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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time wit      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 jsgesq
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 1
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
It has been a repetative cycle in my dating experience that i meet a girl. We hang out, we have a good time. We become really good friends. Then she meets someone else jumps into a relationship. While the other guy is gettin all the action, I get all the calls about her relationship problems. All the I'm bored calls lets do something. All the he did this what should i do. I get to come over to kill the spiders. I get the my brakes are squealing could you check them out for me. Ladies is friend a code word for I'm gonna take advantage of your good nature?
 Sparda7
Joined: 10/21/2005
Msg: 2
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/4/2006 5:46:25 PM
Quite simply.... they are using you. They are using you for companionship and to be someone that actually listens to their sh*t. They save all the real f*cking for their jackass boyfriends. So you need to tell a woman plainly, the only friend you want to be is one with benefits. If they don't accept that, start reppin' and keep on steppin!
 Frrosty
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 3
 SunflowerSally
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 4
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/4/2006 7:11:32 PM

They are using you for companionship and to be someone that actually listens to their sh*t. They save all the real f*cking for their jackass boyfriends.


Gosh that's harsh - bordering on misogyny. I really don't think all your women friends are that vindictive. It's merely a matter of you being a nice guy, that's all. You should be flattered that so many women friends wish to confide in you. You must be a great guy to talk to and a great friendly support!

On the other side of the issue, think about the women you are choosing to associate with. Obviously these women are not attracted to you in a romantic way. Maybe it's time to look at the kinds of women you befriend, and go from there.
 softroses
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 5
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/4/2006 8:15:27 PM
if you looking for a serious thing try to stick around with the woman who wants the same if they dont and the friend thing come up just move on, dont waste your time when they want to be friends.
 travisty
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 6
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/4/2006 9:57:00 PM
Your too nice. Hang out with some other women. Don't be there at her beckon call.
Then when she wants to get together say you're busy. She'll get the hint.
 Jesiebunnies
Joined: 7/10/2005
Msg: 7
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/4/2006 10:40:22 PM
It means you are just a friend. Stop being such a friend and start being a b/f. Ok so what does that mean? Well stop listening to their "guy problems", they have plenty of girlfriends who will listen to that. Be romantic and sexual. If your acting like her brother or her best friend you not doing it right.
 dasmann
Joined: 11/1/2005
Msg: 8
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/4/2006 10:57:25 PM
Don't waste your time, I hate women like this.
 Lux_Interior
Joined: 12/18/2005
Msg: 9
 Htowns finest
Joined: 12/28/2005
Msg: 10
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/5/2006 2:34:28 AM
I've been stuck in this "friend zone" before.. it F*CKIN SUX!!!! One girl I really fell for.. she would come to me when they fought.. then spend every waking moment with me for a week.. sleep in my bed even.. no nooky tho.. cuz we'er "FRIENDS" then go back to him.. like once every 3 months for 5 years or something... just tell em when they call.. sorry i'm busy.. and move on... I knwo I'm a sucker ain't I?? :S
 woozoo
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 11
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/5/2006 4:23:15 PM

It has been a repetative cycle in my dating experience that i meet a girl. We hang out, we have a good time. We become really good friends. Then she meets someone else jumps into a relationship. While the other guy is gettin all the action, I get all the calls about her relationship problems. All the I'm bored calls lets do something. All the he did this what should i do. I get to come over to kill the spiders. I get the my brakes are squealing could you check them out for me. Ladies is friend a code word for I'm gonna take advantage of your good nature?


Dude, I've been there, done that. Sad to say, but you're a sap, and in desperate need to snap out of it. Inform the girl you have emotions towards her. And tell her, you may remain friends, but only if she never... ever discusses her love life with you. Because you want to be her love life.

Good luck
 Sparda7
Joined: 10/21/2005
Msg: 12
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/5/2006 4:53:09 PM
^^^ F*ck that. I say don't be her friend period if she ain't feelin you. Why sit around and hang out with her and talk about nonsense? You can do that with "the boys". Don't torture yourself hanging around some broad that you like but she ain't feelin you. Any female that hangs out with a man that she KNOWS is into her, talks about her love life to this cat, and ain't even trying to hook him up with one of her hot friends is a wicked, evil, witch! Ditch her so-called "friendship" accordingly.
 woozoo
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 13
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/5/2006 5:00:16 PM
^^^

You have a point, but I'm of the opinion that she deserves a chance to choose... but that's just me.
 Riggity
Joined: 8/29/2004
Msg: 14
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/5/2006 5:04:05 PM
Women are attracted to men who show certian qualities and can act with a certian "aura". Sounds to me like she found something "better" and jumped ship. Who really cares? Don't dwell over it and move on with your life - remeber, there's hundreds of women out there like her, and THOUSANDS that are better. To keep out of being her "friend" simply don't solve any of her problems. Men and women look at and solve problems very diffriently.
 !ronic
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 15
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/5/2006 5:35:27 PM

It has been a repetative cycle in my dating experience


If it has been repetitive, then the problem is the guy, not the gal....

You are obviously being passive in your pursuits and they are not getting and message that you are interested romantically. Why not just tell them up fron that you find them attractive and look forward to seeing them romantically - refer to time together as dates - be physical...just don't blame the woman for the "friendship" comments; you get what you give.
 Riggity
Joined: 8/29/2004
Msg: 16
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/6/2006 10:20:06 AM
If you do that too soon in the game you risk pushing them away. It appears that there's a window of opportunity that most of us fail to see and that's when it should be done. When you first meet a woman, you have to decide "friend" or "lover" and act accordingly without pushing to hard.
 Gimpysaviour
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 17
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/6/2006 10:29:41 AM
You do the following.
Take the phone. Pull the cord. Walk the hell away.

I've had plenty of friends like that. Who call me up because 'I understand them so' and crap. Sometimes when I am bored then I help them. Other times I have my plate full so I tell them harshly "Look, I have crap going on too and I'm going to do something novel, I'm going to solve my own fuggin problem because I know for a FACT that you arn't emotionally capable to listen to half of the stuff that is going on in my life." That buys me half a month of quiet so I can deal with what I want to deal with.

You are the psuedo boyfriend. The emotional crutch so that she can have a relationship that she knows her sausage dispenser doesn't want.

That's the cold hard facts.

If you accept that then good for you. Me, I move on.
Of course, if you play your cards right then she is telling you that she wants you to do X-Y-Z in order to get her.

But the question is, would you want to go through those hoops to have her?

Later tigger.
 ir0n
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 18
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/6/2006 10:49:18 AM
Pupdog... this is a classic example of you being too nice, too needy and most importantly... too available.

You need to man up! Quit letting them walk all over you. Thats why you get lumped into the friendship pile. She needs to respect you to love you as more than a friend. Guys that are TOO NICE arent attractive. I know this makes no sense to us men because at face value it seems illogical... and in a way yes it is. But remember... women are not men.

When you are with her and she wants to complain about her bf... tell her that your therapist rate is 200 bucks an hour and you will be glad to schedule an appointment... but right now you are eating dinner and would like some uplifting conversation. This should give her the hint loud and clear.

When she wants a favour of you say "sure I will fix your brakes... and I like my steak cooked medium well and a baked potato on the side." Make it clear that if she expects a favour to be done, that she has to pony up and return the favour as well.

See what this is doing? You are still being nice, and being polite... but you are making it clear that you are not a doormat. She will respect you a lot more for this, and it will make you look like more of a man in her eyes.
 !ronic
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 19
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/6/2006 10:56:19 AM
I think it bears repeating - the woman is not the one with the problem, the guy is.
 lazysunday
Joined: 12/23/2005
Msg: 20
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/6/2006 11:06:24 AM
I agree with !ronic, which is sort of !ronic.

There's this young guy who lives above me. I had to listen to him whine how all he has is female friends. I told him I'd help him out and I'll tell you the advice I gave him.

On a 2nd "date" I told him he'd better get some form of intimacy. I didn't care how he accomplished it, he HAD TO kiss her or such to make sure she knew right away where his interest was. If she was interested she would return the kiss. They would know where they stood and it would go from there. If she didn't and said she wanted to be friends, I told him that unless he likes misery (and I wasn't going to listen to him whine) that he'd have to get the hell out.

He was unsure. See, he was like you. He would play the friends card. He would hang out with her hoping she would fall for him. The end result was always that he was relegated to "friends".

A woman wants to be with a man. Be a man. Grab her. Kiss her. Tell her what you want. Confidence isn't arrogance.

So he made his move and now he's dating her. Follow his lead. Don't be a sucker.
 Idle
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 21
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/6/2006 11:12:58 AM
I definitely agree with !ronic.......pull your g-d pants up and be a man for gods sake...holy crap.it ain't that hard to see or know.......or am i one of them Jack - ass boyfriends........who the hell knows LOL .......have a look down at your balls...if their there.............scratch 'em ffs......BE a man.

Cheers!
 serendipitous17
Joined: 11/13/2005
Msg: 22
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/6/2006 3:06:10 PM
Never play the friend card if you are not prepared to be the friend. And a girl friend is different than a guy friend. Girls listen to each other whine and cry. Lazy sunday got it right in saying if you wanna be the man... be the man. I know if a guy is passive and unsure of where I stand, I am turned right off and I will stand in the friends corner. The guy who just knows there is something there and is confident/self assured is the guy I don't want to be just friends with. As for getting used for the handyman items for your girl friends... stop being Mr.Nice guy. Tell her to teach herself a thing or two. It is not an obligation. Stop giving in, be harder to get, and she may want you for more than you think.
 jsgesq
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 23
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/6/2006 7:48:30 PM
Thank you everyone for you input at first after i posted that I really wanted to delete it because i was afraid of how the reactions would be. I relly appreciate candidness and kindness. You are all right in one way or another. I guess part of it is that I really want is a woman who can be my best friend and my lover. My ex-wife had intamacy issues. My whole mairrage was just sex and manipulation. She always had a wall up. I finally had to walk away. It broke my heart to do it. I am the problem. I think maybe I'm punishing myself. I enjoy the Intamacy of having her as a friend Because, I didn't get any in my marraige. Some these ladies I have kept as Friends and some them I haven't. One in paticular has been extremely emotionally supportive of me I am practically a member of her family and I wouldn't trade that friendship fo the world. I admit I am probably hopeless.
 !ronic
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 24
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/6/2006 7:50:52 PM
I'd say now that you understand where you faltered - you now have hope...definitely not hopeless.
 jsgesq
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 25
Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends
Posted: 1/6/2006 7:56:35 PM
Do ya think if i put no friends first in bold letters on my profile it would be to harsh?
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why do women say they just want to be friends and spend more time with me than thier new boyfriends