| | Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I have noticed that there are many books on the market with one premise: How to attract women. No surprise since this is what 99% of men are trying to do! I see buddies claiming that they have the secret or they know what works etc. Sometimes you will see one guy who is successful with women almost try to coach the guy who appears to be a hopeless case.
My Question is: Is there any point in trying to teach these things or is ingrained in the individual? Some guys just seem to know exactly what to say and do in every situation. Did they listen to all the "experts". Probably not, They didn't need them because they always had this ability. It seems that they are on Auto-Pilot. They have a certain charm and charisma around women that the unsuccessful guy just can't seem to find. The books that claim to get you more dates are simply teaching mostly what I believe to be common sense. Could this be because they know the true secrets can't be taught? I guess maybe it goes back to the nature vs. nuture debate.
What are your thoughts on this? | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/23/2005 11:37:50 PM | Attracting Women
My thoughts are this.....and despite what some "girly girl" has to say....
You better be either the total "Real Man Hunk".....or.....have a personality that allows Women to feel: Non-intimidated.....sexual.....an intellectual.....and above all else.....powerful in terms of the "conditions" of the relationship.
Women are a "strange" species sometimes......
Take any Man with a high degree of education. Chances are he is single. Why?
You all do the math!
Oh.....wait.....Women are not that good at math!!!
My fault! | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/23/2005 11:42:09 PM | and for God sake.....NO.....it is not the fault of the school system!
Women really are below Men in every standardized test area when it comes to mathematics....or logic....or chemistry......or......
Not the real point here.....
But.....in order to attract Women.....the guy BETTER be prepared to allow her the "intellectual right of way" even though she is......ummmmm.......below him???? | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/23/2005 11:53:40 PM | wow aristotle
you are pretty stupid for a smart guy.....
Hint:
You are on a dating site
you have just advertised your male chauvinist views for all to see
good luck with that bro
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/24/2005 12:05:21 AM | I am neither smart....nor stupid....nor do I even exist.....
Well put though GuitarMan!
I am so not into dating though.....like.....ever again!
I am only here to state a "sense" of objectivity! | |
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twa
| | Joined: 11/27/2005
Msg: 6 | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/24/2005 12:08:10 AM | I do envy you though GuitarMan.....
I have always tried to be musical....
I suck and always will.
I bought a violin and can't even make it play a damn sound.....
I better stick to stereotypes..... | |
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zapt
| | Joined: 11/4/2005
Msg: 9 | |
| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/24/2005 12:41:14 AM | Anybody that says they can teach you about women, is playing on your desires.
They know this is a fast track to your wallet, pay the price, get little or nothing in return.
Be the person you are, and people will pick up on it. Anyone acting will either stand out, or be found out. Either one is not really the way to go. Do you want to put on an act for so long the real you gets lost? Don't look for one magic answer, the internet won't deliver your soulmate, you may find them here, but there are no guarantees. Just like the rest of life. | |
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| Not sucking; a teachable skill
Posted: 12/24/2005 1:42:39 AM | I think it's like teaching writing. You can't teach someone to be brilliant, but you can give them enough of a critical sense to identify problems in their spelling, force them to organize their thoughts, etc. Same thing with attracting women.
For example, there are a lot of guys who try to view relationships like a monetary exchange. e.g. Ug says "I give girl backrubs, dinner, etc. she gives me sex." Doesn't work for most girls, especially the ones worth hanging out with.
Likewise, some guys try to appease girls by sacrificing their self respect. You simply can't trade self respect for love. It doesn't work that way.
I don't claim to be any kind of a cassanova (and don't want to be) but if a girl happens to steal my heart now I feel much more confident that I could steal hers back. Part of that was just overcoming basic shyness.
Instead of "how to attract women" they really need a book on "How to spot crazy, 50 warning signs for the wary lover" or somthing like that. I don't know if it would sell, but I'm sure there are plenty of people who could benefit. | |
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mako28
| | Joined: 11/25/2005
Msg: 11 | |
| Not sucking; a teachable skill
Posted: 12/24/2005 3:21:21 PM | | There are books out there that can "teach" you (whether your a man or a woman), most are B.S. but a few have it right. The problem is that too many men, or women, are too in love with their opinions to admit that they have no clue. Even if they get the right advice, they screw it all up. Oh well, makes my life easier! | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/24/2005 8:49:40 PM |
Women really are below Men in every standardized test area when it comes to mathematics....or logic....or chemistry......or
WHOA!!! I will take a standard IQ test, LSAT, whatever vs any man, including you Aristotle.... I would like to know where you purchased, or sorry -- stole from a sceince fiction writer from which you are plagerizing!!
FIRST STEP to learning how to attract the women is NOT to insult the entire gender!!! | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/24/2005 9:08:13 PM | There is a point in teaching those skills. What everyone here is missing is that picking up women is more than a skill like learning how to ride a uni-cycle. The biggest problem is that you have to change your whole attitude and perspective, it takes commitment and a lot of practice and failure before you can transform yourself.
The question is, what do you mean by being successful with women?
Do you want to be able to pick women up effortlessly for an ONS? Do you want a gf? Do you want to date?
All of those tactics in those books do something simple, but it's your effort that will influence your transformation, the pyschology and physiology of dating is real, some people as you say have developed it on their own for all kind of reasons and others haven't. Luckily this means that it's a learned skill.
Yes women prefer good looking men and in many cases they have the advantage, but you know what? Being good looking opens the door, that's about it, you still have to know where to take it from there. How many times have you seen a guy you'd rate as worse looking than yourself with a girl that you would consider out of your league and wonder in amazement? Probably said that he must be loaded or what not...
Anyone can work on these areas:
1. Work on the image that you project to the outside world by dressing better, walking more confidently, having confidence in your tone of voice, grooming yourself, creating social value, etc.
2. How to interpret what women are really saying, looking for the means-end-chain in what women are saying: i.e. when a woman says that she's looking for a tall man, you must find out, why? Well, you can learn how to probe and see that she's looking for a tall man because to her it means that he can protect her better and she feels safer. Now how often do we resort to physical confrontations today, so why would a taller man really make a difference? So you can reword your statements and stories and skills to show her that you can protect her, subtly of course. Like that barrier number 1 comes down. You learn how to talk to women and break down barriers and know what they really mean, not what they say. And all of a sudden they realize you can be everything you want them to be.
3. You can learn how to read body language. Unless someone is highly trained to resist unconscious body movement, the body never lies, they can be saying one thing, but the body always says the truth! You can learn how she responds to what you're saying and read her... and you can control your body language to convey what you want her mind to pick up on. If you're trying to pick up a girl and she can't look you in the eyes and her arms and legs are crossed and she's responding positively to everything you're saying, think again! She's not buying any of it and this is going nowhere, this is too obvious. But there are many smaller subtle hints...
4. You can learn physical communication: When is it good to touch, how, etc,
There are many more things that anyone can learn which escape my mind now. I'm nowhere close to mastering these concepts, but I can tell you that since I started learning more about them, I've met, initiated conversations and gone out with more women that in all previous years combined! No, I'm not a player, and there have been many failures which should not be looked as such, but rather as acquiring experience.
I know that I'm straying from the thread, but the biggest problem which was my way of thinking is expecting every interaction to be smooth and perfect and that if it's not, it's doomed. And you watch some people who you say that they pick up women effortlessly, if they were honest, ask them how many times women have said no? They probably have a huge rejection rate, but who get more women? The guy with a 50% average who has only asked 4? Or the guy with a 10% average who has has asked 50?
Generally, people that come from warmer countries start dating and other things much sooner than in North America, men that grew up with many women know how to talk to them better, etc.
IT CAN ALL BE LEARNED! | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/25/2005 6:26:40 AM | THANK YOU KosherBeef!!
This is a great start for men to realize how to treat a woman, regardless of if they are "hot" whatever.. I'd take an "attractive" man who would do all of that vs. a male model who would treat me badly!!!
TRUE COMMENT from my 11 year old "Little Sister". I was showing her pics of my ex and she said "He doesnt have business dumping anyone, especially you"..
My ex is really not that bad looking and actually looks a lot like William Petersen (CSIs Gil Grissom) --- Heck - I almost married the man until he STOPPED acting like what KosherBeef is trying to convey to the men who need help!!
You're awesome Kosher!!!! | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/25/2005 6:31:31 AM | "Anybody that says they can teach you about women, is playing on your desires.
They know this is a fast track to your wallet, pay the price, get little or nothing in return."
Same goes for those paid Yahoo.and match.com sites | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/25/2005 6:33:28 AM | "There is a point in teaching those skills. What everyone here is missing is that picking up women is more than a skill like learning how to ride a uni-cycle. The biggest problem is that you have to change your whole attitude and perspective, it takes commitment and a lot of practice and failure before you can transform yourself."
Basically, that's like saying, "Be someone who you are not"
Thing is what I don't get about these "self-help" books is if society has gotten to a point where people are writing advice books on how to be successful with women, doesn't that say alot about how difficult women are these days?
Are there any books that say "How to attract a man?"
If there was, it'd just be a leaflet saying, "Just show up, and you'll attract him" lol | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/25/2005 6:40:15 AM | | I'm not a supporter of the books that tell you how to attract anything. the truth is, everyone is different and unique. If you are compatible, you will be attracted to each other. Falling into doing what a book will tell you to do sounds a bit manipulating to me. Just be yourself. | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/25/2005 8:20:01 AM |
Thing is what I don't get about these "self-help" books
Really!! If you're reading a book someone else wrote - that's "help" not "self help"
Sorry, just reminds me of a George Carlin schtick!!
To answer your question about "Are there any books on how to attract a man?" Yes, millions and millions of them. The only I own (the best fiction / bs) that a friend gave me was "THE RULES"" sure!! From the book in reads -
"Looking at someone first is a dead giveaway of interest"
"Don't meet him halfway or go dutch"
"Don't call him or rarely return his calls"
"Don't accept a date for Saturday after Wednesday"
Okay, I have to stop because I am going to vomit, but a LOT of women bought this book thinking it was THE way to get a man.. There are 35 "Rules" total and they just keep getting more and more ridiculous!!! | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/25/2005 9:06:05 AM | Kosherbeef is right on. It's a skill that can and should be learned. It's not about potraying yourself as something you're not, or not being yourself. Think of it like cooking. Sure, some people just have a knack for it, but most of us had to learn the skill. If I cook a meal for someone would anyone accuse me of not being myself since cooking was a skill I had to learn?
From what I've seen, books will often give good advice but not very helpful advice. If a book tells you to take a shower that's very good advice. But most people do that anyway.
For guys who want some practical advice, go to www.fastseduction.com which is totally free. | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/25/2005 12:33:32 PM | There is no such real thing, bc all women are different...but there is a general success with some men with certain types of characteristics :
- Confidence & Charisma
- Independence
- Smarts & Wits
Any man who has all these things tend to be more successful at getting the girls, no matter how handsome or ugly they are. It is not the looks...it is how the man makes you feel. How intrigued he makes you feel. | |
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RD7
| | Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 21 | |
| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/25/2005 2:01:06 PM | There was another thread similar to this..about David D'angelo. Maybe try that?
I do love his classic line..."Attraction isn't a Choice"...its so true!  | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/25/2005 4:38:48 PM |
Basically, that's like saying, "Be someone who you are not"
If you are someone who doesn't look women in the eye, has low confidence, a whiny voice, greasy hair, dirty fingernails, bad breath, AND isn't happy with the way women respond, then... yes. | |
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| Attracting Women: An unteachable skill?
Posted: 12/25/2005 5:05:14 PM | | Take a look at the top 500 most attractive. Utter bollocks IMHO! The first 300 are total airheads, I'm right, you know this! Get a good photographer, alter the inevitably crap results with photoshop and then get to work! Don't give up! | |
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