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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Registered Sex Offender?!?      Home login  
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 newintown503
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 1
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Registered Sex Offender?!?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Ok, so many of you may have read my last post on how my guy doesn't have a great job or make much money and I have to pay for everything. Well, here's the reason: he's a registered sex offender.

He just told me last night. He volunteered the info and said that he would have told me sooner but I had a few other very big things I was dealing with and then the holidays so he had waited. I checked up on his story today (via internet resources and the clerk of court) and confirmed that he had been truthful in his explanation of what had happened. So here's the story:

When he was 23 years old, he was out at a bar throwing a few back. He ran into a chick that he used to sleep with who was 18 or 19 years old and a friend of hers. They all sat around in the bar having a good time and at the end of the night he got the friend's number. He called her a few days later and she said for him to pick her up at her house, she would be outside waiting for him. So he did and they ended up back at his place and they started to f*ck around. She said some odd things and before they had sex he asked her how old she was. At that point, she admitted to being only 14 years old. He freaked out and took her home but the damage was already done. He was charged with "indecent liberties with a minor" and spent 21 months in prison. He is now on the sex offender database and will be for the next three years but the whole thing will always be on his record.

I'm only 22 years old. I really like him and he has treated me well but I don't think that I want to begin a serious relationship with a man who has the label "sex offender" hanging over his head.

What do ya'll think? Is what happened with him an unforgivable thing? I don't think I want to be wit hhim romantically now but should I shun him completely?
 okieroper
Joined: 8/23/2004
Msg: 2
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:34:48 PM
lock up your little sister...............................
 Budgirl
Joined: 8/7/2005
Msg: 3
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:41:25 PM
Okie.......you are funny........I've read a few of your posts and your killing me man.......
 aka Joe
Joined: 8/4/2005
Msg: 4
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:43:37 PM
Somehow there must be more to this story. How does one end up on the list of sexual offenders if he never engaged in sexual activity with a minor?

If its as innocent as it sounds, then mistakes do happen. You are getting to know him better than anyone here would, what kind of feeling are you getting from this? Personally, as grown up looking as some girls look nowadays, a 14 year old still looks like a minor, so I'm suspicious if he's telling the truth about what exactly happened.
 newintown503
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 5
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:51:08 PM
Well, if he had engaged in sex with her then the charge would be statatory (sp?) rape. But the kissing and fondling equals indecent liberties. Indecent liberties is a crime that is sexual in nature which is why he is on the sex offenders list (and website).

I would never in a million years have guessed this and he almost started crying when he told me because he was pretty sure that his admission would be the end of us. I can't imagine him ever molesting a child but in todays society I just don't want to go any further with this relationship.
 racehrse
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 6
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:57:18 PM
Joe Schmo is on the right track. Gotta be more to the story. You can probably get a transcript of the court records. Proceed with caution.
 cuter_than_anyone
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 7
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:58:17 PM
ew

ew

ew
eeeeeeew!

now i know with vitamins and mtv little girls are growing up faster than ever BUT he HAD to know she wasn't 18.

my niece is 14. 5'7" and a respectable b cup and you would KNOW she's 14. same with her little friends.

i'd be careful of that one
 twilight-twin
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 8
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:00:08 PM
Up to this point, I've been liking the guy. He didn't tell you the whole truth. I promise you. My daughter was 14 when seduced by her 23 yr old boss at a custard stand. I took this as far as I could legally and her sexual predator only got 4 months in the house of correction. Your boyfriend got 20+ months. I would have killed for that. What about the lack of money? Is he paying restitution??? I received checks for years from that guy. You may need more information but with my history, his ass would be on the curb.
 aka Joe
Joined: 8/4/2005
Msg: 9
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:03:12 PM
I see newintown503. I didn't realize that. Still, if a guy got nabbed for messing with a 14 year old, he's either a poor judge of appearance because a 14 year old all dolled up and "mature" looking still looks young or he didn't care and thought he could get away with it.

It appears you have already decided and its probably for the best since it will always bother you. If you do need to find out exactly what happened, you can get the court records of his case and see for yourself what happened. 3 years for that charge? Sounds a bit harsh. I really think there is more to it.

You're a pretty girl and shouldn't waste your time with such guys. Move on. There's a great guy out there who is just waiting for a chance to be with you.
 najasrocks04
Joined: 5/6/2005
Msg: 10
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:11:30 PM
WELL HE WAS HONEST AND YOU KNOW NOW A DAYS A GUY CAN BE A SEX OFFENDER IF HE GRABS A WOMANS ASS AND SHE DOESNT LIKE IT AND REPORTS IT TO THE LAW AND HE WILL BE LABLED A SEX OFFENDER AS WELL
USE YOUR BEST JUDGEMENT AS FOR ME I WOULD I.D. ALL WOMAN UNDER 21
LOL
BEST WISHES
 DacaInaru
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 11
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:17:07 PM
sigh.. ok.. here goes my two cents..

as a survivor of sexual abuse that took place from the age of 3 to 12.. by an uncle.. I have to tell you this.. get out of the relationship now.. sure it may have been decent as he claims then he should have taken her home and confronted her parents.. he should have stood up..

the same F*cker that abused me dared to put his hands on my child.. because someone felt that he would never do that..and he was innocent.. and while she was under this person's care they left her alone in his presense.. he came up with the story that she tripped he tried to stop her from falling by grabbing her breast..

unfortunately the police couldn't do crap cause none of the other 14 women he molested wanted to speak up..

sorry but Sex offender is a Sex offender and my thinking is.. serve him his walking papers.
 anApplepear
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 12
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:21:09 PM
It is funny all morning I have been thinking what if it was just one once a life time mistake he made and should he end up paying for it for the rest of his life??? And yet I know many of you in here would tell me "once a sex offender always a sex offender".

I remember you said he is a nice guy and he has been around for you on your hard times. I just wonder if he didn't tell you what he had done wrong when he was young, would he be the same nice fellow to you except for his financial problem? Do telling you the truth make him a different person that you would denied all the good stuff he has???

It is a tough question to answer that if you should romantically involved with him. My best answer is you should check with the police record and find out more of his past history. If it was just a stupid mistake he made, and no other times, then maybe according to your own feeling giving him a chance.

Your feeling on him will determine, it should not up to us to judge or decide, it would be unfair.
 aka Joe
Joined: 8/4/2005
Msg: 13
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:27:49 PM
I just thought of something else...you said he was broke as a joke (i love that one), but you can still get a job doing something. Most employers don't do criminal checks unless it pertains to the job. If he's unemployed, its because he chooses to be. Any job is better than no job.
 Rake
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 14
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:40:22 PM
I'm sorry, but there's NO way that he didnt know that she wasn't younger than 18 or 19! There's no way in the world that any 14 year old can dress or act much more than a few years over her actual age...sorry no excuse...and it does sound like an excuse, which further signals the fact that he hasnt even taken moral responsibility for his actions...strike 2....yer OUT!
 South of the border
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 15
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:43:31 PM
Some people are quite to judge people.Just go with your heart.
 Rake
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 16
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:57:17 PM
Like I always say, if it walks like it and talks like it, you call it what it is...
 Katherynne
Joined: 11/15/2005
Msg: 17
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 2:15:16 PM

I really like him and he has treated me well but I don't think that I want to begin a serious relationship with a man who has the label "sex offender" hanging over his head.


Question answered. Yes, yes, people can change. Some actually do. Most don't. This is not to *assume* that he will re-offend, simply because from what he told you, it wasn't on purpose. From what he told you. However, if it was intentional (even if he thought she was older, but still underage), chances of re-offending are high. If you aren't comfortable taking that risk, don't take it.
Best of luck

~Katherynne
 sxxxy_azn_tygress
Joined: 1/8/2006
Msg: 18
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 4:25:26 PM
OMG......I have followed that thread you wrote before, and I cannot believe what I am hearing now.

First, in an objective light :

- Good for him : That he told you the truth. However, he could've told you a little sooner.

- Bad for him : The stigma is attached.

- Bad for both of you : You can't get over the fact that he is a registered " sex offender " and really, who can?

- Challenge : Does stigma matter to you in a relationship ? or How can you ensure that nothing like that will happen again if you do decide to stay ?
 molonel
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 19
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 4:37:44 PM
I smell a rat. In my line of work as a computer technician, I've found that very few people with those sorts of charges hanging over those head are "honest" about it, even when they claim to be telling the truth. For one thing, why were charges pressed against him? Did she press them? Did her parents?

I've had to deal with things like this because the nature of my work sometimes requires me to work on other people's computers, and you would be amazed at the sort of stuff you find on computers, even business computers that never leave the office.

Well, you might not be surprised, but I was.

A tech recruiter once called me to ask my opinion about a guy who was a convicted felon they were considering for a job.

His explanation was, "I had a couple of pictures on my computer that I shouldn't have downloaded. But the FBI busted down my door, and I spent a year in a federal penitentiary."

First of all, the FBI does NOT bust down anyone's door for downloading a couple of illegal pictures. If that were true, then half of the males in the United States would be in prison.

Secondly, you do NOT spend a year in a federal pen for having a few naughty pictures on your computer. The guy was probably running a web ring, or a server, or a file-sharing system.

For all I know, your man may have been completely honest with you. But I'd be EXTREMELY careful, and I'd ask a lot more questions. I might even go so far as to obtain the court transcripts if you are considering a long term relationship with him. Because if, for example, you got married to him, then it will affect you for the rest of your life.
 Crane Man
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 20
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 5:06:48 PM
Wow, he is certainly not off to a good start but there are things that you can do to check his story. If I am not mistaken his arrest and conviction are public record, therefore get a copy of the police and court report. His story could easily be true and her pissed off parents called the cops or she called the cops. Also if a 14yr old is in a bar then why isn't the bar somewhat responsible for checking ID. He should be sueing the bar. And yes it is possible to mistake a 14yr old for and 18 yr old. That thought creeps me out but my advice is check his story out completely, but before you do that decide if you can forget the record. If you can't get past the conviction then no sense going any further.
 softroses
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 21
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 5:24:23 PM
why did he tell you sooner? get rid of this rat
 leo_goddess
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 22
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:38:47 PM
Well, I'm not sure if its time to kick him to the curb. Mistakes happen and people grow sometimes.

When I was 14 I was a little terror and many things I did would have gotten men some time(at least in some places, 14 is nearly fair game up here except for some situations) One might debate wheither or not I was being "used" by men much older than me -- some are total pedophiles (looking back with a little more maturity and 20/20 hind sight) and some I probably manipulated far more seriously than they I. I would have lied and said ANYTHING to try and fill the void of self-unlove I experienced back in those days. Some were mortified after they realized 1) the truth and 2) they throught with the wrong head and made a huge mistake.

Ahem, i'm matured considerably since then and wouldn't dream of being like that now. I share my past with partners because it's part of me and I am always affraid of what the reactions might be. The stereotype the other ways for me usually comes back "ohhh, kinky". However, now I feel for some of the men that I placed in simular situations with their new partners... (the ones i'm convinced, looking back, that made a mistake and aren't sex offenders types)... they too feel bad, have matured but still did what they did (without having been living in a place where they could be charged as a sex offender)

So... was it innocent? probably not completely. He was an adult and he made that decision. Was is an isolated, stupid, stupid, mistake? perhaps... should you leave him for it... maybe?

I might slow things down, relook at his character and decide if you think it's just a horrible mistake he made in his past. Can you trust him? It helps the trust that he told you rather than the other way around. It takes a lot of guts to tell someone something like that and I bet there are a lot of people that'll never understand and forgive him for it. (rightfully so? maybe)
 softroses
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 23
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:46:08 PM
sorry people make mistakes about minor stuff like forgetting birthdays or forget to tell his gf he went to the strip club etc, but it ends here for me legal stuff like this make me nervous, sorry it just scares me cant get use to this one even if I try.
 thunderrose
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 24
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 8:02:41 PM
Use your head, you said this 14 year old girl was hanging out in a bar and drinking and running around with a 18 year old woman..the courts take all of this into consideration when making a decision, this guy got more than a slap on the wrist...You had best look a bit deeper. This guy is not only lazy and cheap, he's also one hell of a lier!! Just imagine what he thinks of you if he uses your money why not use you for your younger friends too...I believe they call it RUN AND RUN FAST!
 ginger_snap
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 25
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 8:14:42 PM
Let him go !!!!!!!! I was married to a sex offender. Eight years of pure HELL. They are so cunning and make you love them, but they DON'T change. Believe me, he knew. Please, let him go.........
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