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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?      Home login  
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 Purple_Butterfly
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 1
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I was in a relationship with this guy and he used me for my money and my generous and trusting nature for 7 months. I feel that all I did was love him and feel so used but now I am missing being in a relationship and think I am ready to start another one. I know you will look at my profile and say that since all im wanting is "sex" that I need to change my profile but I have 2 profiles(not on here) but the one that says I am looking for a relationship is getting no mail and no views. I have been thinking lately that I have to go back to him cause otherwise I will never find another man to love me. So how do I get over him and move on so I don't have to go back and be mistreated again?
 -Horrible/Brazen-
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 2
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:03:30 AM
How are you going to find love if you can't love yourself? I suggest going for counselling and delete your intimate encounter profile because it sounds like you're settling and that isn't healthy... neither is going back to a bad relationship. Do yourself a favour and get some help.
 ~SpiffyKat~
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 3
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:10:45 AM
Its normal to feel a blow to your self esteem when a relationship ends...In your case (after reading your post)Im sure feeling used isnt helping the matter at all.You dont "have" to go back to him and I would strongly advise against it.You also maybe should reconsider saying your just looking for sex to get emails from men if you arent.You wont garner the type of attention thats desireable.How do you get over this guy so you dont get mistreated again?It isnt about the guy you end up with.Its about how much you value yourself and respect yourself as an individual .Nice caring intelligent men tend to be drawn to women who set the bar a little higher than just a fling.I think its pretty imperative you do some soul searching before looking for love.Find yourself first.Know what you love about yourself....explore life as a single woman for a bit.Find out how good it feels to "want" to be in a relationship instead of "needing" to be involved with someone.People pick up on neediness and the losers in this world will take advantage if you let them.In a sense I do belive we show people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves.Im sure you are a wonderful lady and you deserve a man who can appreciate you simply for who you are and not what he can get from you in any sense..Find yourself...then love..Good luck,kat
 queenrhiannon
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 4
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How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:14:30 AM
I so agree with BraZen.
I was in love, and he dumped me by friggin email - and then took another to france for two weeks - that devistated me.
I wanted to immediately run into the arms of another - because i had no self respect left, and wanted that immediate satisfaction of feeling 'loved'.
Bad mistake. The one I ran too - cheated on me as well.
It wasn't until I took control over my life again, and found my inner strength and inner beauty again - and I realized that hey - life is okay without either one of them.
You have to find your inner qualities again, and definately take the just sex profile off. It can lead to more heartache - and you may feel fullfilled for a night - but the next morning the lonliness comes back - and with more force.
The way I took control over my life - I put my focus onto other things - my dreams, projects - even my family (my nieces). Then I gave myself a makeover, dyed my hair a different color, started eating healthy again - and I found my spiritual side again - which I so missed.
Now I feel that I am ready to maybe share the good things in my life, as you will too -once you are ready. And you will find someone again - but you have to first find yourself. You have to get your strength again, or you could fall into the same routine with the same kind of cads (users)
Even though I am almost 98% - I am still going to see a councillor - there is no shame in that. They do help - believe me if you find the right one.
Good luck girl - you can do it. No one is in charge of your life but you - you have to take the next steps into your future. Don't wait around for your knight in shining armour - take care of yourself. And once you are ready - who knows what wonderful things the universe may send your way!
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 5
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:16:30 AM
I suggest you get therapy due your unhealthy weird to be in a crappy relationship rather than none at all.
Unless you REALLY don't mind being treated like crap and you wrote this because you're bored.
 -Horrible/Brazen-
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 6
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:21:54 AM
@ Woman4u

One thing I've noticed not only in my time here, but in my relationships with other people... that nearly EVERYONE has been where you are. We've all had a bad relationship that has taken a part of our soul, so to speak, and we all cope differently. Just know that you're not alone, even though you are lonely.

Edit: With the exception of BEG. I guess my "nearly everyone" wasn't general enough for her.
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 7
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:24:32 AM
I"ve never been in a bad relationship that's " taken part" of my soul.
 ~SpiffyKat~
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 8
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:31:50 AM
^I havent either..Ive been incredibly hurt though ..yes..
 -Horrible/Brazen-
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 9
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:33:33 AM
You guys have never been in a bad relationship??? No one's ever abused you, cheated on you, used you? Geez, aren't you lucky.
 longte
Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 10
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:36:12 AM
I am not a great fan of therapists, but that is my personal opinion
Just by posting this you are going to be given some great advice
You are You and Special ... Remember that

Very good Idea to change your profile, as the quality of the Fish you catch here, depends on your bait
If you say you want Sex you will get Sex
But I think you actually want more than that

Play here in the Forums
Sort out what you really want at this time in your life
Then just reach out and get it

Good fishing
..
.
 ~SpiffyKat~
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 11
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:42:34 AM
^^I didnt say that Brazen..Ive never allowed anyone to "take part of my soul" as you stated in your above post.I have been deeply hurt though..We all have at one time or another
 leafslady
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 12
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:42:42 AM

You guys have never been in a bad relationship??? No one's ever abused you, cheated on you, used you? Geez, aren't you lucky.


I have,but fortunately,or unfortunately...I'm now the type who needs to have trust earned.
I deserve better..the OP deserves better..
 Kat4u
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 13
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:43:57 AM
I have to agree with BraZen on this one.....I couldn't have said it better.
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 14
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:50:04 AM
Personally I don't think a good plan for coping because of a crappy relationship is to get involved in another crappy relationship but then, I'm weird like that.
 Purple_Butterfly
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 15
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:52:03 AM
I am starting counceling this month and yes the loneliness comes back even after being intimate with someone(sex). I also forgot to mention that this guy is a drug user and always did it in front of me. If I delete my profile or change it to ask for just friends that would also get no responses and no I am not a "man hater" just in case my posts are sounding like I am.
 ~SpiffyKat~
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 16
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:52:14 AM
I usually go for chocolate....write a lot of poetry,work on projects that interest me(business ect) and surround myself with supportive friends and family..Good luck to you:)
 -Horrible/Brazen-
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 17
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:53:50 AM
@ Blu

And who here said she should?
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 18
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:54:41 AM
she said she was thinking about it.....see post 1
 Synical
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 19
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:56:41 AM
I don't think your problem is in 'getting over him', not when you mention going back to him simply because you're worried you won't find anyone else. If you were really having trouble getting over him, you wouldn't want to be with anyone else .. only him.

As one of the 'nearly everyone's', I definately lost a good part of my soul in a bad relationship .. hell a few of them for that matter, lol .. but one in particular, an abusive relationship that lasted through 4 years and 2 children. I think when part of you changes or adapts to get used to the hurt, you've already lost a part of yourself. I lost the part of me that trusted people, and became much more 'synical' .... lol.

But I do agree with Brazen .. right now the only thing you should focus on is learning to accept yourself first. Get councelling, they really do help. I was in a support group for domestic violence survivors for over a year. Once you can accept yourself alone and have no thoughts of settling for anyone is when you're ready to move on to any new relationship.
 -Horrible/Brazen-
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 20
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:56:41 AM
@ Blu

Well I don't think she's weird for wanting a basic human need, but then again, I don't think putting her down is what she needs either.


I think when part of you changes or adapts to get used to the hurt, you've already lost a part of yourself. I lost the part of me that trusted people, and became much more 'synical' .... lol.


Thank you, that's what I was trying to get across.
 carpedium
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 21
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 2:57:59 AM
Well alis cat and queenrhiannon have covered your query. You don't need someone who doesn't respect you and you must respect yourself. There are too many guys on here looking to use women for sex and posting a profile like that is only calling them out to feed. This is coming from a guy but a guy that doesn't believe that women are objects. No one should be taken advantage of but sadly it happens. We must learn from our mistakes and become stronger from them. I have suffered because i trust in people too much sometimes but you have to remember you cannot never trust again, be open but also be careful. It is hard to judge peoples intentions, follow your heart and get out if it is being stomped on. You are a better person for your honesty and good nature, remember that, and don't become bitter at all of us guys there are still alot of good men out there. You took the right step in posting a forum instead of going back to this guy. There are many intelligent and friendly people here to lend advice and experience. Life and love take time do not rush.
 Purple_Butterfly
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 22
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 3:01:26 AM
It seems to be my pattern to find and "snag" the losers and abusers.(I need a new fishing pole LOL) I was married to one for 12 years. Now that was a blow to my self-esteem. I have told my best friend that I would not go back to him unless I had been 6 feet under for at least a year LOL and I meant it.
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 23
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 3:02:17 AM
I wasn't putting anyone down.
I was very serious in my suggestion that plan A isn't a good idea and that she should get counselling, which she is :)
 Synical
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 24
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 3:05:31 AM

It seems to be my pattern to find and "snag" the losers and abusers


Oh I know the feeling. I always said that if you put me in a room with 100 men and blindfold me, I would naturally gravitate to the one who would end up treating me the worst. Although quite honestly, its true .. women who've been abused, or who've had an abusive role model set for them (parents) go through a cycle of abuse ... we keep subconsciously searching for someone else who'll do the same thing the last one did.

That's where the councelling comes into effect .. it give you new criteria, teaches you to not accept less than you deserve. In essence, gives you new bait for the fishing pole. ;)
 -Horrible/Brazen-
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 25
How do you get over someone that you loved and they treated you badly?
Posted: 1/18/2006 3:06:43 AM
I too don't think getting over someone is the problem here... it's about settling for something less than you deserve. It's hard being resilient, trust me I know, but if I don't do it for myself, who will? That's the mindset you need to adopt because like I said, if you don't love yourself, no one else will truly do it either. You'll be fine, time heals most wounds.

Edit: Syn, get out of my head!!! lmao
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