| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/6/2005 5:10:25 PM | Before, I was pursueing a woman, who lived on the campus dormitorys, and it was a single bedroom dorm, anyways, I assumed she was single...then turns out she tells me she was seperated.
At first, I had no problem with it, until someone brought it to my attention that she is STILL a married woman.
I was like, "really? Hmm" I pondered that this could be possiblity, then I started hearing stories, than one could be opening up a can o' worms, sometimes the seperated couples get back together, or you could deal with a jealous husband, who should not be faulted for his jealousy, since technically that's still his wife and vice-versa with the husband.
I just somehow feel apprehensive now about getting involved with a seperated woman. I could lead to trouble.
Back in the day, seperation usually meant "time apart" to work things out....but now a days, divorce is typically inevitable.
What blew my mind at times, I would meet a woman, who lives clear across the country from her husband, but never divorced him for whatever reason. Think any harm could be done by messing around with a married woman, while the hubby is far far away? lol | |
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mysty
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Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 2 | |
| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/6/2005 5:32:10 PM | I, for one, would not want to get in the way of any chance the couple had of reconciliation. Even if they think it never will happen, as far as I am concerned, it isn't over till it's over. I just don't want the responsibility of being the 'final nail in the coffin' and dividing a family.
Just my 2 cents.....so please no flames! I am entitled to my opinion. I have expressed the same sentiment on a similar thread and got bar-b-q'd for it. | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/6/2005 5:41:49 PM | Hey, just feel better that you're not alone...lol!
Closure is the key! :) | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/6/2005 10:51:37 PM | Boy do I have something to say about this.
My mom is separated from my dad and the divorce IS going to happen. However, she recently hooked back up with my biological father (douche that he is) and slept with him when he came to town for my graduation (so glad I could facilitate that for them.) I felt extremely dirty about the whole situation since she took it upon herself to tell me about it. I feel that legally they are still married and she could have at least had enough respect for the sanctity of marrige to wait a few months. I feel like I have no reason to respect the holiness of marriage in God's eyes anymore. I'm sort of actually broken hearted about it.
*cries in a corner*
ANYWAY! I would think it would be best to wait to have any sort of romantic relationship until everything is official. Then move in for the kill!!!! | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/7/2005 5:46:14 AM | Might be best to wait, but not for me. My wife is shacked up with her lover, and planns on getting married to him. I still havent signed the D papers, and only will when I am good and ready.
BUT I dont sit around moping about it. I am out there enjoying life. You know "live life to the fullest  | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/7/2005 7:00:43 AM | I steer clear from married women just starting a seperation.....dont want the headaches and drama....but if the finality of the divorce is nearing...thats a different story...
What I cant stand.....married women finding cheap thrills online or offline behind their husbands back....just so it makes their day a little more bearable...sucking others into their deception & feeding on emotional fantasy....they need to get a life or get divorced...
A. | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/7/2005 11:00:14 AM | yup, you are either married or divorced. this inbetween thing, "seperated" is a crock.
And alishiqia, I have a very happy relationship with a married woman giving her cheap thrills and feeding into her emotional fantasy. dont' judge what others enjoy. It works for both of us. | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/7/2005 7:09:56 PM | | dude that is a seperate thread altogether. If that works for you fine. | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/9/2005 2:17:27 PM | Just my two cents, but I am separated from my husband and we have no plans for divorcing even though we are living apart and are both dating others. What we are talking about here is a piece of paper and another way for the courts and the attorneys to get your money. Who knows if we will ever get back together. There is a possibility, but there is a possibility for people who are divorced to get back together too. The only reason that I can see for a divorce is if one would like to get remarried, and I have no present plans for that. By the way, the gentlemen that I communicate with and go out with need NOT get nervous about my 'husband'  . He is the one who decided to cheat on me after a long marriage, and he is the one who is encouraging me to date others (just to justify his tawdry behavior I'm sure). I have no problem being up front and honest about my situation. | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/9/2005 4:20:04 PM |
I am separated from my husband and we have no plans for divorcing even though we are living apart and are both dating others.
Aren't you a little bit worried that you may meet the best guy in the world and he won't be interested because you haven't followed through on your divorce? You are still married after all and a lot of guys will see that as a big red flag unless all they want is sex. | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/9/2005 11:43:53 PM | MHereFL: That's my big thing. When my mom slept with my bio dad I felt really betrayed and like she had cheated on my dad because technically that's what she did.
Also, when do you all think that it's over in God's eyes? Or is that another thread? | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/10/2005 3:01:19 AM | I will judge by what fits into my life for myself. What others do with married women isnt my concern...to each is own...I have my own standards not everyone agrees with...thats life!! Live and let live....
A. | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:01:13 PM | If you are Christian, it spells out when God feels it’s over, in the Bible. It's straight forward and to the point. Things like Never Separate, If you divorce give them a paper stating so, Trying to marry/date after the divorce, allowances on remarriage to ex-spouse...
But the real question would be... "Do you believe in separation of Church and State"?
As a Proud Christian American, I believe in separation of church and state. The Government should have no hand in religious matters. Also the religious leaders should have no say in government.
Now comes the question, "Is Marriage religious or is it domain of the State?"
...oooo tough call.
In Texas you are licensed to be married by the state and you go to your 'officiate' to be married. Those who are religious get married by their church. Those who are not go to a JP or Captain of a ship. Personally, I think divorce is handled by the officiate you were married by.
The government only cares that the children’s rights are handled, that the finances are divided equally and whom got them.
As a Christian, whose wife cheated on him, I stayed with my wife trying to work it out. She finally called divorce and gave me papers. Now we are in court working out the financial issue and deciding the custodial rules. I want my daughter to share her parents equally. My Ex-wife thinks that if my daughter gets 50% then it’s just me trying to steal my daughter from her. Shrug. I can't reason with her, so I told the lawyer get Extended standard or go to court and fight for full custody. Only because I have a large family and my Ex has 5 living relatives and she's banned 1 from her family. I see this as insanity. =)
I have listed myself on plentyoffish.com as 'separated' only because the lawyers/judge are working on the financial issues. My Ex declared us divorced and gave papers. In October, I saw some actions from her and her BF that made me remove my wedding ring and declare it over for me (she already had hers off). There is no recouping.
I'm religiously divorced and waiting for the 'State' to whack up the financials and protect my rights as a father from the Ex.
So to the people who said its "married or not", and "shouldn’t date while separated", where do you think I stand?
Long ago I dated a separated woman. They got divorced, it just took 2 years. It didn’t work out between us, but I understood her situation. Is it wrong to think that you deserve happiness too? Even when you were the victim of the betrayal? I'm not talking marriage, nor one night stands, dating... meetings new friends and seeing if fireworks explode and sparks sizzle in the night air.
I am Divorced, I am separated fiscally and I found my lost spark. There is a woman out there who is looking for me. Should I wait 2 more years while the courts change their dates, time is fleeting and I'm not going to sit alone beating myself up over the Ex.
well... I'd love to hear everyone’s opinions. | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:58:40 AM | I'm separated myself, and have been for some time (right at 3 yrs) so this is what I would suggest you do. Ask her, if you talk with her, how long she's been separated. Then ask her why the breakup....after all, if you are interested in seeing her, you do have a right to know certain things so you can make an informed decision. Ask her then (unless you already know) if she believes she will reconcile with him at any point based on where things stand today . Since you mentioned he is all the way across the country from her, chances are they won't, but it's better to know where you stand, as best you can, from the start.
See, I'm in pretty much the same situation as OnTheBus, only in reverse....my ex left me for someone else, and we aren't divorced yet, but in my case it's only because of financial problems...otherwise it would have been finalized long ago. There is NO WAY we will ever reconcile, and I say that KNOWING it, nor do I even wanna think about it, lol. I feel like I tried as much as any person could to reconcile with him before he took off, and he wanted no part of it...and after he left and a few events came to light, I now want no part of it. I know and understand why some wouldn't want to get involved with a person who's separated, but each person's case is different. I think that if you find someone you really click with and they turn out to be separated, or divorce pending, you owe it to yourself to find out those things I mentioned previously. You might find it isn't worth the risk, but then again, you might find out there's not that much risk after all. JMO | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 1/8/2008 5:08:08 AM | I very much like what regalrose posted.
I'm currently separated, and I it's my doing. I do not intend to reunite with my husband, and am just struggling to get things together to get the divorce underway. I was on a date the other night and the gentleman asked me the very questions regalrose suggested. I was not put out at all by them, and was glad he'd asked.
As to LaughingTerry's question to jaytea, I just have to say if he's the best guy in the world for her, then he won't be turned off by her not being divorced. I suppose I'm still a romantic at heart in believing that if a thing is meant to be, then it's meant to be and will come about no matter what circumstances. | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:15:38 PM | | Hi myself I am seperated going on 2 years now. I do consider myself divorced. The reason I do consider that is my wife is shacked up with another man and plans to marry him. The only reason the we are not divorced is financial. So I do not consider it cheating going out on dates. | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:00:47 PM | I am seperated this time since Jan.2nd, first seperation was for 18 months ( after he cheated), got back together for 5 months. Filed for Divorce on Jan 25th, takes time, but if the right guy comes along I will be honest a tell him Legally still married, but, not a chance in this life time of getting back with the ex! And I feel the same if the guy is still Legally married, as long as he is honest should not be a problem. JMO | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:28:14 PM | OP, I was married, was separated, and have been legally divorced for some time now.
As many have mentioned, there can be financial reasons for not moving forward with a divorce, they're expensive and they also take time - some states have mandatory waiting periods. So some separated people truly could be "done" with the spouse in every way, shape, and form.
But another thing to consider is that even if they are "done," there may still be a lot of emotional baggage. Depending on the length of marriage, reasons for divorce, and length of separation, the person may not be truly ready for a relationship. They may be eager to move on, feel free and hopeful for the first time in a long time, be looking for "the one" and think they are totally ready to commit, but they may not have truly worked through all their own psychological/emotional issues. They may be reacting to what they felt was missing in their marriage, rejecting anything seemingly like their marriage, and in many other ways not truly in touch with the reality of who they are and what they truly want in a relationship.
This is not to say that all separated people are in this situation, but I *do* mean to say that there are separated people who think they are free and ready but who will eventually realize that they still had a lot of soul searching and recovery to do.
Rebounds abound! | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 4/12/2008 6:38:32 AM | Think any harm could be done by messing around with a married woman, while the hubby is far far away? lol
I have read more than my share of married but separated..looking for love...
As long as two people KNOW what's going on.....using each other with no strings..
that's your business ........not ours... | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 4/12/2008 7:07:39 AM | | No matter how you choose to look at it,,,separated is married, without the benefits,,ha. I would never date a separated man,,,it is still adultery,,, | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:06:46 AM | | Wait. if its meant to be, it will. be good friends--take this time to really get to know each other and in the long run will make for a better relationship anyways. if it doesn't work out--IE she stays married, you may have lost a friend, but not a friend/lover/parter, etc..Speaking from experience, my ex was "seperated" and one excuse after another, 2 years later--no divorce. we split--and guess what, its 7 yrs later and theya re still "sepearated" but not divorced. Go Figure...but from experience, i won't say its easy. my idea was like--they're seperated..its a weird emotional roller coaster. what bounderies do you cross..after time you feel like he/she is yours--ie your partner, but on paper legally they are not. they are still a spouse to someone else. I felt like he was cheating on me--but in the long haul, he was really cheating on her w/ me! dont go there unless you like amusement parks and roller coasters. you wil lhave your ups and downs--emotionally not fun. OR just wait. | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:09:37 AM | An uncontested Divorce is NOT that expensive.
WHY would anyone 'want to hang on' ? When I separated, I did it with the intention that I did NOT want to live with my EX. If we reconciled, we could remarry.
NOT divorcing for the kids, is a dumb excuse.
Money is a dumb excuse.
No time, is a dumb excuse.
To make them pay, is a STUPID excuse.
People who hang on, are simply LOSERS.
That is why I won't date 'separated' women. Unless I just want sex, I am not investing in a loser.
(ps I lived common-law for three years. She procrastinated, and then, when her divorce was finalized, she moved on)
Yes, some women cannot get a divorce because the MAN won't sign, but there is a time limit. (and I am intentionally being gender specific, because I am dating women)
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:12:39 AM | | I forgot to mention--the biggest reasons/excuse was also financial. Rose said earlier--get all the answers..but you can only get what they tell you unless you have a working relationship with the "ex.".... if you can't have an open relationship w/ the ex in the picture--esp if kids are involved---be wary..and i suggest what i said first--stay friends first. | |
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| Seperated and dating
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:16:12 AM | | Remove the genders--i think it goes both ways. If the "other" won't sign, then its a game...and you are correct, there are time limits and action one can take to get around that. You are right though--i think all the excuses are based on insecurities and hope. i think one or the other still hope for a reconciliation, they are scared of a future w/out the partner, and/or the D word is scary and easier to keep it what it is. If there is any hanging on for any period of time--there could be a deep down reason behind the excuses...and it may not work in your favor... | |
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