vzenuh
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Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 1 | |
| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 7:41:42 PM | | What do women think about a man that decided that his child should stay with him instead of his mother,,,I have heard that single men get scared of women that have children,,, do women feel the same way about men with baggage? | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 7:43:33 PM | This thread has been done a few times
Try doing a search for it :) | |
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vzenuh
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Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 3 | |
| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 7:45:16 PM | Hey I am new here, and trying to meet new people, hell I didn't even know they had a search here,, but now I do,,, won't happen again,,, | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 7:46:18 PM | I didn't know about it at first either
Have fun on the forums!! | |
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vzenuh
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Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 5 | |
| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 7:50:37 PM | Matter of fact I will,, I know that she will never read this but I will tell the world!!!!!! A son needs his father to show him how to become a man. A boy needs his mother when he is five years old and has a boo-boo. A father can mold his son to become something better than he is. For now I will shut up. Just needed to tell someone. I feel better now  | |
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vzenuh
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Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 6 | |
| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 7:58:34 PM | | matter of fact since nobody is listenin,, I am gonna vent some more... You know what I hate? When me and my son are just sittin there and I ask him if he would like to talk to his mother.. and he is like yes, I call her and I always get sent straight to voice mail...then I have to tell my son that mommy is busy and she can't talk right now. He is visiting his mother over the holidays and I am gonna pick him up tomm, the messed up thing is that the whole time that he was gone,, one week to be exact,, if I didn't talk to him everyday I damn near went crazy. I am lucky if I can get his mother to call him twice a week....I honestly hate her for that. OK,, now I am done :) | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 8:06:53 PM | Hi vzenuh;
I am new here too, don't let anyone put you off. As a single mom who shares custody with her ex and not looking for a Dad to support my kids (this seems to be a general concession in here) all I can say, is it isn't easy. I believe kids belong with both parents if they treat their kids right. What amazes me is the number of men, who have kids, looking for a woman but they don't want her to have kids??? Hello??? Anyhow, I just wanted to say hi and to not be put off by rude people..we are not all like that... | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 8:23:16 PM | | Single dads are awesome to date. They have a better understanding of what us single moms are like. They know what is frustrating to us. | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 8:34:36 PM | | well we would be an awesome date if we could find sitters for our kids....lol | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 8:41:04 PM | Men with BAGGAGE???!?!?!? wtf is that?
How do you consider your child baggage? sorry, if you don't...but that is what you said~ | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 8:56:45 PM | | Yep..if you consider your kids baggage..you have your priorities screwed up. My kids are number one in my life and if a man can't handle that, then he is not the man for me. It's unfortunate, so many people take their kids for granted. In the long run, your kids will be there for you and will always love you. | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 9:01:41 PM | | He may not consider his child as baggage but i have heard that term used way to much in my town for single parents. Next time you write it and are quoting something someone has said to you use quatations. It might go over better. | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 9:11:00 PM | A son needs his father to show him how to become a man.
this is not true.... i have taught my son to kick a football... how to ride his bike... how to brush himself off if he has fallen over and grazed his knee.... ive taught my son to jump from heights even though im scared shitless of them myself....
my son isnt a nancy boy coz he tells me he loves me... or wants to give me a cuddle every once in awhile... and express his emotional side and his thoughts with me
Im hard on my son coz there is no father.... ( well there is but the stories are on other threads as to why) even if i had a girl i would treat her the same way i do my son.... my father raised me... i had no mother so to speak going thru the years when i needed it... and i dont think i was given the short end of the stick coz the same gended parent wasnt around....it taught me to respect the parent that had hand in raising me.... and be grateful for that...
if you have a hand in raising your child... dont take it for granted... be grateful your can be involved in doing so.... sorry but your ex must have done something pretty bad for you to have a jaded view on this kinda thing... | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 10:21:37 PM | | All I can say is AMEN...:) | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 10:24:00 PM | Vzenuh,
You are right on. A son needs his dad to have him become a man. As unfortunate as it is that your son's mother left, he is fortunate to have you to raise him full-time. My suggestion will be to not involve your son in your social interests. Don't do any dating at the expense of your time with your son. In the long run, it will be more damaging to your son to see you go through multiple partners. You can arrange for your nights out when your son is at a sleepover or perhaps with your parents overnight or for a few hours.
I have my kids for one week, on alternating weeks. I absolutely do not socialize by leaving them home or including them. When they are with their mother, then I will do any socializing. Even then, I do see them a few times during that week.
It is not easy but there is no need to add more confusion and trauma in their lives by having other people in and out. Once you believe you have found the right person after dating her for about 2-3 years, you can being to introduce your son slowly. By then you know there is commitment in that relationship. | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/30/2005 10:42:10 PM | I didnt have a mother in the years i needed a mother to be around... 11-15years old... but that doesnt make me any less of a woman or lady for being raised without her influence... hell if she was around... i would most probably be married 2 kids and been having affairs since the start of the marriage....
so i am grateful in a way she wasnt around... i got to apperciate a males point of view on things... and how to understand a male.. thanks to my father....
so no... a child doesnt always need to have the same gended parent around to show them how to be the gender they are.... but the child needs to know who both their parents are. | |
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*Em*
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 17 | |
| Single Father
Posted: 12/31/2005 1:10:04 AM | firstly, kids should never be called baggage. the absent parent should.
secondly, in this day and age there are single mums AND single dads..way of life and neither is better than the other. both should be treated with a huge thumbs up for putting their kids first.
thirdly, a child doesnt care whether the full-time parents are male or female. kids need love and stability. men and women are both capable of providing that. and women can be just as good footy players.
finally..i have 4 kids and would welcome a single father into my life in a split second.
ok im done ;) | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/31/2005 7:37:12 AM | "I fell hard once I saw him with his kids"
When I found out that the seemingly perfect guy I was dating had two kids, I immediately put on the brakes. I always thought I'd have children someday, but I knew that I wasn't ready to take on such a huge responsibility so suddenly. Would we have to spend every weekend with the kids? If things got serious, would they treat me like their mother? I had so many doubts, but he was such a great guy that I continued seeing him. And, when I finally met his children and saw what a sweet and caring father he is, my heart melted. I realized how lucky I was to have found a person who could be so strong in a challenging situation. What I originally thought of as a red flag turned out to be an amazing perk. Three years later, I feel so lucky to be part of their family.
—Paula Gellert, Orlando, FL; dating her boyfriend since 2002
This was linked on MSN, thought you Single Dads might like it. Just have to look for the keeper! | |
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en4cer
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Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 19 | |
| Single Father
Posted: 12/31/2005 12:22:28 PM |
A son needs his father to show him how to become a man. A boy needs his mother when he is five years old and has a boo-boo
Totally understand what you’re trying to say.....but I (a father) have mended many many boo boos, as you to...and as for showing your little guy how to be a "man", you must first understand that he must first be a child, and then SLOWLY become a "man"…they grow up fast enough as it is….don’t rush them !
Welcome brother....good luck! | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/31/2005 7:31:10 PM | | I myself.. TOTALLY respect more than anything a single father.. its a huge turn on.. even b4 I had my own child!! | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 12/31/2005 10:42:59 PM | | I said this in an early post..but I would much rather date a father who has sole custody of his child, than anyone else.. | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 1/1/2006 2:47:47 AM | Let me start with saying all the power to you man, I am going through similar issues with my ex. She ran away to be with a guy she met in a mental institution. She has been in and out of most of our kids lives between military service and then mental breakdown. Needless to say I do have sole custody of two very bright and loving boys. As I have put on other sites, I DO have baggage, but that baggage is my ex, not our children. Cause even though I am divorcing her, if she ever comes back into the same state as me, I will be petitioning the courts for legal guardianship of her so that I can get her into a group home that specializes in her illnesses. The marriage may be dead at this point but I vowed tot ake care of and to love her till death...... and I always will, even if I can not have the life I riginally anticipated.
however all that said, your comments on "son needs his father to show him how to become a man" really did irritate me for one very major reason: my parents never divorced, even though my father was a very serious alcoholic (dangerously so when drunk). He was NOT a good example of how to be a man, although he is much better now. I grew up learning to be a jack of all trades so to speak from having to step in for him. My mother raised me with very strong beliefs and values (as explained about my marriage vows) that I will not ever compromise. However I also learned a very important lesson from my father as well: what NOT to be.
So please, before you state that a boy needs his father to learn how to be a man; yes that is correct. However, the boy can learn from the "bad" examples as well, as the good.
Please just keep being patient with the mother, and doing everything yuo can to encourage contact between them. I am sure as your boy grows older he will learn for himself who is the more involved in his life, and what to appreciate from whom. | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 1/1/2006 11:06:55 AM | | I couldn't have said it better myself. As a single parent I have never considered my daughter to be baggage or think that she is holding me back from something. There should be nothing more important in this world that your child/children even if that does mean a few lonely nights. Stop putting so much attention on the fact that you are a single parent, many of us are and still function a normal life. Start enbrassing that fact that you are one person in this world that your child looks up to the most and be happy and love will find both of you along the way. I wish you all the best. | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 1/1/2006 11:22:26 AM | | You can tell alot about a man from the way he interacts with his child(ren). I would date a single father any day. | |
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| Single Father
Posted: 1/1/2006 2:48:46 PM | Children will learn your, or others, true motive, feeling, understanding, etc., not by what they hear or are told, but by the actions of those persons. They may not have the grasp of how to relate their knowledge to adults, but they know. It is up to you to be there for them and have honest conversation.
As I was reading some of the posts, I got a feeling of pent up hostility. That of a person who has lost control and cannot deal with it. (not singling anyone in particular out).
Live by example to the best of your ability, all thing will fall into place over time.
It is often said that he/she who has the most to hide, usually is the first to point the finger and yell the loudest......(to try and detract attention from themselves).
Just my nickles worth. | |
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