| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:12:29 PM | Alright.. I'm having a really personal issue here.
I'm a larger girl. I was larger than I am now when my current boyfriend met me.
He wants me to lose weight, but I am very sensitive about the topic. I'm already trying to very hard, but I have so much else going on in my life right now that honestly, shedding a few pounds is not a priority at this point.
My problem is he's very insensitive about it. He tells me to just starve myself if that's what it takes. Amongst other things, he's said that he can't see a future with me if I don't lose the weight (he won't get a place with me unless I lose weight because doesn't want to get a "bigger apartment" for me to fit in - wtf??) and that a girlfriend is a representation of him, and all his other girlfriends were pretty and thin and were attractive 'to a broader range of men.'
So I told him this is how I was when he first met me, he's the one who pursued me, and he should deal with it. If he doesn't like it, leave. Because at this point, I'm about ready to leave because it's tearing me apart.
My question is.. for other girls who have been in a situation like this, how did you cope? I was originally working very hard to take it off, but his constant criticism has only discouraged me. In my case, I can't decide what to do.. I am so close to just leaving, because he is slowly hurting me too much to care about him anymore, but he's also my first love and means a lot to me.. and losing weight is something I should do anyway. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:17:40 PM | | Girl, dump him, just because he don't care about who you are on the inside. Your out side means more. Life with him wont work out, because he is a jerk. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:19:42 PM | If you did lose the weight, he'd find something else to criticize. Get rid of him.
If you want to drop weight, do it for you - not him. First loves are tough to let go, but you're a pretty girl, the next is just around the bend. Best to you. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:26:52 PM | hehehe He has more guts then I . The old question " Do these make my
behind look big ? " spooks me . If that was the way you were when you met
then probably dump him . I see tons ( sorry , no pun ) of beautiful women if
they would just lose 20 to 100 pounds . ( great eyes and smile ) .
I myself have always been within 5% to 8% of my High School senior weight
and to me I like waist's 20% smaller than mine . Some guys like busts , behinds ,
legs and such so their is someone for everyone . | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:29:26 PM | | Whoa, that's hardcore! You should not even be considering the option of staying with a guy like that. Respect is a huge aspect of any relationship and it sounds like thin or overweight he has none for you. Anyone who is in love with you should not be so hurtful, rude and insensitive. Love is supposed to make you feel beautiful and special. Sometimes breakups are the hardest thing to see past in life but you need to trust that your self worth is more valuable than anyone elses shitty opinions. There is someone out there that will love you unconditionally and never make you doubt yourself or them. Good Luck beauty! :) | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:32:07 PM | | If you want to lose wight for your self, and you have a problem doing it. Hang full size mirros in the bathroom near the bath are shower, that way you see your self, and you can stick to a diet. But don't do it if you have someone in the house nagging at you. You do it for you and not for him. If you get depressed easy then don't put up big mirros in there. Be healthy, and happy, and for some that don't mean skinny. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:36:42 PM | | Without a doubt......dump him. He will damage your self esteem forever if he hasn't already started just by making it an issue. | |
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*Tee*
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Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 8 | |
| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:36:51 PM | Pandora, thats what you call mental abuse, if you think its bothering you now, and the relationship is still new, imagine in a few years when you're more comfortable with each other.
My ex did that to me for years, totally destroyed my self esteem. Find somebody that loves you for you, and remember....you have to love how you feel when you're with somebody, otherwise it makes for a really miserable life.. | |
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mogrl
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Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 9 | |
| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:39:47 PM | why would you put up with abuse like this????????
get rid of him ,he doesn`t deserve you ! | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:41:59 PM | it's good and healthy to lose wieght and a good man wants that for his woman ..
HOWEVER!!
if he cannot respect the fact that you are already working on this for yourself
well he's ignorant and has little respect for you
and the "bigger apartment" for me to fit in" comment is way way outta line!
i know he's your first love ..but he's now your first lesson in love
if you have any shred of self respect
get rid of that loser
and don't compare yourself to his exes ...campare yourself to your self image
"his constant criticism has only discouraged me"
this guy is obviosly baggage and unhealthy for you
remember emotional health is just as important as physical health..if not more
look after yourself on the inside and the outside will follow the lead
take care
an good fishing | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:43:08 PM | | I would have dumped him and filmed myself doing it. Then I would have named it "Extreme Dumping" and sold it to hollywood. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:43:13 PM | Tell him that yeah you do need to lose some excess bagage...HIM!!!
Kick him to the curb!! Thats not love!! Forget about him!! You can do way better!! | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:44:52 PM | I've never had a guy do that to me...but if he did, it would be the last time he got two words in.
Rides in on horse...too da dump, too da dump, to da dump, dump , dump! | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:46:22 PM | I agree with other posters....don't do it for him. do it for yourself.
I had a bf once that told me that he would dump me if I ever gained any weight. Course he also told me that he would dump me if I got my belly button pierced. He's trying to control you. If you let him...it will only get worse as the years go on.
Get out now! before he does a lot more harm.
Trust me.. there are plenty of guys out there that will love you for who you are now. | |
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joesch
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Joined: 4/21/2003
Msg: 16 | |
| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:52:55 PM | | Easy one dump the A HOLE,you sound to be a nice girl,Dump him and find someone who will appreiate you.He doesn't love you if he is saying the things he is saying to you. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:53:57 PM | You know what, that's just plain cruel of him. Now if a person doesn't like the way you look, that's one thing. But to be so cruel about it?? NOT! Just like someone else said, even if you lost the weight he'd find something else to criticize. If you feel that you need to lose weight, then do it for yourself, not for him. And do it on your own terms, not his.
Bottom line - dump his sorry a$$. And smack him on the back of the head on the way out. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:00:43 PM | Pandora, that's abusive behavior. If you want to lose the weight FOR YOU then all the best luck! But for him to demand it is not right. It'll only get worse. You should dump him.
This actually happened to me. I'm about 10 lbs overweight. Not too much. Not model thin by any means, but I was just going by what my doctor told me. My weight would also fluctuate depending on the time of month, stress levels, etc. He would start by making jokes, but by the time I dumped his ass, he was making oinking sounds at me and telling me he would leave if I didn't "get on the ball about losing the weight." And say things like "you'd be so pretty if you would just work out more". Things like that.
It took me a long time to get my self esteem back up after that. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:01:11 PM | | You sound as though your self esteem is really low...it would have to be to stay with someone like that. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:15:35 PM | My self esteem with other people is still regular.. but he has shot it when it comes to him.
I don't feel comfortable eating around him anymore, and when I ate dinner with his family tonight, I just felt like a fat slob. And after this incident happened, he tried to tell me I was beautiful, etc.. but at this point it feels like he's saying "you're beautiful but you're fat." I don't know.
I don't just feel uncomfortable around him.. now I don't feel comfortable around his family or his friends. I can't explain it, but I feel like they just see me as fat as he does. | |
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riffy
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Joined: 8/13/2005
Msg: 21 | |
| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:20:57 PM | Holy crap. I am sorry but this is not, and never was love.
I don't think you should be telling him to leave if he doesn't like it. Don't give him the choice. Be the dumper and get rid of this dreg. He is showing no respect for you as a person and that will never change now. Don't try to decide what to do. Walk.
Maybe you thought this was love, but it is more likely that it is the thought of love that you are in love with. This guy is a disgusting specimen of humanity and does not deserve to be loved by you. Take yourself out of this situation for a moment and imagine some guy treating your best this way. You would be sick over it. How could you love a sub-human loser like that? It is all about humiliation and control. Get out as fast as you can. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:21:42 PM | | Pandora, I lost almost 100 pounds in 2004. I could not have done it without the loving support of friends and family. If this young man makes you uncomfortable in any way that in and of itself tells you what you need to do. If you are loosing their should be positive reinforcement. There has been an overwhelming consensus here. Do what it takes to get back on the course of weight loss and good health. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:24:51 PM | | pandora - you are better than what he says. he is a controller and this is just the beginnning before he starts on how you keep house or before he finds another girl to cheat with etc. Do yourself a favor and love yourself more than you would him. The right man will love you for who you are not how your body is or what you do for him. The relationship you are currently in will only cause you deep dissatisfaction and remorse for allowing yourself to experience abuse. The mental/emotional abuse he is giving you is far more worse than the physical. You are already trying to change for him and you dont even see it - by not feeling comfortable with eating around him or anyone associated with him. Keep with your priorities since you have them, clear your issues while eating healthy. With weight loss what I found for myself is this. I eat 1/2 of what I used to eat at each meal -using kid plates help or if your at a restaurant ask for a to go box and some foil (if its a sandwich) with your meal that way you can take out the other half to have for later. If Im hungry after the fact I drink lots of water and eat only fruit and veggies. I am currently working on staying away from any white floured product. I limit my intake of bread products; I will try to use some flat bread or candida bread - no yeast. I find either eating starches veggies or meat and with veggies also works - I dont mix my meat with my starches (rice or potatos), eating lots of things like cabbage (this helps to keep you full) Again lots of water - if you dont like the taste of water mix in it some lemon juice or lime - I prefer the lime. Ive also heard if you eat the larget meal at breakfast works like what you would normally eat at dinner eat at breakfast. Most IMPORTANTLY only lose weight for you no one else. Hope this helps hun. You really are worth it. If you get lonely - have an affair with yourself - such as buyyourself flowers do for yourself what you would normally do for everyone one else. Learn how to love you and how you want to be treated so no one will treat you less than that. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:33:10 PM | ..pandorarevealed....I would just be happy with who you are,this man is very shallow and hurtful. I believe even if you lost a few lbs. he would finger point again to something else,anything to complain. Tell him you don't need this arguing about your weight(by the way you are very beautiful and only look a little overweight,almost average actually,from looking at your photos. Why you have stated BBW I guess he has pounded that into your mind.I would change that to average. The reason you are on POF is to find someone who will treat you with respect and love you for who you are despite a few lbs.I can understand how you have apparently lost your self-esteem to being with someone this controlling. It's not healthy or wise for you to stay with this jerk in my opinion anyway.Even if you lost the wait I get the feeling he will find something else wrong in his mind just to have you under his thumb. Be strong and if letting him go will set you free to find that wonderful you and regain your self confidence and happiness,....good bye mr.wrong have a nice life is all you need to say.At least consider this very strongly indeed.    | |
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