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| The WORST "Plenty Of Fish" story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 1:00:57 AM | Just when you think dating can't get any worse...
Just when you think you've witnessed the bottom rung of thoughtlesness and unforgivable behavior...
Comes this story.
I suppose it's my fault. After all, I broke the cardinal rule - never go on a first date that requires crossing state lines. Let alone a passport! Alas, stupid romantic that I am, I traveled 1500 miles for a first date last week - and was completely and totally ditched, left alone and to fend for myself in an unfamiliar country by the most dispicable, thoughtless woman I have ever had the displeasure to meet.
Now for the long, sordid details.
I live and work in Los Angeles, but the show I work for films in Vancouver. I've always wanted to visit and, being from NYC, many people told me I would love the city. About two months ago, I 'noticed' another regular forum poster; she was cute, spunky, funny - and Canadian. Her profile said she wasn't looking for romance, only the forums, so I wrote just to tell her I enjoyed her posts and she seemed pretty cool.
She wrote back and returned the compliment, and so began the dance. Turns out she lives very close to Vancouver (about 15 minutes away), and I told her I was thinking of visiting sometime soon. She got very excited about that, and instantly offered to show me around town.
Now, being the red-blooded, single man that I am, I'd be lying if I didn't say I was interested in more than an innocent friendship with her, but she was pretty clear in her profile, so I elected not to turn on the charm and flirt.
However, as the daily emails turned into daily phone calls, SHE began to make it clear she was also 'interested.' I let her lead and move into whatever territory she was comfortable with. She flirted, she was sweet and it was obvious that we had potential. Still, we agreed that there is never any guarantee with something like this, so we assured ourselves that we were only meeting as friends, to enjoy a weekend sightseeing around Vancouver and, if anything else came of it, so be it.
And yes, I really mean that!
She told me what days she could get off from work and I jumped through a few hoops so I could take those days off too. She has a few kids, but said between her ex and her parents, she'd be able to free herself up while I was in town.
I got my plane tickets and asked her to help me out by finding a local hotel I could stay at for the 4 nights I'd be in town. She hemmed and hawed about that and asked me to just book it for one night - we might take a trip out of town or... who knows. She seemed to be dancing around the idea that we might hit it off and I could stay with her... so I told her to go ahead and book me into a place that was 'flexible.'
Last Thursday night I got into town. She hadn't had the time to find me a hotel in downtown (where all the action is), so we had dinner and she took me to a place she knew near the airport.
In person, I thought she was cute. Truthfully, I thought her pictures were better, but hey, that's the name of the game! Bottom line is I had an open mind and was happy to see where the next few days took us (I can say all I want that I do look like my pictures, but ask ten different people and you'll get ten different answers. Suffice it to say, there are no big surprises between my pics and the real me).
The next day she picked me up at the hotel and we headed downtown. She told me she would have to pick up her kids at school so she only had a few hours to hang out. After we had lunch, she had to head back, so I said I'd stay in downtown and explore the city and she could call me later so we could work out when she'd be free for the evening.
She said she'd call me at 4:30.
I explored downtown, shopped, etc. 4:30 came and went and there was no call. So, I called her. No answer. I left a message.
By 6:30 I was pretty tired. I tried her a few more times but kept getting busy signals.
This was my first sign that something wasn't right. I could understand her getting busy with family stuff, but to not even call me and keep me up to date? Especially knowing she was my only contact? I was surprised. Finally, I got through and she went on about all the unexpected problems that cropped up. She couldn't find a sitter for one of her kids, so she said she'd come get me with the baby and we could all have dinner.
Fine.
So I took the three of us to dinner and got dropped off at my hotel by 9:30 friday night. Not the greatest place to be in a smallish town with no way to get anywhere, but she said she would have Saturday free starting at noon and we could really go nuts then.
Saturday at noon she calls to tell me more 'stuff' has come up and she didn't know when she'd be free. I asked if she could at least drop me off downtown so I could check into another hotel, more central to the city. She was too busy.
So, I packed my stuff and took a very expensive cab ride to a new hotel downtown.
I never heard from her again.
I can safely say, my dear Fisher, that I was a total gentleman with her. I was nice, fun and generous. Maybe she thought I was a troll in person, maybe she thought that there was no chemistry, but that should have nothing to do with her keeping up her end for a few friendly days of sightseeing!
She absolutely encouraged me to come out and visit, she picked the days and she flirted up a storm. If she got cold feet once I was there, or had a nervous breakdown, or decided I was the most horrible date on Earth, I can live with that. Feel free to make excuses not to hang out. But to not even call once to see if I was ok, if I needed anything, even a ride back to the airport, is inexcusable.
She left me all alone, to fend for myself, in an unfamiliar city. That has got to be the worst karma anyone has signed up for since John Lennon was shot!
I still managed to have a good time. I'm pretty friendly and outgoing, so I met a few people, went all over town, found a great dance club and managed to meet up with some people who worked on my show. Still, the whole experience left me feeling a little hollow. And shocked. In my wildest dreams, I could never imagine abandoning another person that way.
Is there a lesson here? The obvious one is don't go more than 50 miles for a first date. But you know what? Call me a romantic fool, a glutton for punnishment or hopelessly idealistic, but I would do it again. No matter how you look at it, it was still an adventure and I seriously think I'd be hard pressed to end up with someone who would do what she did.
No, I think the real lesson here is "hope for the best and be prepared for the worst." If I had to do it all over again, I'd have booked the hotel room myself.
And brought my cell phone charger!!
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 1:37:01 AM | That is harsh...I had a friend on ICQ that I spoke to for 3 years....he was fun on there and seemed charged to come here (only a friend), my b/f at the time set him up in his spare room and I even stayed at his place too so the guy wouldn't feel so much like a stranger.
I had prepared a HUGE box of souvineirs for him when he arrived (from different parts of Ontario)...he was commenting on which friends/family members he would give some of them to. Whatever...then we took him all over the place, paid for everything, and all the meals...even to a baseball game that his favourite team was playing at...he took off and found us later. Threw a party for him for him to meet all our friends and such...he hid up in the spare room most the whole party (and of course everyone asked where the heck he was). And never even thanked us once...I don't think I would ever go to that kind of trouble EVER again!!!
And he was a real downer and a bore, but I did everything in my power to try to make things fun. I would never leave someone abondoned!!! | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 2:31:23 AM | mo...it doesn't seem to me that you were ditched. Isn't ditched when someone takes you somewhere and leaves you....
anyhoo
I'm guessing she picked up your "I'm not that interested in you now that we met vibes". | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 4:41:35 AM | | Well that sux. I have no clue as to what the lesson is suppose to be. Maybe it's don't have any expectations of people you don't really know, or don't put all your eggs in one basket. Saying you'll never meet anyone again over 50 miles away from you is saying this experience scarred you. | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 5:31:39 AM | In my books, there is only one word for that INEXCUSABLE!!
I had a similar experience where I flew out to meet someone who was 3 hours late in picking me up from the airport. That set the tone for the entire trip and basically made up my mind about where the relationship with this person would go - nowhere. It bothered me but I had made an itinerary of things I wanted to see, hotels I could stay at and had even booked a vehicle. I wasn't going to let my trip be spoiled by him. In all, I still had good time and the people I met along with way were a lot of fun. | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 5:37:06 AM | | oy!!! please don't let that one dispicable girl be your example of what us canadian girls are really like!! that's horrible, disrespectful and SO NOT ok!!! so the vibes just weren't there in person...it happens...bah. least she could have done was be hospitable and friendly. so sorry your trip to canada went so wrong. most of us are better than that. | |
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| almost success story
Posted: 1/13/2006 5:47:26 AM | | I just wanted to let you know that not people on here are like that ! I recently went to meet a guy in Sweden for the same reason but when I arrived at the airport fully loaded with two kids in tow, we both realised very quickly that there was no magic and I had planned to stay for two weeks. He was a perfect gentle man he just said never mind we will just have a good holiday for you to remember as friends, he showed me all around stockholm introduced me to his friends and family taking me to a family christmas party too. Dispite the risk I took it all turned out to be a very good holiday for me and I have some wonderful pictures and memories of sweden so dont give up there are some nice people out there just choose wisely. Debbs | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 5:47:58 AM | | gawd that is awful . i had heard a story almost like that butthe guy flew thousands of miles with no show at the air port , why beyond me, i cant understand the games ,time and money and pride wasted ,and feeling used ,the woamn needs to get a brain cell ,what goes around comes around , so they say , no one should have to go through that i hope u have better luck next time , | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 5:59:26 AM | Hey, at least you GOT to Vancouver. A couple of years ago, I was flirting up a storm with a woman I'd been chatting with who lived in Houston, TX. (I live close to Toronto) Anyhow, we'd been chatting it up for about a year or more, and I decided to take her up on an open invitation she'd issued to come visit.
Booked the time off work, bought a $400 plane ticket (non-freaking-refundable, of course... you know where this is going!), cashed in my vacation pay, packed my bag, and I was all set.
The night before I was scheduled to leave, I called to confirm my arrival time, and ask where to watch for her at the airport. No reply. Tried a couple of times over the course of the evening, and at about midnight, I finally got a hold of her. She told me she had some "issues" with her family (who she did not live with) that she had to deal with, and that she was going "away" for a few days, probably to Phoenix. She apologized, and offered to re-imburse me for the ticket, but naturally that was the last I heard from her.
Moral of the story? DO NOT CROSS STATE LINES OR BORDERS FOR A DATE!!!! | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 6:04:42 AM | sorry for your luck mojo...but she did show up.
i hear so many of these horror stories....reason why i wont go to meet anyone...i would hate to be stranded in a place unfamilar.
so what your not into him...he goes all the way to what get dumped there...man people are so ignorant now days makes me sik.
if it were i an i wasnt into you..i would be upfront with you..but also..keep you company til you went home as a friend an have fun...unless you make other plans...its the consideration of human kind. purt yourself in their shoes...would you like it...how would you feel or react? | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 6:12:05 AM | I would have found the lesson to be: always be independant, and set things up/or verify them.
I would have rented a car, brought my cell & charger, had alternate things available. I also would have done a lot of searching on the net about Vancouver before leaving. That way the trip is my enjoyment and the person I am meeting can enjoy it with me or not.
Have you spoken to her here? I would wonder if she is still available to your emails. | |
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~iiCe~
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Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 6:18:04 AM | Jeez..... I guess I need to be thankful... been kinda lucky.... I have been the one to pick up someone from the airport and I remember the last guy called me right before he got on the plane in VA and then again in GA... just checking to make sure I was still in.... I was like of course....
I don't know if I would ever feel comfortable enough to be the one that traveled to meet someone... the only time I have done that was to meet women I met online and enjoy vacation with them.... which I would have enjoyed without them.... and both times I booked my hotel and car rental... call me paranoid... and that was to meet people who were for sure just friends...
As for the person who said that the woman maybe sensed that he wasn't feeling her... that isn't an excuse to leave someone stranded in a strange place... just handle it with some respect... and hang as friends.... minimally... hook the guy up in a hotel near action... so he won't be stranded in the middle of her nowhere.... that is the part that was rude... if I sensed the guy that flew in to meet me wasn't feeling me... I would have said something and then figure I could show him LA as a friend... I wouldn't ever invite someone here that I didn't think I could at least spend time with and have fun with... | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 6:22:52 AM | That is awful!!! Rest assured..not all Canadian's are like that!!! I travel alot for my job and I know what it is like to be in strange city never mind having someone not hold up their sightseeing bargain..I had a similar experience that was humilating.
I wish you the best of luck, and if someone comes to my town, I show them the best the city has to offer.
Take Care | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 6:35:21 AM | Interesting, out of the 14 responses that the OP has got so far, 9 are Canadian women, 4 are not, and one man.
I think he is attracting a lot of women either way, and I think the one he found outside of Vancouver is the exception to the rule. So don't be discouraged. | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 6:41:10 AM | Never abandoned anyone. Met only one person who was from over 50 mi away ....and I would NEVER do it again. There is just too much chance of things not working.....
don't go more than 50 miles for a first date.
Nails it | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 6:57:02 AM | I had something similar happen to me this past summer, except after he got here he threw some kind of fit and scared the beegeebees outta me. We had been IMing and logged many hours on the phone for over a month prior, and yes did the cam thing as well. His pix are at least 10 years old, but I chose to overlook that, and mailed him about one of his posts on the forums that I thought was very good and we went from there. On cam, he did look pretty good still, but not face to face. No attraction on my part, but I tried to make the best of it anyways. Being chief cook, chauffeur, tour guide, cleaner and lawn cutter wasn't enough and he never once offered to help me out, preferring to lounge around sleeping or went in to take a shower while I was cutting the lawn in 100* weather. I think too that, the fit came from his depression background, having been hospitalized and on meds, for it. None of that came out in any of our convos, so I was pretty shocked and scared when he flipped out of the blue.
After his fit, I was so afraid of him I called my best friend for some advice and she came with her fiancee and took him to her place for the remainder of his luxury vacation. This is where it really gets stupid. She and her SO became his cabana girl and boy, and served his majesty hand and foot, which I was unable to do. I was afraid I'd placed her in danger, and tried to warn her of the possibilities of what he was capable of, but she turned her back on me, telling me I needed professional help. He knew that if he acted up there, he'd have been kicked to the curb, so he used all his charm on them, and it worked. The 3 weeks went by, quite smoothly with them taking him everywhere he wanted to go and picking up his tab. As they said, they got along quite famously (wonder why...not) especially with her man. He helped him rebuild a basement apartment, cut their lawn, do dishes and make a meal or two. This of course worked in his favour, and made me look like the looney bin.
I've left out some of the gory details, only because it would make this long 2 month story too long. I do know he told one lady he was trying to charm, back in his hometown, that he was comming to Toronto to meet up with some old coworkers and they were going golfing and so on. We spoke only once after he got back safely home, but he was so full of crap, that I quit contacting him. It was a harsh lesson learned, but I think I would have to know more about a person, before I tried that one again. It also destroyed my friendship, and I no longer have them as friends. | |
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~iiCe~
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Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 19 | |
| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 9:02:21 AM | If he was scary... and your friends knew that.... they should have dropped his ass at the airport... and told him to get lost.... I must say... good ridance to those friends of yours.. they sucked...
But is seems their experience with him was different than yours... which doesn't make his behavior acceptable... not that I would have expected someone to mow my lawn... but he could have picked up a tab for dinner...
That is where staying at someones home becomes a problem.. when we are home we do life as usual... and so they are either obligated to assist or look like a fool for not helping.... Hotel Hotel Hotel..... then you have the safety of your home to return to...
We assume we know someone because we chatted online with them for a while.. so we welcome them in our home??? NO.... we only know what they want us to know (dude on here posted a thread about how he is in prison and about to be released... caution is a must).. and for safety again I say.... HOTEL HOTEL HOTEL..... this helps if there is no connection too... then you can go home... and if they are scary you can call and tell them you will not be returning and where to get a shuttle back to the airport...
I am sure there are more scary stories out there... and ones that have worse endings then these....
Be careful out there.... | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 11:43:55 AM | Thanks for the responses everyone...
I do have to say, there is no way she would have gotten a "not interested" vibe from me, because I didn't give one out. I was enthusiastic and totally accomodating the entire time.
And, as someone else pointed out, even if she had gotten the impression I wasn't feeling "it," we still could have hung out and had fun. We definetley had no trouble with that - the few hours we did hang out were good.
I have emailed her since to tell her how I felt about what happened; all she said was she agreed she was awful and apologized. Unfortunately, a simple apology ain't gonna cover this one.
Of course, I realize most women are not like her and what happened to me was unusual - but remember, she was an absolute sweetheart the entire time we were in contact; I never would have guessed in a million years she was capable of this. Obviously, the nice girl turned bad. The question is why?
I personally think she got seriously cold feet. I don't think she's had a relationship in a while and had a very hard time dealing with the situation - so she ignored it. She ran away instead of tackling it.
I may have been stuck out in the cold, but I feel sorry for her - she has to live with herself over this and her issues. | |
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Bibdy
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Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 21 | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 11:48:15 AM | You may be very correct with the cold feet idea. When that has happened to me it took everything I had to smarten myself up, but I did it quick and quietly.
The appology may not correct the issue but at least you are kind enough to still think kindly of her issues. | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear
Posted: 1/13/2006 12:06:40 PM | I was thinking I may have been incorrect with my post (that you gave her the impression you were disappointed) I maybe didn't read your thread closely enough or else your second post put more light on the situation.
I agree she probably got cold feet, could not live up to the "persona" she created via the computer and phone and like you said, chose to run instead of being a considerate adult about it. | |
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| The WORST Plenty Of Fish story you will EVER hear [Thread Closed]
Posted: 1/13/2006 12:14:19 PM | Mojo and all you others,
The way you were treated was horrible. I would never treat anyone like that, and it is too bad that there are people like that. As I always say, "People never fail to amaze me." I can see how someone could get cold feet...when I get to Ohio, I bet I'll have cold feet, too, but that is no excuse to not treat someone HUMAN!! What happened to friendship?? If that would've happened to me, I would've been devastated!!! I'm glad you made the most of it, Mojo...the way you handled the situation shows good character.
As for that scary guy..that's a whole 'nother issue....having dealt with that kind of person before, I know that they can't always be reasoned with, and they can turn on the charm..WHEN THEY WANT TO...
Gee, these kind of people are sure lucky that we are not allowed to give out names.....it's a scary world out there... | |
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