| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 1/29/2006 10:41:07 PM | I was with a guy for 7 years and out of no where he wanted to start dating other people. Let me just say it wasn't an easy thing to accept. He still wanted me but also to date. I was to stupid to let go, cause I thought he'd want me back. This went on for over a year and a half. Then he met someone and decided he didn't need me for anything sexual. But he still wanted to be friends. Told me I was the most important person in his life......blah blah blah
He's been dating the same girl for over 1.5 years and still contacts me. Still wants to be my friend and be in my life. I've tried to tell him I can't be friends with him. I still love him and its too hard, knowing he is with her. I just don't understand. He still bought me a big xmas gift this year. Always tells me he misses me. Its messed up. It sure makes it hard to get over it when he never gives me time to heal. | |
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| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 1/29/2006 11:13:01 PM | Blurry relationship lines are a red flag -- learn who you are (or decide who you are), and live by your standards -- amazingly, all the muckity muck will fall away. Others should not be dictating your life circumstances. You might be confusing "love" with fear.
You deserve better from yourself first. I feel bad for your emotional pain -- I hope it passes soon.  | |
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| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 1/30/2006 3:55:13 AM | | This happened tp me and a friend of mine. She wanted to stay friends with me but I told her to go screw herself because it wasnt ever going to happen. My friend however fell for this and he still really cares about her but he cant accept seeing her with someone else. I've tried many times to get him to leave her be and to try and forget about her but he wont do it. Hes waiting for her to "realize" what shes missing, but I have seen the guy and he seems great. Hes got things going for himself and I will even admit as a man that he is good looking. Staying friends with someone after a relationship does not work. In your case he was just using you as a back-up plan. Guys do this kind of thing all the time so let it be known. It is also a tactic to be the goodguy afterwards. It is easy if you're not in the same area though. I was only friends with my ex because she left town not long after and she always asked me for advice on everything. | |
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| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 2/8/2006 7:28:06 PM | butterfliegirl.... U may never be able to be friends with him..........
The emotionall rollercoaster ride you'd be on isn't worth it! You need time to heal... time to let him go... time to be able to cry.... til you can't cry anymore.... and MOVE ON....
He keeps contacting you because he wants to be friends yes.... it's hard to let someone go that was so important...... BUT............. he's also keeping you on the back burner!
I bet you're not able to put yourself into any relationship.............Completely because of your feelings for this man.... Am I right?
I had an Ex send me some Gorgeous flowers on Valentines day.............after I moved away and we dated LD for a year..... then broke up because he couldn't handle it.... contacted me every month for 6 months... called me on my birthday in January... asked if we'd ever be over eachother..... then let me know he had been dating someone..... for the past 6 months!
Believe me..... let it go!!!! | |
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mogrl
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Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 13 | |
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| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 2/9/2006 8:05:04 AM | | one last call. Explain to him in very clear language that him contacting you is hurting YOUR heart and you simply can't handle it anymore. Because of this reason, (remind him again) that you will not be in contact for some time in the furture just to let your heart heal. This takes care of you which you need right now and it clears up any confussion on his part. Once you hang up the phone, remove anything and everything that reminds you of him. I even had to change the roads I ride my motorcycle on, the old roads we would ride on were just a landmine of memories which hurt too much. Best of luck on the falling out stuff. | |
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| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 2/9/2006 9:13:09 AM | I am not that "young" and thus have had a "few" relationships in my time.I have been married ,lived with ladies for years at a time even somtimes several ladies under one roof. Some of my X's I am pals with, some I do not recognize as living beings. For some strange reason that I cannot fathom, an inordinate number of my X's live in Florida.Strangely enough those are the X's I have remained friends with.Thus, I have open invites to the "Land of 80" for anytime I can go. I live in the Great White North and sometimes it is quite relaxing to jet down to a tropical environment for a couple of weeks.
Seems like when you love sombody for real...you almost always have a "soft spot" for them even years later. Breaking up sucks...but so does loosing a friend. It seems that if you start out as friends............SOMTIMES............you can still be just that, when the dust settles.
I have found that the BEST way to communicate that you wish to "no longer be friends" is to be very blunt about it. Of course I have never had a female put my pet rabbit in a cooking pot filled with boiling water on my stovetop .....either. | |
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| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 2/13/2006 12:45:41 PM | I'm with GeeDub....also older, also have remained friends with the X's. By friends, I mean friends in the real sense of the word....not the "I still miss you" thing, with giving gifts, etc.
Not even in contact much...just a phone call or email here and there...would most likely hug if we ran into each other on the street. They are part of my past...my memories....they are in parts of my scrapbook...how can you throw that all away?
I have talked to men on POF that look at that as a BAD thing.....for a man to ask me to just throw away the 'past', is like telling me that you don't like me for what I am today.
I can see someone not liking you to be friends with an X the way OP's situation is...that isn't REAL friendship, I don't think, or he would hold back until the hurt is no longer fresh, and do NOTHING to encourage them or give false hope. (That's the way I do it.)
OP, I think you need to tell him that if he wants to truly be a friend, to please wait until you are ready for it, and that when you are, that YOU will contact HIM.
If he can't respect your feelings......... pfffft....."outta here, bud!!"
~DC~ | |
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| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 2/13/2006 2:00:42 PM | Well I was with my x girlfriend for 7 years as well. She just told me on new years eve that she didn't love me anymore. I saw it comming. A week before that she told me she didn't love just before christmas and I asked her if she wanted out of my life. She said no and wanted to try to make it work. Then on new years eve she was acting all weird and I said whats up and she said I don't love you and I want you out of my life. I was so pissed I paid the rent, packed some shit and left. I can never be friends with her again as my heart can not take that. I'm trying to just move on with my life and it's been the hardest thing i've ever had to do. I suggest you break all connections so you can start the healing process. Goodluck
Lee | |
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| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 2/13/2006 2:09:32 PM | It's not messed up at ALL. if you REALLY want him out of your life then end it now. No more explanations but don't do it for him, do it for yourself. You are still trying to convince yourself that one day he will come around and he is LOOOOONG gone.
Wake up hun and stop making excuses for yourself, cut it cold turkey and find your own happiness you deserve much more than this nonsense. | |
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| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 2/13/2006 9:44:29 PM | My ex and I broke up about a month ago and I guess i've lost so many close friends throughout my life that I want to stay friends with her even though we've been together for a year and 2 months. She has other things in her life that need to take priority and I need to respect that. I'm going to try the friends thing, while trying to date other women. So we'll see how it goes, but I would say give it a shot.
-Mike | |
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| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 2/13/2006 9:59:10 PM | End the 'friendship'. You do not need for him to 'understand' if you have told him over and over and he isn't choosing to understand your words.
You are responsible for allowing yourself to continue to be hurt by this relationship - so bow out.
You do not need to explain why it hurts you so much. Any person with a shred of common sense will understand.
You are responsible for your choices. You must look out for 'you' just as he did with himself.
You cannot expect others to act in the best interest of YOU. You take care of you. | |
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| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 2/5/2007 7:20:15 AM | I'm over the hill sliding down the other side and enjoying every bump along the way.
Hey I look at it this way the person doesn't want to be around me then I sure don't want them around later. After all that person needs some kind of person to fall back on if the new victim doesn't work out to their standard's.
It's because of Idiot's like that that I didn't date for almost three years. Hey it's nice to have someone around but you can also enjoy life as well be yourself too. | |
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| How do you get someone to understand that its not always possible to be friends after a breakup?
Posted: 2/5/2007 12:17:36 PM | | Hello my name is john and im new to this forum thing but am very interested in this topic because i have the same problem as well i have this ex girlfriend who im madly in love with and who is also in love with me but now she's just scared of me and just wants to be friends i thought i made the right choice by avoiding her at school and everything and whatnot today and i hope that is not the answer to my question bcuz i don't know what to say to her if she calls me to be honest and asks me why i was avoiding her and everything cuz that's just going to make me feel guilty and make me feel like im in the wrong i need some pro advice the situation is ..it all started out when i let her go out to a party and drink with her brother ex b/f and friends and i trusted her with all my heart so i let her be and i went out with my friends and drank and everything.. but after i think the booze kicked in on me when i got home and was alone that i wanted to see her (we were dating at the time) her brother answers and tells me that she was passed out already and i was okay with that then i have another call me up who has contact with her b/f at the party and says that she's awake and partying so i thought i'd go down there to see her.. then i get down there and the girl tells me that she was sleeping but then everybody woke her up to tell her i was comming so she got up so i was completely misdirected here was i in the right of going down there..also my friend got into kinda a little fight with me when i was down there which made me go crazy btw i have bi-polar disorder and im not taking the meds so i went insane to the fact that my friend wanted to fight me and my ex said that it scared her out of the relationship the way i reacted to him wanting to fight me i started punching walls in front of her and everything.. could you ppl honestly tell me do i really diserve another chance because i am hurting day in day out bcuz we are broken up after 10 months but since i was misdirected i think i do diserve another chance because it was all a big mis understanding.. now she just wants to be friends with me and i can't be friends with her because i have lost all my benefits of hugging her kissing her cuddling her being with her all that i can't hande the realtionship with that is there a way to get her back? | |
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