around, why is it that girls get offended when I politely tell them that they really aren’t my type. Why are women hurt when I tell them I am not interested in them romantically, that i just want to be friends? There is really just no winning for losing sometimes, this is a dating site and people are going to get offended and to a large extent that isn’t your issue. Just be yourself do your best and forget all the critics, you can’t please everyone. I find it tough when someone I really like suddenly doesn’t want to be friends just because I am not ready for a relationship with them, so I hear you. Sorry to hear men are so rude to you, there are good men out there, just keep looking. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 2:40:47 AM | "sorry thanks for your message but I'm not interested"...seems clear to me
not putting out attitude or nuthing..i could see the "not interested" hurting some insecure guys an them lashing back
i'm guessing you have to be more diplomatic (diplomacy= letting someone have your way)
you could just say .."i just want friends not friends with benefits so i'm not interested..sorry"...see it leaves them an escape
the friends statement gives them an excuse to cling too rather then looking to thier own damaged ego to explain why they got rejected
if you leave it as not interested or politly decline ...they read it as "no your not good enough for me"
remember they read your profile an still thought you wanted sex ..they are not on the same page ..don't expect them to be ..they are selfish an think its all about them so when you decline ..in thier ego's its all about them ..so leave them an escape route
good luck
ps ..wanna have sex..i know you do ..really i am that good so of course you do...hehe..(click)..why did she hang up? | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 3:01:21 AM | | I don't. I'd have a lot more respect for women around here if they had the courtesy to actually say "no, thanks." I've never once sent a letter indicating in any way, shape or form that I'd be other than a gentleman. To all the beautiful, decent ladies here who have enough class to politely say "no, thanks," I tip my hat. To the ones who don't have the decency to even do that, well, I'm sorry I even bothered. You aren't worthy. | |
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marol
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Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 10 | |
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marol
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Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 12 | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 5:21:47 AM | to scribecalledsteff
You don't like the conversation? End it. Don't let it continue and then do this oh, woe, type thing about it. Close the chat window, block them, whatever.
I do end the conversation with politely saying that I'm not interested in the type of conversation they end up leading towards. I never said anything about "woe is me". My point was after they compliment me, I respond with thank you, and next thing I know it goes into a conversation I dont' want to have, I politely say so and they respond nastily. That is the point I was trying to convey.
Why is it that when someone is polite about things and doesn't want to have the conversation that the guy does I'm the bad guy? | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 5:25:36 AM | to motherbear
The thing is, I see a lot of attitude coming from you and maybe when you get involved in the rejection deal, you might be spreading that attitude all over them, which could be causing the reactions you are getting. .
Attitude? I was simply asking why when I politely decline someone's requests or politely say no thank you that I get the jeckel and hyde treatment and somehow I'm the bad one for rejecting the person? I honestly don't see how that came across as attitude. I was venting mostly because I cant' understand when I'm always nice to ppl and respond to messages in a polite manner I get treated poorly. They compliment me on my looks and say how much they liked my profile to butter me up and then once I've said thanks for the compliments, the next part of now talking about things I dont' prefer to talk about happens. That's when I politely say, "you know what this isnt' the type of conversation I like to have when trying to get to know someone" and they do the 180 on me. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 5:28:07 AM | To Pan...
I never get offended if someone isnt' interested in me. They only time I do is if they dont' have the common decency to be civil in a response of "Thanks but no thanks" or " i appreciate your message but i'm not interested". I take no offense to that, not everyone is interested in me and I'm not interested in everyone either.
Thank you very much for you message. | |
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joesch
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Joined: 4/21/2003
Msg: 21 | |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 7:23:51 AM | | Ah rejection,well it takes a little time but you get used to it,just keep pluggin along and good things will happen(American Pie) everyone gets rejected at some point in there lives.I don't think it's a bad thing,better off to get rejected than have a relationship with some woman who doesn't give a crap about you,and you know just tell yourself (her loss) works well and protects the ego if you can make yourself believe it lol. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 8:25:30 AM | To the chick saying "still sounds bent" about being annoyed by not even getting a "no, thanks," or whatever--
I have to say that for all the nice folks found on these systems, there's a lot of d!ckheads who fail to grasp simple manners.
Not interested, say so. Don't leave people hanging. "You're not my type, but thanks for the compliment, and better luck next time." That's ALL. Or, the always short'n'easy, "No, thanks," does also work.
Manners may seem like they're optional, but all the pricks who are opting out of them are making life a little more complicated for those of us who think that manners and respect are NOT open for discussion.
As for Shiloh, I still don't get why you're having all the problems. I've been very forward on these systems with contacting guys, and I've had a lot of guys contact me, and I've not run into those problems. There's been some conversations that have started with sex as the main topic, and I've just bluntly said, "So, no small talk? Nice. I suppose you don't do foreplay, either? Maybe I'll talk to you when you have something significant to say, then" and that seems to put some of 'em in their spots -- the ones who are smart enought to get the dissing, that is.
But yeah, I've not had those problems, so it just seems to me that it's got to be something in the way you're handling it, and frankly, I have no idea what. It's just good to be aware that maybe, and you might not be conscious of it, somehow you're saying or doing something that's influencing their reactions.
Anyhow, enough from me. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 8:31:01 AM | because their ego is fragile. I once responded to a guy politely telling him I wasn't interested and good luck with his search, and his response was "you will find all men on here are idiots and come and find me, I can bet my life on it" Needless to say, I immediately thought what a dork He actually emailed me 2 months later asking me out again. | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 8:46:04 AM | | Well, I for one don't take it personally. If every woman thought I was just right for her I wouldn't be single or on this site. It takes all kinds of people to make up our world, and I'm glad. Nothing wrong with feeling a little humble either. Or feeling a bit of ass!! Hehe! | |
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| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 12/16/2005 4:26:36 PM | I never get offended if someone isnt' interested in me. They only time I do is if they dont' have the common decency to be civil in a response of "Thanks but no thanks" or " i appreciate your message but i'm not interested". I take no offense to that, not everyone is interested in me and I'm not interested in everyone either.
Thanks, Shiloh and Steff. It's nice to see someone else sticking up for simple courtesy. It's gets a little tiresome seeing how many around here justify the rudeness of not even bothering to reply to a decent letter expressing interest. If you don't want to get such letters, you shouldn't be on a dating site advertising your availability. The fact that there are a lot of jerks who can't accept a polite rejection (block them -- simple answer!) in no way justifies treating all of us so rudely. All who do so should just admit that they are only making excuses for what is nothing more than plain laziness and inconsiderateness. I wonder how many people here who see nothing wrong with completely ignoring a thoughtful, sincere expression of interest here would be so rude and inconsiderate in "real life".
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