| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/22/2005 8:07:22 AM | | Hey. So, I have met someone from this site, and we have really hit it off. We talk a couple times a day, laugh a lot, and have fun when we are together. Last night, we were driving around, and stopped at a red light. He went to get his CD's out of his glove compartment, and when the light turned green and he stepped on the gas, an Alcoholics Anonymous book came sliding out. This kind of surprised me, but not too much. I had a couple hints before, but he hasn't actually said anything about it to me. I figure, if he is getting help, and not drinking at all anymore, that's great! He is wanting to change the way he used to be. I would like others opinions on this. I have never dealt with this type of situation before. Thanks. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/22/2005 8:16:25 AM | Hey I think that if he is doing it for himself that is awsome! I dated a guy who went to AA because he got numerous DUI's He went back to the boo's I think if he wanted to do this and no body put him up to it. I think It will work fine. Good Luck! | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/22/2005 8:18:39 AM | | It depends on your personal interests. i would not because I shoot pool and attend pool tournaments on a regular bassis. These tournaments are usually held at clubs or pool halls where drinking takes place. I am going to Las Vegas in june for a big tournament. If the person I am dateing can not attend or be around drinking than we don't have much in common. This could cause problems. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/22/2005 8:41:32 AM | Yes, dating one now! He's been sober for 5 years and chair's many meetings to help others! I am very proud of him! I am a light drinker, he knew that when he met and does not have a problem with it!
Sunfishy | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/22/2005 9:05:03 AM | | Thank you guys so far, for your opinions. I hardly ever drink, I've decided to slow it down as well, so, I don't need a drinking buddy. I want someone who can go have fun with out the alcohol. SUNFISHY, I think that's great. He knows that I will have a drink on occasion, but, I am not going out to get drunk anymore. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/22/2005 9:52:25 AM | I dated a recovering alcoholic...I always felt guilty if I had a glass of wine at dinner ..it's kinda like waving a big piece of chocolate cake in front of a dieter.
But if your a non-drinker shouldn't be a problem ...I admire anyone who has the will power to beat an addiction! Yay for him! | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/22/2005 10:00:58 AM | Indigo Rose, I agree. It was a bit of a shock at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I admired his desire to want to better himself, and not be stuck in a really bad downward spiral. I was on my way there as well, and just decided myself that I should cut back. It's better for the body, mind, and spirit anyway!
Okie, which drive thru can you go to to get beer? lol. | |
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Tinkle
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Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 13 | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/22/2005 11:05:24 AM | | Listen. Being an alcoholic does not mean you can not attend pool tournaments, be around drinking, go to clubs or bars, etc........ It all depends on how spiritually comfortable you are within yourself. The AA program and the 12 steps are a way of life that we could all benefit from. I myself, walked into the rooms of AA after a DUI 3 yrs ago, and I have not found a need to take a drink ever since. I was not court mandated, but I felt it was the best thing for me. It has shown me a different way to live life on life's terms. It is a WONDERFUL program. There are so many misconceptions of alcoholism and AA in general. It would behoove you to learn more (depending on how much you care about this guy). I say GO FOR IT! :) (Meaning dating him.) You will know within time as to how serious he is about his new life. Maybe you would even want to ask to go to some "open" meetings with him. I would strongly suggest it, if you are unfamiliar with the program and with alcoholism in general. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/22/2005 12:03:01 PM | | I agree with you bestfish. Just because you don't drink doesn't mean that you can't go out and do things that people who drink, do. And, it is a matter of self control, discipline, and how serious they are. This is all very new to me, and him, for that matter, and I would like to talk to him about it, but, only if he is willing to share it with me. I've never gone to a meeting, and I wouldn't have the slightest clue on what to expect, but I know that he does have a friend that he goes with already, so it's good to know that he does have someone, besides myself, that supports him in this. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/22/2005 12:30:32 PM | I am with a recovering alcoholic.... when i first started dating him i didnt know how bad he actually was... i knew he liked going out and having a beer to unwind from a stressful day at work... and on a certain time of year... we did separate for 2 years... in that time he did hit rock bottom... before we got back together he hadnt had a drink if 6months... he needed to do it for himself... he still admits he wishes he could do it.... he has even tested himself and has gone out of it quite well... he felt like a drink... he was stressed about work and study.. he needed him time... so he went on a 1 night bender.... felt good... but he always knew that he didnt want to slip back to his old habit...in the time we have been back together 9months now.. he has drunk 3 times.... once was to release stress... another time was for his sisters wedding... and another time catching up with old mates when he was down for his sisters wedding.... he hasnt touched a drink since early nov....
he now knows he can control it.... he knows he can drink and then not have anything for months on end.... he has the will power not to go back..... he didnt like the person he was before.... hence why he gave up coz it really wasnt doing anything for him as he would push himself to see how much he could drink in a day... the next day see if he could do more then the day before.... he knew it was going to kill him....
I dont drink anymore.. i use to go out and party 6 days out of the 7 before i had my son.... i can still drink anyone under the table now.... but i can go months without having a drink....
I was in shock when he did tell me all the things he did do in those 2 years... but he did it for the better.. his life is now on track... and he knows he can have a social drink and it wont put him back to where he was before.... im very proud of him.... and im very supportive of him.... heck i have even offered him a drink every once in awhile when i do see him... and he knocks it back.... so i guess it all comes down to will power... and if you really want to do it for yourself to make that better life for yourself... | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/22/2005 2:21:40 PM | And, that is exactly what I am hoping for with this guy. I want him to be able to go out, and if he feels like it, have a drink, just one, and be ok with that. But, for right now, by the sounds of it, he needs to do this, and just concentrate on not drinking. He seems like he has a good head on his shoulders, and would be able to control himself in the future. I'm glad to hear about others challenges in this area, and what has been done to work through the problem. Thank you all for your stories and advice. I really appreciate it!
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/24/2005 12:20:02 AM | Why not? If they are willing to put in the effort to better themselves, then, that is better than someone who would rather drink their life away!  | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/24/2005 1:46:30 AM | Wanted:... all you can do is let him know you are supportive of him... let him know he doesnt have to do it alone if he doesnt want too... go to places that dont serve alcohol if possible.... he will know within himself when he is ready to take that next step to even be able to walk into a bar/pub/club.... he might relaspe... but he mighten even pick up a drink.... he has to totally get that urge out of his system before even thinking of picking up a glass... he has to come to terms with the peson he was before the program... and have the strength to keep his life the way it is now and not want to go back to that person he once was... no matter how much that urge is... he will know what he was like and not want to go back....
My guy.... worked for 6months as a cabbie on the night shift.... that helped him alot... as he saw how drunk people acted... and he thought he acted like that too... he was never tempted to go and place a order at the bar... he is now on day shift... as he was sick of dealing with all the drunks... this has always helped him in his recovery.... like i had said in my other post.... he did this for himself 6months before i started seeing him again.... and all i can do is keep supporting him in what he wants for himself.... his real passion is to become a neuro surgeon... and that is what he is working his a rse off for... again im supportive of him in this...
Also... ask your guy... how long he has been on the program...and how he came to be on the program... it will give you a little more insight into if he is serious about kicking this habit... and will make you want to support him more for doing it.... if he opens up to you... dont show the shock expression... just listen.. and understand who he is as a person.... and this has made him who he is today.... i have always been close to my man... but since he has opened up about everything... we are just closer then ever before... coz we understand each other.... | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/25/2005 5:03:04 PM | wanted.....
Why not date him? He is a strong individual if he has admitted his weakness and is taking steps to better his life. That is a strong characteristic. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/25/2005 8:17:13 PM | | Just to let you know... a "true alcoholic" involved in the AA program, works through twelve steps and generally gets an AA sponsor for support. Living sober, is a life-long decision. You do not go into AA and after time become "recovered." AA does not "teach one" how to be able to drink non-alcoholically. The program becomes a way of life. It teaches you how to live life on life's terms and helps you discover how and why you drank that way to begin with. There are underlying issues (character defects and such) that an alcoholic has to deal with in order to be serenely sober and live life. I would strongly suggest anyone who is serious with a person who is an alcoholic/recovering alcoholic or (whatever they refer to themselves as!!)... to attend some open AA meetings with their partner. They also have ALANON which is a program for friends/family who's lives have been affected by alcoholism (whether the person is in the AA program or not). There are so many misconceptions about alcoholics and AA. Many people think that once you no longer have the desire to drink than you should/can stop going to AA meetings. This is HIGHLY not a suggested way of doing things. Again, you NEVER become "recovered" if you are a true alcoholic. The one thing that ALL alcoholics have in common is once they put alcohol into their system, there is no guarentee what will happen. It does not mean you have to: drink by yourself, get drunk each time you drink, get DUI's, loose jobs, loose family, etc.................. There are many different variations as to each alcoholic's life. Going to an open AA meeting may be WAY TOO MUCH for a particular partner. However, if you are serious about this person and having a life together... it's like with anything--- you will or should do whatever it takes to help the relationship prosper. I hope I have been able to give some insight on this subject. Furthermore, I would strongly suggest NOT offering alcohol to an alcoholic! I mean they must have will power, but would you offer someone who is contemplating suicide a gun?!! When I say alcoholics can have a life and go into establishments that serve alcohol, I didn't mean they can suddenly drink alcohol non-alcoholically. A true alcoholic never "learns how to drink" normally. If drinking is a HUGE priority in one's life... it would probably be best to date someone who is not an alcoholic trying to better him/herself. An alcoholic, who is working the program and secure with his or her sobriety, can very well be with someone who drinks. If they are truly working the AA program the way that it is suggested, they will be able to make SOBER decisions and decide to leave a relationship or establishment if they feel that is in their best interest. Sorry for the L-O-N-G reply. I am just trying to help. Cheers! (Just teasing.) Lol. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/25/2005 9:33:25 PM | I commend anyone who takes a pro-active stance on their addiction and works to overcome it.
However, no... I couldnt. My mother is an alcoholic, and i was raised with it my entire life. I know its an irrational thing, but I really cant trust anyone who drinks more than socially and I would always fear that theyd relapse.
I know its a harsh judgement, but Id be a nervous wreck and overreacting all the time in fear of him drinking... i decided I would just refrain from putting myself in that situation since it is a sensitive issue.
I dont mean to diminish the efforts of those recovering, and I am not assuming they will all relapse, just trying not to reopen issues from the past. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/25/2005 9:46:19 PM | Yes, I would date a recovering alcoholic, and if he's serious enough about recovery to bring his A.A. book with him, I'd be proud. I'm a recovering alcoholic myself, and if I'm at a restaurant or somewhere else where alcohol is served, it doesn't bother me. I order my ginger ale, and I sip on that while I enjoy conversation with my drinking family and/or friends.
If you have a problem with this, please be gentle when you dump him. Okay?  | |
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