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 louispointe
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 1
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Things we do out of SpitePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Things did not go very well for my girlfriend and I this Saturday. Tension was building up. Then later in the evening, I feel certain she told me something out of pure spite.

After getting dressed to go out to dinner, I grabbed a cool dress hat and walked out out to show my girlfriend how cool I looked. She thought I looked great but was oddly disturbed by the hat, and insisted I not wear it. Her reaction was sort of strange, so I (rightfully) thought it might have something to do with a previous boyfriend, though this in and of itself was strange (it's as if she purposely acted odd about the hat for my benefit ... ?). We had discussed my "complicated" feelings about hearing too much details about her past sexual relations. I say "complicated" because there is more involved than just jealousy ... I am strangely aroused and jealous at the same time. I just left the hat behind and didn't mention it again ... at least not until later.

Trying to find a place to eat was difficult and things just went from bad to worse. After having a stupid fight about where to eat, we went back to my place and I asked her to tell me what was up with the hat, and ironically asked her whether I was allowed to wear any other hats, or were all hats off limits.

She proceeded to inform me that I was going to wish I hadn't asked her, but that she was going to tell me anyway. Then she told me how once her ex wore a hat almost exactly like mine during sex, and that he had some strange problem that kept him from achieving orgasm. One morning, doning his hat, he had vaginal sex with her for 2 hours straight and gave her 25 orgasms. I know the story sounds ridiculous, but she has convinced me it is true (I know her ex and had heard something from someone else about his "problem" ... also, apparently he takes very little satisfaction from sex, which may explain his difficulty. He would go weeks without making a pass.). Anyway, I got a little jealous when I heard this.

Later that night after she went to bed I lay there staring at the ceiling and a thought occured to me ... Perhaps she shared this with me purely out of spite ? It's as if she wanted to tell me that there is no way I would ever be able to achieve with her what she has sexually with others. A slight jab at me ... you can never give me 25 orgasms, that is something we can never share.

Just a thought.

I know everyone will say "get over it" and all that, and they will be missing the subtlity of what I am saying. It's not what she said ... it's her possible motivation for saying it. Am I just over-analying ? Or is she playing head games with me ?
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 2
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Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:28:27 AM
She is challenging you to please her. She's begging you to tap her dry, at least she is in the self serving sector of my own humble opinion. She thinks you can do it. Why don't you?
 tetrahedron
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 3
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:35:34 AM
Ask her how she feels about your belt.
 louispointe
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 4
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Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:36:08 AM
ha. I hadn't thought of that slant.

We both know it is physically impossible for me. There is no way I can last 2 hours, without studying some strange (and questionable) yogi sex techniques ... even then, I am 35 yo and this guy was like 18 when he did that !

Not to mention he actually suffered from some sort of physical affliction.

Regardless, she even said herself ... "... of course no normal guy can go that long, it was because of his problem ...".
 TallNdarkone4u
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 5
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:37:55 AM
what did she think about the one white glove you wore to bed?

i actually was not going to say..get over it.. i was going to say ..grow up be a man!
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 6
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:38:08 AM
Just a thought, and no offense, but from what you've written your gf sounds not only spiteful but, a dramatist as well.
 twilight-twin
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 7
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:41:15 AM
You are not out of line in your thinking. She absolutely is letting you know that she is sexually frustrated. When she saw you in that hat, she saw what she doesn't have. Mind blowing sex and apparently she's craving it. Don't blame her for the story. She needed it to convey how she feels. It's hard to tell someone their lacking in the bedroom. Sorry.
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 8
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:44:01 AM
egh?
I don't think she's doing that at all. If she is there's no NEED of it.
She doesn't HAVE to bring up her ex in order to experiment with ways of achieving mind blowing sex with louis. If her story to louis was true then seeing the hat would have been a GOOD thing lol

she's messing with his head is all. I'd bet she gets off on making louis jealous, the dramatic thing you know
I'd also be willing to bet that she didn't have a pleasant break up with her ex and he was the one who said adios.
 louispointe
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 9
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Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:45:09 AM
@tallndarkone4u
Well, I think you misunderstand. It's not what she said, it's her possible reasons for saying it.

I can certainly handle the fact that I will never give her 25 orgasms ... but, I can't handle mean, manipulative, and spiteful people. Since we cannot look inside other peoples heads it's impossible to know her motivation. Maybe she didn't intend for me to interpret it as a subtle jab ... then again, maybe that was precisely her intention.
 louispointe
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 10
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Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:51:40 AM
@blu_eyed_gal

I think you are right.

I know I am not a bad lover, and a woman could do far worse. I might not be able to last 2 hours, but I can last 20 minutes (which is longer that some guys), and I am incredible at cunnilingus. She has said herself I am a good lover, and she knows I pride myself on being a good lover too.

This was not her way of suggesting I improve my sex skills ... this was her being upset with me and being a **** .

So, where would you put this on the 1-10 **** scale, if you don't mind me asking ?
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 11
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:52:22 AM
I'd rate it a 10
 TallNdarkone4u
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 12
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 11:58:22 AM
I guess what i am trying to convey is.... are you insecure about something which is really her issue and not yours?

Also ... we all have baggage from our previous relationships.. When in a current one we have to take the time to resolve them if they really want them to work out.

If suspect she is not being spiteful..just sounds confused... but the bottom line is ..she is with you and not the other guy... show her your DA MAN and just work her though the process if you are that attracted to her!

Good Luck!
 twilight-twin
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 13
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 12:00:44 PM
I stand strong! The woman is sexually frustrated.
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 14
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 12:03:52 PM
lol twin
If she is, then why wouldn't she be happy about him wearing the hat and instead go into a long drawn out story that she didn't need to go into? If it reminded her of a good time, I think she would have LOVED the hat.
 louispointe
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 15
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Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 12:04:20 PM
Some people get angry and get over it.

Others get angry and sort of make a check list, secretly plotting their revenge, and holding a grudge for days, if not weeks. They let things gnaw away at them, and let there anger seep out slowly in subtle and spiteful ways. Usually these are the quite types, that clam up when they are angry.

I guess only time will tell which category she is in, but if I've interrpreted this correctly, things don't look good.
 TallNdarkone4u
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 16
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 12:09:19 PM
Luis... may i ask respectfully... whats causing this paranoia in you... your own past experience?

If so then you both have been looking it though distorted views. If you dont have some past baggage with spitefullness ..then your instincts are telling you something.. which one is it?
 louispointe
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 17
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Posted: 1/23/2006 12:11:24 PM
@twilight-twin

I really think that is a red-hearing.

This girl has an incredible sex drive, and she is the first gf I have had whoms libido and sexual mind works in ways as twisted and bizarre as my own, yet ...

She knows from past experience that telling me lots of details about her previous sex encounters does not get me in the mood (not usually). So you would think if it was sexual frustration, she would realize her story would have been counter-productive.

As blue_eyed_girl pointed out, she could have just enjoyed the novelty of me wearing the hat and not said a word ... I'm sure I could have been prompted to. I think the motivation was emotional ... she just wanted to f*ck with me a little bit.

We didn't have sex till the next day.
 louispointe
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 18
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Posted: 1/23/2006 12:14:34 PM
@tallndarkone4u

Ha !

I think I dated the most manipulative girl in human history. She was an absolute genius at mind games and emotional manipulation. Nothing she said could be interpreted directly, there were always hidden meanings. She spoke in code. Her actions had to be translated as well. She made the characters in the movie Dangerous Liasons seem like amatuers.

So yeah, I guess you could say I'm on my guard.
 AI03™
Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 19
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 12:15:13 PM

asked her whether I was allowed to wear any other hats, or were all hats off limits.

Allowed to??? *Shudders*
 Summer Teeth
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 20
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 12:45:35 PM
She needs to grow up and recognize that just because you want to wear a hat that seems familiar that you aren't her ex. What's next? "Oh my god! He drinks water. My ex did that, too!"

You need to grow up and quit being jealous over the past.

Let her wear the hat the next time you two have sex!
 TallNdarkone4u
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 21
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 12:50:59 PM

think I dated the most manipulative girl in human history. She was an absolute genius at mind games and emotional manipulation. Nothing she said could be interpreted directly, there were always hidden meanings. She spoke in code. Her actions had to be translated as well. She made the characters in the movie Dangerous Liasons seem like amatuers.

So yeah, I guess you could say I'm on my guard.


Ok so the sex must be mind blowing and it must be just for sex relationship...because ... do you really want to spend your life with someone like this who makes you feel the way you are?


RUnnnnn Forrest... Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
 brneydkitten
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 22
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 1:03:10 PM
First and formost, did anyone take into consideration that she actually had the guts to talk to you about a past relationship, even knowing what and how it made you feel. Ever think that maybe she was trying to close the door on that past relationship, and move on. You wearing that hat brings up the past.
Take into consideration that she may not be trying to send you subtle messages, but being out front and honest. And attempting to make you understand how she felt by seeing you in the hat. Think about it as being in a reverse situation, if she were to wear something that reminded you of a past relationship & /or sexual occassion. Would you want to relive it? or would you prefer to close the door and make new memories with your new g/f ?
But like everyone else these r just my thoughts on the situation.
 Summer Teeth
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 23
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 1:04:48 PM
^^^^^^A hat is just a hat. What's next? Oh my god! Those socks remind me of the Holy Ghost!
 Nota Fish
Joined: 11/18/2005
Msg: 24
Things we do out of Spite
Posted: 1/23/2006 1:05:01 PM
cut off nose, cuz i dont like my eye brows, lmao
 louispointe
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 25
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Posted: 1/23/2006 1:22:17 PM
@brneydkitten

With all due respect, I really don't think that is it.

My gf HAS occationally done things that remind me of a past girlfriend, and I generally just say nothing.

If it's truly unavoidable, I would say something along the lines of "... this drags up stuff from the past for me, would it be too much of a bother to ask you to not do that ?"

I wouldn't say ... "oh yeah, this reminds me of the time I bent my gf over the hood of the car and took her from behind under a glorious full moon on a pristine Spring southern night ..."

Of course, perhaps it's just my Southern upbringing, that has taught me to be more subtle and polite.
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