| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 8:39:52 AM | my ex wants time...that is understandable, but she doesnt even have time to chat on the phone when i ask how she is doing. i miss her dearly. everytime we talk on the phone it ends up with her hanging up on me. she owes me money..2k. she says she loves me one minute, and then the next its i hate talking to you. her excuse is she has adhd. she is so sweet at times and in one split second she hates me for everything i stand for....i found out she went on e harmony 1 day after our break. her excuse was "you wouldnt understand"
I can stop thinking of her. I know she is not what i want. especially because she is rude and yells at me for nothing. i just want to get over her, but i can not let go. i am new in my area and dont really know anyone. how do i get her off my mind? what do i do when i want to talk to her? how do i advoid calling her. I am week and i know that she is enjoying this. she knows that she has gotten the best of me.
somebody please help me....i feel lost and hurt. my stomach is in knots. its affecting my work and my life in general.
thanks for any help. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 9:04:08 AM | wow...be glad it's only 2 k she owe's you.
No offense but she sounds like a manipulative user. I'm thinking after you meet more people in your area she won't affect you as much. You can make than happen sooner by not calling her. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 9:38:12 AM | man i feel your pain,i myself am in the same situation,except it involves a child.i havent heard from her in over a month.will not return phone calls,or mail.it hurts and it sucks,so dont think you are going through this alone.time heals all know you have heard that.talking to people,and sharing, is the key.it helps .for me the nights are the worse,i keep myself busy,and do what it takes to keep moving.you are going to have to do the same.or it will drive you crazy.talk to people,sometimes perfect strangers can help you like no one else.their are alot of people out here who know what you are going through.so meet a few and move on. dont beat yourself up,keep your head high,stop feeling sorry for yourself.if i can do it you can.you will find someone to help you through this,and dont give her the satifation of knowing she is getting to you.dont answer the phone,or when you talk,say im doing great.anyway the heart has a large copacity.use it. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 9:46:59 AM | Ok here is the problem....she doesn't have adhd she is bipolar and she needs meds..
and you are co-dependant...read some books on it and make yourself stay single for at least 2 months...realize for yourself its what is best and that you don't love her you are just addicted to her. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 9:53:10 AM | What the hell?
I don't think it's a good idea to pretend to be a doctor and pass out medical opinions based on a text box. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 9:58:33 AM | Seems obvious that she no longer cares for you and wants to hurt your feelings; she will no longer communicate, will hang up which is a sign of disrespect. Yes you can forgive and forget about the money, you can give her that much. What you can give yourself is your own piece of mind. Keep being the kind and generous man you are but do not feel obligated to give any more time or money after she has treated you like a problem. Maybe in due time she will come to know how good she had it and will come begging for your forgiveness. Even after that it will take work to trust her so that would take the most work day by day.
Here is what you can do in the meantime. Keep busy. Enjoy your freedom but do not try to look for love elsewhere just yet. I hope that is what you can follow. Do not forget you are the man and that your wife should show deep respect. While you should love your wife as you love yourself. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 10:03:19 AM | | kinda sounds like she wants change, and a little play time without having to explain anything. She loves you because she is your wife/girlfriend, but she hates you because she resents you. Not sure how old she is, if she is older maybe its the change of life and hormones are going crazy, if she is younger and not yet going through the change then she is looking for the spark that ya'll once had, she wants spontaneous and out of the ordinary. Maybe she feels trapped and doesnt want to be together anymore. You might want to forget about the 2k though, unless you want to take her to court, even then you would have to prove that it was a loan not a gift.... know what I mean?? Good luck. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 10:24:38 AM | OK...first off, I am a teacher--I have 14 ADHD kids in my class...her problem has NOTHING to do with ADHD...lol trust me. ADHD does not control decisions you make in your life...in fact, it has nothing to do with that. It is the inability to sit still and stay focussed...and it really ticks me off when people use that as an excuse. None of my students are medicated and they do just fine in everyday situations....so that excuse is not only bogus, but also EXTREMELY unlikely.
I know how hard it is to walk away from someone. I lost everything about 9 months ago---house, cars, dog, pool, and him. The hardest thing was accepting the fact and hearing those words "I dont love you"
But you know what italianovero? I am doing just fine.
Im gonna make it, and he never will! lol
You'll do fine without her. Set her free and its meant to be, you know what will happen.
I hated hearing this, but it just takes time.
Good luck italian...I mean that!
has | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 10:27:40 AM | First of all....it appears to me that most women are turned off by desperate men...and I am sorry to break it to you hun, but you sound more desperate than most.
"i found out she went on e harmony 1 day after our break. her excuse was "you wouldnt understand""
If you broke up, then it is none of your business anyway. She doesn't have to make excuses.
"I know she is not what i want. especially because she is rude and yells at me for nothing."
Sounds like you need to just leave her alone no matter how hard that is. I am sure you have enough self control to not pick up the phone. Why would you continue to want to keep contact with someone who is obviously verbally abusive?
As far as her owing you money...if it is that important to you, take her to court. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 10:32:22 AM | | Good morning fellow sufferer: Your feeling lost and hurt, stomach in knots, work affected and life in general in the pits of emotional despair. OF course it hurts. You are not alone, the millions of men and women that suffer emotional damage from broken relationships all sympathize with you...and more, many empathize. But that does you little or not good. All the advice which could be given to you, cant touch you, because your ego is bruised. Tis like being in a Soap Opera, it has a theatrical atmosphere of semi reality. You want advice, advice is not what you need. You are begging for some help, and no one can help you, apart from God Him/Herself. Here is for what its worth: Your Ex is just as confused as anyone else. She is frustrated with your relationship and from your explanation, probably is just as unhappy. How does it come about that you think she "Owes" you 2K...? in a relationship of love,,,there is no "Oweing" otherwise its a relationship of business. If you didnt write a Loan note, forget it. Chalk it up to experience and try again. IF you think that giving a woman money for services rendered doesnt make her feel cheap...think again, Think seriously about how you might be more generous...without expectation of some return on your invested time, effort and finances. You either give without expecting something which obligates or you are operating in the speculative. Thats guarenteed to make the recipient feel,,,guilty, resentful, disrespected, abused, used. Think about it. And apologize. A little humility goes a long way....but not this false egotistical suffering. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 10:32:44 AM | Not sure how old she is, if she is older maybe its the change of life and hormones are going crazy, if she is younger and not yet going through the change then she is looking for the spark that ya'll once had, she wants spontaneous and out of the ordinary.
Maybe the OP can fill us in if that is the case. Going by the actions she currently has not helped with the relationship. Hormones should not play a large factor in this being that they were in a relationship and should know each others behavior patterns by now. About that spark...maybe there is a need for a getaway trip to respark the relationship? I would not assume it is the mans fault for not being spontaneous. Well, depending on the persons interests it can be sobering to have a guy who is dependable and the woman can always try to throw out some spontaneous adventure as well. Spontaneous hang ups with the phone do not count.
Since she is your ex then you should just keep it at that. Sorry I made the assumption that you were married. My bad! | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 10:42:34 AM | Myself and most people have been through this before. Nothing can take away the pain but the knowledge that it gets easier is somewhat relieving. I dont believe in taking pills and jumping into another relationship is a dead end road. You have to think about whats best for you in the long run. If it means being with her and comprimising yours or her happiness, then my friend, its time to let go.
Your young, time is on your side.....be strong. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 11:12:44 AM | funny thing is, her sister is a nurse and told me at the beginning of the relationship she thought she was bi-polar.
as for the money, as shocking as it is, ....there is a written contract between the two of us that states what, where amount that was spent and that she agrees to pay back.
i know that she is not marriage material. i think what everyone says is true. but like they say, you treat someone like crap, they love you forever, you treat them like a queen and they will craq all over you. she treated me like crap and still does. i think its more of an issue of security and loneliness. Like i said before, i really dont know people. all my family and friends are overseas. i just feel helpless. and it kills me that i did nothing to deserve this. she was out of a job for 4 months. i gave her my credit card for emergincies but she abused it. funny thing, i got her a job making 150k a year. this was a month prior to kicking me to the curb. i was taking her to italy for xmas, and i had to eat the money i spent on a ticket because she cancelled it. all she does is spend money. and still claims to have none. she is in debt with everyone and eveything.
i just wish i knew how to get over my insecurity and co-dependentcy...anyone know how to forget about someone?
thank you for all your help | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 11:26:03 AM | | Walk away. I just cut a check for $250k for my wife of 6 years. Think of that $2k as a lesson in life, a cheap lesson. You'll get over her and the loss of some change. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 11:29:25 AM | | there is a book called co-dependent no more...cant remember who its by. I dont know what your spiritual background is but focusing on God and remembering that he has a plan for me really helped me. I also had to keep reminding myself that it was in my best interest and that something better would come along and in the meantime I worked on my character qualities to be the best woman I can be for the man that will eventually come along. Self discipline is hard but worth the wait. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 11:32:23 AM | | erase her phone number from your phone, dont call her or write her. i know its hard, but after awhile, you'll move on. she doesnt sound like the perfect person that you think she is, actually she sounds selfish and uncaring, but then she probably sees you as that guy who calls too much and is needy. dont call her, if shes worth it, shell realize shes being subhuman by not trying to communicate with you more. doood, get over it and find yourself instead of looking for her. millions of fishies, whos got bait! | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 11:37:28 AM | | I say there are alot of opinions out here but the best 1 will be your own because noone knows you like you know yourself, correct ? Its great i believe that there are alot of ppl who care to listen & try to answer you but the truth is your gonna do what you do anyway, follow your heart, it REALLY knows best & if your not listening to it now would be a good time to start. Have a great day | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 11:38:52 AM | | You are not the only person in the world this has happened to...toughen up and March on. Many others out there and I would say many much more caring than her. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 11:40:55 AM | we all sympathize with you...not an easy thing to go thru...stay strong.
cut all connections with her..no calls..no visits no nothing til you straiten out your feelings...its obvisiouly she not into you anymore...why give her ur effort of wantin this when shes not wantin the same thing in return...why be somewhere where ur not wanted? an bout the money..who cares...its obvisiously she needed it more..let it go..only money..let her have it..not worth the energy of fighting over 2ks. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 11:56:20 AM | Why would u give her time ? I mean if she wants time and you are willing to give her time...then thats gotta say alot....so when shes ready u are there and taking her back. So how do u know its not going to happen again...u giving her time ? I beleive you gotta ask yourself...why would u. You cant put your life on hold and wait for her. Move on and give yourself a chance. Dont let her run youe life...like u said shes got the best of u. Dont let her take u over. Good luck !
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 12:01:39 PM | | hey paesano let big brother tell you something i wish someone older than me would have told me!!find another woman plain and simple because let me tell you what happens when you dwell?you age,time flies by,she's moving on and you're not!if mi was living where you are now i would play with a bunch of cards sort to speak,so move on and forget about the butanna!and find yourself another one!!and another thing don't and i mean this don't ever beg!!you're aman and act like it... | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 12:54:32 PM | Sounds to me like she may be bi-polar..........but not adhd .....
Personally, I think SHE thinks she has you whipped and she is milking you like a dairy cow. You need to give yourself two solid weeks of no contact with her......go work out....do anything except call her........if you can make the two weeks, you will be ok. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 12:59:07 PM | Buddy "need time" = "I'm done with this relationship"
you've been dumped...dooped...lied to...and mistreated.
And the bitterness in my attitude?? Can anyone guess what line my ex used on me?
"I'm still very much in love with you, but I need time"...time to sleep with other men is what she meant.
Delete her from your life
Delete her phone number...delete her email..and for goodness sake..get rid of anything and everything that reminds you of her.
Cry..a lot...it will help you move through the emotions..
Find someone else to talk to..so whenever you feel the need to call "her" you can talk to them instead.
It's going to take time..a lot of time...but whenever you contact her..even if she doesn't respond..you make that time longer.
I'm in the same boat buddy...only worse..cuz she keeps contacting me. I've learned to ignore her calls and emails (which mostly comprised of telling me that she had a really good time with this guy or that guy). I've learned to try not to love her (my heart is still very much in love with her). But I'm also realizing I deserve better...and one day I'll find that someone...
good luck buddy...hang in there. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 1/30/2006 1:41:23 PM | everyone tells me to get rid of everything that reminds me of her....crap, thats eveything in my house...i lived with her and when she told me it would be better to live on our own in dec 05 that when i went found a new place. she didnt have much furniture. it was all mine and i took it. but i bought it when i was with her........
i did throw out all the photos and things we did together in the trash.......but my heart is acking and wants her back....even after what she has done to me.....
i want to be happy and i want to move on . this is so hard....i feel week.
what do i do when i feel week. | |
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