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Posted: 1/6/2005 3:17:42 PM | recently i had been hanging out with "dating" someone i knew from years ago who had recently been divorced and we both found ourselves back here in n.ontario... well we had a crush on each other back in the day and to us it seemed like fate bringing us back together.
i really liked him, loved him in fact, he seemed so awesome then, and again when we re-met.
well, due to the fact that he was in court over his child, i was laid-back, didn't want to cause any trouble until that was resolved, so i never really questioned why he never asked me out with his friends, i just figured he wanted to keep a low profile until the mess was resolved. that and the fact that i really had no interest in going out to bars, but over time i realized that he never really invited me anywhere where we could be seen in public, and when we were out he was very visibly uncomfortable... this caused us to have a few discussions, i asked him if he really was ready to have a new relationship, because i was feeling like i was being hidden from the world.
because of this feeling i came to realize that there was a good chance i would not be invited out with him for new years, and i made tentative alternate plans with friends and family, so i wouldn't be stuck at home alone on new years. well he blew up at me a few days before new years, said some awful things and i just couldn't bring myself to call him, horribly upset at the way he twisted words and intentions, there was no way to come to a civil agreement at the time. he then returned all my stuff from his house.
a few days after new years he showed up at my door with apologies and tears and wanting to then speak civilly, the way i had wanted to during that blow-up. i was hesitant, wanting to feel that this was sincere but still hurt after all that had transpired... i had been thinking of our relationship and deciding if i wanted to be with this guy at all any more. we ended up talking for a few hours, like friends, and i was starting to feel better, about us being friends.
we went out for a bite to eat, having good conversation but not lovey-dovey. i was starting to think this would be nice if we would be friends and then see what the future held as far as being lovers again.
long story short, we stopped by his place quickly on the way back where i used the washroom. while sitting, i looked down into the trash pail and there was an item half-visible, i didn't want to think the worst so i carried on washing my hands etc... but i was already shaking with fear, i had to look again in case i was wrong but there it was a used condom in the garbage pail, i had to be sure... i know it's gross.
well he blamed his friend, saying it must have been his from new years eve, but he was acting really weird. i asked him to please bring me straight home as i was shaking so hard and could barely talk. the thing is, said friend has his own place, and in the past he has used this friends name in times that things seemed fishy as well. but as i am not invited out with said friend as mentioned above, i really don't know him that well.
he wants me to call his friend, but by now they most surely have spoken about the situation and i just don't want to go there... i wouldn't call him, it's not like me.
is there any chance this could be true? so far i have told him i need to be alone for a while because i don't believe that story. he wants to continue trying to "explain". i feel physically ill when i think about this and i don't want to freak out or have a fight over it.
what should i do? | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 3:36:19 PM | | He's lying. Every time i ever lied to a woman, and she accused me of lying, she was right. You are too. He's been playing you, and you knew it, but didn't want to believe it. Now, you have more than enough proof. The fact that you trusted him for so long, desoite your doubts speaks highly of you. But, there's a point where you need to be good to yourself, and dump him. He knew what he was doing, and now he thinks he made a mistake. Follow your intuition. | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 3:37:46 PM | Ok My opinion...for what it's worth...
He was married and obviously if he's divorced now...the past few years of his marriage (life) must of been pretty ugly....now that he has his "freedom" (and not knowing the full circumstances of his life)..I'm sure he doesn't want to have to answer to someone again at this point in his life... He may want to keep things casual....if you and he are just dating....and not living together or "exclusive" to one another at this time....then he really doesn't owe you an explanation....
Us women tend to over analyze..... just keep it cool..and always listen to your gut. | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 3:49:30 PM | we were "exclusive" and it was he who wanted to keep our relationship going even when i offered him time to be sure about things.
:( | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 3:54:17 PM | Sad thing here is YOU were exclusive...he was not.....
You been played....learn and go on... | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 3:55:34 PM | He may not owe her an explanation, but if that's the case why lie?
Tell him to stop being such a coward and just come straight out with it. I myself don't like to associate with people who lie, they don't deserve my attention.
Lies in turn will create more lies and things will get really messy, you know the answer deep down, but like Bulldog said you don't want to believe it.
Just friends - you have a life to live, so live it and make yourself happy. It's funny how things work out the way they do, but remember that it all happens for a reason. | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 4:09:35 PM | the thing is it's he who wants to continue "explaining" and i don't want to hear it, it's true i am finally figuring what he's all about... i just don't want to hear any more of his "story".
thanks for all the words, though, i appreciate the advice, i don't really want to talk to many people about it here, cause it's kind of a small town. | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 4:13:30 PM | | This is the right place for it. Honest opinions aboud on here! Anyway, i wouldn't want to hear more either. Tell him to go away. He blew it. He might get mad, but it will really only be at himself. Plus, he'll respect that you won't stand for being used. | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 4:15:11 PM | | His need to keep explaining is guilt...he ain't sorry he did it, just sorry he got caught | |
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mcs
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Joined: 1/5/2005
Msg: 10 | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 4:19:37 PM | | don't give him another chance. he'll think he got away with it once, he'll do it again. you deserve better than that. | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 4:23:25 PM | Your gut is already telling you what to do. Follow it. You've got these Red Flags all over the place, pay attention. He's on good behaviour now, the more time you spend with him, the more his true colours are going to show. Oh gosh, can you imagine where you will be a year from now? Actually, thats a good point. Picture to yourself a year from now, sitting at home when he's out with friends, finding condoms in his garbage, being dumped on "date nights' then picutre the alternative, you getting on with your life, and him knowing that you had the strength and the dignity to walk away with your head held high like a woman, not with the grief of a child.
Be stong, and take care of yourself | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 4:50:04 PM | He may not owe her an explanation, but if that's the case why lie?
Tell him to stop being such a coward and just come straight out with it. I myself don't like to associate with people who lie, they don't deserve my attention.
Lies in turn will create more lies and things will get really messy, you know the answer deep down, but like Bulldog said you don't want to believe it.
Just friends - you have a life to live, so live it and make yourself happy. It's funny how things work out the way they do, but remember that it all happens for a reason. | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 4:51:41 PM | Sorry ^^ I just repeated myself but pushing 'post' unknowingly.
Disregard... | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 4:53:13 PM | thanks everyone,
now how long til i stop feeling like i want to puke??? | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 5:01:28 PM | | i agree with her people who care about each other don't lie..jerry springer made a fortune off of liars,find a man.a real man they dont lie.little boys do. | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 5:07:56 PM | "thanks everyone,
now how long til i stop feeling like i want to puke???"
The sooner you get over him, the better. You should get to know some of the people on this site. Especially guys. Who live in Michigan. And are 30 yrs. old. And, have short brown hair. *ahem* | |
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Posted: 1/6/2005 5:38:38 PM | | Agreed, if his fuse is that dang short it's only going to spell more trouble. | |
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Posted: 1/7/2005 3:06:29 AM | | he's lying, and it sounds like you've already made your decision to dump him. probably a wise choice. | |
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Posted: 1/7/2005 3:52:39 AM | | Sorry to hear about your situation just_friends. You caught him. Better sooner than later. If I was in your situation I would be devasted and sick to my stomach too. Putting the emotions aside, do think you would ever be able to trust him after this incident? Do you want to be in a relationship with someone you can't trust? For me, the foundation of any good relationship is trust and honesty. He blew it. You deserve much better. Throw him back. Time to cast out... and going fishing again!!! (I'll bait you hook for you if you like). | |
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Posted: 1/7/2005 6:55:34 AM | | OMFG, i can't believe i actually agree with bulldog about something. this guy sounds like a real psycho. you can explain the name-calling and the blowups, not as evidence of guilt, but as an attempt to distract you from being suspicous by blaming you for some imaginary offense. you can be very sure that people who use this tactic are well aware that you have done nothing wrong. as far as the nausea goes, could that be a reaction to your finding hard evidence that things were not as you had hoped they would be? that you had actually bought his bullsh!t? run away, as far and fast as you can. anyone who lies to you, calls you names, and yells at you doesn't care about you. do you treat the people you care for that way? | |
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Posted: 1/7/2005 7:09:01 AM | | Can you say ABUSE?!?!?May not be physically leaving marks, but abuse non the less | |
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Posted: 1/7/2005 4:21:53 PM | thanks, truly for all the advice...
michigan, eh??????? ^^ haha, well i was planning on visiting detroit in the summer!!
thanks again all. | |
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Posted: 1/8/2005 5:21:45 AM | | Dump him! He is bad news. | |
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Posted: 1/8/2005 5:37:01 AM | jeese, arent we all quick to make judgements and jump to conclusions. | |
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Posted: 1/8/2005 7:04:54 AM | | When you get shot down enough times, you learn to shoot first. I know I'm right. Do you? Nobody messes with me. | |
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