| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:08:08 PM | Just throwing this out there to see what kinds of responses I get.
Men - Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
If not, why not?
If your choice not to was based on the fact that you knew nothing of the type of disability the child had, but learned about it, would this change your decision?
I don't need to be flamed for posting this thread, but I'm searching for something long term AND I have a beautiful daughter with Down syndrome so I would like to get a feel for what you all think about this. Ladies, feel free to put your $.02 in on this too.
Sass | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:10:46 PM | I wouldn't date a woman, but that's just me; we're too high maintainance...lol.
As for a man with a special needs child, absolutely I would. I love children, and am not at all put off by special challenges. | |
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ya472
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Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 5 | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:22:07 PM | I would hope that the OP does NOT get flamed for asking this.
My son has autism and I've made a point of being very clear off-the-bat that I am a single mom and that my son has special needs but is also wonderful, loving and intelligent (to name a few things).
I have been (on other sites) approached by men who weren't turned off by my being a single mom but were turned off by the fact that my son has a recognized disability in that he is neurologically atypical and that will not change.
IF a man doesn't want to date me because of my son or the OP because of her daughter - that is THAT person's loss... not ours. | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:23:21 PM | | Sass- I know exactly where you are coming from. I would date a man with a special needs child. A child is a child and is a blessing in our lives. Special children teach us so much about the world. But a person really has to consider what they are getting involved with when they date someone with a child, let alone a special needs child. If they are not up for the challenge and adventure, then they should just move on and keep looking, but if they want to be involved it is a great experiance. | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:26:20 PM | I am actually persuing a career working with people of "special needs"
I enjoy working with kids
I've been working with kids since I got out of highschool
some of the kids have had special needs, and they think I'm awesome | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:26:32 PM | | Cage - very well said. My son has high functioning autism. I tell everyone after the first few e-mails because I want them to understand my life and my son. My son is who he is and if you can not accept us for that, then keep looking | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:28:03 PM | I have to agree with Ya472... Like trying to establish any relationship, you have to develop the primary one first, then develop the secondary relationships. But what he didn't mention was that it shouldn't matter if the child has special needs... if you are interested in the woman then the child is going to be an intrical part of the package...
It shouldn't matter but unfortunately people get "weird" when they find out the person they are talking to or their child has a special condition. I know have a few special friends that have special conditions or children with special conditions... and they typically get dumped when the new partner learns of it! My comment to them good ridance...
All Children have Special Needs... They need to be treated with respect and love like any adult and in lots of situations even more so! Think about it if your dating a mom/dad with a child there has been a loss in that family somewhere along the line be it separation, divorce, or death. The child has gone through a lot and will always benefit from positive interaction with others be it adults or children can you give it?? If not don't get involved!!! | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:38:44 PM | | Love the answers that the guys on here are giving but it seems that in real life it isn't so simple. I also have a child with special needs and most of my experience is that men run when I tell them the realities of my life. So be it I suppose but it does hurt each time. | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:44:52 PM | | I think it would depend on the disability, the severity of the disability and the required parental attention. If the child is in need of their parent at all times, other than sleeping, then I think I am too selfish to be in a relationship that allows such little adult time. | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:45:16 PM | Well to answer that i would say that i would date a woman with a special needs child. But i think i am in the minority as far as men go. The main reason is that i have worked with children with autism for quite a long time and i understand how special these children are and the fact that they are here for important reasons and can teach society thing or two.
I would hope that people would either want to date a woman with children, regardless of a disability, or would not want to date a woman with a child for their own reasons. | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:47:56 PM | Thanks all for the replies. As my oldest is the one in question, she's 10 chronologically, but at about a 4 or 5 year old level mentally. It's always awkward for me when someone that I'm dating finally meets my girl. I feel like I have to explain away everything she says or does. Don't get me wrong, I'm not embarassed by her, it's just that I don't know what the person that I'm with will think about her so, I feel as if I have to justify why she says what she says or, how she acts. This has always been a touchy subject with me because I am so protective of her and I fear that she'll be hurt. My ex of six years was a very strong male role model for her and even though he is the father of my youngest, he always loved my oldest like she was his own. He's alienated her and just about cut her out of his life completely and she does not know how to "let it out" so to speak. Verbalization does not come easy for her so she resorts to internalizing everything due to the lack of being able to communicate. I don't ever want her to go through this again with anyone but I know there are no guarantees.
I know.. I'm straying off the very topic I created. I guess I was hoping to see some positives come out of this and I have. Thanks everyone for replying. | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:51:46 PM | Well.....
Think of your daughter as a test for any man wanting to enter your life. If they cant accept her then they cant accept you, so he is probably not worth it.
But love conquers all and those things are secondary to how one feels about you
Good luck | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:54:06 PM | | Wouldn't have a problem with it at all. When is high school (ok that was a while back) I volunteered at a sanitarium where I worked as ana ssistant in the childs ward. I've been around all types of special needs. Downs, Spastic, Hydrosyphelics, Microsyphelics, schzophrenics, pretty much anyone you can think of. What I learned from them amazed me on a daily basis. I've carried that knowlege with me to this day and will always reflect on how it opened my eyes to another way of life. | |
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*Rock*
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Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 18 | |
| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 6:02:26 PM | | If you truly love someone you should be there for them and any child they may have, that has special needs. Educate yourself and learn from those who deal with special needs children on a daily basis, open your heart and your mind to new challenges, show strength and compassion, accept what is, encouragement and support will mean everything if the love is there... | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 6:07:09 PM | I am impressed that r1chguy gave such an honest answer.
I do understand how some ppl can be intimidated by someone having a special needs child - hell, I'm a Mom to one and some days it can get really difficult but the rewards far outweigh the challenges.
And I suppose I dream of a man who will understand that and who will love me and my son. | |
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Trio3
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Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 20 | |
| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 6:09:20 PM | | HI sassy, yes it is hard on children with special needs who are not able to communicate their feelings. I am also a parent of two children who have DS like your daughter, and they have a father who is not involved in thier lives either. One of my children really could care less where his dad is but his brother really misses his dad. I have helped him everytime he mentions his dad I give him the words to say how he is feeling, like you feel sad right now because you can't see your dad (when my son is crying) or when he is getting mad about his dad, I will tell him are you mad because you can't see your dad. It does help and he is now using these words and we can talk abit about how he is feeling. As for if a person would date another person who has a child with special needs, I know that is hard for some people because they do not understand or see the child as a person first, they see the disability. I am always upfront about my sons and I am very open to the other person answering questions regarding my sons. I do not want my sons to meet a person who I am dating unless I am sure it is okay and my sons do not get hurt. All children are special and very important. Good luck in your search | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 6:16:45 PM | While this is sorta off topic, I will say that you have to realize that there are a lot of old school ways of looking at disabilities that are rather insulting.
For example, a person is not 'disabled', they are living with a disability. There are no 'schizophrenics' or 'epileptics', they are people living with schizophrenia or epilepsy.
People are defined but who they are, not what they have, and the terms we use need to reflect that. This may seem semantic to some, but the reality is that most of the commonly used terms are very derogatory, including the term 'disabled' itself which means 'no ability'; we should be using 'differently abled' or some other more neutral term. | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 7:01:09 PM | I don't meet a lot of single men so I can't say that my kids would deter them.
My oldest is 14 with an IQ and EQ of about 4 or 5 so when I'm out in public with her, we get a lot of stares as she looks "normal" but behaves far younger. I haven't decided if it's her behavior, my shyness or just the fact that I have kids with me that keeps men from approaching me.
Sorry I don't have any answers for you, but I do know that it will be some time before I'll introduce a man I'm dating to my kids...and that includes my "normal" kids. I don't want my kids getting attached to someone that isn't a serious/potentially permanent relationship. My divorce has been difficult enough on them.
T. | |
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Trio3
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Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 23 | |
| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 7:21:06 PM | (While this is sorta off topic, I will say that you have to realize that there are a lot of old school ways of looking at disabilities that are rather insulting.
For example, a person is not 'disabled', they are living with a disability. There are no 'schizophrenics' or 'epileptics', they are people living with schizophrenia or epilepsy.
People are defined but who they are, not what they have, and the terms we use need to reflect that. This may seem semantic to some, but the reality is that most of the commonly used terms are very derogatory, including the term 'disabled' itself which means 'no ability'; we should be using 'differently abled' or some other) From Rich Guy post
Well said Richguy. Where I live I have been saying this for a long time. I keep telling people my sons are people too and the Down Syndrome is part of who they are, it is not who they are. People who work with my sons are starting to understand they are individual people and just because they are brothers with DS they are not the same. | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/30/2006 7:51:28 PM | | I would date her for her. If I like the person I would accept her for all she is and isnt in life. That would include everything and everyone in her life. I have a sister with Prader Willie syndrome and have seen all that is involved with raising special needs children. I'm also a single father and have been so since my daughters were babies. Things in life shape us to who we are . I found out just how hard it is to be a single parent and I could only imagine how hard it would be to do so with a child with special needs. So I would most definetly date a woman with a special needs child and I would probably be glad that I found someone I liked who has the kind of caring and compassion that it takes to raise children, let alone children with special needs. I hope you find the person your looking for in life, because when they find you they will be the ones who most definetly will be rewarded. | |
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| Would you date a woman with a special needs child?
Posted: 1/31/2006 2:11:08 AM | | It's so difficult to understand the very needs of anyone,mother,father,sister,brother and any child. But the child with a 'Special Need' is just that - in need of a special need and it takes a special person to meet that need.My son is 25,but chronolgically 7 to 13.His appearance is like any other handsome young man and sometimes it takes a while for another to realise there is something 'lacking'.I've been on my own since he was 2 and his bro 4.Their father, my husband of 12 years will not accept responsibility of either and never has.I wish you and I the best that God can give, but maybe He already has, in giving us the love and ability to love our children throughout all adversities - even if it is seemingly 'ALONE'. | |
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