| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 10:33:22 AM | ok. i have a question for all the head gamers out there....men and women. c'mon, we know this isn't a gender thing. there's plenty of both who get a thrill out of hurting people for some reason.
i have a scenerio that describes in great detail, one of the gamers....
so, i meet a guy online. we spend hours chatting, both online and then graduating to phone calls. i'm upfront with the guy right from the get go, telling him that i'm going through some stuff and really not sure where i am with myself. i tell him i'm really not looking to date, but the guy is relentless, constantly bugging to go out. so, finally i give in and tell him i'll do something casual and "non-datish" with him. we decide to go walking our dogs together. it was pleasant and nothing happened...no hand holding, no hugs or kisses at the end of it. purely platonic...or so it seemed at the time. but then things got kinda wierd. the guy starts calling a lot and leaving hourds and hourds of I.M.s and emails. apparently he even came looking for my home to drop a card off to me before i went away on a trip. (he didn't find me that night). after i come home, i explain again to him that i'm not into dating him. he proceeds to spend the next entire YEAR playing these games. eventually the phone calls died off, but the messages continued to bombard me, until eventually i had to take to blocking him now and then. just when the hounding seemed to be settling down, we found out we had a mutual friend and it started all over again. now he was constantly picking her brains...seeking information about me and constantly bugging her to set us back up again. eventually i let this friend talk me back into talking to him again. i unblock him and give him a chance. we spend hours and hours talking online again and i start to wonder if my friend isn't right about him. after some time, we make plans to get together again, but not alone. we decide on an evening together with a group of mutual friends. prior to this evening, he acts all excited, he calls our mutual friend several times that day and he even asks to speak WITH MY DAUGHTER on the telephone, including her in all the excitement too. so, he shows up that night, bringing me the card he'd meant to give me a year previous, a card in which he places an offer of kisses, dinners and movies. the night went seemingly well. he acted as though the interest was still there, so much so that my friends were calling the next day and commenting on how smitten he was with me. after this evening, which went seemingly well, he started to turn a little cold...avoiding me and avoiding the issue at hand. when i questioned him about it, he told me an ex had come back into his life and he wasn't sure where things stand with her. (our mutual friend had already told me about this girl several weeks before that....that she had come seeking friendship only from him and that was all...she had said she didn't want to date him. if i'd thought there was any more to it than that, i'd never have gotten together with him again.)so, anyway, i tried to bow out gracefully when he told me this and he had the audacity to tell me he didn't want to rule anything out between he and i yet either. in other words....if she won't take me back, you can be my second best. ugh! well, i didn't like that and i suppose it showed, but i couldn't take the conversation any further as i was late for work. i've tried to talk to him since, but he's not reading my emails and he has blocked me from his msn.
ok, so i'm pretty sure all this was for him, was the thrill of the hunt. this was all fun and games while he was doing the chasing, and as soon as i relented...the fun was gone for him. am i hurt? meh, not really. i'm more just baffled i guess. i don't understand what would motivate someone to waste an entire year of their life playing these 12 year old games. and what i REALLY don't get is why he would see the need to involve someone who had considered him one of her dearest friends. moreover, why did he feel the need to involve an innocent child? THAT above anything else was the cruel part....too get my daughter all worked up like that. for those things i'm a little angry. but as for being hurt, i guess when all is said and done, he doesn't win in the end. he's still left alone. he hasn't really done much damage...other than spend the year trying to annoy me. i AM a little perturbed with myself though, for ignoring a year's worth of good gut feelings and listening to my heart.
alright, so i guess the reason i've spilled all this is because i'd really like to try and understand what goes through the minds of people like this. maybe if i knew, then i'd know better how to avoid them, since it seems that i'm a magnet to this type of person. so, for any of you out there who are admittedly gamers, or even if you know people who are and think you've got the whole thing figured out....please contribute your 2 cents worth. what is wrong with humans that they need to try this hard to screw people around???  | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 12:29:02 PM | | You said it....the thrill of the hunt....that...and mabey hes just affaid to be alone...or hes just a crazy stalker. Humans are a vortex of millions of feelings, and thoughts...trying to understand the nature of the beast is impossible. | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 2:08:17 PM | | yay... another "game playing" thread. What does that really mean anyways? It's such a vague term. If ANYTHING goes remotely wrong in a relationship, people tend to call it "game playing" .... whatever. That term bores me. | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 2:09:25 PM | and another thing. Does anyone REALLY wake up and say "today I think I'm going to start messing with the heads of people who like me... just for fun"
"game players" are not a specific group of people. It's all situational. | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 2:38:16 PM | sounds like to me, you did enjoy the "hunt" also, and played a few games yoursellf!
You kept going back and out with the guy, stayed in contact! Yet each time you blew him off, then went back out AGAIN!
Someone sounds a little sour grapes, but is coming off as whine! (pun intended)
1st we catch hell for not trying enough, and persuing, only to become stalkers or game players! WTF???? | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 2:49:42 PM | That's not game-playing. That's just plain psycho. Anything that lasts that long, and tries to include your children, is creepy.
But the fact is, the previous poster is right about one thing. It sounds like you enjoyed the attention and game-playing a little. You certainly let it go on long enough. Explaining to someone what your limits are, when they obviously just don't get it, isn't going to accomplish anything. You know how to drop the hammer if you need to. The fact that it went on for over a year, and you would only block him sometimes (which means you unblocked him sometimes, too) means you had a little more of a hand in this than you are letting on. | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 6:58:29 PM | | LOOK OUT LADIES MY BEST FRIENDS EX HUSBAND WHICH SHE IS STILL SEEING AND STAY OVER IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN IS ON HERE TELLING WOMEN HE IS SINGLE HIS NAME IS NOTHEREFORGAMES. HOW NICE HE'S THE ONE PLAYING THE GAMES!! WHAT A JERK. | |
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| attention: game players... They don't exist! Read my P.S. Destroy me after
Posted: 1/17/2006 7:21:27 PM | Why doesn't anyone want to think about these few factors:
"They appear to be game players, because"
* something you said (they disagree with you completely, but opposed to arguing, just withdraw)
* somthing you didn't understand (almost the same as above, jut that they feel no pointof wasting time on whoever appears to be there NON-soulmate?)
* something you will NEVER understand (this is very narrow, especially in regards of this key-hitting thing. I mean - they think as they TYPE)
* something that is instantly repulsable? (Is there such a word in English?) Like: " I went out on a date once and he was (...) insert there.. So on"
---------------------
AL,
ex-p
P.S. as soon as we get over the "player" thoght, that's where we get the real character | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 7:33:03 PM | haha mindinflight I had one play the games for 2 years - no rubbish 2 entire years - he would make contact again via msn - email - phone whatever start speaking too me - he knew I wanted to try to sort things out after a ending of dating ( which I did due to a fight ) and he knew I still loved him and was hurting over It. Anyways Id send a I love you bla bla email please can we sort this out and onto msn he'd show - haha seems great yer - yer right but never did he ask to see me ect  so Id cut It off - then hed hack my computer bla bla various things knowing Id then start emailing him abuse or lets try again emails - this went on for an entire 2 yrs no crap - like a kid throwing a tanti - any attentions good attention - but each time he'd then start speaking as himself - he always had some excuse and never came up to see me - once a yr ago out the blue in the same type of situation - but no he didnt try to shag me haha so it was NOT about being a booty call.
Anyways over the time i tried the lot - sent full on love emails in the height of his hacking tantis and call and hang up tantis ect - each one of these brought him back as himself on some level - msn - email - ect but NEVER did he want to do the normal thing then and catch up see if we could put it back together.
No idea if i was a long drawn out back up plan ... If hes married ....If It was just some sick mindgame to keep me tied to the hurt or what .. but In the end I just turned my back on It and IF It starts up again Im just gonna Ignore It - Its been proven about 5 times so far Its just a joke.. BUT haha why would they bother having a mind games session for such a chunk of their lifes - plain stupid.
Too much time on their hands maybe who knows but save yourself future years of primary school games and cut It off - just Ignore their attention seeking ways. | |
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Rake
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Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 12 | |
| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 8:11:15 PM | i don't understand what would motivate someone to waste an entire year of their life playing these 12 year old games
Im more curious as to what would motivate someone to waste an entire year of their life entertaining these 12 year old games... | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 8:25:21 PM | ^^^
Exactly... I am not too sure what you are concerned about... your efforts blocking him and ignoring him took far less work than him making hisself look like a complete ass chasing someone for a year, harrassing her, emailing her...
The guy is not a player, he is an idiot... way too much time on his hands... if I was you I would not even give this clown a second thought... he is more than likely trying to find ways of narrowing down his waiting time between dates... | |
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Crazy8
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Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 8:34:41 PM | Games are known to improve, map reading skills, hand-eye coordination, fine motor skills, reading comprehension, and lots more. I love games.
Ooooo! Fantastic snowboarding photo, All About Laughs! | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 8:49:35 PM | | they play alot of tircks of the trade belive me they ypu you under their spell smooth sweet talkers all latino men are well know giegilo playboy handel five women on the side belive mei was dump by on who never gave me the chance to see him, three dramas kings etc. | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 10:16:32 PM | @ sambucadawg, molonel and rake:
sounds like to me, you did enjoy the "hunt" also, and played a few games yoursellf!
You kept going back and out with the guy, stayed in contact! Yet each time you blew him off, then went back out AGAIN!
for the record, i went out with him ONCE a year ago...after we mutally agreed to keep it very casual. i didn't "keep going back out with the guy" at all. then recently i met him among a group of friends after he'd spent several months hounding a mutual friend to arrange a meeting. at no time after the first time i met him and before the second (unless you're counting the one time he showed up at my home, unannounced and uninvited and i immediately sent him packing!), did i lead him on or change my mind about my original stand on not wanting to date him. i was always clear about this to him. i DID, however, (and i make no apologies for being a nice person), try to remain relatively amicable, hence the reason i would occasionally unblock him. we live in the same small town and our paths are bound to cross now and again...especially since we have mutual friends. i simply thought it might be easier to remain on a friendly basis with him, then to be downright mean and risk a scene the next time our paths did cross. so NO, i did NOT enjoy the hunt. nor did i "play a few games" myself. i was honest and upfront with this boy from the get go. i did my best to remain firm but friendly with him. and NEVER did i try to suck my friends or his family into this sick little web he wove.
as a sidenote...i found out after all this occurred that a friend had dated him a few years back. turns out she'd had similar problems. only he'd gotten more aggressive with her, showing up at her home to the point of frightening her. in the end she had to have a grown-up male friend pay this guy a visit and put a scare into him. if only i'd known this stuff a year ago, i could have saved a lot of hassle. alas, hindsight's 20/20. | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 10:19:32 PM | @ sariec88:
"game playing" .... whatever. That term bores me.
and yet, that thread title drew you in like a rat to the pied piper.....interesting. | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 10:24:05 PM | @wespauley:
if history counts for anything, you're probably right. lol btw...very cute kitty! :) | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/17/2006 10:41:26 PM | @ stormflower007 and just for laughs:
no worries...my involvement with this guy ended when i realized what he was up to. we will, i'm sure, come into physical contact at some point, by unfortunate circumstance. that's ok though. now that i've wised up to him, i can be the iceburg that sank the titanic. i'm not really looking for advice on how to deal with this particular incident. i already have. what i was looking for, moreso, was some insight into what makes people behave this way. but i think maybe another poster hit the nail on the head when saying that we'll never be able to figure it out. sad though. stormflower, i'm very sorry you had to go through all that garbage. it's not pleasant. but i'm glad to hear you're finally taking charge and ridding yourself of the thorn in your side. you'll be much better off for it.  | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/18/2006 6:08:10 AM | We should relly brainstorm and come up with some new threads...no offense OP....I see the some old thing over and over again...just a thought. | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/18/2006 7:32:17 AM | | Did it occur to you that maybe he wasnt playing mindgames... That after putting so much energy into someone so unwilling to give him even the chance to hangout and see where it goes despite his putting himself on the line so much, maybe he just suddenly ran out of steam? Im sure it felt nice for him to be wanted after so long and decided to go with the path of least resistance... Nothing wrong with that and i hope she makes him happy. If you really just wanted to be friends, it should be a relief for you that the hounding is over anyways :) | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/18/2006 7:32:38 AM | I am only allowed to post on threads that excite and interest me? lol. whatever
Lunchbox I agree with you completely. No offense to the OP was intended. | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/18/2006 10:01:24 AM | @ lunchbox6 and sarie88:
We should relly brainstorm and come up with some new threads...no offense OP....I see the some old thing over and over again...just a thought.
you're both right...some threads with new varieties of thoughts, i'm sure would prove interesting. however, i'm afraid that for as long as some people keep doling out cruelties to other, the others are going to be left standing wondering what the hell just happened. people will never stop trying to figure it out, therefore, posts like this will continue to be found in places like this. it is my right to post what is on my mind. i've posted into the appropriate forum and some people have willingly come in and offered support and good advice. this is my right....just as it is your right to NOT come in and read or partake in a thread that doesn't suit your mood. if you don't mean to offend, then why bother to post negative comments? if you don't like what's here, steer yourself away from it. it's not meant for you. pretty simple. | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/18/2006 10:11:35 AM | @ ashurek:
yes, actually the thought did occur at one point that maybe he wasn't playing games...maybe he was just a little messed up. however, i've given the whole thing a review (there's a lot of things i've left out of this story, in order to condense it), and the answer is yes...these were definitely games. i've found out since all this that he's got a history for pulling this stuff...and for stalking. so, there's no doubt in my mind. as for being friends...yes i tried, but we're beyond that. and i am relieved that the hounding is over...i only hope it doesn't start back up again. as i said, i'm really just confused about the whole thing. and angered that his little game went beyond me and extended to mutual friends and more importantly a CHILD. when you say "i hope she makes him happy", i'm not sure whom you're referring to. if you mean the ex-girlfriend i referred to in my original post, then i think you missed the part where i wrote that she's not interested in dating him either. (unless it's to play his game back on him..in which case, will be quite amusing. | |
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| attention: game players...
Posted: 1/18/2006 10:40:49 AM | i DID, however, (and i make no apologies for being a nice person), try to remain relatively amicable, hence the reason i would occasionally unblock him. we live in the same small town and our paths are bound to cross now and again...especially since we have mutual friends. i simply thought it might be easier to remain on a friendly basis with him, then to be downright mean and risk a scene the next time our paths did cross. so NO, i did NOT enjoy the hunt. nor did i "play a few games" myself. i was honest and upfront with this boy from the get go. i did my best to remain firm but friendly with him. and NEVER did i try to suck my friends or his family into this sick little web he wove.
You don't have to make any apologies. But when you deal with guys like that, being friendly is not going to do anything but encourage him. You can be too amicable. I've had friends who dealt with guys like that. Heck, I've dealt with WOMEN like that. I had a girl try to hack my voicemail to find out what other women I was talking to. I've also known people who had to go to court to get restraining orders.
No, when you deal with someone like that, you drop the hammer. Hard. You block them, and keep it blocked. You explain, at the beginning. If they don't listen, and don't get it, you become more of an a**hole.
Your friend who had the big male friend go over and do some "explaining" did the right thing. Good for her.
That option can backfire, though. But when it does work, it works very well. | |
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