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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 1/8/2005 2:01:27 PM | I dont know where to start, all I know is I need someones opinion, someones help, Ive been trying to deal with this by myself and with my sister and I have no one else to turn to. My mother, who is manic depressant and bipolar, has been sick for some time. She's had this decease for years, even before I was born. Only once prior has she gotten so ill my father had to place her. We were young kids, so I can't really remember much, all I know is the police came into my house, took her away, and I lived with my aunt and uncle for a while. When she came out of the hospital she was fine, and we moved on. She was on medication and you would never even know that she had this. When I was about 11, she got sick again, for the first time in years, I guess she thought she was pregnant and went off her meds to make sure it wouldnt hurt the baby, (she didnt end up being pregnant). I really wasnt aware of how sick she was until that day, I didnt know what was going on. My father had to explain to me what was happening. It was a hard few years, cause everytime she got sick, she'd hate my father and want to leave him. Then she would get better, and everything would be okay. She kept doing this for months, by this time, my sister and father were living in the city (my father worked there and my sister was going to college). They would come up on weekends and I would stay alone with my mom during the week as I was still in highschool. It was really hard, trying to keep up my grades and then having to come home to a mother who did nothing, she stopped cleaning, cooking, I couldnt listen to the TV or the Radio, she would start to scream at it, thinking they were talking to her. Id lay awake at night, listening to her cry, going to see her and her telling me that monsters are coming to take us away and we need to hide cause the devil is coming. Always worrying she would do something stupid while I was at school. Having to force her to take her pills as she would lie and pretend she was talking them. Acting like a little kid. All I wanted was my mom back. I would go home and everything would be thrown out, things I had from when i was little, i had to search through the garbage outside to find them. I was probably about 15 at this time, almost done highschool and I had to go to school with a smile on my face like nothing was wrong, I had no one to talk to. We lived in a small town, so I wanted to keep things quiet. I know it would get around if I said anything. It went on like this for awhile, she got better, finally my father and mother divorced. I moved away to the city to go to school and she was now on her own. She was fine at first, taking her medication, I was hoping this would give her a new start and want to do something with her life.
Not long after everything started over again, our relationship wasnt good, we always faught, I dont know, I just couldnt stand to talk to her, I guess I felt like she hurt us, and she did this on purpose, always getting sick. I know this isnt the case, as it wasnt her fault, but i just couldnt seem to forgive her.
Shes been really sick lately, we live an hour and a half away from her, we're constantly going up home to pick her and and bring her down for the week or weeks, depending on how long it takes to get her back on her feet. The thing is, she can't live with us, we don't have the room, and I live with my sister and her bf. I feel bad for her bf cause now he is stuck with this and is always driving to go get her. Im afraid its going to ruin the relationship my sister has with him, they've been together for almost 4 years, and hes been great to deal with it for this long, but people can only take so much right.
Actually at this moment they are on their way to go get her. We can't leave her alone anymore, we all work full time jobs, Im afraid she might do something stupid, Im just so tired of dealing with it, christmas was hell, Im thinking of placing her in the hospital until she gets better, back on her feet. But how can you get someone to come and take your mother away, how can you watch her fight and scream to not leave, to not want to go. I dont think emotionally i can handle this, but I dont know if I have much of a choice anymore. We've been doing this for so long, and theres nothing else left to do. She doesnt make any sense when shes sick, she talks about her bf, who doesnt exist, she talks about God coming to tell us good news, that we are all going to be safe. Its so hard to hear these things. I just want my mother back, I miss my real mom so much. Do you think Im a bad person to place her in the hospital? Has anyone experienced this before? How do you over come this and live a happy and normal life?
Sorry this post is so long.....
Joanne | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 1/8/2005 2:20:45 PM | I am a second year psychology major and by no means does that mean I can help you in that respect. However what I do know about the disorder is it's a chemical imbalance and unfortunately that is your real mom. The medication she has been on is not a real representation of your real mother, They are just a way to attempt to balance the chemicals however the personality that she portrays when she is on them is not in fact her actual personality as with all personality altering disorders like alzheimers and schizophrenia unfortunately when they are quoted as being "sick" that is their personality and their medicated personality is a mere shell of whats actually in there. You can live a happy and normal life, I understand she is your mother but sometimes a disorder such as bi-polar is much too difficult for a family member to handle. Proffesional help should be sought out. I wish this message sounded more supportive because my hopes and prayers are truely with you and if you ever need someone to talk to I promise to sound more like a friend than some over educated snot like I do in this message.
-Jason | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 1/8/2005 2:24:25 PM | I grew up with a mother who was bi-polar too. My father had to place her when i was too young to remember, but i do remember not being able to bring anyone home because you never knew what you were going to walk into, the threats and attempts of suicide. My son is bi-polar, he's 12. After many misdiagnoses, we finally figured out what it was when he was about 8. Until that time, i lived the nightmare all over again.
Sometimes, the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do. I know my son feels better on his meds, he has shared that with me. If you do place your mum, she will get the help she needs, and even though she can't realize it now, she'll thank you when she's medicated again.
My goal with my son was originally to keep him out of the prison system, now its to keep him from committing suicide. If you try to look at it in a positive light, the wonderful thing that you are doing for her, and your honest and loving intentions, it may be easier for you.
You sound like you must be incredibly strong. Best of luck to you, and to your mum. | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 1/8/2005 2:38:30 PM | How do you go about placing her in the hospital? I mean I can try to get her to come with us voluntarily, but if she refuses to go, then what? Any idea where I can find this out, call the hospital? My father had to go to the court last time and swear before a judge, but that was in Ontario and I live in Quebec and that was years ago. GAH! I can't even believe im thinking of doing this, but I know its the right thing to do.....
Any ideas?
And thank you for the posts, I really appreciate your help, just knowing someone is out there to listen makes it that much better... | |
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w8in4u
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Joined: 12/26/2004
Msg: 5 | |
| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 1/8/2005 2:52:21 PM | | There's such a thing called a Marchman Act, atleast here in the States. It requires going before a judge. If she has a psychiatrist or doctor you may try talking to him and expressing your concerns. | |
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yna6
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Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 6 | |
| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 1/9/2005 9:31:39 AM | Well...in Quebec you can't place anyone that doesn't want to go......so...let her know you want to place her to help her (hopefully when she is on her meds, otherwise she won't go for this at all!) and get her to sign for it. OR, you may be able to convince a court to give you "parental authority" over her...almost like a power-of-attourney, then you can legally place her even if she disagrees. You can let her know that you are only doing this for her own good, and for the short-time so that she can live a more normal life. Let her know you can and will cut off all family contacts with her if she refuses to comply, which you may have to do, until she comes around to more of your way of thinking.
This is a touchy situation, especially right now in Canada. Violent people on meds which keep them calm are often in residences for mentally disabled people, and can refuse medication, but the courts in some cases are making a part of a conditional release that they MUST take the meds or be locked up. Hopefully your mom is not in this condition, nor gets into it.
Good luck. | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 1/9/2005 6:28:11 PM | Well Ive been in contact with the hospital and Im going to contact her doctor tomorrow and set up an appoitment with him. Fortunately I am her power-of-attourney, therefore I can decide what is best for her.
Thank you very much for all of your help, things are looking a little better!
Joanne | |
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yna6
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Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 8 | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 2/15/2005 1:49:28 AM | | You are so lucky you dont even know. Try bipolar with schitzoid tendencies and the reason she gave you and your sisters up to the state is because the vioces were telling her to hurt us. That was 21 years ago and she still can't find the right meds. | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 2/15/2005 2:16:07 PM | The biggest problem with bi-polar's, is the fact that people think that taking meds is the answer.... WRONG! All the meds do is bring you back into a frame of reality, so you can learn to re-train your mind. (Here goes the last date I will get from this site... but here goes.)
I was diagnosed when I was 24, I had encountered problems from the time I was 15, that was 20 years ago. It took 12 years of medications and counseling to get back on my feet. BUT it was well worth it. You do need to have strong people around you that understand the problem and don’t give into you.
The worst part of it is that it IS genetic. So if you have bi-polar parents there is a chance you may have it as well. For many people it can be dormant until trauma or stress brings it out. If you experience rapid mood swings, you should go seek help. The sooner you take control of it the faster the recovery.
ALSO do not take 1 Dr's advice; I learned from experience that there are as many bad shrinks out there as there are good. The treatment for bi-polar's is still not a science, it is a lot of luck. I went through many combinations of meds over a period of 6 yrs before I found one that worked. Even to this day if I go to a new Dr, the try to convince me that the ones I take are bad and want to change them. I would rather die from the pills than go back to the way I was.
One last comment then I will shut up. Bi-polars, DO know what they are doing, they do have a conscience the problem is they don’t think about things before they do it. Then when things go wrong they get angry at themselves, and unfortunately the loved ones around them.
So to all of you out there it is a long hard road both for the family, and for the individual. I hope this was of some help. | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 2/15/2005 4:10:22 PM | Yes I agree,
Medications stabilze a person. But it takes some time to find the right meds. I stay away from doctor's who just want to use lithum, or other medications that have harmful side effects. Learn to self-advocate and find what is best for you and yes, you can recover!
Toonsmith | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 2/15/2005 4:37:05 PM | Hi!
I am not a psychiatrist or a psychiatrist, but, do have an MEd. in Counseling..I have been exposed to teenagers who have had family members with this condition and understand how difficult it is for everyone!!..You have received some sound advice from people already especially from those that have been around it or have personally dealt with it....I agree that their are alot of pill pushers out there...I would try to find a reputable Psychiatrist who is about helping people rather than covering up the symptoms...Perhaps a family doctor could help in finding a good psychiatrist...I have read and have heard that finding the right combination of meds involves alot of trial and error which can be a frustrating process...I don't think medication alone is the answer though....In severe cases hospitilization is the answer....I personally think psychotherapy along with meds is a good starting point!!! I think its important for one who is suffering to build a solid working relationship with a professional...I would let the professional decide if and when to hospitalize!!!..I wish I could directly relate to what you are experiencing, but, your voice has definatley been heard....In situations such as these the entire family is effected...I would look into support groups in your community...If you believe in God joining or at least attending church can offer hope and support as well....I also think the forums have compassionate people as you have already seen who can be a wonderful sounding board as well....I wish you well and hope something that was said here will put your mind at ease!! | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 2/15/2005 4:45:38 PM | | One other thing....You should be commended on your strength and compassion that you have shown for your mom...We are all pulling for you! | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 2/16/2005 1:47:48 AM | I was diagnosed as bi-polar when I was 16 and hospitalized. Luckily I wasn't so far gone and I agreed to go to the hospital before I tried to hurt myself. The meds DO help treat the symptoms but they are not a cure. Most of these mood swings stem from feelings you can't deal with/ trauma / depression. There is SURELY a chemical reason/malfunction in your brain and bi-polar patients are not intentionally meaning to harm anyone, but they will. The way I looked at my meds was that they helped me deal with the symtoms so that I could calm down and deal with the emotional issues.
Now I'm happy to say I've not taken my meds in over five months. I've not had any mood swings, only slight ups and downs but I'm starting to think those are either normal or the best I can hope for.
As a former mentally ill person I thank you for your mother for not giving up on her. Even if she can't consciously appreciate you trying to take care of her, it is the right thing to do. I know a 37 year old man that just moved here locally and left behind his parents who are both mentally ill and were relying on him for care. Thank you. | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 2/19/2005 8:53:48 PM | Hi Josie555,
First off, my heart goes out to you for what you've been through, trying to understand and help someone you love deeply who simply isn't experiencing the same reality as you. Please bear in mind that I am not a professional and my only experience with bipolar disorder is with a friend who is very high-functioning and is able to make his life work without meds. However, I am a fairly knowledgeable layperson about mental health issues and can recommend two books that may be of tremendous help to you. The first is called "I Am Not Sick I Don't Need Help!" by Xavier Amador PhD (Vida Press, 2000). This book includes a preface from Anna-Lisa Johanson, who is the daughter of Margaret Mary Ray, the woman who stalked David Letterman for years before committing suicide in 1998. She goes on to state that she wishes that this book had been available to her years ago, when she still might have been able to help her mother.
The other book that I think might be highly illuminating for you is "Surviving Manic Depression" by E. Fuller Torrey MD (Basic Books 2002). Dr. Torrey has devoted a good portion of his medical career to the study of brain disorders, (largely due to having a sister with schizophrenia who has been in and out of mental institutions for most of her life).
Now, I'm not promising that either of these books (or any others for that matter) are "magic bullets". But what they can do is help you to realize you definitely aren't alone in the dilemmas you currently face and that there is hope of making things better for your mom. Finally, you might want to do an online search for NAMI and the Treatment Advocacy Center and check out their websites.
Whatever you decide to do, best of luck to you and your mom! | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 2/21/2005 2:21:05 AM | | meds arent the only key. there are a whole lot of other things that they must do to live a normal life and yes it can be done. i find alot of people hide behind the illness b/c its easier than getting better and they get alot more attention that way. talk to a psychiatrist they should know how u can place your mom, i know in manitoba all you need is a court order if not voluntary. gl hope it all works out for you. | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 3/17/2005 9:40:00 AM | | I have bipolar disorder, I have been hospitalized once for two weeks. Unless I told you I had the illness you would never know. I have custody of two child and provide them a happy stable life. My relationships with women have also been stable. I take medication and it is very effective for me. Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder as is depression. If not treated I typically get very manic and you do not want to be around me. As far as meds go they do not make me dopey, I do not lose my personality, the medication I am on also treats epilepsy. I am not a shell of a person. A similiar analogy would be a diabetic taking insulin is not less a person, rather they are a healthy person. Bipolar disorder is a physiological ( I cannot spell) condition, you are not defined by it, nor do you have to suffer from it. | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 3/17/2005 6:43:57 PM | I have to admit I didn't read all of your posts...but I will give you a glimpse at my life....
I AM BI-POLAR...
I would say about 2/3 of the time I am a very outgoing, get-things-done kind of person...that fraction varies depending on different environmental factors...
The other 1/3 or so of the time I am in what I like to call "UNPLUGGED MODE". I shut myself off to just about everyone and everything. This is nothing personal to anyone involved, it's just the way it is.
I have no say in the matter...I am either "Cyling High" or "Cycling Low"....It is like a switch that I have no control over. One second I can be "Low" and the next I can be "High". Personally, my Highs and Lows are always for extended periods of time.
I refuse to take Psych-medications, as I am a firm believer in science and the link between mind and body. If my body needs it, it is my responsibility to figure out which environmental factors influence my body's production of the needed chemical.
I have yet to find the right environmental factors, but I refuse to give up as I have gotten closer and closer in the past 2 years.
And finally....Bi-Polar does stress personal relatioships. Certain relationships in my life have suffered and in rare instances been severed because of my "condition". However, those closest to me accept me for who I am.
Thank You for Listening....and Good Luck
M.D.
-- "That's my 10 cents, my 2 cents is free" --
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xander
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Joined: 2/22/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 3/18/2005 7:53:16 AM | Seems like a recent rash of Bi-Polar threads, so I thought I'd look up some specific sites where the topic might get some more professional/educated input:
http://ehealthforum.com/health/bipolar_disorder.html
http://bipolar.about.com/mpboards.htm
http://www.psychforums.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=135
http://www.bipolaraware.co.uk/forum/index.php
http://www.msnusers.com/BipolarDisorderWebCommunity/welcome1%2Emsnw
Not that the input here is of no value, but you'd get a higher ratio of input at any of the others. Good luck. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 21 | |
| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 10/19/2005 11:56:58 AM | Try these people too, http://www.dbsalliance.org/
There is also www.bipolarhappens.com whenever they get the server back up.
They can help people with depression, bipolar, and their loved ones.
Chuck | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 10/19/2005 12:24:24 PM | | Thank you, Chuck, for ressurecting (sp?) this post. I am jotting down those sites. I hope that Joanne reads this and gives us an update on herself, mom and sister. For years, doctors told me oh you're depressed and put me on anti-depressants. At 38, finally I was diagnosed with BP disorder here in South Florida. The medications (Neurontin and Abilify) are helping tremendously. And, I'm in recovery (AA). I believe for years I was self-medicating my manic tendencies with alcohol, and lo and behold am an alcoholic. But there is a solution...the right med combo and AA/12 Steps. Thank God! Best to all from Ben in Delray Beach! | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 23 | |
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| Mother is Bipolar...What do I do?
Posted: 10/19/2005 1:29:59 PM | | dang..... sorry hon... i have been diagnosed with manic, anxiety, and dysthymia... so i can understand from a unique perspective... all i can say is love her, and just try. I'll be prayin for ya. | |
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