| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 5:40:43 PM | Ok, there is this guy. He is dating this girl (common story, I know). Now, he really likes this girl. He finds her to be an interesting personality, attractive, etc. The problem is, from their conversations, he is aware that she is very....sexually experienced and that sex is considered to be a very important part of a relationship to her. This man is.... not so sexually experienced. May as well say he is a virgin (but not quite).
Now, he hasn't told her about his lack of sexual experience because he doesn't want her to judge him for that and just stop seeing him because of the emphasis she puts on good sex. At the same time, he knows that she has been "hinting" at him that she wants them to go there and he is scared sh*tless because he doesn't want to disappoint her either. This fool is actually considering paying for a hooker or two before he even sleeps with her so that he won't feel like a complete idiot.
Me, I can 'understand' his logic, though it is still questionable. But what do you all think he should do? Do you think he should just be honest with her and take the chance of her leaving him without sleeping with him? Should he just get over his fear and have sex with her even though he might make a rather bland impression? Or should he, dare I say, "practice" before he sleeps with her. Yea, he knows it is in a way "cheating" (even though they haven't officially become an item yet) but his whole logic is.... he is doing if 'for her'.....
Anyway, insight please. Thanks. | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 5:50:17 PM | Ok, I'm gonna take a stab at this:
If the gentleman in question has been with this girl for a while, then he ought to let her know that he is worried that he might not be up to snuff. Hell, even joke about it (something along the lines of "Dear, I can't even get off a bus half the time  )... the important thing is communication. If she is a half-decent human being, she should be good with it.
Now, if they have only been together for a little while, he should maybe tell her that he doesn't want to rush into that physical aspect of the relationship yet.
Finally, if worse comes to worse, and he has no way of getting out of it (poor guy), the best he can do is play the final card. He has to talk talk talk to her during the event. Not about sports, or the weather, but about what she likes. If he shows he is eager to please, and what woman doesn't want a man who wants to give her what she wants, it all works out, AND....he becomes a better lover because of it.
Now I need a smoke......  | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 5:52:17 PM | I think he should take out a small bank loan and hire all the prostitutes he can for the next two weeks and practise up.
Seriously, honesty is the foundation of any relationship and of course he should communicate with her. I can see a woman appreciating that kind of honesty coming from a man, making himself vulberable. She most likely will want to take him under her wing and nurture him through this experience. | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 5:57:39 PM | | Seriously, if she would break up with him just because he does not have experience then that is a bad relationship to be in. However, it'd be a fun one while it lasted. | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 6:00:46 PM | | I make sure I tell a woman outright I am a virgin. If that bothers her I won't waste my time, but usually it doesn't. Some women actually like the "innocence" of being inexperienced. Just tell your friend to tell her, I honestly don't think she would care. | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 7:08:54 PM | No guarentees... depends on the calibre of woman... but I met a man like that. Had only been with one very anti-sexual woman before. He was ashamed of his lack of experience and was self concious about his soon to be performance. He became so intimidated he actually couldn't perform. I shrugged it off... said it was no big deal... said I thought his inexperience was great because I could teach him the right way to do everything. He felt great that I was not upset... gained some security from it... was able to perform... and I taught him everything he needed to know. Best lover I ever had. Be sure to talk about it alot before hand... find out what she likes and dislikes. And remember everything she says!!! You will do fine. Just be confident in yourself!
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 7:27:10 PM | sparda what's her name and we can get a bunch of women here to send emails raving how good you ummmm he is. hehehehehehehehehe
No stick with the honesty ole chap. Like serendipitous said women love to teach a man how to become the best lover ever. Besides the first time usually sucks anyway eveyone knows that. heheheheheheehe. | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 7:29:43 PM | Everyone has their own style anyways... so what her preferences are will be different from who he may learn from. Simple as that. Honesty is the way! And inexperience can be a turn on for a woman!  | |
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cgrcry
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Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 9 | |
| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 8:03:52 PM | | dear sparda, many women dont play those rating games. i for one could care less about the experience level, performance level or any other stupid level. for me it is about caring about the other person. sex with a new person is about exploration, trial and error and humor. you dont need to go practice. as a matter of fact, it is more than likely that she would think your doing that would be a betrayal. innocence and inexperience are a special gift not to be wasted on a whore. take yourself to the woman honestly. tell her what your concerned about, and if she is experienced as you think and she cares about you, she will help you with the rest. | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 8:53:05 PM | | If she's that good at it one might want to visit the ol' drugstore and pick up some galoshes... yah never know!!! | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 9:44:31 PM | | I shall tell you a tale from my own experiences. Way back when I first lost my virginity (all those months ago) it was my girlfriend who made the initial move. I was nervous as hell and finally had to admit that I had never done it before. She said that was fine and just to relax. After it was all said and done (about three minuets later with the extended pleasure condoms) she said it was one of the better lays she had had. Now this could have just been to keep my self esteeme up, but I'd like to think she was telling the truth. | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 10:03:06 PM | | I think he should be honest. if she doesnt want to be with him b/c of that, then she isnt even worth his time. I'm still a virgin and I tell all my bf's b4 dating. I'm not gonna lie about it. | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/4/2006 10:28:00 PM | i don't know about other people...but i don't mind "training" someone a little. so long as they want to learn, and want to get better...
then again...every lover teaches us something... | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 1/5/2006 9:50:58 AM | Honesty, honesty, honesty!
Don't hire hookers - they're seldom actually GOOD lovers anyway, their interest being "get 'em in and get 'em out fast".
If the girl genuinely cares for him, then she will admire his honesty. She might even like the opportunity to "train" him!
Toak | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 7/9/2007 9:52:56 PM | | I have to agree with some of the others. I mean, if a woman dumps a guy just because he hasn't had sex in a while (or at all?) and he's a little scared, what kind of person is that? Can we say "no compassion". Wtf? lol. | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 7/9/2007 10:00:51 PM | Wow,
just by the way this question is posed makes the correct answer glare out like a neon light. It is assumed that the fear of sex and overcoming it is entirely the man's problem. But of course it isn't. If the woman is more experienced, confident, etc. and she has feelings for the man and wants to have a sexual relationship with him, take him by the hand, take it slow, be gentle, be sensual and loving, compliment him when he does something you like, etc., etc., the ball is in the teacher's court, not the student's. | |
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wesley
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Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 18 | |
| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 7/9/2007 10:44:41 PM | | tell the boy to grow a pair and ask her what she wants and likes. Shes got the upper hand because she can train him anyway she wants. Only if his capable of learning, or if he even has the right tool to do the job........just a little bit of size counts | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 9/10/2007 6:48:48 AM | I LOVE IT WHEN GUYS ARENT SURE WHAT TO DO, while not being a slut as most ppl call them i am pretty experienced 4 my age and i thnik it is absolutely gorgeous when a guy is nervous. I actually prefer it to when they know exactly what they're doing. Not that i have really met any guys that know exactly what they are doing when it comes to sex. But anyway, it makes me feel good about myself when i can teach people about how to please me :) | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 9/18/2007 4:56:10 PM | | Study The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana. It will teach you how to please a woman. Then, get with her, tell her you have little experience, but are willing, and have studied. She is apt to give you at least one chance. Do your best, and be willing to hear any criticism she may have, and use it to improve. Ptractice with her, not someone else. | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 12/22/2007 5:24:11 PM | I'm scared to have sex too!... I hope I'll find someone caring & compassionate enough to help me out, someday., and show me the ways of the sexual world..... | |
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| Scared to have Sex!
Posted: 12/22/2007 5:40:23 PM | 1. She is going to find out anyway
2. It isn't cheating if they aren't, as you say, "an item"
3. A local provider would probably not have a problem "coaching" you.
4. She is going to find out anyway | |
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