| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/21/2005 6:06:48 PM | I've been through lots of the posts in this forum and would really like to hear other peoples opinions on what they actually consider a "Single Parent". I have sole custody of my children and they are with me 24/7, I provide everything for them lay the rules deal with them when they are sick or moody etc. My ex does get to see them once a month and for some time during vacations but otherwise I am the full time parent. I'ld like to know what other people think about this. Not to take anything away from fathers or mothers who get thier children say every other weekend and stuff but how do most people define the following.
Full Custody Of Kids =
Have Kids on the alternate or every weekend =
Have kids but have even less contact =
Have kids pay support etc with no contact =
Have kids but no contact or anything to do with them =
I look forward to everyones view on this...think its going to be rather interesting. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/21/2005 6:11:45 PM | Anyone who burdens at least 50% of the cost/time/emotional demands of caring for the children.
Lots of people think a parent whose not in a relationship is a single parent.
This same thread was posted a while back... I'll repeat what I said.
The SINGLE in SP refers to the parents burden in parenting (ie-alone) not their dating status. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/21/2005 6:53:07 PM | i think a s\p is someone who has the kids with them 24-7 makes all the decisions takes care of all the problems big or small.my ex has not seen the kids in over a year even when we went to court she could not walk across room to talk to kids .just gave them dirty looks and turned her back so yes i consider myself a s/p if you are the s/p keep up the good work and don't let anybody get you down | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 12:07:36 AM | | Not to be Ms. Downer here. But I am a truely single parent. My husband died before our son was born. So I don't have anyone at all. Thank God for my parents, they have helped me out a lot. Just wanted to give you guys the widow/er view. | |
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*Em*
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 5 | |
| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 12:26:40 AM | i agree with melissa. a single parent is someone who shares 50% of all aspects of parenting. my ex see's the kids here and there. maybe 2 hrs during the week and one full day (when im always with him)..i dont class him as a single parent. i class him as a part-time dad....if that.
my babies father see's him once a month for a couple of hrs (he is very ill) however..i wouldnt class him as a single parents either. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 1:24:28 AM | | My ex told me he wanted to have joint custody of our child but so far I have been responsible most of the time. I basically have my child with me except for when I work. We have been separated for a year and I can count on my two hands the number of nights I have not had her with me. My ex has our child 3 days a week but what this means is that I drop her off as I head to work and pick her up afterwards. I have been keeping track of the number of hours that she spends in his care and it amounts to an average of 25 a week. Of course he assures me that this will change in future when he gets more organized. In the meantime, I would say that I am a single parent. If I want to do something out of the ordinary (as in not working and not having the little one with me), I have to either negotiate for the time with my ex or arrange for a sitter. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 2:25:48 AM | I think the primary caregiver who shoulders the burdens associated with being a single parent is entitled to call themselves one. If you are seeing your kids a day or two a week, you are not a single parent to me. You are a part time, and for those really out of the loop, wanna be parent. Being a single parent to me means I have 16 hours or so a day devoted to taking care of my kids, one hour to clean, an hour to myself, if I am lucky and 4-6 hours sleep a night. It means putting myself and my needs last. Being there to tend every owie and dr appt, dry every tear, feed and cloth each day, change each diaper, brush each one of their pearly white teeth,read each bedtime story and tuck in each night. No breaks, no overtime pay, and a hug and love you are my rewards.  | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 3:46:50 AM | Have my child 24/7,would have it no other way.
You will know yourself if you are a single parent.
Your body and mind will will give you hints,that you are doing all the work,and dealing with all the problems.
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 4:02:02 AM | i have 4 children and i have them 24/7.I feed them ,clothe them ,take them to school pick them up from school,pay for there trips ect. and all the other stuff i didnt metion.There is no one in my life to help me and i mean no one so the sole responsibility of these children rests on my shoulders ,so i am def a s/p. And its all worth it,wouldnt change it for a million dollars.. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 4:48:11 AM | Holy merde FLUTTERBIE,
16 hours to your kids a day?
Dont you work. If you dont work, then who pays the bills? If you do work, then how can you be with them 16 hours a day? From your other posts, you seem to relish the self-sacrifice of being a single parent to almost an unhealthy level. You need more than 1 hour a day for your needs. What about your friends, do they only get to visit you at your house because you are the sacrificial mom who can't leave her house? Or do you go out to their places? Do you ever get out on your own? Ever hear of a sitter?
I am not trying to be mean or nasty, I really would like to know the answer to these questions.
As to the post question, anyone who has their kids for >= 50% of the time is a single parent. If you only have them on weekends or part of a month (week) then you are a part time parent. Guys who try to pick up women saying their a single dad, when they only see their kid every second weekend piss me off. I raised my kids from day one, payed the bills, nursed their sicknesses, monitored their fevers all night, lost sleep worrying... those are the things that make a single parent, not "I visit them twice a month" | |
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*Tee*
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Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 11 | |
| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 6:53:22 AM | First of all....Kudos to all you single parents out there that make raising your kids top priority! I have been separated for almost 3 years and have my kids 99% of the time.He takes them when he feels like it, which might be once every 3 weeks. It can be pretty hard not having time to yourself, but I wouldn't have it any other way, and I know my kids at least have one parent that is totally comitted to them. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 9:20:23 AM | I suppose to be 'technical' (ie.politically correct) we'd have to use the terms - Single Parent, Separated Parent, Divorced Parent or Widowed Parent. That's because a person can only be 'single' once (unless you are born again). But, that's a whole other topic. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 10:48:57 AM | | I have a yr old and 2 1/2 yr old so yeah they keep me on my toes all the time. I am sure once they get a bit bigger it will be alot easier on me. I am just in the early process of launching a business from my home, so that I don't have to deal with the whole childcare issue other than having a helper come in for part of the day. I do leave my house, in fact I go out almost every day. My friends understand I have kids so work around it. I have managed to go to a musical, and a few walks around the block and grocery shops on my own. I get an hour or two away from the kids every month or so. Their dad is the 6 hours a weekend parent who does F all when he is around them other than play and maybe change a diaper. Oh and the reason it pisses me off so much is he is always calling himself a single parent. He won't even take them to the doctor when he is around and they are sick. I don't relish the role, but I think it deserves some respect. It is very hard work. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 11:01:09 AM | | Kuddos to you flutterbie! Dnt let anyone tell u otherwise. i know for a fact i dnt have any time to myself, my 3 older children 11 8 and 5 see there dad a total of 8 hrs a mnth,my 15 mnth old dsnt have a dad so where ever i am he is 24/7. i have a friend whos dad takes her kids everyweekend fri night till sun night ,they r in school all day and takes them summer holidays and xmas holidays and she complains...im soooooooooo tired. i dnt consider tht being a single parent wht we do ,flutterbie and many other woman alike is called s/p. and yes it is very hard work,not a day goes by when im not exhausted wake up tired and go to bed tired and in between. just my 2 cents on the subject. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 11:02:16 AM | | Oh and Tordan, what is with the hate on? I had written one other post and you blasted me for that too. Not the other ppl with a similar response, you singled out me and ripped into me. Lay off will you? Do you have issues or what! | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 12:53:52 PM | I said I had no hate or animosity towards you, and I really and truly don't, but you come across as the "worship me because of my SACRIFICE of raising kids alone". Yeah, you and 68+ million others in Canada and the USA. You do it because it is what your SUPPOSED to do, not because you have to. But really, you see no problem with being near your kids 16 hours a day. How can you take care of anyone, never mind your kids, when you don't take care of yourself. Read my post, I have had my kids for 13 years on my own. I know exactly what is required to raise small children to adulthood.
Part of being a good parent to your kids, is to be a good parent to yourself. You wouldn't expect kids to work that long with no free time, so why would you. If you can't arrange a schedule to accomidate your friends occasionally, then you are not organizing your time very well.
Are your kids on a firm set schedule, or is it a "fly by the seat of your pants", kind of deal? Do they go to play care for a couple hours a week? While running your business, can you truly focus on the kids while you are working, are you interuppted by phone calls all the time?
I am curious, and that is why I ask. It is only through learning that someone can reach an understanding of a situation. So, I ask, so that I may understand you better.
Please don't take any insult from this post, because no malice is intended.
As to your ex....he's a piece of crap. Wants to be "cake and circuses dad", while your "slave mom". Guys like that piss me off to no end, especially the claim to being a "single" parent. More like a "single genetic donor".
Again, I apologize if you took exception to my posts. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 12/22/2005 1:25:34 PM | | Ok, I get what you meant now and I do agree. If I could,and on the rare occasion that I do, I take the opportunity to get away. For me, just ten minutes is enough to make me feel like I am more than just a mom. It is not that I dont have friends that try to help, they have good intentions, it is just that I live away from all of them, and they are busy ppl. They do try to come and help. My kids are on schedules, I would get nothing done otherwise. I mean I do make it look easy. House clean, kids clean, nice meals, etc. They do go to bed, but baby is bfing, so he is not sleeping through the nihgt yet, and I try and cram as much into the time they go to sleep til I do. But, after cleaning, and what not, it is not like I have alot of spare time. It is not like I can leave it either, or the work just piles up. I so wish I had a fairy I could call upon some days. My compnay is pretty much web based, not phone call based, and when it is fully operational, I know things will have to change. Right now I am able to juggle it inbetween them playing together or napping. I know I could probably try to organize my time better. I still haven't gotten around to xmas cards yet, but the ex has also been trying to complicate things lately so I am a bit distracted. In the new years I am hoping to take one of the guys up on their offer for coffee. My point is that their is planning and stuff involved, so if I do take a guy up, it has to be worth my while. Taht is why I like the IM/ chat option. I can get to know if it is worth my time meeting the person. I have chatted woith a few guys and all of a sudden they are like oh you have kids. Duh. I put it right their in my profile, how do you miss it? So like I said before it gives me time to weed out the sharks. Make any sense to you? I know my kids can't be my life, and I don't intend on living it just for them, or having a guy constantly be second fiddle. The fact remains though that these kids need me right now, and if I find someone, they have to be okay with the fact it is not like I can jump up and go off to the movies or whatnot and that I have to take my kids needs into consideration. If they are sick I am not about to just let them stay with a sitter so I can go out and meet some guy off the net. It is all about finding a balance that works. For me, at the age my kids are at, taking it slow is the only way I can do this. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/5/2006 9:46:33 AM | My son's father doesn't see him, no child support, no Merry Christmas, nothing. I prefer it that way. I make all decisions, take care of all his needs. "Daddy" doesn't like the idea of actually admitting he has a 2.5 yr old. So, "Daddy" can go to $#%^, and I will keep the precious little one.  | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/5/2006 11:50:59 AM | Interesting thread...
I consider myself a single parent.
Though I have offered my ex time to take our son on Tues and Thursday evenings (for 3 - 4 hrs) as well as every other wkend, my ex sees our son every 11 days (most of the time) from about 6:30 - 7 p.m. on Fri until anytime between 11:30 a.m. and 6 p.m. on the following Sunday.
And I have him the rest of the time (though I do have daycare).
My ex considers himself to be a "single parent" as well. But with only seeing our son 2 wkends a month (and sometimes not even that) I'd definately say he is a "part-time parent."
Plus I am the one who does all the DR appts, the therapy sessions (speech and occupational) and I'm also the one who has taken some additional courses to help learn to reach and communicate with my son that were recommended to parents of a child with autism. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/5/2006 6:27:08 PM | | Sounds to me that a lot of women in this thread feel the term 'single parent' is interchangeable with the term 'martyr'. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/5/2006 6:33:28 PM | | I think that "single parent" can cover any parent who, regardless of the reason (widowed, divorced, never married, etc.) bears 50% or more of the responsibility and interaction with the child. It's not necessary to reveal what the circumstances were, regardless of what they are, you're a single parent. If you do it full-time as I and many others do, with absolutely no help from the biological father (aka sperm donor) or mother (aka egg donor), then I believe that "full-time single parent" works. For those who do see their children but not as much as they would like to (or believe that they have time for), then I think those people should just say they're a parent or the baby's mommy/daddy. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/5/2006 9:31:18 PM | I agree with !ironic...
"Sounds to me that a lot of women in this thread feel the term 'single parent' is interchangeable with the term 'martyr'. "
According to some on this thread, because I don't have physical custody of my kids more than 50% of the time, I am in some way an inferior parent. When I'm with my kids, am really with them. My ex drops them off early at the before school program, picks them up late at the after school program, and has them at a sitters house on a lot of non-school days. Then they go to bed early. I'm at the school meetings- she's not. I do all the driving to pick them up and bring them back twice a week, every week. I pay a lot of child support for what I make. I understand them in a way their mother never will. She's more concerned with her career and her friends.
But she can play up the poor me act and make people believe that I'm basically uninvolved, and the burden is all on her poor, tired shoulders.
There are a lot of fathers out there that are truly worthless. I understand that. But there are also plenty of second-rate mothers. But it's the father who always has to prove himself worthy. Guilty until proven innocent. There are plenty of fathers who are knocking themselves out to do the right things for their kids, and getting no recognition for it at all, because they don't have physical custody. So they are thought of as part-time parents...i.e., second rate. The relationship I've built with my kids and the love they show me is reward enough, but I'm only human, and it bothers me the way fathers are devalued in this country. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/6/2006 6:26:41 AM | To the various posters who seem to think we single moms see ourselves as martyrs...,
Unless any of you were married to any of the women posting in this thread, we aren't talking about you. We are talking about our exes.
I do know some stellar single fathers; however, my ex is certainly not one of them.
We are discussing our own situations and our own views.
So tell us your stories, but I will ask that you please don't try to defend men/so-called fathers that you don't even know.
As I, for one, have certainly not been disparaging of any of you... | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/6/2006 7:26:37 AM | | I understand what a tough time a lot of single moms have. I am not trying to be disparaging to anyone here. If I came across that way, I'm sorry. The title of the thread is "What do you consider a single parent". That is what I was commenting on. Fathers do not get respect for the sacrifices they make for their kids. A lot of fathers won't make sacrifices for their kids, even though they can. I have no respect for them. I should not be lumped in with them, but I often am, and I resent it. I don't need to be patted on the head for everything I do, but a little recognition would be nice. If the definition of being a single parent were having the most waking, physical time with a child, then the combination of the school system and the sitters would be the real "parent" in my kids case, not my poor, suffering ex wife who has "physical custody". That all I have to say. Good luck to you all. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/6/2006 10:27:58 AM | I think good fathers get credit.
I have a friend who is an amazing dad, the kind of dad I'd give a body part to make my ex into if I could... it's just a lot of us have exes like my own...
One who hasn't paid child support since October, who always picks my son up late and drops him off early, who has flimsy excuses for all the reasons he can't spend more time with him... including that he misses him so much that it's easier to see him LESS...
To all the good single dads, I wish you could teach the rest of 'em... | |
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