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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends      Home login  
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 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 1
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friendsPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I always thought that if a man was divorced by his ex-wife, then there was a good reason. Yet, when his ex wants still to be part of his life, especially his best friend, then it is disturbing. No reasonable woman wants to get involved with such a man. She wants to be very special and only woman in his life. But how could she be, if there is another woman who might be calling him in the middle of the night because she wants to talk to him (after all they are best friends). Such ex-wives want to manipulate their ex-husbands, to use them when they need them, to exercise their power over new women in their exes life. Warning: Be aware of divorced men who have a need to keep their ex-wives as best friends.
 classy canuck
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 2
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2006 12:22:04 PM
Is it a possibility he is best friends with her for the sake of their children.

They have come to that place that they cannot live together but for the sake of their children they remain good friends.

Perhaps that is why he remains best friends with her for the sake of his children.
 sweetgirl13
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 3
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2006 12:22:10 PM
i just started talking to somebody, same situation, he says he is friends with all of his ex's. I asked him, what would happen if he meet somebody new, don't u think that i would make that person uncomfortable. He said "She would have to get along with my friends, or there is no chance at all".........thats just the way it goes.....

I have to agree with u, i think that it can make the new person uncomfortable.....i know if you have kids together then u have to keep contact, but there are limits....
 classy canuck
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 4
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2006 12:33:38 PM
summer1313

I agree that there is limits and one can over-step their boundaries.

For the sake of the kids it is healthier that they are best freinds.

What would concern me is how often he tries to contact his ex, email his ex or tries to see her.
 MathGeek
Joined: 12/21/2005
Msg: 5
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2006 12:45:23 PM
I think it is wild that my parents and their spouses get along so well at family functions. My mom doesn't have a problem asking my dad for help or shooting the breeze with his wife. My mom's husband is a little antni-social by nature. I guess if you're comfortable who your with and trust them then it really shouldn't matter. Maybe some boudaries and limitations should be set.
 classy canuck
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 6
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2006 12:48:34 PM
mathgeek

I think that is wonderful that they all get along.

Better than fighting and arguing.
 mustangsally1273
Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 7
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2006 1:34:28 PM
As long as the friendship doesn't involve benefits why would there be a problem? If you don't have the trust you shouldn't be in the relationship to begin with!!!
 goober dippin pants
Joined: 12/7/2005
Msg: 8
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2006 2:12:57 PM
I've been separated for 5 years, and my ex and I maintain a close relationship, for the sake of the kids. We go to all the school functions together, and spend xmas together. I have encountered people who can't handle my relationship with my ex, but frankly, the kids are my top priority! They see me and their dad every day, and they are thriving.
Personally, I would'nt want to date someone who despises thier ex....I'd worry I might end up on thier sh*t list one day!
 LivingInTheNow
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 9
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2006 2:50:26 PM
there is nothing wrong with ex's being best of friends, even if there are no kids involved. some tmies, people can be best friends and/or love one another, but they just cannot live together! each person has personal habits/traits which may be very annoying and/or somewhat intolerant to the other person in question....so much so that they drive each other crazy. but this does not mean they have to close the doors completely on one another!
 Griffintown
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 10
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2006 3:25:22 PM
Being friends with the ex is one thing, best friends is something else.
Alot of my ex are now friends, which is a good thing because we hang around in the same circles. But I would feel threatened by a women who was BEST friends with her ex. That's just too close a confidant relationship for my confort zone.
 kitticat
Joined: 12/28/2005
Msg: 11
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 3:48:42 AM
Nothing turns me OFF quicker than to hear a man speak in a derogatory way about his ex...calling her a b***h, or whatever. Especially when it was a long-term relationship with children involved. He may not love her romantically anymore, but at least show her some respect as the mother of his children! Plus...she put up with HIM all those years, didn't she?
 mustangsally1273
Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 12
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 4:03:51 AM
KITTICAT: I agree with you, (even if there are not children), because what would they say about you after things didn't work out, especially if didn't last long. Can tell you something about one's character if they can still relate, or at least be cool (cause you usually end up with mutual friends).
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 13
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 4:24:32 AM
"best friends for the sake of the children" would be fake friends, certainly not "best".
 longte
Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 14
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 4:44:53 AM
I was married for over 20 years

I would not class her as a 'best friend', but she is a very close friend [with no benefits]

When someone has been an integral part of your life, I see no problem with continuing to be friends if it is possible
I still talk to my first real love from back in high school, about once or twice a year

There are reasons why you were in a relationship
Unless those reasons were purely sexual, you still have that in common
..
.
 SteelVallGal
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 15
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 12:07:11 PM
Absolutely agree with that hands down. Friends?...that's nice. Best friends?...lol..c'monnn now. I recently stopped dating a guy because of his "best buddy" relationship with his Xwife...she would call him EVERY morning - and if she didn't call him, he'd call her. He couldn't make a decision without consulting her...etc, etc,....I bid him a fond farewell and told him either re-marry his wife or consider himself alone for the rest of his life as nobody is going to put up with that..at least not this girl.
 Gage4fun
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 16
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 2:53:19 PM
SteelVallGal

I agree that this guy has issues. And I think you were right to walk away rather than try to change him.

That being said, it is possible to have a "best friend" relationship with an ex-. My first wife and I we too immature when we married, and we let that and parental interference -- on both sides, I am first to admit -- split us up.

We both remarried, but I was always active with our son. When her 2nd hubby went of the sexual deep end and left her. I unofficially 'adopted' her daughter. When our son graduated high school, I was not only invited --with my then current wife-- to attend, but she put us up at her house because I was then living 2000 miles away. The daughter wants me to give her away when she gets married soon.

Would I take my ex- to bed for "old times" sake? If both of us were free, and the situation was such that neither of us was using the other to get back at someone else, the answer would probably be 'yes.'

Does that mean a current girlfriend (or wife) has anything to worry about? NO.
 JuJuBee
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 17
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 2:57:01 PM
They have come to that place that they cannot live together but for the sake of their children they remain good friends.
(((thanks, classy-canuck))))

We are still very close as parents, but cannot make a relationship work. We are now co-parents & I consider him to be a close friend. As for calling in the middle of the night...not unless our child is sick or there is an emergency. Only then. He deserves to live a life too.
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 18
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 3:14:26 PM
Ex wife...... best friend???? Fraid not..... Homey don't play dat.
 joann.w
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 19
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 5:25:30 PM
Treselle;

I am one of those ex-wives..... We all not that bad. There are limits and no we don't socialize or go to the same parties. We have a history from the age of 18 and I am now
40. My ex-husbands new wife used to hate me and was very intimidated by me.

She has the man, the house, two cars and hey he's a great lover and he will love her forever hopefully.

So should I fall off the planet? For the most part ex's have to have a sense of normal
human relationship for the children. As the children grow older the need to communicate and do mutual functions lessens.

However we may not be in love any more does not mean we still do not care for the well being or good health or wishing each other happiness. Just because we do not choose to be together does not mean we should hate one another.

If your new man loves you he has a history and if it includes children. Get used to it. They are not together for a reason. You probably have noughthing to worry about.

Have confidence in your relationship.

Good luck!
 Gage4fun
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 20
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 9:25:13 PM
Witchypoo
I notice you give absolutely NO information in your profile essays. From your comments in other threads I summize:
a.) you are either divorced and it was his idea, or
b.) you got yourself knocked up before marriage and the guy ditched you.

Calling your daughter "little princess AKA The Money Pit" indicates some real problems that don't take a degree is psychology to notice. Get help, before you get soured permanently.
 livewirehere
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 21
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 11:01:00 PM
My ex and I are still best friends. I think if you've been in a long term relationship it can be a natural thing, and especially if there are children involved. I know there are nasty situations with nasty divorces, but I think we're all talking about a "somewhat normal" divorce. What good does it do to hate the other person, unless they really did something horrible to you>?

I've always believed you can never have enough friends.....
 joesch
Joined: 1/13/2006
Msg: 22
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 11:13:34 PM
i don't like my ex's,but I wouldn't think it would be a big deal if someone had a ex as a friend.
 bc_cowgirl
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 23
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 11:25:36 PM
I don't dislike any of my ex's. I have a good friendship with my kids dad and his new wife. If we lived in the same province I'm sure we'd be friends and get together.

Even with ex's I didn't have a child with I'm still ok with, good friends with one and casual friends with the others. Just because we weren't right for each other doesn't mean they are not good people and I'd still like to be friends.

I go to my ex-son in law's place regularly and enjoy him and his girlfriend. I truly believe once family always family.
 Dahliakitten
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 24
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Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/13/2006 11:38:22 PM
I have two sisters that are divorced. One has a very good relationship with her ex. Both her and her 2nd husband get along with him. Her ex. is not remarried either. He blames himself for their divorce and doesn't want the new drama of another woman, so he says. He doesn't want the new wife getting any of his property. I kinda get his point of view. But, I told him to just do a pre-nuptiual agreement. He says what woman I her right mind would do that? I told him a smart one. The other sister does not, he makes her life rough with control issues and he's remarried. I'm a widow.
 your_pet_lion
Joined: 12/30/2004
Msg: 25
Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/14/2006 1:11:55 AM
My ex-wife is still my best friend. That is if by "best friend" you mean the one person on earth who I'd most love to give a napalm enema. Hey, after all, she's the one who taught me that that's what best friends do to each other.
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