| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 8:35:28 AM | Hello everyone,
According to most people that I know, if a guy should ask a girl out to an event (whether it be a movie, bowling, pool, coffee shop, etc..), she agrees to it, he then picks her up (though meeting is also an acceptable possibility), and he pays for the entire evening (and she does not refuse it) that is a date.
Note: You can switch the roles and even sexual preferences (so guy/guy, and girl/girl) to appease everyone out there but I am just using the above as the standard or general case.
Now that being said, I have heard of something called "the non-date date" and this term is one that has always mistified me.
I have been told the non-date date, is the above situation but simply where the two parties agree that they are going out as friends or just not on a date. However, lets say this pattern continues between people and one party (it does not matter which one) pays all the time, I see the other one getting away with a pretty good deal.
Anyone out there please tell me your thoughts on the non-date date, does it exist?, if it does exist, prove it?, how would you define it?, have you ever been on one? if it doesn't, prove it?
I look forward to your messages.
Have a nice day. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 12:00:16 PM | | There aren't any of my friends male or female that I would let pay everytime or that I would pay for everytime. If this is you that is paying everytime, have you ever considered just asking for separate checks when the waiter comes? | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 12:17:09 PM | | before you plan the date be clear on who is paying. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 12:26:28 PM | I have a few chick friends that buy their own beers/dinner. It is not a date, we are just going out to hang out.
We just make sure the other gets home in one piece. It is a good time. No pressure. Well ,no sex either...so there is a little bit of a down side...lol.
We always have fun. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 12:29:07 PM | | good point tempting, if you not clear on your date about paying dont pay on you date and home home angry, be up front. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 3:19:14 PM | I always figure out the paying situation with my date before we actually go out. That way there's no surprise or embarrasment. I've had guys get mad at me for offering to pay my way, and I've had guys get mad at me for not offering. I've had the best luck when we simply discuss it before hand.
If it's a non date, or other such thing, I ALWAYS pay for myself. Hanging out is not entitlement to anything. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 3:26:56 PM | | let put it this way you cant please any one . | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 4:04:50 PM | | ^^ I disagree. You can't please EVERYone, but there are certainly people out there capible of being pleased. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 4:20:45 PM | | not from most of the threads I been reading but I guess ya if they out there. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 5:14:21 PM | I can both agree and disagree with the above statements! Even if two are meeting for the first time, it is a date. It has been arranged. No specifics have to happen, but barring specific encouter-types (for the swingers), the ballance will always be equal among the sexes. Hence the dated terms double-date, etc.
On the score of paying, being old-fashioned somewhat, or maybe just chivalric, I always pay; I'll even tell them to put their purse away,.... but yeah,.... the communication thing! It would be best if it was done prior. But here's a note of warning,... for you ladies who actually do consistantly demand that he pays,... and plays him along like the thread initiator mentioned,.... well, you will eventually get burned! I heard of a guy who got this treatment,... and he really got her! The guy finished his dinner & dessert,.... excused himself for a moment (such as the facilities) and never came back. Pretty extreme! Do you really want to take it that far? Personally I've never gotten into the situation,... must be my sensibilities to being taken for an easy mark! (read that as being conned) So like, grab a brain! | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 5:38:34 PM | ^^ Dash, I both agree and disagree with you here. Like I mentioned before, I always discuss the payment with the guys before we meet. But in spite of that I have had several guys ditch me right after a meal and leave me to pick up the check.
Fortunately, the second time that happened to me I'd written down his license plate and then, after paying my half, called the police. There is an actual penal code for Dine and Dash, and when they caught up with him, he went to jail.
It was a beautiful thing.  | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 5:45:43 PM | Hello to all.
Thank you for responding. I feel it is necessary to clear this up. I am not putting this up as a complaint of having this type of experience, which I have had. I actually am looking at it from other people's situations and just in general.
If it is a date, I am also old fashioned and pay. But I am just saying in the situation(s) I described when it is just two people (but not necessarily two friends) going out to something that would seem like a date and where usually one of them always pays.
I was just asking, if you think the "Non-Date Date" really exists?
Also to the person who mentioned the women who string guys along and just lets them pay for whatever and enjoy the benefits without reciprocating in any way shape or form (and I am not necessarily talking sex here either), well that's a whole other issue, the*kaulktease (purposely mispelt).
I look forward to more replies.
Have a nice day. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 5:47:01 PM | | I hope that clears up the issue for everyone. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 5:56:30 PM | I hate the whole paying aspect of the date. I don't like a man to feel as if he MUST pay. Unless we are "dating", I am very uncomfortable with a man paying for anything for me. In the early stages, I insist on paying for myself. On occasion, if things are going well, and the guy is especially sweet, I like to pay for him, just to show him how typical I'm not (I'm really not typical).
The non-date date is a bizarre thing. I think that saying that something isn't a date just sets things up for failure. At least, it certainly starts you off on the foot of "we don't have enough chemistry at this point for me to even consider giving you the label of my date". It just doesn't rub me right.
That's just me, though. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 6:07:05 PM | | I've had a friend who was much poorer than I was, but because I enjoyed her company so much I would often pay... no romantic interest developed (as far as I know) on either side... just good memories. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 6:13:05 PM | | What is a date? Never heard of that? Sarcasm is so harsh. | |
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Dryad
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Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 17 | |
| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 6:59:11 PM | Goodness Barnbabe that’s awful about the dine-and-dash. Jeeze, no class or what?
Though… I agree
... karma’s a beautiful thing 
Hmmm… the chronic non-date date is more commonly known as the mooch (other than in specific circumstance, like Simlasa mentions).
It’s always mystified me personally, I suspect there’s usually an attraction on the payer’s side… and the other person’s taking advantage of that. Maybe a case of bad communication, or hoping to bribe them into liking them? | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 7:08:37 PM | When I am meeting someone from a dating site after briefly exchanging emails for a bit, I make it very clear up front, before we meet, that I insist on paying for half. (I usually meet the man at a local coffee shop, restaurant or patio).
This takes all the discomfort out of the situation when the bill arrives.
I really don't think it is the guys duty to pay in this case. After all, we don't even know each other.
I thinks its only fair.
So I guess this would be an example of a "non-date date" | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 7:51:46 PM | | yeah, maybe,.... but if its just coffees and maybe a muffin or so,.... it's not gonna break the bank,... so if anything is said,... that also speaks volumes! Penny-pinching already?lol, or something like that. If I can't afford a decent regular date meal.... probly about $30,... then guess what? It's not gonna happen,... not without the captain calling all hands (seamen) to battle-stations at the least. And thats for the plastic! | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 1/11/2006 7:57:12 PM | | Oh, yeah, Barbabe,... so you were expecting something fishy? Most people go into dates with high hopes,... and the cretins low enough to do such things are usually prepared enough to avoud getting caught,... depends on the blokes particular intelligence... anyone that'll do a dine-and-dash, will know its against the law. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 9/25/2009 12:45:52 PM | | The non-date date sounds like one of the two on the date is in Friend Zone Hell and is letting him/herself be taken advantage of. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 9/25/2009 12:52:48 PM | >>Friend Zone
Pretty much. This is more of an issue of knowing where you stand. There are certainly males and females who could be leading people on. If that is happening, whose fault is it?
In either case, if it's just a platonic get-together -- for example there has been 2-3 days and neither has been trying to escalate intimacy, then the topic has not come up. If this continues indefinitely why should the (in the example given) female think anything is wrong? The male has not made a move.
Which is why if you are not sure, the way to figure it out is to make a move and find out. | |
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| The Non-Date Date
Posted: 9/25/2009 1:58:24 PM | | For the non-dates, most that I've seen end up married. mmhmmm...also, if a guy doesn't see you as acceptable enough for a date, he won't be seen with you alone in public even on a non-date because of the possible perception that he is on a date with you. | |
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