| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 3:03:29 AM | | For 2 years now ihave been seperated from my wife of 5 yrs partner of 12yrs,she left me for a 51 yr ol man,it hit me really hard,I then made a choice never to open myself up again to such a heartache.Well 2 months ago I met a wonderful woman from abby she had 1 boy,we connected so fast enjoying each others company and talking about what we wanted in life and just having a great time together,she loves my boys an I fell in love with her an her son everthing was so perfect,I was happy again very happy,one day I went over there and she wanted to talk she told me she would not be a good partner to me right now because she wanted to focus her emotions on her family and her future,she wants to do things for herself and felt it just was not a good time to start a relationship.It hit me hard,harder than I thought.Should I wait and see if we can get back together or should I move on,I really care for her and want her to be happy and I told her I would be there for her if she needs anything but it seems like she does not want anything she seems so distant,What can I do if anything? | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 3:10:25 AM | | hard to say ridge....how long has it been since this woman has been in serious relationship? | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 3:19:07 AM | | Well sounds like she is confused,or wanting to see another guy,you will have to dig in a little deeper,sometimes people men or women tend to distort the truth for thier own self gradification--in other words to save herself grief from you knowing the truth--I hope what i think is wrong but really you should look into it more,other than that give her some time if she is sincerly telling you the truth,your single now so really if you run into something good go for it,of course by giving yourself the proper time to heal from her.Thanks Mother bear I was tired and not thinking clearly--------had to edit | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 3:20:24 AM | Looks like the case of the right woman at the wrong time. Love does not always last a lifetime, sometimes it just comes in short small pieces. I wouldn't focus on someone else just yet until you feel ok being apart from her, otherwise the next person will be your rebound, give yourself some time to be fair to everyone.
If she does not want anything then you will need to let her be and do what she needs to and wants to. If you don't fall into her plans then something else is meant for you. Enjoy your life and appreciate your blessings. Give yourself enough time, maybe focus on just friendships for awhile | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 4:11:40 AM | All we can ever go on is what someone tells us. If someone says that they are not ready for a relationship for whatever reasons, we have to accept what they say as the truth. There is nothing to be gained by trying to figure this out or attempting to change here mind.
I agree with motherbear, you will just have to give yourself time to adjust to this. | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 6:59:40 AM | If she's being honest with you and wants some time to see if she can make it on her own, then give her the space. It may take a bit of time but in the end, she will be a better, stronger and more secure person knowing she can do it on her own. Be there for her and support her in her endeavor. If later on you do decide to get back together, you know that you will be getting a better person for the experience. She may seem distant because not a lot of guys can change gears and go from the boyfriend to the friend role. Let her know how you feel but make sure you give her the space to fulfill her desires.
Now if she's lying to you and just wants to be rid of you so she can see someone else, cut your losses and consider yourself fortunate that you didn't get tied down with a person like that. | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 9:31:32 AM | | Its been over 1 year I believe since she has been with her ex | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 9:34:41 AM | | I thank you all for your replies,every little bit helps,she does not seem to want to talk to me,I have this funny feeling that either she will come around,or I just got played. | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 9:37:49 AM | | try to remain friends with her. We don't know her history, but if she is focused on making herself a stronger individual, that's a good thing. | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 9:42:34 AM | | Time to let go. She may have enjoyed being with you but once she realized you were getting so serious about her, she put the brakes on hard. You wanted different things and you didn't realize that before you fell in love. Sometimes people fall for someone and then wonder why they are not getting loved back, well maybe the person has a different agenda to begin with. It's important to know this stuff before you lose your heart. Let it be a lesson for you. | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 9:48:20 AM | Hi Ridge,
I call it as I see it...I can relate to this situation, and firstly I know how it feels, it's not good, but it passes.
Ask yourself this tough question 'If I really wanted to be with someone, would I risk it by telling her that I need some space and that I would'nt be a good partner right now'
To me your answer lies in there.
There are a hundred questions you may have....but she'll never have the answers...this is where you should just bottom line it 'she's just not interested in a relationship' and walk
I would say it's time to walk away and not look back...that's the only closure you need, and trust that time is the only thing that heals.
What you should do is get out there and date some more until you find one you like.
And if she contacts you, tell her you hope she is doing well and that you've met someone new, and say no more.... | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 9:55:51 AM | Take the time to heal and then begin dating again...
The only thing you'll gain from persuing her is probably more heartache...
Let her have the space she needs and if the love is there she'll be back but I wouldn't count on it... | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 10:17:06 AM | | Well Im going to have to let go even though it hurts like hell,and you are all right if she loves and cares about me she will come back or at least call me.time to move on and see if I can find a match with someone else | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 10:21:06 AM | | Good luck to you ridgeman34 and take some time for yourself before you rush right into love with someone else again and be wise about things. | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 10:39:21 AM | to me, i would say that she was either telling you what she did as a cover for something else, or she may have felt it was moving too fast...it's hard to say but if I said that to a guy it would be an excuse...especially if she is being really distant...i would stay friends and don't put any pressure on her so she is comfortable to remain friends. good luck! | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 12:29:56 PM | | Thank you motherbear im not going to jump into anything soon,I have lots of trouble meeting people,maybe its because Im a single dad,i dont know,But I hope people start talking to me on this sight,really could use some new friends. | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 1:40:23 PM | Hey sorry about the hard time you have been having lately. To me it seems thru no fault of your own you may or may not be attracted to people who are not ready for a proper relationship. They take what they want from you and once they have drained your life force down, they move on to somebody else. When your ready to start dating again, just try to take things slowly and even if you might have deep feelings for the other person don't give too much away too soon ok!! Just try and test out the next person a bit more to decide if they are really right for you. A relationship must work both ways or it won't work at all. Take care.  | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 1:56:03 PM | | Your welcome ridgeman34, I have no doubts you will have no problems making plenty of friends. Looks like you just signed up yesterday. Just keep your head on straight and play it smart. Not everyone deserves you. | |
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 2:13:17 PM | Hey Mamabear!
Ridgeman, you will find great friends here, as you're already finding out.
You say you connected? Does that mean you knocked boots? If not someone here suggested you may have been moving to fast for her. Could it in fact have been to slow? Just a hypothetical. As a new friend of yours I almost always qualify myself as in all likelihood having no idea what I'm talking about. That is the beauty, and all to often the cruelty, of speculation.
Good luck to you man, we'll see you around here.
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| Some help please
Posted: 1/7/2006 2:20:00 PM | | sounds like a version of ..."it's not you, it's me".....and if we are brutally honest we know that it is them....she's not as into you are you are into her and its a soft way of telling you as far as I can see. But give her the benefit of the doubt and keep in touch and see what happens maybe she will change her mind. Just don't bug her. | |
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