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| Going out "as friends"
Posted: 1/9/2005 6:55:52 AM | This is mainly addressed to the men, since women are notorious for keeping us at arms length...lol. At least the majority rules on this one.
Men, how many times have you asked a woman out, and the woman said, "Well...we can go out...but only "as friends".
The naiive (and I was once) would agree to the "As friends" condtions, soon it turns out to be a day...a week...a month...a year...and still you're going out as friends...you think it's going to like that movie, where the friends turn into lovers, and live happily ever after, but in reality, it never does.
However, seeing how I have matured in this aspect...being that I am 32...the "as friends" thing was a thing of the past in my 20's...and I soon discovered, if a woman throws this my way, (yes, even women My age, lol), I would have to decline that. Make it known that this is going to be a date (so often a bad word for most women, gosh forbid if you ask a woman out on a legimate date)..that you interest in her is genuine, even mention an attraction you have for her, and the "as friends" thing, might just open up a can of worms.
So often, I hear women who complain about guys such as me, they state things such as, "This guy can't be friends with a woman, what's wrong with him?"
As if he's possibly unstable, when really, it's just a natural thing. One cannot deny attraction for another, right? We're only flesh and blood. Not Eniques (however that is spelled).
What's your take?  | |
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| Going out
Posted: 1/9/2005 8:27:14 AM | When a Woman says she'd like to be friends with me usually it means go out with me once for an hour or so then never speak to me again so the "friends" word to me is crap
I would be more than happy to go out with a woman as friends | |
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| Going out
Posted: 1/9/2005 8:29:46 AM | If I were to date a man.it would be because I was attracted to him, friends are people you see occasionlly, and usually not just in groups of 2; the first meeting is where you determine your attraction, then the dates start, it's after the first few weeks of dating where you know if that person really is the right one for you. I agree that the 'just friends' thing is old. | |
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| Going out
Posted: 1/9/2005 8:36:30 AM | As I replied in another cool thread, once you are in Lets Just Be Friends Land, it is very hard to get out.
Turn the tables Immediately and qualify her as a friend. Dont let her judge you that way first. You will be much different than all the other guys that are trying to impress her into accepting you as more. | |
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| Going out
Posted: 1/10/2005 11:19:32 AM | | I think it's important to have friends male and female. It really bothers me when you go out with a guy and you click in areas enough to do things together, but there isn't any real chemistry there...and then he says, " Well, if we aren't going to be more than friends, then I'm not interested." It basically means, they only want one friend/lover and are limiting themselves to just that one experience...Pretty shallow if you ask me. | |
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| Going out
Posted: 1/10/2005 11:50:39 AM | | I think that most women do like the idea of wanting a man as a friend, if SHE doesn't feel the connection. I don't blame a guy for not wanting to hang out with a girl that shot him down, or that he's interested in, but she's not. Some guys are actively searching for a mate, and don't need another friend, for whatever reason. Friendship "happens" on it's own, not because romance failed, and it's a pleasant alternative to fall back on. | |
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| Going out
Posted: 1/10/2005 12:47:40 PM | Actually, there is nothing shallow about it, I wanted to point out that I had a female friend, and she recently acquired a boyfriend, well, prior to that she lived on her own, and we would chat online....then he moved in with her...well...one day in public....she's with her at the cafe court...and comes over to threaten me, because he had noticed us chatting online when he was looking over her shoulder while they were living together.
Though he was a unstable idiot, I can kinda see his point.
See, eventually you're "Female friend" will get a boyfriend, and well....soyonora. :p | |
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| Going out
Posted: 1/11/2005 3:10:21 AM | For me,the "JUST FRIENDS" line,is garbage.It's right up there with........."BUT,YOU'RE A REAL NICE GUY"  From my past experiences,"JUST FRIENDS",means you're not worthy of being "BOYFRIEND" material.Too bad,most of the people who use "JUST FRIENDS",don't know the TRUE meaning of the word,FRIEND.Sorry,but,I'm not playing second fiddle to anyone!  | |
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| Going out
Posted: 1/12/2005 2:00:44 PM | Yeah, the words "Just friends" doesn't really mean anything. It's just a Canned answer for a person who really doesn't want to spend any kind of time with you, friend or not.
I tried being friends with women, but they ended up having boyfriends lol | |
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| Going out
Posted: 5/4/2005 5:28:48 AM | | Ask her why would she say lets go out as just friends? I thought we were friends? BUT if you are asking me to not make any moves on you when I feel so inclined, then the answer is no. If you turn me down I will respect your wishes. If you don't trust yourself, or don't think you can control yourself, then we will just stay in contact and hope I am still interested when you are ready! | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/4/2005 5:43:06 AM | I've never had that happen to me...
I think it would be weird if someone did.
kinda like saying "I love you, but I am not IN love with you"
its a BS answer that doesn't deserve your time.
going out as friends would be like buying a cheeseburger to look at.
you either are with the person, or aren't.
if not, your the sucker they keep on the side, cause you don't have the guts to find someone who does want to be with you, so instead of being alone, you go, even if to maintain the illusion that your with a girl...
don't be the sucker she keeps on the side.
find someone that wants to be with you.
you save yourself alot of headaches, and meet someone worth being with, alot easier.
going out as just "friends" is a BS situation, and you know it, so move on.
its better to be alone, then be a sucker. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/4/2005 6:08:22 AM | | Well friends is a start.It might lead to being a couple on day.If it doesn't you are still friends.But lots of lady like too start from friend then see were it might lead.They will in the end pick if they would like to be your friend only or lover.It takes time don't expect anything fast. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/4/2005 7:20:43 AM | If she's your friend, treat her as friend when you go out. Meaning:
1) Separate bills (of course)
2) Ask her to introduce you to her pretty friends (at least, make her feel useful)
3) If you see some cutie, just say "see you later" and go for the cutie. (and say "wish me luck")
After all, that's what we do when we go out with our buddies.
I went out with a girl who gave me that line once. At the bar, I saw a pretty girl sitting alone, and told my friend to be my wingwoman. When she started to protest, I said "hey, we're friends and friends are supposed to help each other to get laid". The expression in her face was invaluable. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/4/2005 3:45:58 PM | Read this, and then tell me if you still want to be "friends" with a woman. Any woman.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unattractive Man Just Like A Brother To Area Woman
OLYMPIA, WA—Slightly paunchy, thin-haired Robert Pelton, 27, is just like a brother to area musician Tara Leland, the attractive blonde said Monday.
Above: A 1997 photo of longtime platonic friends Pelton (left) and Leland.
"Rob is so cool," the 26-year-old Leland said. "He's just the greatest friend in the world. I love him so much!"
Pelton blushed and smiled as the statuesque Leland, dressed in a miniskirt, high boots and a tight tank top, bent over and kissed him on the cheek.
Founder of the Olympia indie label Important Records, Pelton met Leland two years ago when Leland's band, the Drama Queens, held a release party for its new seven-inch at the record store where Pelton works.
"Tara and I hit it off right away," said Pelton, who, despite his tremendous music-production skills and near-encyclopedic knowledge of '70s power pop and punk, has not had a date in over two years. "At first, we'd just talk about the music business, but then I finally got up the courage to ask her to a show."
"I'm sure glad I did, because we've been the best of friends ever since," he added.
The two spend a great deal of time together, talking on the phone for hours when Leland has had a bad day, shopping at women's shoe stores and attending Drama Queens shows, at which Pelton generally carries all the equipment to the van while Leland lets men from the club buy her drinks after her set.
While Leland's friends have never questioned the platonic nature of the relationship, Pelton's co-workers have encouraged him to "take it to the next level."
"I always tell them it's not like that between Tara and me," Pelton said. "And, besides, she's seeing Derek right now. I think we're too much alike for something like that to work, anyway."
"Perhaps, though, if it were the right time, I'd be open to seeing her romantically, I guess," said Pelton, whose skin still shows the slight scarring effects of heavy teen acne. "Because we really care about each other a lot."
According to Leland, Pelton has gone out of his way to help her music career.
"Rob has done so much for me, it's amazing," Leland said. "He's made tons of calls and gone all over the place to get people to listen to our demo. And we're really finding our voice now that Rob's been recording stuff with me on lead vocals. It's great to have someone who understands my potential."
Leland said Pelton understands her so well, he is "practically like family." But despite the deep familial bond, Pelton has on three separate occasions tried to kiss her when drunk.
Leland, however, was unfazed by the advances. "We're so close, when funny stuff like that happens every now and then it doesn't even matter," Leland said. "I'm sure he doesn't even think about it."
According to Pelton, Leland is very open, regularly sharing with him her problems, especially those concerning her unending string of hip, handsome boyfriends.
"Tara really wants to find someone she can respect," Pelton said. "She needs someone who can be her friend and confidant, as well as her lover, and that means not just some guy with a pretty face."
"The trouble is, people take Tara for granted," Pelton continued. "No one really understands her like I do."
Leland trusts Pelton so much, she often tells him in detail how much she enjoys receiving oral sex and how annoyed she is that some of some of her boyfriends are inept at providing it.
"I also know that she likes sex really hard and rough," Leland's honorary brother said. "She's talked about that a bunch of times."
Despite Leland's openness, Pelton said he sometimes can't shake the feeling that she is holding something back from him.
"I know her so well, sometimes I just get a funny feeling she's not saying everything," Pelton said. "Maybe she has some deeper feelings for me, but she doesn't know how I'd react, seeing as we're such good friends and all." | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/4/2005 9:42:01 PM | Just telling her "hey..., this is date." Alone may take it out of a wishy washy zone and more in line with spine and not lying. If she's attracted to you even 1/2 assed? Grab and and spin her around.."Hey, this is a date!" (big soap opera hair lol)
No. You may be right to save all these guys wasting time "as friends" Not to say you couldn't tip it over or have a great memory or night out. (companion escort ) But, now that I have no feelings. I think I could walk away and not care..and just become a cyborg.
Yup. I want you as my lover - and smash fists on table. (I can't believe I actually did that one time in my life...and..it ruined my life but I had hot relationshiop for a awhile...oh my God I was acting like a Spanish coke lord! hhahahah ) I'm so gringo now heheheh | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/4/2005 10:32:10 PM | tangoperu, that's such an on-topic article, the hair is standing out on the back of my neck of is it the almost freakish content? The graphic references to sex make me suspect a hoax, though.
Regarding the topic on a personal level, I've always enjoyed the challenge of going out with a friend and turning it into a date. Sometimes, the extended time spent in each other's company reveals pleasing facets of one's persona not previously witnessed. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 1:02:02 AM | I don't keep guys as close friends anymore. That's because I had too many instances where one or the other (or both, at different times) developed an attraction but then nothing ever happened. So I know where you guys are coming from...it's frustrating, not to mention really weird when one starts dating another person, and then their 'friend' knows so much about them. Kinda like My Best Friend's Wedding-ish. I don't like that scenerio.
you either are with the person, or aren't.
It's that attitude though that makes us girls go out on dates as 'friends' first. Or should we call it acquaintances, because friends don't bail when they don't get what they want, right? So okay...'acquaintances' first...
Just because we agree to a date doesn't mean we're in a relationship, but that's how many guys think of it. It's nonsense, so we throw them the 'friends first' line to ward them off. Only certain guys though... Some are cool enough to understand it takes a little time, then the all-important "are we exclusive?" talk before we're actually bf/gf. If that's even necessary. Some people click so well, that there's no question about their status...
But with someone brand new whom you've just met, well... How else do you get to know a person? I have been in one too many relationships with someone who turned out to be the polar opposite of who I thought they were. What an ordeal! And then I got stalked for my troubles... This is why us girls have got to be careful and do things this way sometimes. I suggest getting to know people in groups too. I have friends that go out, a bunch of us together, and I'll invite new people out in that situation to get to know them. Dinner, lazertag, putt-putt, pool... it's fun and no pressure.
And, if you don't want it to be classified as a friend or acquaintance, then expect some girls to be 'dating' not only you, but her other 'acquaintances' too, until things progress further with one of them... That's why communication is so important.
Consider yourself fortunate whatever girl calls you her 'friend' is being honest. If you're interested enough to take her out, you ought to stick around to get to know her a bit. If you don't, you might be missing out on something real, and good. But then, if you don't have the patience to do that, I suspect you aren't the one she's waiting for anyhow. Perhaps you'll 'click' with someone like what I mentioned above and you won't have to tiptoe or anything either... I would only hope.
We all do things differently, and I do suspect there's someone out there for each of us if we want to find them. I imagine whatever method we employ it will someday work!
Sorry this silly post is so long. 
I hope it made sense.
Elisheva :)
So, anyhow, a little insight into THIS female mind... | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 1:06:49 AM | Oh, Tangoperu...I agree with you there. If a girl wants to call you 'friend', then she must be held to it.
She has no right to be jealous, until it's exclusive. Sometimes it smarts, but claiming the territory has got to be backed up with committment as well. Can't have her (or your) cake and eat it too... | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 3:09:34 AM | Good points Elisheva,
While I was in college, a couple of guys, (including myself) had a thing for this rather lovely woman, she was of Half Korean/Half White mix...very attractive, and beleive it or not, not stuck on herself, men liked her probably because she wasn't a girly girl
One guy she went out with, tried to "Kiss" her good night, he was a friend...however, once she realed back in disgust.....SHE never heard from him again, needless to say he was pissed. lol
I didn't really attempt to make any physical contact with her, she just didn't think of me as anything MORE than a friend. Or "I think of you as a brother" junk.
So at that ended my attempt to be "Friends" with women. Anyhow, I joined this singles group.....met this girl..and she asked ME to dinner however, she wanted it to be "as friends" and she immediately asked the server for seperate checks...I was cool with the "as friends" gig...because SHE initiated. (Probably because she was bored)
Later, at these group outings, are started to socialize with her more, JUST socializing.....the following weeks she had become cold with me, and, for some reason, wasn't much for talking to me, perhaps even ignoring me on occasions. I was irritated with this, and asked her what her problem was.
Well, she told me that I was "Hanging around her" too much. ROFL!
Apparently, this makes her look "Unavailable" to others in public. So her "Attempt" at being my friend had BACKFIRED ON HER! Of cousre, she was presumptious in assuming that I was hanging around her becuase I had the hots for her....becausea I didn't....well, not really...but if the opportunity presented itself, who knows, men are seemingly willing to change their minds...if the woman gives the green light
Which is kind of a side bar here....it seems that WOMEN are the ones calling the shots...WOMEN seem to make the decision if the friendship can go to the next level...and men are just waiting.
Women are calling the shots, boys...it's a fact. A woman will call it a "Friendship" until she changes her mind or until she says otherwise.
Anyhow...I was pissed that she was ignoring me, of couse she felt bad about it, and started to invite me to her outings with her friends, or sometimes just me and her, but she would always emphasize "WERE FRIENDS okay??"
She said one time, that one of her firends told HER...."My friend says I shouldn't be doing this...that if I do this, I'm just leading you on!"
But get this...ONCE in a while....she would flirt with me, NO JOKE! And get this, she would deny it if I brougth it up again..."What are you taklking about? I don't remember that!"
She said somethin about me smellin her perfume, and how she smelled.
One day, she calls me on a Sat night out of the blue...and says she d like for me to come over and watch a movie at her place....( I got nervous...I thought "Could this be it??" Did she finally reach a comfort zone with me, to take it to the next level?? She knew I kind of had a crush on her anyways.....heck I even kinda miss her now)
Anyways, that didnt turn into anything either.
Now she's got a boyfriend, and I USED To get IM' sfrom her all the time, every day, even emails....now,...NOTHING its like she disappeard of the face of the earth. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 4:57:13 AM | It's that attitude though that makes us girls go out on dates as 'friends' first.
I agree the first date should be as friends. The second, perhaps. Not more. What many guys complain about is when a woman uses a guy (who is obviously interested in her) as emotional tampon and ATM, and eases her conscience saying "he knows we are just friends".
To be clear: she may say they are friends. But she knows he wants more than friendship. And she accepts gestures with romantic overtures (dates, gifts, etc.) So, her line "we're just friends" reeks of hipocrisy.
Just because we agree to a date doesn't mean we're in a relationship, but that's how many guys think of it.
Partially agree. It's not a relationship, but the possible start of a relationship. It has NOTHING to do with friendship.
Consider yourself fortunate whatever girl calls you her 'friend' is being honest.
Sometimes, she's not being honest. She's being accomodating. Let's face it. If she were a real friend, she wouldn't make you lose your time nor leading you on. I think the "hook me up with your girl friends" is a good test of her friendship. And I'd bet many of those "only friends" girls would have a tantrum if you asked them to do it, and would even feel betrayed.
If you're interested enough to take her out, you ought to stick around to get to know her a bit. If you don't, you might be missing out on something real, and good. But then, if you don't have the patience to do that, I suspect you aren't the one she's waiting for anyhow.
If she needs a guy jumping through all those loops, she's not the one I'm waiting, either. And, one thing is: "Let's date to see what happens" and something very different: "We're just friends and we will never be something else, but keep dining and wining me". | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 5:03:21 AM | The graphic references to sex make me suspect a hoax, though.
And you would be right. It comes from "The Onion" 
Nevertheless, it's one of those articles who are so true that will never be written in a serious newspaper.
I bet you (and every man in this world) could place the name of some guy friend in it (or his own name), and it would become a real-life story. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 12:43:45 PM | "And you would be right. It comes from "The Onion"
Nevertheless, it's one of those articles who are so true that will never be written in a serious newspaper.
I bet you (and every man in this world) could place the name of some guy friend in it (or his own name), and it would become a real-life story. "
You make some accurate points there, Tango.
You would never even see this kind of thing in "Ann Landers" or "Dear Abby" LOL.
I'm sure those stories are not uncommon, for I know of guys like that who have some "very attractive" female friend that are SO damned close...but close enough to have sex. Go figure...this is actually vastly epidemic, contrary to popular opinion...esp amongst the younger generations. | |
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| Friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 1:33:08 PM | I agree with arachnoidalseainme - it's good to have friends of both genders. I have two female friends I've know for 14 years - and haven't had any romantic involvement or intentions. One of them has had 3 boyfriends over that time - and my only thought at the times when she'd broken up was how upset she must be feeling and trying to be there - like any friend would irrespective of gender.
However, like I've said in another thread - if one wants more than the other is prepared to give, then the friendship isn't going to work and it wouldn't be fair on either party to carry on. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 4:25:29 PM | "Lets just be friends" translated means I don't want to date you but I'm not going to just tell you. It's getting really old. I wish women would change their playbook every once in a while.
I went out with a girl who gave me that line once. At the bar, I saw a pretty girl sitting alone, and told my friend to be my wingwoman. When she started to protest, I said "hey, we're friends and friends are supposed to help each other to get laid". The expression in her face was invaluable.
^^ This is too funny I would love to try that some day.
With the last girl who gave me the friends hint I just told her I don't want to see you as just a friend, I want to see you with the intent of persuing a relationship. So, if you don't want to go out with similar intentions then there's really no need to talk anymore. She actually said "ooaahhh" when I said that but I still just said good luck in the future and goodbye. What else could I do? She balked at going out but hinted at wanting to be friends. I'm not being friends around a woman I find attractive and could find myself liking in a relationship way when nothing will happen. Been there in the past and not going there again.
On the other hand, I won't go on one date and think I'm in a full relationship with the woman either. Now, I just need it to be clear what the intentions are when going out. If I get told "lets be friends", it will be questioned. | |
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