| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 1/15/2006 2:02:28 PM | | My wife told me she was serving me papers for a divorce but it has been 7 weeks and I recieved nothing. I want to move on and try to date someone, she is already with someone. I feel like moving on but I can't seem to get started in the process of trying to date for my marriage though final isn't final on paper. Is it wrong to want to be in another relationship. I want to date but I have nobody in mind if the chance just happens I want to move on. I guess it is the matter of principals at hand what do you think? | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 1/15/2006 2:11:16 PM | Divorce can take a while. Once you are out of the relationship, you are free to date anyone you want. You do not have freedom to remarry. Word of advice though, take some time to deal with it all before you start dating again, it leads to a healthier relationship with someone new.
~RF~ | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 1/15/2006 2:24:51 PM | | How come you don't file for a legal separation yourself? I wouldn't even think about being in a relationship if I were you though. I would think about all those things you wanted to do but could never do and do them now. You probably won't want the person you become involved with now, later, when all the dust has settled in. | |
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kce33
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Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 4 | |
| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 1/15/2006 2:39:37 PM | It sounds like you are still confused on what to do, i would advise you to take a break and sort things out and clear your mind before venturing into something new....
each relationship even if its good has its own problems,,,,,
kce | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 1/15/2006 2:57:14 PM | file the papers yourself! Get a move on. Stop letting her have control over your happiness! She has put you in torment for months now. Get a private eye to document how she is cheating on you. Find the paper work online for your state at *.gov. Mine is utah.gov. It takes minutes to complete, and filing takes less than an hour. You could have it done and over with in less than a month, uncontested. If it becomes a court battle, pull out your wild card, the documentation of her cheating on you previous to a divorce decree comencing. 
You are a fool if you believe she hasn't been seeing this guy previous to asking for your divorce.  He was the one to cause your marriage to end. But I understand being foolish and ignoring the signs of cheating. Perhaps in a way, a hopeless romantic. 
 Please don't continue to be  so naive... | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 1/15/2006 4:02:31 PM | I've had several close friends get divorced over the years, and know several friends parents that got divorced as I was growing up. I try to stay out of it as much as I can and be impartial, but that can be hard when you like both of them.
One bit of advice, take it or leave it as that's what advice is for, no matter WHAT the other side of the coin is doing you need to be careful to protect your image until the proceedings are far enough along that nothing you do will change anything. Some states are no-fault states and some aren't, but regardless, you need to protect yourself from the inevitable character attacks that could be used against you in the court proceedings.
I had a friend once that filed for divorce because his wife was openly cheating on him with the neighbor guy. He figured "when in rome" and went out and got himself a new girl too. They had a halfway decent pool of marital assets, and when it came time to sort everything out, she whipped out pictures of HIM kissing his new girlfriend and used them against him to screw him out of most of the possessions and dump him with most of the bills even though she is the one who started it. Don't get me wrong though - guys are just as good at pulling that maneuver!!
Be careful! | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 1/15/2006 4:12:55 PM | | From the various sources I've read, as well as what I was told when I went through it, is that's it's best to wait from 1 to 1 1/2 years after a divorce to start dating again. | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 1/16/2006 12:13:31 AM | I speak from experience....
It's definately better to wait a while before you date again.
Sounds like she sprung this on you, and maybe you weren't expecting it, so you are still in a bit of shock.
Take some time to be a single guy, all by yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. Too many guys (and girls) rush into relationships just so they aren't alone.
I have waited about 2 years and just now am ready to venture into it again. Had a great time during those two years, just getting lonely now... | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 1/16/2006 10:44:11 AM | I have a litte bit different opinion on this than many it seems.
For me, it did me a world of good to get out and start dating before my divorce was final. It helped me get a feeling of ME back and gave me ego a tremendous boost (which was much needed after finding out my husband was cheating witha younger girl).
So i think you need to do whatever you feel is best for YOU.
I did make it very clear to anyone I was seeing that it was a casual thing, that I did not intend to get into anything serious and I think that's the right thing to do for sure.
I do believe you need time ot heal from the divorce before you get into a new relationship but as far as getting out there and having some fun by dating, i don't see a problem with it.
To each their own and it's not for everyone but it was just what I needed!
It's already been addressed here about keeping your nose clean in case things should come up in the divorce. I'd suggest you get a lawyer of your own if you haven't already and ask some of these questions of him/her. The laws are so different in each state that you really need to find out what pertains to you in your unique situation.
I live in Texas, a no fault state so while my X was openly cheating and I had emails, credit card receipts, etc, it was of no use to me according ot my lawyer. Also, Texas has no such thing as a legal separation so that wouldn't have done anything for me.
The best advice is to get your own lawyer and protect yourself!!!
Good Luck to you! | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 1/16/2006 3:23:45 PM |
From the various sources I've read, as well as what I was told when I went through it, is that's it's best to wait from 1 to 1 1/2 years after a divorce to start dating again.
That is exactly what I did.. Waited until I could deal with it myself and put that
part of my life behind me.
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 6/20/2007 2:21:11 AM | Life is but a mystery that we all seem to try and solve. nearly 7 yrs ago my marriage ended and I have been trying since to get back on my feet emotionally, everytime i start trying to be with someone my ex enter5s back into my life trying to interfere.
we all must be an stay strong as if we let our ex's get the best of us we will always be but a bug on their shoe.
My motto in life is to live life to the fullest and to believe in yourself and follow your dreams. don't let anyone have the power to take that away from you, because if or when they do you are left with nothing but a shadow of yourself. | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:20:54 AM | Why not afford yourself some time to heal, instead of subjecting some poor girl to the "rebound" status?
Wendy | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:46:00 AM | My divorce started last August, ( In Colo), with children involved. Court will be in session again July 2nd. This seems to be time consuming. Different states have different laws, but they all seem to have a multitude of web sites for reference material. What is Your motivation for not filing Yourself? That was my BIG question # 1 when this started in my life. Hope, fear, guilt, remorse, shock....... Every decision has it's own motivating factors. My ex is dating, I might too some day if I find some one I like. I am not ,going to grudge date. You know, look I can do that too. I wasn't looking for a mate when we started going out twelve years ago, it just worked out that way. Pain, and low self esteem, have caused me to make some really dumb decisions in my life. In reality, I am just now getting to where I might have a clear enough head, and the time to be in a relationship, or even date. Nobody really wants to be my sounding board, or saviour, from the baggage dept. Have fun, be You, if You can remember who that is. Some one was interested in You enough to marry You once already. Good Luck.  | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:49:01 AM | Well I would be more firm with her and demand the papers. Be honest and tell her that you want to move on and want the divorce over and done with. I don't know why some people drag things on.
Yes, I personally don't like dating guys who are separated. I'd rather they be single or divorced.
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:49:06 AM | Papers mean nothing...just like a wedding ring doesn't guarantee fidelity. The papers won't magically make you ready to date...it is a step in the process though.
Sounds like you're not ready and you should just move on slowly. | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 10/1/2007 8:51:35 AM | | Waiting that long may be allright for someone who had a bad divorce but for me, I was separated and lived alone for 5-years prior to the actual divorce, so I am tired of being lonely, eating alone, going to movies alone. I would like to have a warm body next to me. Being alone is not fun unless you have a lot of friends with nothing else to do but spend time with you. Most of my friends have families and lives of their own. If the marriage was bad get out and find new friends and start living. Life is too short. | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 10/1/2007 1:39:40 PM | | File yourself! Do you even know for a fact that she has already done this? seven weeks to be contacted seems like a long time. I had mine in days. | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 19 | |
| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 10/1/2007 2:07:41 PM | | Wait until you get the papers in your hand,and if you still think you can date,all I can say is good luck! | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 10/2/2007 9:19:58 PM | 7 weeks isnt exactly very long.
Now if you said 7 years, I'd trust that you'd moved on, practically and emotionally, and there was some other glitch holding things up "officially". | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 10/3/2007 1:32:23 AM | | Seven weeks is not long. Why not take time for yourself, months or even years - to do what you want, enjoy some freedom, delve into new hobbies or take some classes? It's not a competition with your ex that she's with someone already. She's not taken time for herself and jumped into something and it most likely won't work out. | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 10/3/2007 6:58:49 AM | | Ladies: If a man is in the process of getting a divorce, he has a lot of emotional issues to work out. Most likely he is unhappy and feels hurt & confused. His basic instinct is to find comfort. If you are a strong woman and able to deal with a man who is "on the rebound" and not over his marriage yet (statistics say that it takes one to two years to get over a divorce...sometimes more), then go for it but chances are very strong that it won't work out. I advise vulnerable women who truly want and need a committed, long-term relationship to avoid newly divorced men. They are just simply not ready to commit and may not even see you as who you really are. I am speaking from experience not assumption. I dated a man who said his divorce was in the works several years ago and fell hard for him. It turned out that the whole time that he was with me, he was trying to work things out with her because he was still in love with her and he eventually left me to go back to her. It hurt like hell. I felt stupid but I learned a valuable lesson. Also quite a few men say on their profile that they are divorced when they are not. Look out. Make sure you have plenty of phone calls and emails before you meet someone and get emotionally invested. Tell-tale signs that a man is still involved with or living with his "ex" is that he is only available to you during his working hours and never on holidays or weekends and always has an excuse as to why he can't bring you to his place. I hope this helps some one. I hope I don't sound like a man-basher because women do it, too. | |
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| waiting for divorce to be final
Posted: 10/3/2007 10:44:53 AM | It depends on what you feel ready to do. For some, it can take awhile months ...years even to get over a break up. For others, they've already mourned the break up while still in the relationship (in other words they knew it was coming) and are ready to move on much earlier.
There is nothing wrong with seeking a new relationship, if that is what you feel ready to do. Many would criticise you for doing it before your divorce is final, but they also do not realise that divorce can take a long time. People still need friendship, companionship, and emotional support through the process. Just because we are going through a divorce does not mean we stop being human with needs.
The answer isn't to consider ourselves unworthy of a new relationship just because someone else didn't think we were good enough. The answer isn't to hang out at home alone every night and stuff our face full of chips in front of the T. The answer is to pick ourselves up, dust ourself off, and move on when we feel personally ready, not when someone else thinks we should.
Good luck | |
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