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 tetrahedron
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 1
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experiencePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have never been able to think of sex as anything but a very personal and meaningful experience. When I see others having fun as if sex was just another activity, I wonder about it. I wonder if I am missing out on a lot of fun. I usually think that people who have sex casually are missing out and maybe wish they could find something deeper, no pun intended. On the rare day when I am slightly open minded, I wonder if it's me who is looking for something more shallow.

So I would like to know whether others think along these lines, and, from those who enjoy sex as a recreational activity, what kinds of feelings do you have about the person you are with? Is it no different than any other casual activity, like bowling or dancing, or is there some dimension of affection that comes into play?
 7times
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 2
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 1/17/2006 6:58:07 AM
I love them at the time of it but after that I play stupid and forget their name
 starsfaninarlington
Joined: 11/18/2005
Msg: 3
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 1/17/2006 7:12:14 AM
To some people, sex IS just an activity. We're all set up different emotionally, and we have a pretty wide range of expectations. I also think a lot of people cycle through a range of emotions where sex can be just sex and that's fulfilling enough for periods of time and they need (or think they need) something more at others.
 Angel without Halo
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 4
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 1/17/2006 7:18:12 AM
While I haven't exactly been an angel, I find that at this point in my life I do like to have a connection with my partner as the sex is much better and less inhibited. imo
 bite_me_please
Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 5
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 1/17/2006 7:34:19 AM

So I would like to know whether others think along these lines, and, from those who enjoy sex as a recreational activity, what kinds of feelings do you have about the person you are with

My personal experience is that there is no black and white answer here.
I had a *uck buddy, I fell for him.
I had an intimate encounter off of here. The sex was good, he was cute. Yet, I have no desire to see him again.
I do think it is possible to enjoy sex as a recreational activity. It can be great. However, I think sex where emotions are involved is better. Especially MUTUAL feelings.
 IMshrek
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 6
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 1/17/2006 7:40:57 AM
There is a deffinite need to have some caring involved, but if both parties are ok with just sex and nothing more, than the caring for one another will not be forced to evolve into love. This doesn't mean the it will never be love, but with open and honest communication, love won't and can't sneak up on the two so easily that they have trouble maintain the friendship. They can slowly move into a meaningful relationship while keeping it fun and uncomplicated or they can decide to go their own seperate ways if one party doesn't share another's growing feelings before said party gets hurt.
 RU-Serious
Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 7
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 1/17/2006 7:47:39 AM
I would say that is kind of like bowling. Except you don't have to rent the shoes. And you definitily don't want to be throwing your balls so hard that it's knocking over your pin.

But yeah, kinda like bowling.
 boxman
Joined: 4/14/2005
Msg: 8
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 1/17/2006 8:10:50 AM
I think it depends on the mood you're in at the time. I've had meaningful relationships that have at times allowed for playful sexual activity, and I've had some that I made so casual that I fear I may have missed out on a meaningful thing. You kind of have to play it by ear I reckon.
 katchoowitty
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 9
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 6:56:55 AM
There is room for both.

I've had partners / lovers / fwb casual sex and I always feel affection for them. At least I do if they are going to be something semi-regular.... Affection and caring, we are friends who happen to get nekkid on occassion....These relationships are rewarding to me, in that they meet the physcial need, while also allowing me the comfort of an limited emotional connection.

I've had the odd "one time only" thing, and that was more disappointing then anything.... the sex was NOT great, and there was no room in the interaction to discuss ways to make it better for both of us!! That's kind of..."agenda sex" deals only with scratching the proverbial itch.

As for "whole, I'll love you forever and ever SEX"....well, I'm not sure what that means.... Might be neat to try it...but sex, like money, comes into any relationship with baggage! You have to be able to talk about it and know your own issues.....

That's my .02$
 ohio07
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 10
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 2:36:30 PM
(9) I think you summed it up pretty well... Mutual affection with intamicy is always great; sex with some space can be quite helpful at times, as long as you both are on speaking terms after. But they all pale to one person who can be an intimate, steady who can give you great sex and intamicy together at the same time.
 textodd11
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 11
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casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 2:43:44 PM
Depends on what mood I'm in at the time. I don't think the two have to be mutually exclusive. Some times I really want to connect with my partner on a spiritual level, sometimes I want to fvck like an animal and sometimes I want a spiritual animal-fvck.

Any of them is right if both partners are in that mood.
 cute_asme
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 12
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 3:21:47 PM
i agree! sex should be a meaningful intimate experience.....casual sex is sooooo meaningless
 mrcyrus
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 13
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casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 3:46:42 PM
Casual sex and 'meaningful' sex are different experiences, and both are absolutely lovely. I've had 'meaningless' sex that sure was fun, and sometimes that's all that matters.
 Elle72
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 14
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 3:58:36 PM
I think that the idea of "meaningful experience" is a very subjective one.
Nevertheless I enjoyed it as a recreational activity with partners that always meant something to me...I don't think I could separate the two...and I'm sure I missed something in life but "ignorance is bliss".
 kthyg
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 15
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casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 3:59:14 PM
I can say I have experienced and enjoyed both. When I do "casual" sex, it's with friends. They are people I enjoy hanging out with and laughing with. Sex is just an extension of that friendship for us. I have had more casual sex than that even and it's been enjoyable but not something I want all the time or even most of the time. I've also had sex within the confines of a committed relationship. I don't find it anymore rewarding personally. For me, sex is sex and love is love. I don't need them to be combined.

Now, if you are the type of person that needs that, it's just fine to be that way. You probably aren't missing anything because you are doing what works for you. For those of us who have sex outside a committed relationship, we aren't missing anything either. We are just doing what works for us. The key is, as with all relationship issues, to work with people that have similar ideals and all works out well.
 krookie
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 16
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casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 4:04:03 PM

So I would like to know whether others think along these lines, and, from those who enjoy sex as a recreational activity, what kinds of feelings do you have about the person you are with? Is it no different than any other casual activity, like bowling or dancing, or is there some dimension of affection that comes into play?



For me, it has to be meaningful in a way that is going to be long-lasting and intimate. I have never understood how some treat it as an activity. To each his/her own, it's just not for me.

However, I do have to say that I believe that anyone who says they are having casual sex for the "physical release" is simply fooling themselves. And I see this statement all the time. You don't "need" a partner for a physical release. You "desire" a partner for an emotional bond. That bond can be at many levels, but it is ALWAYS there in some form.

So, can it be viewed as an "activity" by some. Sure. Is it different than other casual activities? It has to be. Can't get around it. It's emotional bowling a perfect 300 game, but somehow, I don't think it's quite the same thing.
 mrcyrus
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 17
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casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 4:11:45 PM
Either you don't enjoy sex, krookie, or you've never had good sex. :p Jerking off is nowhere near as nice as intercourse. Emotions are not at all necessary.
 EyesWideOpen66
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 18
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 4:22:55 PM
Both types are great, it just depends what you're looking for and what your libido is like. So long as there are no feelings for either person included in the "recreational" sexcapades and you trust the person, then what's the harm... but if you're looking for something more meaningful and have no desire to have recreational sex then no, you're not missing out on anything.
 kthyg
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 19
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casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 4:54:33 PM

You don't "need" a partner for a physical release.


Perhaps not but release with a partner beats self pleasure any day. It's like saying you don't "need" steak. Nope but I sure am going to enjoy it!
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 20
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casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 5:50:31 PM

beats self pleasure

Now you're being funny....nothing beats a pun
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 21
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 7:06:18 PM

I think that the idea of "meaningful experience" is a very subjective one.


I am at this stage when I question the same topic you do, OP. I know I need to have some kind of connection with the other in order to go this route. But I find myself little bit more relaxed these days. I think it is OK to have those sexual experiences. In my opinion they are always recreational anyways, how can one label one experience more spiritual and the other meaningless. All those labels have become meaningless to me in the last little while.
At this moment, I don't desire a committed relationship, but I still want/need sex ... so I find myself opening to 'recreational sex'. Labels stop having any meaning to me.
 MelloDLyn
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 22
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casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 7:22:31 PM
I am not into casual recreational type sex. I am only into passionate and romantic meaningful sex.
 southern scion
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 23
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casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 7:47:49 PM
To paraphrase Robert Heinlein: There is no such thing as [I]casual[/I] sex
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 24
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 8:20:24 PM
sourthern scion,
thank you for pointing this out, I agree there isn't such thing as casual sex.
Recreational can be meaningful and spiritual. How many times have I heard on forums in broken heart section, people being involved in meaningful sex, only to discover, the partner walked out on them next day, next week, next month....doesn't matter. So, was it meaningful? In my opinion, we attach any meaning to it, label, emotion, and hope and believe that our experiences more valid than others who do not share our views.

When I was younger, mid twenties till late thirties, I think I had pretty idealized views of sexual encounters and what they meant.
 MikeM1968
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 25
casual recreational sex versus meaningful intimate experience
Posted: 3/19/2009 8:24:12 PM
Personally I feel that many of us may have needed to learn how to take sex more casually. I was always so *attached* to every woman just because of sex and wound up staying with many women that were not relationship material for me. The sex may have been good, even almost great, we just had no relationship compatibility. The best sex has always been with those I've been in long term relationships with though. There's just something better about sex when there's a very established comfort level with the other person.

I guess it's the way I was brought-up and the fact that my own parents were already into their 40's when they had me in 1968. Totally different morality back in those days. I mean, my parents didn't talk to me about sex. I ask my older siblings if they ever talked to them about it and they just laugh at me. While I do still believe in many of those old values, I have had to adopt my own values as-well.

I do still prefer to be with a woman who has some intention of a relationship, however, I've been known to accept the casual encounter when needed. Some women were also the ones who fooled me into thinking there would be a return performance too. I suppose it did help the encounter itself. I just didn't truly perform the same with the ones where I knew it would only be a one time deal. So I actually prefer to *believe* it will lead to more, regardless of whether it's true or not. I don't just ask for a one night stand or a casual encounter. Some of them just want that so they lie and start making fake plans and so on.

It has helped my sex life in general to loosen-up quite a bit and stop being so rigid about sex having to be all about relationships and this big meaningful *religious experience* thing. . It is, after-all, a natural instinct. If god, budda, the divine creator, whatever -- didn't mean for us to do it, he/she/it wouldn't have made it feel so damn good!!

Mike
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