| I need some help...
Posted: 12/21/2005 10:17:44 AM | Alright, Here's my storey, A couple months ago (like 10) I was in a relationship with a man that I know now I didn't know, he stole from me and then disappeared, I later found out that he was in Jail, and it was for breaking his parole, Prior to meeting me he was in Jail for 2 years for running a big fraud ring. I thought I loved him I know now that I did not. My problem comes in now with a new man that I've met that I really like. I am so afraid to trust someone else again that I keep putting him off and I'm wondering if there is anyone that can tell me that's been hurt and put through something like me, and how did you get past it? I would really love some advice because the criminal was only the second relationship I’ve ever had, the first one ended fine and I just don't know what to do.
Anyone's opinion would be welcome.
Thanks,
J9 | |
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| I need some help...
Posted: 12/21/2005 10:26:27 AM | | Sorry you've been hurt this way j9 leigh. I've never been through a situation like that. Where'd you meet this new guy? If I were you, I'd go to college, study hard and gear up for a profession...re-prioritize a little perhaps. I'm sure you will meet respectable guys at school. Best of luck to you from South Florida, Ben. | |
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| I need some help...
Posted: 12/21/2005 10:39:45 AM | | The new guy I've been speaking with for about a year I met him online, I thought it was just friends and he recently told me that he's liked me from the time he met me. And I would go to school but I have to be in my home town to help my parents out, I can't let my mother do it alone (self employed, and my dad is not working due to a head injury) So that option is out. The sad part is if the new guy had told me when we first started talking that he liked me in that way I probably never would have gotten involved with the guy that hurt me... | |
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| I need some help...
Posted: 12/21/2005 10:54:07 AM | My hat's off to you for helping your parents. I myself had brain surgery last summer because of an accident -- don't work either. So I can relate to your Dad.
What does your gut tell you about this new guy? Our gut/first instincts are usually correct. Also, assess his behavior. Is he fairly selfish/self-centered or does he do/say things with you/others in mind? Etc.
I believe every single person is unique in their own way, so try not to let one bad apple spoil your current/future casts into the relationship river. | |
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| I need some help...
Posted: 12/21/2005 1:51:16 PM | Message: Alright, Here's my storey, A couple months ago (like 10) I was in a relationship with a man that I know now I didn't know, he stole from me and then disappeared, I later found out that he was in Jail, and it was for breaking his parole, Prior to meeting me he was in Jail for 2 years for running a big fraud ring. I thought I loved him
I think the problem starts with the last sentence "I thought I loved him.." That seems like an awful lot of stuff to not know about someone and think it has become "love."
I am so afraid to trust someone else again that I keep putting him off and I'm wondering if there is anyone that can tell me that's been hurt and put through something like me, and how did you get past it?
I'd say if you deal with the first problem, this one automatically gets resolved.
Respectfully,
Anyone's opinion
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| I need some help...
Posted: 12/21/2005 2:55:58 PM | Only advice I can give is to talk to him about it and promise each other to be honest and open about everything.
Your trust is gone...and it needs to come back. And a lot of talking and being open about everything will slowly make it happen again.
Most of all, talk about it with him so he understands it... | |
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mako28
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Joined: 11/25/2005
Msg: 7 | |
| I need some help...
Posted: 12/21/2005 8:42:47 PM | I'd agree with a lot of the above posts. It's perfectly legitimate to be protective of your heart after what you have been through, but isolation won't solve the problem. The rewards you can hope to achieve can only be accomplished though some level of risk. Risk a little. Also, any man worthwhile should understand this and be patient. He may get frustrated now and then (which is okay, he wouldn't be human otherwise. If he has no problem with not feeling equally loved then he is a problem waiting to happen)...let him vent and see if it cools him off. If he can't get over the frustrations...then he was only in it for himself.
Just understand that there is not a thing about you that attracts this "type". Your judgment wasn't wrong and you were not blind. It happens to the best of us. He led a fraud ring...in other words, he enjoyed masquerading in a sheep’s clothing. Seems like your a good person...I am sure he'd agree that you are worth any wait. | |
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| I need some help...
Posted: 12/21/2005 8:52:33 PM | J9,
I totally understand where you are coming from because I was in a relationship with someone for 41/2 years. We had a child and everything together and well I was staying in it for my son. But anyway he stole from me and yes he was in jail before I met him and I didn't find this out until we broke up but I loved him, even though he put me through hell. But just because you got one bad fruit doesn't mean that you will in up with another one. Don't take what someone else did to you out on someone new. You could be throwing away a great relationship. I'm not saying to put your whole heart and soul into this man but at least give him a chance. Hey you have known him for a while so you already know what you want to do. If he does it for you take it slow and give him a chance girl....
lovely29 | |
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| I need some help...
Posted: 12/22/2005 6:20:27 PM | Thanks for the opinions everyone, I pretty much new it already, but I wanted to make sure I suppose, My best friend has been telling me for months to suck it up and quit acting like a wussy so I suppose it's about time to do so, But it's good to know that there is life after hurt. I hope everything is going alright for you lovely29 I just thank god that I found out before anything major happened between us.
J9 | |
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| I need some help...
Posted: 12/22/2005 6:58:30 PM | I've been burned time and time again by woman. But a few months ago I met someone on POF and you could tell she had issues with guys and had been burned. But when we finally decided to go on a date I decided to drop all my walls down and let her in because if you want love in your life you have to forget about all the times you've been screwed and give it everything you have. Unfortunately my girl is like you and still has her wall up. Everyday I wish she didn't and could just open up to me because I'm not like the other guys she's dated. I want to go the distance with her.
My suggestion is do everything you can to let your guard down and let him in. If you get burn you do but atleast you can look back and say you gave it everything you had. | |
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