ir0n
| | Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 1 | |
| | To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?Page 1 of 1 | I have been noticing a disturbing trend amongst women on dating sites... I have noticed a large percentage of the "dates" I line up from the internet have been standing me up or cancelling out at the very last second... like I mean 30 minutes before you were scheduled to meet (which to me is about the same as being stood up) with some lame ass excuse as to why they cant show up.
These are women whom I have chatted with and seemed to have fun with. They accept the date without hesitation and say they look forward to it then bam... I am sitting there sipping a cup of coffee alone in a shop across town getting more and more pissed off by the minute.
I am generally not easily rattled by women... but I dont have a lot of spare time and it really annoys me when my valuable time is completely wasted like that. Its the highest form of disrespect to me... I could have been out on another date with someone who actually wanted to be there or I could have been doing a number of other things that need doing.
On 2 occasions it has actually been HER that asked ME out and then still pulls a no show.
Is this happening to all of you? And is it happening as often.
**DISCLAIMER** I cant speak about how many men are standing up women because I dont date men... so I welcome feedback from the women on this too. And please ladies... dont pull this stupid stunt on guys! Karma is a bit ch remember! | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 1/19/2006 12:00:36 PM | | I just experienced the same thing today...after talking to her on the phone two nights ago for 3 hours I thought she thought I was special. She told me to call her again last night. No one home and she never called me back. I think these women have so many guys on the go they forget who we even are. I have heard there are like 200 men on pof to every one woman. Just take a look at how big their favorite list is. These woman are really not serious. | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 1/19/2006 12:09:03 PM | That's not true. Anyone can put you on their favorites and often it's forum people or people who never get in touch. I have also been stood up more than I'd like to admit, so it happens to both genders. I think it's just the nature of the beast. They think somehow being on line, means not having to follow proper protocol.
I make sure they call to confirm before I leave my house. If they don't call as I've asked, I don't bother going to meet them. Silly gooses, if only they knew what they'd missed out on. I think it's good to find out sooner rather than later, these are the same people who will keep you waiting for as long as you would have dated. They have no respect for other peoples time, so why give them another thought. | |
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ir0n
| | Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 4 | |
| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 1/19/2006 12:11:55 PM | | Actually if you are really serious about going out with the guy you shouldnt be asking him to confirm with you... thats a classic woman trick for breaking dates at the last second. Golden chance for her to suddenly remember that her pet parakeet tweety needs his feathers waxed today. | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 1/19/2006 12:36:59 PM |
I have been noticing a disturbing trend amongst women on dating sites... I have noticed a large percentage of the "dates" I line up from the internet have been standing me up or cancelling out at the very last second... like I mean 30 minutes before you were scheduled to meet (which to me is about the same as being stood up) with some lame ass excuse as to why they cant show up.
That's sad...
Years ago I had that problem with guys standing me up that I met online... I figured they grew out of it.
I've only done that once, by accident, but that was because I went to the wrong end of the city and the coffee place wasn't there (duh!). I didn't have a cell number for him and I couldn't have made it to the other end of town in time once I realized the error. However, after a while, I figured I could call the place through information and at least tell him what happened.
I just experienced the same thing today...after talking to her on the phone two nights ago for 3 hours I thought she thought I was special. She told me to call her again last night. No one home and she never called me back.
How is that the same? Did you expect she'd be sitting by the phone waiting for your call? | |
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ir0n
| | Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 7 | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 1/19/2006 1:00:59 PM | LOL oh the good old (I was I was) blind date phenom? lol
Let's just say I had to rinse out my eyes with kerosene afterwards! LMAO!
O.K., before anyone flames me for that statement, let's just say that some people grossly misrepresent themselves with pics that are not quite up to date. That topic has been beat to death so that's all I'm gonna say about it. | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 1/19/2006 1:23:03 PM | | jeez i hope this doesn't ever happen to me--i have been lookin at singles sites for a coupla years now but have never gone as far as making a date--seems to me whoever said that women are seeing so many men at once it's kinda hard to keep track are probably right for the most part--i've heard plenty of stories from men--for myself i can say that i don't want to take up anyone's time if i think they are just after sex or display quick-to-anger tendencies or seem too needy | |
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ir0n
| | Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 11 | |
| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 1/21/2006 6:09:40 AM |
let's just say that some people grossly misrepresent themselves with pics that are not quite up to date
Maybe thats why they no show... they havent been honest and dont want to get busted. Who knows eh... | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 1/21/2006 7:11:47 AM | Having always tried to get to a date that I've made, with "tried" being the operative word. I'm chronically directionally challenged, when in a city that I don't know my way around, so I usually land somewheres 3-4 hours away from my original destination......lol
If ever I had to cancel dates would be if the weather was going to be really bad, then I would call and cancel hours before the allotted time. It's not worth getting killed on the highways just to meet up for a coffee. Just cancel and make a date for another time. Simple oui?
Most of the men have understood this, and haven't gotten peed at me that I know of. | |
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genngi
| | Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 1/21/2006 7:42:21 AM | | A lot of people are afraid to really meet someone off of the internet! I have had this happen to me a lot. I am used to it now, and to combat it, I do not even believe I am having a date unless I talk to the person that very day on the phone. In fact, then, too, I like to touch base before I leave my house! | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 1/21/2006 9:13:47 AM | It is a common occurrence, especially if you were the one who did the asking.
It's a silly game, most of the time, they probably know they are cancelling and wait until the last day/hour so that they can make an excuse that sounds more like 'something came up'. You might even here things like 'oh...but another time'.
My most recent date break explanation was 'Oh, my boss is really busy, and I got called into work, I'm sorry, I feel so bad'. My response was 'Well if you feel so bad, then just tell your boss you can't make it'....silence.....then I continued 'I bet if it was your friends birthday, you would'nt have cancelled, but that's ok, have a good day at work....' CLICK.
A lot of them (date-breaker's) don't know how to say NO, and a lot of them get cold feet, or might seem excited, but their moods vary by the day and what seemed good one day, scares them the next.
We could sit and come up with a million reasons why, but my approach has been to draw the bottom line. If someone breaks a date, they have no respect, and I don't want anything to do with them. It's one strike and you're out.
I've had someone cancel hours before, but never not show up...this must really suck! But regardless, I bet it happens a lot, and the best approach is to always have a back up plan. Make your first dates somewhere you can have fun even if she doesn't show, or if you are just meeting for a coffee, pick up a paper you want to read anyways, this way you won't feel like it was a wasted day, better yet, make your first dates where there are lots of single girls, you'll already be dressed to date, so you can start working the crowd.
JvG | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 1/21/2006 11:34:47 AM | | I have had this happen to me before and I agree with the author that it is really disrespectable. I don't know why some people do this and the worst is the no shows and no call. I at least give the ones that cancel early or just before credit for not leaving me hanging but the ones that can't call, kudos to them. Maybe they come and see you sitting there and decide you are not the type or something but they can at least say hi and talk for a few minutes before making a retreat. I call it respect as I believe in Karma. I have had some that I went to meet and they definately lied to me about their looks or misrepresented themselves but I still had that coffee even if I drank it faster than normal. I don't know this whole dating thing sucks as far as I am concerned. I have been in two long relationships and am new to the dating world again. Have a good day ya all... | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 1/21/2006 2:11:55 PM | I met over 50 women, was never stood up, and never stood up anyone else. I've had a few near misses due to bad directions, and a few phone calls that they'd be late, but that was it.
How long are you emailing/chatting before meeting? Perhaps you're moving to the meeting stage too quickly, so there is no real connection or true expectation of compatibility. If those things were there, you'd be far less likely to be stood up. | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 2/19/2006 12:50:10 PM | Ok, a couple of things...First I just signed up for this particular site yesterday so there is a small chance that most of the women here are just crazy:P
Second, I have done the online dating thing before, and I've only ever had one person cancel on me, and we did end up going out a couple of days later.
Now maybe it's just because I'm a supreme b****, but I don't have a problem saying no. However, it's fairly obvious why some women do. One of the first guys I talked to on here, I wasn't interested in. When I told him I got, "whatever, ok bye". That's definately one of the tamer comments I've gotten after saying I wasn't interested. Girls don't want to say no if they don't think guys can take it - and some can't, so they throw it back in our faces. It's the price you pay for meeting people online. It's easy to say whatever you want and then hide.
From a woman's perspective, if a guy pushes for a date from the get go he's either really desperate or just wants to get laid. So if after 10 mins you ask her out for coffee, she's either going to say no, or she'll say yes and inevitably something will come up (or she just won't show up). It's a fine line, you have to be interested, but not come across as pushy. | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 2/19/2006 1:49:09 PM | I think you are wrong there vicmirth.... i'm not out to get laid and i'm not desparate.
maybe some people are a little pushy... but i dont know i havnt actually met anyone from online in person yet. I have no problem if a girl says no she dosnt want to. Alot of times when I chat to girls online they are chatting with several other people at the same time and therefore, after 10 minutes i'm still waiting for them to respond to hello... lol... Perhaps thats why guys do ask after 10 minutes... they get a little excited if you are chatting with them exclusively... ( tho.. i do think its rude to have more than one chat going at the same time ). | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 2/19/2006 1:53:00 PM | This just happened to me recently.
I went to Toronto for a 3 hr corporate interview and meet n greet, and decided that it would be cool to finally put a face to a girl I have been talking to on here FOREVER. (and to let her do the same for me). THIS is a girl who tells me she LOVES the way I think, she LOVES talking to me, AND thinks I'm cute, and bla bla bla bla (Her words would have you think that I am someone she dreams about having at her side and walking through snow lined streets while talking philosophy or something silly in those ways). She also continually told me she wished I could just come and spend a night with her AND discussed hooking up for New Years Eve with her bf at the time and my gf at the time. (OR just US if that didnt pan out..as FRIENDS...which I really thought we were) We never once talked sexual...at all..ever. (She did say my writing style was sexy as hell though..*Shrugs*..no biggie).
Well...I told her I was coming to T.O and would enjoy, very MUCH enjoy hooking up for mochas..a walk, and maybe dinner if she felt it would be a nice addition to the evening. The main point was to hug and let each other know that we are real and to be able to say we got to know each other as much as possible. (With...the future as an unknown...but with possibilities..or not..who cares..lets smile and walk and talk n stuff!)
We talked about this a week before my engagement; then confirmed the day before my engagement in the city. She seemed excited and up for it on all accounts.
I called her after my appointment, perfectly as discussed, to ask her where she wants me to come meet her; as she lived somewhat near to where I was downtown. (This was all going EXACTLY as we had planned) At this point; she tells me she made other plans. IN fact; her tone of voice almost made it as if this was an "I showed you". thing. (Her vpice carried a vs kind of pride) Um....hu?
So....*shrugs*..I went to my favorite Schwarma spot and got mocha on my own that night and enjoyed and gelled into the culture of after work downtown Toronto. (It was snowing and beautiful that night; perfect for mochas and walking and talking with mochas and a charming friend). :(
NO REAL worries; as I love the city and the Queen Street "after work soul", but she was NOT someone I had thought would do this. Also....she blocked me on POF. I couldn't help but think that we both just missed out heavily.
I guess I was only desirable company, and all of that which she said.... as a fantasy...an online person...a story book...a nice bedtime read n dream type thing. :( (That blows)
P.S. There were not expectations or pressures put on the meeting at all. This was just to be an easy breezy....FINALLY WE MEET..type thing. I SO envisualized a big hug and warm excited HAPPY laughter and talking. (And some quiet times of deep chat, as we often got into too)
Some people..can only do and say what they do online...well..
..online.
Sad sh*t...it's really "sad".
Why did she waste so much time talking to me online?
To quote Dallas Greene from the song "Day Old Hate":
"So let's face it
This was never what you wanted
I know...*sigh*...it's fun...to pretend"
:( bah...grrrr. (he really does sigh in the song too; good tune) | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 2/19/2006 2:03:27 PM | Actually if you are really serious about going out with the guy you shouldnt be asking him to confirm with you... thats a classic woman trick for breaking dates
confirming is a way for ME to be sure He still plans to show up or has a nascar appointment
aka MY mom is sick cant show excuse lol some dont or wont show because they arent the person they have described or the one in the pic? have a wife or hubby or just get off on the conquest of getting the date but never plan to show,,,,, its internet dating,, have and alternative plan ,, if the person dosent show,, do errands see a movie, get your car waxed lol its THEIR LOSS DARLIN,, LIFE GOES ON
LOVE CAT | |
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| To the men... Is this an epidemic or just a local bug?
Posted: 2/19/2006 2:07:23 PM | Actually if you are really serious about going out with the guy you shouldnt be asking him to confirm with you... thats a classic woman trick for breaking dates at the last second.
I disagree. I'm with nursey above on this one.
I think confirming is a great way to assure someone that the plans are still intact and that, no, they will not need to make other plans for that time you originally were scheduled into.
let's just say that some people grossly misrepresent themselves with pics
All dates do not carry romantic connotations. Some dates are just to enjoy each others company or something in common.....no? Thereofore, why not RISK the fact that tehir pics MAY not be them. (They just as well MAY be them....or not even as HOT as the person really is) SOme people ARE better in real life than online, even if they DO seem awesome online..THIS is what SO many fail to believe, (stupids)
Maybe thats why they no show... they havent been honest and dont want to get busted
Often the case.
I actually met someone in Toronto, (when I lived there), who was NOT at ALL who her pics showed. I swear; her eyes said to me when we met "OK, hit me...tell me I'm pathetic"; and she looked as of she was there to HAVE me lambaste her. *Shrugs*..lol..I went through with the date anyways...might as well..we have no plans for now anyways right? (I made her wallow in her deception to me too....but...never brought it up myself until she did)
She did not get a goodbye kiss; but DID get free drinks..food..and carted all OVER the city (as I was new there) :P haha;, I think I kinda took her hostage; bt treated her well and worked on that self esteem a bit. She was smiling tons as the night went on.
and some can't, so they throw it back in our faces
Throw ANYTHING i say back at me. I can almost PROMISE you that it will not hurt me in any way shape or form. If throwing it BACK at you hurts...it must have hurt you coming out in the first place..no?
I think you are wrong there vicmirth
As do I. | |
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