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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 1/30/2006 9:19:01 AM | (1) Tell us how you did it! and/or...
(2) What was the "straw that broke the camel's back"? (and how long from then til you actually were on your own again?)
(3) Did your quality of life suffer much (loss of two incomes/residence, that sort of thing), and how did you deal with that?
(4) Did you have kids to consider too (did they motivate you in some way to stay longer or leave sooner)?
(5) How does a place like this help or hurt? | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 1/30/2006 9:52:13 AM | Yes, I left a verbal/emotional abusive marriage....
1) How? Well, I just did...I don't know how else to explain it.
2) When my 1 year old daughter was witnessing my ex husband yelling and cussing at me...and she yelled at him, "DADDY BE NICE TO MOMMY!" I knew then that I could allow my daughter to grow up thinking it was ok for a husband to treat her that way, and I didn't want my son (who I was pregnant with at the time) to grow up thinking it was ok to treat his wife like that. It was about 2 months later that I left.
3) Nope... my quality of life became OHHHH SOOOO MUCH BETTER! I did have to move in with my parents for a while, since I was pregnant, I couldn't get a job. My ex husband and I had owned a business together, so I didn't have a "job" to go back to. I was happier all around and within one year, I owned my own vehicle, owned my own home, had an excellent job, had my kids in a great daycare, and was able to completely provide. When I was with my ex, we barely scrapped by...he couldn't keep his hand outta the cookie jar.
4) Yep....my answer to number 2 explains that.
5) I don't think it helps or hurts....just a past time. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 1/30/2006 10:01:25 AM | (1) I don't even know. It took countless times of leaving, over and over again, until it just got harder and harder to believe his lies and go back.
(2) When the abuse escelated to the point where I saw it beginning to be directed at my children.
(3) Very much so. I was on mothers allowance for a long time, having preschoolers at home and no income to raise them. But it was the perfect opportunity to take home schooling and gain a few courses for a future career. Besides, I'd rather be dirt poor and at peace than comfortable and walking on eggshells for the rest of my life.
(4) Main motivation, as I said in #2.
(5) For people like me that don't have the opportunity to get out of the house much, this is a social setting. I get a chance to communicate with people over the age of 11. I can't comment on the dating aspect, since I only come here for the forums. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 1/30/2006 11:53:24 AM |
(1) Tell us how you did it! and/or...
I realized that his actions backing up his words meant that he didn't give a rats a$$ for me. I was but a speck of dust on the road of his sick, twisted little life. Why should I give a moments energy, much less grief, to a man like that?
(2) What was the "straw that broke the camel's back"? (and how long from then til you actually were on your own again?)
When his emotional abuse escalted to physical violence. Done. Finished. G'bye.
(3) Did your quality of life suffer much (loss of two incomes/residence, that sort of thing), and how did you deal with that?
Yep. Left me without a home, money, and temporarily without my children since I had to move them back home to safety.
(4) Did you have kids to consider too (did they motivate you in some way to stay longer or leave sooner)?
See above, please.
(5) How does a place like this help or hurt?
Umm...come again? One has nothing to do with the other. Well, maybe in the sense that I don't mind telling my story to a degree because I'd like to shake the hell out of anyone that allows such abuse. If I can do so, I'm game. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 1/30/2006 12:36:58 PM | (1)I was with my boyfriend for 3 years before I finally left. I wasnt only verbally/ emotionally abused I was physically abused. I was soo young also. I was put in the hospital 26 times in 5 months. When he didn't show up for his own daughters funeral I decided to move away and not tell him where I was and left a note saying I couldn't deal with it any longer.
(2) I was 7 months pregnant and because he had a bad day at work he threw me down a flight of stairs. I gave birth and my daughter passed an hour and two minutes later. After planning a funeral for her and going to it I relized he was the one who did this to us and I couldn't be with someone like that.
(3) I lost a baby, an apartment, and trust for everyone. I still haven't dealt with my babies loss.
(4) I was thinking that if my baby was here today, I prolly wouldn't have left.
(5) I think a place like this helps because it helps to get a message across. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 1/30/2006 3:31:37 PM | Dec 31/04 - the day that broke the camel's back. Huge agruement over something stupid infront of the children. My son, who was only 6. He tried to calm the situation by being the adult in the situation. I wasn't going to have my son protecting me. I am suppose to protect both my children. It clicked -- I wasn't going to take it anymore and my kids weren't going to hear or see it any longer. He says he didn't want to be with me any longer and I totally agreed.
Pushed for a date for him to leave. He seemed to be dragging his butt not to go.
Eventually, another event happened--much more serious--that I had to call the cops and press charges. That happed on March 17th 2005.
Changes that accured after. He didn't show as much interest in the children. Basically, he wanted to see the kids on his time schedule. He wanted his cake and eat to. Kept trying to get back with me in the process.
On top of it all no child support. He was very selfish. Financial, I can only count on myself. I am on a tight budget.
Don't be the victim. Take control of the situation. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 1/30/2006 4:47:46 PM | 1 - After several times of him telling me that he didn't love me, then he did, didn't, did... I eventually got my eyes opened up.
2 - The straw that broke the camel's back was when he took my daughter out of the care of a sitter while I was working and refused to give her to me. EDITED TO ADD: He used my child as a weapon against me because he no longer had control of me, so he took one of the two most precious things I hold dear in this life. My child. That was his first mistake.
3 - No, because I had been paying my own way during the times we were together. I paid half of everything and when I left and got my own place, it wasn't any different from a financial standpoint.
4 - Yes. My oldest daughter, who has Down syndrome, (not his child) had bonded with him, saw that he was treating me badly. She withdrew and went into her own little world. My three year old had, during the last nine months here, become a target of his controlling behavior. Needless to say, he lost his custody case against me.
5 - Neither, IMO. It's a place for me to start over and look for someone that will treat me with the respect that I deserve.
I would like to add that I took something with me when I ended that relationship:
I learned that NO man has ANY right to treat their woman like a piece of meat, trash or anything else along those lines. We are all people. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Karma kicked his a$$ in the end, in that he didn't take my precious baby away from me as he would have liked. He lost control over me, and as a result I am a stronger, better and wiser person for it. I like to think that for the last three years, I have fought hard and finally won my freedom. That B@$tard will never do to that to me again and I will make sure he never does it to my youngest daughter.
I was a good woman to my ex and he took that for granted. He will never find another woman who will put up with his $hit for as long as I did. Six years of He!! with that man was enough and although I tried to convince myself that things would change, he eventually wore me down enough to where I was blaming myself for what happend. It wasn't until I left in 2002 and had a chance to think about things, that I realized that I was not the ONLY person to blame for what went wrong. He has some major control issues and they need to be addressed before he will ever find someone that he can be happy with. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:00:51 PM | (1) Tell us how you did it! and/or...
(2) What was the "straw that broke the camel's back"? (and how long from then til you actually were on your own again?)
(3) Did your quality of life suffer much (loss of two incomes/residence, that sort of thing), and how did you deal with that?
(4) Did you have kids to consider too (did they motivate you in some way to stay longer or leave sooner)?
(5) How does a place like this help or hurt
1...Told him it was over after a heated argument and much of the same, went to lawyer 3 days later
2...One name and one physical action too many
3...No...quality became better...by far
4...yes...they were the reason...Ididnt want them to think that this was what relationships were about
5...Does niether for me...it is past...I am proud of what I have done...hope it may help someone else | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:14:46 PM | (1) Tell us how you did it! and/or...
Called my mom to come and pick me up. She lived in another state. So it took some time for her to get there. She didn't rush right over, she waited for my brother to get off from work first, and he came to get me with her. That was 22 years ago.
(2) What was the "straw that broke the camel's back"? (and how long from then til you actually were on your own again?)
I was pregant, with a baby he wanted, then he changed his mind. At this point never touched me. So i called my mom, because I felt he wanted me to leave. Turns out he just wanted me to aboard. Something I wouldn't do.
(3) Did your quality of life suffer much (loss of two incomes/residence, that sort of thing), and how did you deal with that?
Yes. I had to quit my job to move, and getting a job when your pregant wasn't the easyest thing, plus paying for having a baby being born, and raiseing him.
(4) Did you have kids to consider too (did they motivate you in some way to stay longer or leave sooner)?Yes I was pregant, and wasn't about to aboard. I left right away, are tried to. When he found out I was leaving he kidnapped me with a gun and took me to the top of smoky mountains to kill me. I talked him out of it. Told him my family knew who I was with, and he would go to jail. My family would see to it.
(5) How does a place like this help or hurt? It was a long time ago. I wish there was a place like this back then where I could talk things out. I think a place like this helps people now days. My past isn't afecting me any more. I have always been able to move on and not let the past touch me, where it would hurt me. I am to strong willed to let another bring me down for to long. That was the last time anyone ever hit me. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 1/31/2006 3:22:30 AM | I just want to say that many believe a hero to be someone who rescues a child from a burning building or pulls someone from a raging river. I to believe they are hero's. I also believe that all who have posted here are my hero's as well. I know you did not post what you did to get attention or someone's pity. I think it was to let others know that they are not alone in the world. Thank you all for the sharing of your pain. You have a great strength many may think they do not have but now see they might. Even one person reads these posts and looks within to do what you have done they it was worth the sharing.
These tears I give.......
I give to those who feel.
These tears I give..
I give to all who have lost.
These tears I give..
I give freely
With nothing asked in return
These tears I give come from
all before me.
They are to be cherished..... and shared.
For tears are tiny gifts
from the soul.
They quench a desire
and fill a need.
They spill forth that which
cannot be said aloud.
But are buried deep inside us all
They are tears of joy
and tears of loss.
They bring comfort to each
in their own way.
They fill a room with one small start
and touch each heart.
They are tears for all to share
Please do not abuse them
or misuse them.
To those you love or have never met.
For once shared
eternity they will last.
To bring comfort to each and every one of us
For now.
Forever.....
R.W.Wood | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 1/31/2006 4:31:18 AM | Girls, reading your life stories it truly gave me cold shivers all over...
No woman ever should have to go through this...
and you managed to shake yourselves off this nightmare...
I admire you all..
Me - I left my husband last year, after holidays.. it was probably only because someone made me realize (finally) I deserved more than what he was(n't) giving me. No looking back since that time...
I'm sure you know what it's like when you begin to feel you're being owned by your husband. When all you do is ruled by his judgement and decisions. When you have no chance to speak for yourself bacuase your each try ends up with a huge argument. And he's always right. So finally you even stop trying.. you just 'do your job'.
When you're walking nervously round the house when he's about to come back home, because you know he'll find sth wrong about the way you look, kiss him, cook, clean up, work... Always..
It's bad when you're too happy or too sad. It's bad when you look too good or too shabby.
I was never allowed to go out with friends in the evenings without him.
He always took decisions about home, holidays, our lives. I couldn't have a child because he wanted comfortable life...
And one day someone made me realize it wasn't me who was the bad one. That all I wanted, well I had the right to want it. That I didn't have to be treated badly.
You know the song by Melanie C "The first day of my life.." ? :-) Don't you just love this song? :-)))
My life became much much better since I left. I moved in with my parents, but maybe I'll get my own place in the spring - that remains to be seen... I have a great job, and since we always contributed to our family budget mutually that hasn't been a change for me, I finally get to see my friends whenever I want to. But the most important is - I finally feel free to make my own choices and decisions... :-)
Girls - take care, you're great!! :-)) | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/22/2006 10:16:31 AM | I finally brunt all the bridges that kept me coming back.
1) How? I finally made up my mind to say enough was enough. I just bluntly said I want out. Of course he turned it around and put all the blame on me and called me a lunitic. He gave me everything, he worked hard. I had a great house to live in. What more could I want??? Well all the material things in the world dont mean a thing unless you have freindship and love from your suppose to be soulmate and best freind.. After many times of him telling me he will change, I left and returned three times. After a year of the last return I knew it was the wrong choice. I stayed for 3 years, watching him get angrier and more abusive and bitter. I knew it and him would never change. We were posion together. I stayed for what I thought was the best thing,,,, The KIDS!!!!!!!
2) When my two teenage girls begged me over and over again to please leave. When my oldest remarked to me. " MOM.... I always knew there was a problem...But never knew what it was until it started happeneing to me".
After a year I realized and he had commented to me in a rage that the only reason he begged me to come back this time was because he found out he had to pay me $900.00 a month in support..
Those 2 factors weighed heavy on my mind for quite awhile before I realized it was only a farce on his side. He wanted his cake and eat it too but knew nothing about how to keep it.
He made sure the abuse was never seen. I call him a street angel. He certainly has convinced the world that he was the best father, husband, employee, friend, and family member, his hidden personality was only seen by his children and myself and he knew people would never believe us.
He is the greatest guy you could ever meet on the streets and in the public eye, But behind closed doors he was a monster who had childish, insecure, issues that were never going to get any better.
His daughters were scared of him, never respected him, but still loved him because he was Dad. The street angel was the perfect father as well. The girls got older and realized ,life would be better if they had their Dad on a part time bases, they would rather have the street angel then a full time monster. Although they have choosen not to see him at all at this time. He believes its because I have posioned their minds. FAR FAR FROM THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!
3) I did suffer for the first 10 months. I thought things would never get any better I thought the world was coming to and end. I realized in order to finally get him out of my life and mind, I had to go through all the stages of a break up. In the past I never allowed myself to get through all the stages because it hurt so much and I could handle the pain and heartache. This time I knew it had to be done to finally end it once and for all. Its been tough financially and emotionally. I am finally at a stage that no matter what he or anyone else says or does, I can just consider the source and smile. They are the ignorant ones.
4) My kids were older but made their own minds up who they wanted to be with. They have been my rocks, my saviors and my angels. Without their encouragement, weekend slumber parties, hugs, and picka - me -ups, I would`nt have gotten this far.
I have met a wonderful man whom I believe is my best freind and my soulmate. I never knew life could be this happy and men were so gentle and loving. With him and god I know my life from this point on is only going to get better and better. He adores and loves my girls and the girls just love him. That was a key factor with me. From that point on I knew he was special.
Its a state of mind you have to put yourself in and stay there. Leave the people who hurt you behind, Leave the shallow followeres behind and ignore their ignorance. Believe that you are a good person . Know that not all people see you in the same way. Know that no matter what there will always be people who love and care about you. EMBRACE LIFE AND ALL IT HAS TO OFFER!!!! Leave the pain and hurt behind.....Life goes on, and you are the only one who can make it happy.
5) Talk session like this help women get out the pain, some have no one to turn too. Its nice to know that you are not alone. Women have more courage, strength and wisdom then what they give themselves credit for. We just have to believe in ourselfes and never let anyone take your selfworth again.
Hugs to all who have endure such pain and hurt, But know god is on our side and will give us back the strength we need to live a happy fullfilled life.
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/22/2006 10:27:22 AM | | hey honey let me tell you, it is very hard to do this but in the long run you will be a happier person, i have left someone who emotionally abused me just last year and it was a very hard decision, i had a young child and i was not working and i thought do i stay just to be secure or do i go and gain my happiness and my self worth and respect again. i choose to go, if you don't depression will set in, your children will suffer and all around life will become less inviting to you. believe me it can be done, i moved over 1000 miles from my home i found a job and an apartment in less than a month i was doing okay on my own, i sometime still think what if but then i think back to how i emotionally was doing then and i am definately better off now even if i am alone, at least i am happier. it takes some getting use to but anyone can do i promise, please don't anyone put their self worth or self respect in some one else's hands. it's just not worth the heart ache and emotional pain, for you or your children.i | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/22/2006 11:33:46 AM | wow, very sobering stories. :(
I understand how women can end up in this situation, it just creeps up on you.
I was in a relationship where my wife was the verbal/emotional abuser. It ground me down over time until I barely recognized myself. Not very proud of that, really.
And unlike you girls, I did not leave - she did. So kudos to you. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/22/2006 12:55:30 PM | I have a question for you who have left such relationships: how does it affect your desire to be in a new relationship?
Or maybe that is another topic, I don't know. U B the judge. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/22/2006 1:10:02 PM |
(1) Tell us how you did it! and/or...
(2) What was the "straw that broke the camel's back"? (and how long from then til you actually were on your own again?)
(3) Did your quality of life suffer much (loss of two incomes/residence, that sort of thing), and how did you deal with that?
(4) Did you have kids to consider too (did they motivate you in some way to stay longer or leave sooner)?
(5) How does a place like this help or hurt?
1. Divorce
2. He cheated, right then and there I was done! HE took all of his anger out on me because he was hurt at work. I could never do anything right after that point.
3. Oh yeah, finances sucked. I'm still putting myself back on my feet!
4. No kids, it was actually a good thing! It made living alot easier.
5. I think it's helped me. Sometimes when you have nobody ese to talk to, that's been there, it's nice to come on here and see you're not alone. | |
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kymbie
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Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 17 | |
| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/22/2006 2:41:04 PM |
(1) Tell us how you did it! and/or...
(2) What was the "straw that broke the camel's back"? (and how long from then til you actually were on your own again?)
(3) Did your quality of life suffer much (loss of two incomes/residence, that sort of thing), and how did you deal with that?
(4) Did you have kids to consider too (did they motivate you in some way to stay longer or leave sooner)?
(5) How does a place like this help or hurt?
wow...where to begin...i guess a good start would be to point out that people who are abusive in other ways (physically, sexually, etc) are usually verbally abusive as well.
i grew up in an extreemly abusive home... my grandfather is a pedophile and as a result of such my mother had me at the age of 14....by the time i was a toddler he was abusing me too, sexually and physically as well as emotionally and verbally ...he would use intimidation to have the entire family to live "his way" and if he didn't get his way would use physical violence including hitting us with fly swatters and belts as well as his bare hands....i have problems kneeling to this day from years of being forced to kneel on heat grates for the furnice durring the winter months when the heat was on. He would then use threats to get us to keep our mouths shut. When i was 5 my mom married and her husband adopted me...this is who i consider to be my father. as my mom thought she was the only one he was abusing (he hid it very well) she purchased a mobile home and had it placed on my grandparents property....which would have allowed me to travel back and forth to whichever home i felt more comfortable in....what was not known is that my grandfather was telling me that mini homes were not safe and if i spent the night there it would burn and i would burn with it....to a 5 year old this is a very real threat. .... by the time i was around 11/12 my parents had enough of my grandfather telling them who they could have in their home because it was in their yard...and various other things...and moved a 1/2 mile away...when i was 12 i moved in with them and my grandfather threatened to kill my dad because of it.
by the time i was 13 or so my mom and i started fighting alot because part of me blamed her for the abuse i suffered....finally at the age of 15 my grandfather was found guilty on 5 of 7 sex related crimes against myself, my mother , and a couple other relatives.... because i had so many bad memories just being in that neighbourhood alone i was a pretty rebellious teenager...i left home a month before my 16th birthday.
after a few good years at the age of 19 i had been engaged and pregnant for my first child... the man moved a couple provinces away a couple weeks before i found out i was pregnant...and despite being told of the pregnancy via telephone he showed no intrest in being part of my child's life...when 7 mos along i was set up with a man who appeared to be everything i had always been looking for.....about 8 months into this he became very controlling....soon control turned to physical abuse....and that turned into him threatening to kill both me and my child if i should try to leave him...he even went so far as to quit his job so he could keep an eye on me and make sure i didn't try to leave. i went on birth control pills and stopped having sex with him.... the first time we had sex in 2 years despite being on the pill and taking it properly i was pregnant again...and with the pregnancy the abuse escallated....durring his beatings durring that pregnancy he said he was going to f**k me up (my looks) so that no man would ever want me when he was done. this ended up being a high risk pregnancy due to the stress i was living through...and at 7 mos along while in hospital he punched me in the stomach....after this hospital staff and social workers helped me to escape.... i went to a safe house....after which got an apartment and lived in hiding for over a year....before entering into a relationship with a man who i had been close friends with for 6 years first and thought i could really truly trust not to hurt me. This man and i had both come out of not great relationships and simply wern't ready for one another...a little over a year into that relationship we had a 3 day argument about money which resulted in him hitting me.... he left for work and a half hour later i moved out...back to the safe house...then into a long term housing unit for abused women (no men allowed on the premisis) i stayed there for several months and took part in support groups, etc and then took a subsidized housing unit.
over the years i have taken part in alot of councelling, etc and have developed a deep intrest in women's issues. I have obtained 2 paralegal degrees and have dedicated my past few years towards self improvement. I am currently working on plans to open an outreach center to help educate abused women and homeless& near homeless teens (the ones who left because home wasn't a safe place to be) on the resources available to help them get back on their feet....and beleive you me through all my experiences i have learned of many many many many resources within my community....everything from educational support to food help...places that will give you furniture to help you get set up....resume writting, how to apply for welfare....what services/programs welfare offer that they dont tell you about unless you already know and ask about them. I have recently learned about a program where they will put you to work in your chosen field and the government will pay you minimum wage...to help you gain experience to apply for another job in said field....I have been advised that once my plans are complete and ready to be presented that i might be able to work in shelters for the homeless and abused doing outreach...which i'm already doing to various friends of mine whom i know are in abusive situations...they come to me and see me pretty much back on my feet and want to know how to do it....and the experience i would gain from working in those situations will help me get a foot in the door for funding, etc towards opening my own center.
wow..i just revealed sooo much about myself on a public forum and probably scared whoever is seeing this post on my profile away from contacting me....but oh well...at least i can still hold my head high knowing i did nothing to deserve such treatment. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/22/2006 2:52:13 PM | 1/2) We were engaged and while I was out on a girl's night out he showed up uninvited. We got talking about travel- he told a visiting friend that there is NO way her bf was waiting patiently while she was travelling about--- esp if she was gone >1-2 mos. I took exception and the discussion came to: Once he and I got married I would not be leaving the country for >three months at any point.
LOL- I want to be an aid worker when I 'grow up'--- is the reason I chose my job! Travel is Huge to me... so despite the multitude of problems and issues and disrespect before that point I felt that he was willing to take away the one thing (at that time) which made me feel capable and good. Long and short of the night was 'don't let the door hit you on the a$$ on your way out'
3)I moved away to go to school (already planned) and we just kept distance. it took me Years (2-4?) to identify myself as a new person independent of him (high school sweety and all that) My quality of life improved- but we were not so connected financially-- I had avoided that even when i was younger. Funny- like 1.5 yrs after we split- previously mutual friends FINALLY felt comfortable speaking up about how nastily he would behave towards me: that Suprised and hurt me and forced me to re-evaluate... It took me a Long time to figure out how many unhealthy things i learned while we were together.
4) no kids so I cannot talk to this.
5)I still do not understand men too much but I am here and learning and dipping my toes in the pond so that one day i can do the long term thing again without the ugliness :) Still learning but i find this pond is helpful. That said... I am really taking what some say with a grain of salt. There are some really unfortunate attitudes in this world and I try to focus on the positives I meet. | |
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kymbie
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Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/22/2006 3:07:39 PM |
I have a question for you who have left such relationships: how does it affect your desire to be in a new relationship?
the desire is still as much there as its ever been...we are still human...however....i am much much much more choosey and picky about who i am willing to invite into my future. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/22/2006 3:57:46 PM | 1. I moved in with his mother ( BAD mistake, am still paying for it, but it saved my life literally)
2. His behavior when I miscarried the baby- the SOB told me to throw a pad on and shut up ( we were in the middle of driving home from a funeral in vegas
3.I worked 40 to 80 hours a week to make sure me and my daughter had everything. to day I've recieved less than 200 in child support. My daughter is TWO now.
4. Because of my daughter I stayed in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship too long. I was terrified to be a single parent.
5. I'm not sure about the last question?
Shae | |
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kymbie
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Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 21 | |
| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/22/2006 4:23:27 PM |
What's up with you women picking these kinda guys. I mean come on, choose somebody that is nice. You folks obviously don't know what nice means. You guys should know when somethings up. What did they have that made you all go out with them in the first place?
well...if that wasn't a classic line from someone who's never been there i dont know what is.
may you be fortunate enough durring the rest of your life to never "have" to understand the answer to your question.
what did they have that made us go out with them?....its called a good front hunny....do you honestly think they approached us saying..."hey baby....wanna come home with me so i can call you down to the lowest...beat the living shit out of you...entrap you so you cannot leave..etc..etc..?" nooo...ohhh no... my son's father started the first 8 months of our relationship out making breakfasts in bed...taking me to fancy restauraunts, showing me off to friends and family...treating me like gold....and showing no signs of being anything other than a gentleman..... they dont show their true colors in until they know you trust them...and then once they have you they threaten you and control you so you feel as though you cannot leave.
but like i said...may you be fortunate enough to never "have" to understand. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/22/2006 5:29:03 PM | 1-I just said "enough!"
2-Not being able to treat me with ANY respect and let go of all the girls on the side..let me move on!
3-I went through physical stress which actually made me very sick! I dealt with it by pulling myself up..reading, thinking of all the good things, talking with friends and family and moving on.
4-I have no kids, thankfully as i would never have put them through it!
5-This place can hurt if you are sucked into those that can be abusive and have the same red flags as the men/women you have dated that abused you vocally/physically or mentally. This place can heal if you talk with people that lift you up. You can weed through all the people you talk with and decifer who is right and wrong for you when you are strong! | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:15:35 AM | I have to say that while the relationship was abusive,,, he is not a bad guy. he is genuine and caring and we are still really good friends (years later now that we have matured) The relationship was ugly and I am Uber-cautious about entering into anything like that again. I am what is called a slow burn anyways, and now i just go slower yet. I know some of my jeuvenile behaviors and will not get into something with someone who I want to do that with again.
I dont know if i would have been different (in relationships now) if we had not been together, but i do know I learned through this that i am strong and lovable and have a purpose... I also learned humility--- the most willful woman can be trapped into and turned into something they Never imagined! I never imagined myself as a woman capable of living with abuse! sheesh! Why would anybody do something that stupid?! I get it somewhat now. not entirely, but yeah. I am glad it was just a minor example. My heart goes out to those who are still emerging or worse yet- unable to realize they can do better than that. a bleeding shame, in my opinion.
Edit: I have to add that I am no angel: My behavior was at times abominable too. I am not proud of that period... neither is he. my heart goes to the man who spoke. best wishes to all. | |
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Gem38
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Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 24 | |
| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:16:13 AM | I got out when I finally realised he was NEVER going to change. He would continue to treat me like a piece of crap forever and expect me to just keep forgiving him.
It was my place, so I threw all his possesions on the front lawn while he was out and then rang him to tell him to come get it all. I did not care what the neighbours thought.
Reading others experiences on these forums has helped me.
He's still trying to get me back.... not a day goes by when I don't get a visit or a call (or 10) or a text message.... but I will be strong and I will not take him back. | |
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| Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers...
Posted: 2/23/2006 4:32:13 AM | On June 23rd, 2005, after a 3 year relationship, I left my ex-boyfriend, he had just begun to be verbally abusive towards me. I moved out of our house and into an apartment, on my own. He couldn't deal with it, he kept tracking me down and would make public scenes where ever I was.
Mid-July, he broke into my apartment, he sexually assaulted me and beat me to the point of unconsciousness. I awoke in a hospital 32 hours later. The police filed charges, had an arrest warrant, but couldn't find him.
The courts awarded me a PFA (Protection from Abuse) against him.
A week later he shows up to apologize to me, I called the police. The police showed up arrested him for aggravated assault and violation of the PFA. Three days later I get a call from the county sheriff informing that he's made bail and has been released from jail.
Two Hours after the sheriff calls, my ex-boyfriend's busting down my front door. I escaped with a few cuts and bruises, and a mild concussion. After resisting arrest and fighting with four officers, he recieved a trip back to the county jail.
Then a few days passed, and the sheriff's office informs me again, he's out and about. Luckily, an Officer that knew me saw him near my place of residence and took him into custody.
I went into "hiding".
In September, on a busy street, he decided to verbally attack me and the man I was with.(The County DA) Once again, he was arrested. And to think, the DA was trying to explain to me the reason it would be so hard to have my ex-boyfriend sentenced properly, was because of his mental illness.
My ex-boyfriend ended up on the mental ward at the county jail. Until mid-October.
I went into hiding again. On. November 1st, I moved to Texas, over 1400 miles away.
On Tuesday Feb 22,2006, I sat in the court room as my ex accepted a plea bargain, stalking, 2 counts of aggravated assault, 4 counts of resisting arrest, 2 counts of assault on a police officer (the 2 counts of assault on a police officer were dropped), 1 count of sexual assault, and there were 2 other charges I can't remember what they were. He's lucky he took the plea bargain, they had over 22 charges on him. He was sentenced to 10-20 years in prison.
You asked "Did your quality of life suffer much (loss of two incomes/residence, that sort of thing), and how did you deal with that?"
I lost a few clients, because of his public disruptions, I moved 1400 miles away from everything. My life would probably have been over had I not done those things. So I'm not going to complain about it.
4) Did you have kids to consider too No!
(5) How does a place like this help or hurt?
When I first read the question, I was going to say it had no role what so ever, but after thinking about it, POF has given quite a few number of friends that put a smile on my face when I read their posts, and their e-mails. It's also helped me figure out why, no matter how often I was asked out on a date, I'd refuse. PoF hasn't caused me to hurt over the past in any way. I think joining POF actually helped me heal a little quicker, than had I not joined.
I'm just happy he took a plea bargain, and we didn't have to have this continued and dragged out over the next year. Now I can truely move on.
Note to everyone: Laws have loop holes, you think the authorities should of done this and that, it just doesn't always turn out "by the book". The Judicial system is screwed up!!
And the jails are full!! | |
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