| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/10/2005 2:19:52 AM | Hi, I'm trying to get custody of my daughter. Mom is using crystal meth heavily, is on probation for same, and has a history of use/abuse. She currently has custody of my daughter even though she tested positive for meth - in a courtroom proceeding for a TRO she placed on me cause I called the police and Child protective services on her daily. But the judge has allowed her to keep my daughter pending a child protective services investigation. I'm very concerned because cps did nothing over the past year that I've made reports about her drug abuse. In hawaii, the woman/mother almost always is given the child - even after many lapses into abuse. I have no record and was found not abusive, but TRO is granted for 5 years. How can I better my chances to get my daughter? Mom is remarried and portraying to be all cleaned up. I have a job - albeit low paid. I pay child support, but want full custody.
Any suggestions...
Thanks, Sam
ps
I do have a lawyer - otherwise, I'd have been brushed aside in the TRO and found to be abusive by default. | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/11/2005 12:01:15 AM | | forget it, it's a lost cause with the court's and cps all you can do is wait for her to get in trouble on her own and/or she will get tired of keeping the child from you and let you be the father you are. The courts and cps don't care about drugs, all they look at is violence and what they call abuse. No matter what you feel never show violence or even being mad, be very tactful and nice and loving NO MATTER WHAT. Do not show any bad emotions and I am not saying that you did but just don't. You have to wait and it will turn out good if you take my advice but it may take a month or a year or even longer. It really sucks how they control you life and I feel for you but take my advice and good luck. | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/11/2005 5:35:20 AM | For me it was easy to get the kids. My ex took up with a convicted sex offender.
In your case, Cps leaves that case open for a year. If any other "complaints are made that they have to investuigate, they add with the current case. If you have been through family court and have visitation, Exercise your rights and take it back to court. You can not be penalized for taking her to court many times in a year. | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/11/2005 5:50:39 AM | for me it took 6 years of fighting...like your situation she was into drugs and alcohol and was very abusive, the oklahoma courts for the longest time wouldnt allow me to have custody only for the simple reason she was native american and the tribe had "dibs" on her before i did even tho im the fvcking dad. finally after proving her unfit by taking my daughter to the doctor and getting a physical done and them saying she was malnutritioned and in a health hazard that the judge finally awarded me full custody and a PFA (protection from abuse).so i feel for you bro but dont give up its an uphill struggle for men, and one day your dream will come true, and it will be the happiest day of your life!
GOOD LUCK!!! | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/11/2005 7:11:57 AM | My ex is taking me back to court for full custody for the 3rd time. I did get a dui 3 years back. That is all I have done.
I beleive the reason he wants to take her away from me is because he hates me. I left him because he was an ass. He will never forgive me for that.
I dont' think our 6 year old daughter should be with him full time. He is 54, married 4 times. Where as i am only 36.
I dont' know how to stop him from dragging me into court all the time. I dont' have the money like he does for lawyers etc. | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/11/2005 7:42:55 AM | Do you have a Guardian ad lidum for the kids? You should if you dont. The court can order drug testing randomly for you and you have to have em too. My story is long and it would be a book but they are with me and happy and healthy. They have been for four years, the courts are getting the idea now that dads are parents too. Its an uphill battle though and it sucks having to go through it.
 | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/11/2005 12:47:34 PM | | I don't know where everyone had there case but in california the court's and cps don't care about drugs, you can be a herion junkie with a needle hanging out of your arm while in court and the judge will ask if he could use your needle and cps will provide you and the judge with the herion. What they do look at in california is abuse as they call it, and first the man is always an abuser and then they take the child into custody and try to persuade him or her to say something bad about the man so to make his life miserable and to garnish his wages so they can get paid. Also if they get money out of you it goes to the DA and the court and cps and about 1 dollar of every 1000 dollars go to the children. All I can say to anyone who thinks it's a good thing to get the court's or cps involved in there life it is a big mistake and you will be in the system forever, so don't do it. Also I am sure there are a few exceptions but I bet they are rare. Good Luck to anyone in this situation. | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/12/2005 7:55:05 PM | Thank you, every one of you for replying.
I know many of you through reading your posts in other threads - and appreciate your opinions. I've been going through an emotional roller coaster thinking I'll get my daughter on the 19th of January - to the opposite extreme of cursing out loud like a maniac - that I can't believe the judge left the kids with my ex - she's ok when she's high - but when she comes down she is dangerous! I figured the court should be aware of that cycle for meth addicts!
Just counting down the days.
Thanks again,
Sam | |
|
| |
Quack
|
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 10 | |
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/13/2005 6:29:29 PM | I have 50/50 custody, that was the easy part. The placement is the hard part. That is what determines who pays child support. Which I got 50 percent placement aslo. I have no convictions of any sort, and neither does she. What I had going for me at the time was I was watching some friends house while they were in Arizona, and i told her I was living for free, so if she wanted to fight overthe kids I would take her for all she had, plus I would go for maintence, and take half of her retirement. She had just bought a differnt place and a new car, after the divorce papers were filed. So she wasnt looking for a fight. She gave in pretty easy. and she had a terrible lawyer. Heck I did all this with out a laywer.. Now to sum it up I have 50 percent placement, and custody. I dont pay child support, she pays insurance and we split the co pays. I ddi all this with out a layweer, ad she had one.
Good luck stick to your guns, and dont let anyone tell you it cant be done. | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/14/2005 2:26:12 AM |
you can be a herion junkie with a needle hanging out of your arm while in court and the judge will ask if he could use your needle and cps will provide you and the judge with the herion.
Fortunately not here. If the Mom is a junkie, she pretty well looses them. | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/14/2005 9:08:30 PM | Wellllll, I just got off the phone with the lady from CPS. We'll be meeting tomorrow morning at McDonalds. To discuss the 'situation' and she'll see how I interact with my daughter. She says if there is no imminent danger, then her agency has no business being involved. I replied that the danger posed to my daughter and her half siblings is certain when mom comes down from her drug high - which may or maynot be imminent, as her probation officer doesn't take action on her positives. She is functional while high, but her functions are the things I believe are a danger to my girl. Namely her dealer friends, their smoking in the house, and her bad judgement while under the influence. I kind of feel as though they don't consider these things imminent danger! Also, I discovered my exes new husband was arrested and is under investigation for money laundering. Basically, I just want to raise my daughter myself. If mom wants visitation, I'm fine with that. Hope all goes well. My girl is always 'strange and distant' when I first pick her up on the weekends - hope it's understood by the cps worker. I've been made out to be the devil to my girl - but after the first hour or so, she's relaxed and herself again. At the end of the weekend, she has always asked to stay. Hopeing and praying...
Thanks every one...
Sam | |
|
yna6
|
Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 13 | |
| |
| |
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/16/2005 12:26:44 AM | Aloha everyone,
Had a so-so meeting with cps worker. She says her position is to determine if 'the child' is in 'iminent danger' otherwise, it's a custody issue, not a protective or safety issue. I said if the type of danger was extreme, I would not wait for the courts, I'd take my girl and run. Shouldn't have said that! But I meant -who'd leave their baby in an 'iminent danger' situation. She said her cases are serious. I said, just wait til Tanya is coming off the 'ice', then it is serious and whacked out with destruction and mayhem and very dangerous to anyone in the area. Plus we've already gone through the situation with a trusted person molesting the older girls (5 & 8 at the time - 2 years ago) and mom still hasn't pursued therapy for the girls. She is on drugs - and that is the environment that guarrantees 'iminent danger'. It's not if, but when trouble is going to happen.
Left feeling it's going to be a court/$$$ battle that will depend on her to continue 'messing-up' her life before changes happen. It's disheartening. My daughter is definitely being psychologically messed with - but (thank G-d, not physically or sexually!) so, I'm happy about it not being 'that' bad. Will have to wait until Wednesday 19th to see how court goes. Tuesday is medical results day. Should be a week of closure!
ps skinner - did mom give you problems to get your girl?
I grew up in Lakeland Florida.
Thanks again,
Sam | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/16/2005 12:35:12 AM | | well samhonolulu go back and read all my post and you will see that california is not very different than hawaii as far as what you said. I know what I am talking about and I am not going into details how I know. I really feel for you and I will pray for you and your kids right now and every time I think about it. I would say goodluck but there is no luck involved in this situation, you need prayer and hope and to be very loving and never say anything about running or show any violence or any hate about anything. Go back and read my post very carefully cause it really is true. | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/16/2005 10:12:22 PM | I did reread the post HonestyRules - and I'm not so sure that honesty is the best policy. Reconsidering the meeting with cps - about 3 hrs - on her day off (Saturday) and talking very openly - she did seem to say that mom doing drugs isn't 'abusive' or a reason to take the kids out of mom's custody or pose imminent danger. If it was, they'd have removed the kids long ago. A lot of 'double talk' that I didn't catch as we spoke. For instance - they're more concerned with the present than the past, so if mom has enrolled in programs to get over her addiction - she may end up keeping custody! Even though she's already been through these programs! I did have a 'dirty' test result for meth on a hair/folicle test, but no dirty tests during the same periods on the urinalysis tests. I requested the hair/follicle - which the court ordered for both of us to do - I did, she did not. She bleached her hair instead and got a note from her probation officer stating she'd tested negative and was a model person going through her probation. Judge had her tested and she came up extremely positive - but kept custody! I hate to think things could be kept as they are with me being required to pay more but leaving my daughter in mom's custody - but I know it's very likely.
In family court - the 'F' word is the Father!
Stressing out until Wednesday, Thanks again for the posts...
Sam | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/16/2005 11:11:32 PM | | well samhonolulu I was talking about california and I don't know about hawaii. I may be reading it wrong but I think you said you tested postive for meth and in your first post all you mentioned is that she was doing it and I figured you were not. Now if hawaii does not allow this then you have problems and I don't know what to say execpt that I will pray for you all, your kids and you and your wife, and I really do hope everything works out for you. | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/18/2005 9:22:33 PM | Thanks HonestyRules,
Yes, my situation is 'tricky'. I hope your call name is the best 'policy', cause the last 3 courtdates, I came clean about our whole relationship history. The judge didn't believe me and said ' I don't believe either one of you, and your (me) story sounds like a bunch of crap!' She used those exact words because I said I'd been trying to get some type of attention to the fact that my ex was smoking away everything we had - and I'd reported this to everyone who could possibly help her. I honestly want her to get the help she needs - she is destroying herself. I do not want any bad to come to her despite what she's put me through. So long as mom is destroying herself - I want my daughter away from her. Tomorrow is a the finale of the TRO phase and the begining of the paternity/custody motion.
Thanks for your consideration,
Sam | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/19/2005 5:44:44 PM | Aloha, well, here's the update if anyones interested...
Today was a good day, at least my lawyer says so, I got increased visitaion from daytime only 9am to 6pm on Sat/Sun. to now starting Thursday after my work 4:30pm until Monday morning 10am - every other week. Lawyer says it's a definite plus and transion to possible custody placement. CPS said there's no imminent danger and had no recommendation to remove the children or setup any plan. I'm told that's a good thing - I don't want my girl to go to foster care for certain - she's only 4. Another govt. agency that does custody evaluations is going to do one on us - it's for situations that are bad, but not bad enough to remove the children. So, another court date for Feb 11 which will be the first paternity/custody action - up to now it's only been a TRO against me. Gotta love my ex, she said she was unable to get into any rehab programs because she wasn't 'dirty' enough. She only has one positive drug test on her record! It seems her probation officer 'passing her tests' for the past year is going to bite her in the ass. The judge said she didn't believe my ex and was expecting some 'action' on her part towards rehabilitation. If I know her, and I do, she won't do much. Thanks for your interest and support.
Aloha,
Sam & Susan | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/20/2005 7:53:45 AM | | I know this is a single dad's forums but I had a few questions... I have a 8 month old daughter when my ex and I split up we agreed to have joint custody (we didnt decide that in courts) but he had her some but mostly I have always had her well this last time Nov 6,04 he took her and he never brought her back I am going to take him to court to get her back because I dont think it is a stable place for her to be she is tossed with babysitter after babysitter I saw her once since he has had her and she was a total mess like he didnt take care of her or anything... do you think I will be awarded custody if I bring this up in court even though I dont have my child at this time????? | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/20/2005 11:13:42 AM | | I think u guys are living in the past. Now days it is all about who has the best tongue and the pocket lined. I live in a small town, and my ex got my daughter simply because he married someone not only with money, but also a lot of pull in the town. No I am not saying that because of what happened and blaming someone for my actions other than myself. The judge wrote me out a six page verdict, on his decision, even praising me for the job that I had done on raising my two older children, but because I moved 3 times in 3 years, my ex was more stable, he was married, and had lived in the same place for 1 and a half years. So if u want ur kids, i would suggest to just hire the best lawyer and have some pull in ur town. talk slick, it works. | |
|
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/20/2005 11:43:04 AM | want action? write a certified letter to the director of the cps, outlining your case... name names, dates, times, and reference everything.
at the bottom of the letter, reference copies to every investigative reporter on TV, newspaper and radio stations. Send copies to your congressmen the senators and the governors office. The people in charge of your case hate accountability, they hate answering to a higher power (no, not god... the media) they get along in their jobs by creating no waves...
its up to you to create the wave. | |
|
| |
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/25/2005 12:44:41 PM | Why isn't the court looking at the fact that the guardian/parent is actively involved with an illegal activity? What about the ole' endangering the morals of a minor? Have you gone to the local police regarding drugs? Sometimes if the child is placed in a temporary foster care placement it is easier for the other parent to petition the court for sole custody.And in truth if the courts saw that you are so very concerned with your daughter that you are petitioning for out placement-->it would prove that you are not on a witch hunt, but are genuinely concerned about the welfare of your child. If she is really in danger you should want her out of there anyway.
But, you had better make sure you are clean and mentally centered....accountable for your own behavior past and present. | |
|
Home
login 
