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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > 40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me      Home login  
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 simplybefree
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 1
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten mePage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Good day to all you great women out there~. I am 31, not wanting children, not wanting marriage, not truly believing in the truth and power of ever lasting love... As such, and since pursuing on this path is not the conventional way of living one's life, as a woman at least, I am curious to know how you women that have taken the same path I have are living your life...are you enjoying it? Are you regretting your choice to take the unconventional way of life?

Words of wisdom welcome...
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 2
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 11:25:54 AM
Nope, haven't regretted it. I don't know that I consciously chose not to marry but I guess unconsciously I knew that it wasn't for me earlier in my life. I knew as a child that I didn't want children and have never regretted that decision. Yup, my cats are my kids.

Having said that, I find now that I would like to meet a man for companionship. While I have lived alone, traveled alone and done so many other things alone, I would really like to have someone to do these things with. I think it would enrich the experience.

Tink, Calgary
 Keljo
Joined: 12/28/2005
Msg: 3
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 11:33:19 AM
Simplybefree -

I am right there with you! I am 32, no children, never been married. While I would like to have a man in my life, I am not so sure I would want one 'full time".

I am college educated, have a great job, my own house and I get to come and go as I please.
Other than a dating life that is lacking, my life is pretty full and I am content.

My friends are all married with children, so I get my fill of being around kids. I go out when I want to go out, do whatever I want, whenever I want. There is a certain freedom that singlehood provides you that cannot be rivaled with husband and kids.

Once you are single for so long, it becomes harder and harder to imagine living with someone 'til death do you part'. I would like a BF on occassion, but don't see myelf taking that trip down the aisle anytime in the near future.

And just so you now, we are fastly becoming the MAJORITY in society, not the minority. More than half of American households are 'Single, head of household" Check out Unmarried America.....it's a great website with a lot of information for singles - with and without kids.

And to you! I say ROCK ON SISTERFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sister's are doin't it for themselves Anyone remember that song????
 SmartAlec
Joined: 2/8/2005
Msg: 4
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 11:59:15 AM
we are living that song
 simplybefree
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 5
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 12:07:17 PM
Tinker~ Cheers!

There's this book I just read by Eliette Abecassis on motherhood, but from the perspective of a woman that did not want kids...interesting perspective to say the least!lol

Strangely ressemblant to my own thoughts on the topic though...

I've reviewed it on my msn page, should you be interested in knowing more: http://spaces.msn.com/members/simplybefree/PersonalSpace.aspx?_c01_blogpart=somespamsite&_c02_owner=1&_c=blogpart

keljo~~

About your comment on 'us' becoming the majority...makes me wonder why it is so, and if it is everywhere. I would tend to believe it is a phenomenon mainly seen in post-materialist societies, i.e., where the death of religion is more flagrant and widespread and the materialist needs have been satisfied, yet the being wants more from life than material... hmmm...

Thanks for the web site. I'll check it out!

Cheers!

 paradisequeen
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 6
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 12:23:31 PM
Although my kids are grown, I have chosen not to marry. All for the simple reason of I havent found the one or even one close to that one I would like to spend my life with. I enjoy working too much and most of the guys Ive dated have attempted to change me and the lifestyle I choose.

The one thing I regret is choosing to have kids as young as I did, I wouldve like to have the same kids years later.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 7
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 12:50:25 PM
Cheers to you too, Simplybefree. I will check out your web page and maybe check out the book as well. I'm sure I can find it or reserve it at the public library.

Thanks for the suggestion.

Tink, Calgary
 Astrido
Joined: 12/28/2005
Msg: 8
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 1:03:36 PM
I personally did not chose that path, but my younger sister did.

It drives the rest of my family crazy but I admire her for being true to herself and knowing who she is.

There are too many people (men & woman) out there that follow the usual easier path and later on we look at them and wonder "why the heck did they have kids" ...



Kudos to you for knowing who you are and living your life with integrity.
 Sessieloubob
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 9
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 1:51:41 PM
To live life without regrett

Thou the choice wasn' t mine............ I've very much enjoy being the kid.......... I never had to grow up and have the responsiblities that I saw others have.......... I've enjoyed life to the fullest..................
 Ronnie411
Joined: 8/4/2005
Msg: 10
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 2:20:44 PM
Just because we were born with uteruses, doesn't mean we have to breed- It's a privilage and a choice to be a parent, The most important responsibility anyone will ever shoulder - it should not be entered into lightly or under social pressure. The reasons behind the choices we make are very personal and varied and compelling in the context of our lives.
 TallNdarkone4u
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 11
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 3:15:38 PM
hey I am all for people choosing the single life.


My question to you is ...for those of you who have lost all confidence and hope in finding true and eternal love?

My sister is 37 and has no children and has never been married... i respect her decisions..but i personally think its because she is afraid of being hurt again.

Any comments on this?
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 12
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 3:42:32 PM
^^^^ maybe she is afraid of being hurt again but, who cares, that's her decision. Also, there could be a myriad of reasons like, for instance, (examples only 'cuz i haven't the foggiest of you, your sister or your lives/family situtation and I'm not pointing fingers at anything in particular) - maybe she saw what kind of marriage your parents, you, her best friend, etc. had and didn't want one just like that. Maybe she is just content within herself and at this point in her life doesn't need "another half" to make her "complete"; maybe she just likes making all the decisions in her life by herself; maybe she's glad that she doesn't have to pick up someone else's socks, dishes, drycleaning, and whatever else - the list could go on and on.

I know my reasons, conscious or unconscious, are very personal reasons and I become highly offended when people ask why I have never married. The majority of the population assumes it's because no one has ever asked me. WRONG! I rank that question right up there with asking a childless couple why they haven't had children after 10 years of marriage - it's a crass and rude question which is no one's business but those it involves!

Okay, I can get off my soapbox now. Next,
 TallNdarkone4u
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 13
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 3:49:10 PM
im not judging..only asking people to at theirr motives..nobody can tell one person how to live their lives. Ofcourse nobody has to defend their situation either. We learn things from others...and we learn more about ourselves by exploring our feelings and reasons for doing things. Hopefully people in forums will use it to learn more about these issues.

What Im asking (without trying to get personal or offend) is what percentage is the fact that you 1. Have given up on trying your true love 2. Because you dont feel relationship last forever?

Um and I love my sis...but i tell her that...she seems a bit more defensive on that aspect when people ask her why she is single. I mean i would be frustrated if people asked me something personal regularly...but in a way i get the same question...whats a guy like you still single and not married yet? I simply say... I am just proud to make it my choice as to when i settle down...anything wrong with that?

Ok i know someones gonna blast me..but hey its the New Year..gotta party it up!
 simplybefree
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 14
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 3:52:24 PM
Everyone's got their own reasons not to get involved tallndarkone4u~, and they are all valid if you ask me. You can't force anything upon anyone until that one decides it is time and he/she is ready...
 TallNdarkone4u
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 15
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 3:54:28 PM
and im only trying to get an idea why people do things...anything wrong with that my friends?

Dont you think it might educate other people who are ignorant to how people want to live their lives?

OP...you say enlighten you...... im trying to enlighten myself... if we dont..does it become a pitty party? :P

(oh man im gonna get it now..LOL)
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 16
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 3:59:57 PM
i haven't given up on finding my true love. in fact, i once thought i had... but my sterility got in the way.

i did want to marry and have children. but it didn't happen. and by the time i found someone i wanted to marry, i learned then that i couldn't have children.

there have been MANY days when i've regretted it and feel i've missed out. but there have been many more days when i know, deep in my heart, that i would've been a lousy mother because i didn't have good parenting role models.

what i do know about myself, is that i could be the world's best friend to some wonderful man. and i will keep trying to find that relationship!
 TallNdarkone4u
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 17
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 4:01:45 PM
Thanks for sharing your personal reason for this Bovine... I appreciate it! but obviously that has not stopped you from searching for a mate..because true love doesnt mean you have to have babies!


There are many reason why..just curious what they all are from the females point of view....or ummm Am I stepping into a SISTERs ONLY thread?
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 18
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 4:08:14 PM
by the way.... simply... i am enjoying my life more the past couple of months, but i have taken major steps to change it to something more fulfilling after years of languishing.

taking those steps has gone a long way toward making me feel better about the path i'm on.

but it doesn't mean i don't have regrets. just that i've learned to work around them.

there's more adventures ahead for me!

 TallNdarkone4u
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 19
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 4:17:58 PM
Bravo Ms. Moo!

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." - W. M. Lewis

And this is for everyone..regardless married..single ..divorced, with kids or without... whatever..we all have it in our power to achieve whatever choices we want!
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 20
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 4:28:12 PM
@ talldarkone.....I apologize if you felt that I thought you were judging. I know you weren't. I know you were asking a question to learn more about a certain situation that so many people find themselves in these days. Not to worry. I hope you weren't offended when I gave you my heartfelt take on my situation 'cuz I wouldn't want you to think I was pointing fingers at you or anyone for that matter (except maybe one A**hole on this site that used to live in Canada and now is back in the Excited States where he belongs!!!!!) Sorry - I just had to do that one!

Have a gooder,

Tink, Calgary
 simplybefree
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 21
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 4:30:55 PM
DivineBovine~ I am glad to hear you are enjoying your life. Its so important no matter what life may throw at you next... I try not to ever have regrets. And when I do, I try to spin them into positives...though it ain't always easy! ;)

Tallanddark~ the reasons for my choices are numerous, some I certainly wouldn't post for all to see. ;) Though a wise one once said: "only fools never change their minds". I'm not a fool, but I do know myself pretty well...and procreation was always something I was not attracted to...being a mother...no thanks.

As for believing in serious relationships...well that's another story. I am not entirely closed to a serious relationship, but my picture of what I want my lifestyle to be (environment is key to happiness ;) and the experiences I want to live require someone that I cannot find...yet. But I'm patient...
 Ronnie411
Joined: 8/4/2005
Msg: 22
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 4:40:04 PM
relationships and having kids are two very different converstations, just cause your not into one, doesn't mean your not into the other
 Dog Mommy
Joined: 7/11/2005
Msg: 23
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 5:49:48 PM
I am 37, and I never had a desire to have children...ever. At the same time, I think I never looked at it the way that many people I know do. I knew a lot of woman who always talked about having a baby and looking forward to it. To me, it seemed the emphasis was on child bearing...not finding a life partner. I always looked at it this way...if I meet a man I want to spend the rest of my life with, then we'll talk about bringing a child into the world.
 flapjack flipper
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 24
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 6:01:47 PM
Smart women avoid pregnancy as best they can. Once in a while they can be impregnated but usually they prove too sly. Only after the age of child-bearing has come and gone will it become obvious what life is really all about, bringing regrets about short-sighted reproductive choices. The illusion that gets stripped away is that of self, and there remaining are the lives left unlived by children left unborn.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 25
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/1/2006 6:14:31 PM
^^^^hmmmmmm, very interesting concept from a man, who to my knowledge, cannot bear children.
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