| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 5:52:29 AM | Sometimes, we do feel like we are being very much attracked to a person with very many negative characters, what many of us could consider Wrong. Our wisdom could warn us about getting closer to such person, but our feelings could make us close our eyes.
There are also people who do believe we could change someone from their wrong doings by care and concern and love and attention.
In such case, I think we do need to somehow Sacrifice. Our time and patience, our perseverance, our belief and hope, are all required to keep on with the situation till we are able to reach the point we desire. But, then, we can also ask ourselves: Is it worthed to
try to change such people although they might never turn from their bad behaviours?
What do you think? | |
|
| |
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 5:55:23 AM | | well who knows the real answer but chances are these ppl arnt going to change and i know from experience that if someone trys to change me i get rather annoyed cause it falls under the take me as i am or hit the road. | |
|
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 5:58:34 AM | | Well my opinion is this.....if you are so worried about such behaviors of this individual then I would move on...I really can't concieve people changing just because you are not happy with something they do...some might but most won't. | |
|
| |
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 6:19:30 AM | Interesting post. Glad to see some smart people in here. Ok, in my relationships there are certain things that can be changed. Do you have children for example? With my daughters I am working on keeping them friends. My method is working. And you females know how hard sibling rivalries can be among two sisters about the same age. Ok, you must be thinking about a man. That is a little different.
There is something about my wife I dislike. She tends to make "mountains out of mole hills", complain a bit too much, and have a temper." Sound familiar guys. I understood long ago that she is not perfect. Though I wanted these things to change a bit. The way I made some progress in this direction was I became more of a generous person with her. I gave more (compromised) and got some change from her. Bit by bit. This took several years. I am still working on things.
If you are talking about a guy you are dating, and he has a roving eye or drinks too much, or something like this, that would be hard to change. If he is hostile at times that too would be hard to change. Look at Ron Artest (famous basketball player for the Indiana Pacers). His history is marred with tempermental out breaks including girl friend abuse. He lost $7 million last year because he could not control himself. Do you think at this point, anyone could change this person? Regarding drug use, some people can stop never to return...most can't. You would have to make the decision there.
I think, if his problem is severe, better to run, not walk from him as there are other men out there for you. If it is more like what I am going through, I think you can make it work. Use direct communication, some reverse psychology, wisdom and kindness always goes a long way.
P.S. If he has a roving eye, I think with respect to our sex drive, we are like the little boy who has his finger in the dam trying to keep the flood back. At times it is hard, near impossible. The faithful man deserves honors as I believe it is against his very nature. | |
|
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 6:27:45 AM | I'm of the opinion that women will always have a design in mind as to the ideal mate. Men aren't nearly as detail oriented. Much less patient. Minor unimportant things like picking up clothes, cleaning the shower after use and such are really just "barnrules". Other more serious issues like drinking, smoking, manners, habits ingrained, hygeine and the like are not alterable regardless of how perfect the instruction or the stick and the carrot may be.
Entering into a relationship with the hopes of making improvements is a ridiculous assertion. Men are not fixeruppers. You get what you get. | |
|
| |
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 6:52:40 AM | While I believe we can modify certain behaviours, either to improve a relationship or to improve our own lives, esentially we are who we are. And when we do make these changes, it is usually due to looking within and seeing undesirable qualities that we want to change for our own personal benefit.
If you are looking at a potential mate and you already feel the need to overlook so much or are hoping to change him/her, you will most likely end up hurt. If you see so many qualities or behaviours that are undesirable to you, why pursue it? Find someone more suited to your needs. | |
|
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:07:17 AM | I've had girlfriends in the past who have tried to make me "their project".I dumped them and never looked back.
It is ludicrous to attempt to change someone.People will change only when THEY desire it themselves.Change only happens from within,not without. | |
|
kmhstx
|
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 11 | |
| |
| |
arri
|
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 13 | |
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:12:15 AM | Change when in a relationship usually happens buy itself.
We change habits and behaviour because of our partners ... however, if either party feels that he/she is being forced to change ... I have a feeling, this relationship won;t work out for long | |
|
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:17:30 AM |
But, then, we can also ask ourselves: Is it worthed to
try to change such people although they might never turn from their bad behaviours?
What do you think?
you cannot change people. no matter how much 'love' and paitence you show- you will not make them change. People will only change when they are ready - and in my opinion- people usually don't really change all that much.. granted there are exceptions- but for the most part- people like who they are ... or they say they hate it- but to a great extent they are comfortable with the way their life is and they will never change.
don't waste your time. You can be a FRIEND and be supportive and give encouragment.. but as far as anything more- forget it...
My mother always told me.. you will never change someone- so if anything bothers you about them now-- it will only get worse the longer you know them / if you marry them... You can't sit around falling in love with the person you think they will be once they 'change'... you have to take them for exactly who they are now and move on with life. | |
|
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:24:00 AM | Is it worthed to try to change such people although they might never turn from their bad behaviours? What do you think?
That depends...are you trying to get someone to quit smoking, or trying to get them to quit cheating...?
Ultimately they say you can't change someone, which is true from the perspective of they have to be willing to change, and they need to have time to do i. If you can put up with the bad behavior for say, a couple years while they try to get it right, then you probably can do it, and it might be worth it.
If you're trying to get them to change an attitude that's not always that hard, but then again it might be your attitude that changes.
However, if you're trying to change a personality trait, you really can't do it...you might be able to stifle it for a short length of time, but it doesn't change, and always comes back. People who are introverted will pretty much always been introverted, they may change some behaviors but the personality will always be the same. And ultimately a lot of our ingrained behaviors are based on our personality.
In the end, it depends on what you want to change. | |
|
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:34:36 AM | | People aren't projects. We're complete in ourselves, all the good and bad. You can only change yourself and only when you really want to, NOT for someone else. I agree whoever said accept someone COMPLETELY and TOTALLY and be prepared to live with them just like they are, or move on. | |
|
| |
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:59:44 AM | It is a waste of time! They rarely change! It took me 4 years to pursuade someone to get their driver's licence reinstated after an impaired driving charge. Now that the suspension has been lifted for over a year, they have not even bothered to write the test! They still drink too much and prefer not to drive.   | |
|
| |
| |
joesch
|
Joined: 4/21/2003
Msg: 21 | |
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 8:26:02 AM | | Well people only change for themselves,and sometimes they can't change because either they cannot step outside themselves and look at what thier problem is becuase they are to shallow to do so,or they actually did do that and found nothing wrong for them to have to change,just a thought. | |
|
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 8:26:50 AM | Well, if one is talking about buying a house, get it inspected first. The inspector first starts at the basement, checks the foundation..is it solid?
Who gives a rip if the bathroom fixtures are all 22k plated, they aren't going to be there long if the basement collapses. Well..okay, maybe the foundation is cracked, now he's going to move onto the wiring systems..
What's this? Could this be double fault ground wires intertwined? Oh, the chances of a fire are there..well, fine. Just never activate *that* switch.
Not a chance a stranger could walk in your little mansion and accidently trigger that now is there?
Flaws represent risk is my point, the analogy could go on forever. The important thing to realize about what might be flawed to any one individual is that change is only possible with some serious motivators and they have to be initiated from the person in the skin.
No outside force is that powerful really. You can suggest, hypnotise, do whatever you want to do, but the results are going to be seriously limited and most likely temporary. | |
|
| |
| |
| Is it worthed to try changing people from their wrong ways?
Posted: 1/9/2006 9:18:05 AM | | The idea that you can modify someone to fit into your mold of who they should be is an utter waste of time and energy. The only thing you have the power to change is yourself, so if there is something this potential mate does that drives you nuts, either change how you feel about it or move on. | |
|
Home
login 
