| | Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I have a girlfriend who is surrounding by males. She makes it a point that they are just friends, but she has kissed a few of them in the past and has to see them every so often.
It's not like everyday or even every week. She sees them when she really wants to though.
She has a history of being the biggest flirt on the block. And has had a fairly colourful past.
Should I be worried? Jealous? Distrustful?
My thing is that a woman with a colourful past is a little troubling to get into a relationship with.
Walking through the mall or something and she bumps into a past lover, the awkwardness grows and the aggression inside of my rises. I feel like ripping the guys throat right out of his neck. The looks that they give me is like, "You are actually having a relationship with that whore? I ****ed her and chucked her, what's wrong with you?"
She tells me that she loves me, and she would never cheat on me, etc. But how much can you rely on just words? Her actions in the past (mind you have been drunk and at the bar or at a kegger) have shown me that her flirtatiousness is nothing to just shrug off, it is really bad.
What should I do ladies?
Or am I just a ****ing nut needing a straight jacket? | |
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olio1
| | Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 2 | |
| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/2/2006 1:41:18 PM | figure out what is making you so insecure and try to work
on it before you make her hate you.
The jealousy is in reality you being insecure over something in yourself.
If you just cannot trust her then break up now and stop trying to
pin your insecurity on her | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/2/2006 2:30:30 PM | | exactly. jealousy is bad cause it shows a bit of insecurity. the distrust part is usually from something the person has done to you. if you can't trust the one your with, then you need to find someone else. definitely a bad combination. if your jealous already and you throw distrust in there, you'll always think she's cheating on you, even when she's not. you'll never be happy in this situation. so there is no use starting it. | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/2/2006 3:46:19 PM | | I think there is always some feeling of protectiveness over the ones we love of course, but you can go overboard with jealousy and it usually does not work out. YOu konw her, you like her, only you know how much you can trust her and you either do or you dont. In my experience if you dont trust, it wont work out either. Being a flirt is okay but then that depends on what someone would consider flirting??? There is a line. | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/2/2006 3:53:17 PM | | cursed Since you're aware of this woman's past and it bothers you, I don't see how you're gonna get past that. Her past is her past, she can't change it. You either have to accept it or not. It seems to bother you when she encounters someone and she may not be able to run across someone when she goes out. It sounds like it's a nagging concern. I don't see that improving. Have you talked with her about it? Maybe she told you too much detail about her past. Most often the past is left in the past. It's possible you know more than you're comfortable with, again something that can't be changed. | |
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Thorb
| | Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 8 | |
| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/2/2006 5:03:23 PM |
Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Not a hope in hell bud.... if you don't trust your doomed to fail.
and Jealousy... is one of the deadly sins and has no place in any good person's life.
Try to get help on losing the jealousy before it destroys you. It is an exceptionally bad trait and puts people in jail, the hospital, or the morgue.
If you can't just enjoy your relationship together then scrap it.
When you grow up you will stop worrying about what other guys think about you and your relationships. | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/2/2006 7:09:51 PM | | I think you should tell her how you feel, some women when they like a man they may brag a little to show him that you are desireable by others. We all want someone who is desireable. Is it possible that maybe she fuk'd em and left them too. All women have done this whether they admit it or not we all have desires and are human. If she says she loves you and would not cheat and it seems real it probably is. I say give her a chance if you can lose those feelings. We all have pasts and in my experience it was me having to listen to all the guys conquests and I hated it with no kind words to me. This is that old double standard where its okay for me to say stuff(the male), but not you. If you can't handle it then go to a convent and find yourself a nun cuz us girls like the opposite sex too it is called being normal!!!! | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/2/2006 8:24:47 PM |
My thing is that a woman with a colourful past is a little troubling to get into a relationship with.
True, but you DID get into a relationship, so anything that happened in her past has nothing to do with the two of you, and it's unfair of you to hold that against her. If you have that many issues with her flirtatious side that it causes you to be uneasy about her and her actions, then you shouldn't have started the relationship to begin with.
She has a history of being the biggest flirt on the block. And has had a fairly colourful past.
Should I be worried? Jealous? Distrustful?
Not if she's not done anything during your relationship to deserve it. History is just that .. history. I'm sure you have things in your history that were less than perfection, right?
She tells me that she loves me, and she would never cheat on me, etc. But how much can you rely on just words?
Then take her at her word, until you have a valid reason not to. | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/2/2006 9:24:30 PM | Not being able to trust the person you are wanting to be with has to be one the most tormenting things in your mind. There is no rest mentally, when always having to analyze situations seeking infidelity. Couple that with jealousy, and it just seems intolerable.
I really think when the trust is not there, no matter what the person tells you in reassurance, it doesnt change the way your feeling. Trust is not gained through reassuring words, it is gained through genuine actions! | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/2/2006 9:30:32 PM | cursed....jealousy is not good BUT ..yes i said BUT what has she done to provoke it on you....she flirtin with them ..touchin them ..talkin to them constantly on the phone??? if so..shes not respectin you at all...zero!!!! up to you to not tolerate that behaviour and why r u ? plz dont tell me ...its love...love is not suppose to make you hurt or cry.
as for friends..she has to draw the line and set boundaries....temptations out every where...up to her if she falls for it or not. | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/2/2006 9:36:25 PM | | She sounds pretty average and normal from here. How you can percieve that everyone she speaks to relates to her being a whore speaks volumes. Strong women are a commodity in short supply. She exhibits the fortitude to do amazing things. I'm not trying to agitate you in any way, but really my friend you need to address the root of those concerns you have. She is simply the one to bring those feelings of yours to the surface. Even if she no longer dates you those feelings will remain until the next unlucky contestant wanders onto your stage. Women aren't whores anymore than you are for being flirtatious or even permiscuous. That antiquated thinking is what promotes the mistreatment of the residents of battered womens shelters. All persons are equal my friend. You have some serious trust or confidence issues that you should attend to before asking someone in on any extended intimate level. Just my opinion bud, good luck. | |
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AI03™
| | Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 14 | |
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AI03™
| | Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 16 | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/2/2006 11:28:53 PM | | to sit down and honestly speak from the heart what is troubling each other about the situation. If there is still distrust and jealousy in the relationship then perhaps it is time to step aside and let the relationship go, otherwise contention may set in and perhaps even hatred if any festering of jealousy goes uncorrected. | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/3/2006 3:21:41 AM | I think you hit it bang on the head. We are only hearing one side of the story here. Possibly somethings you have said or mistreatment has affected her behaviour. Takes two to tango and maturity allows us to look at our own actions as well ...learn and grow from them. A colourful past well mine is somewhat as well because when I was young I was painfully shy and unfortunately often ended up in the wrong crowd. I am not so bad this way anymore and know what I want more mature to wait for that. As for casual sex in this day and age all my friends have had it, even many married women I know the difference is they are careful not to let there husbands find out also tell me how to do it and not get caught if you can believe this. If you really care about this girl you should share your feelings, in a good relationship there is always some work. If the problem does not go away than scrap it. Sounds like you have already made up your mind though. I hope you find the perfect girl and everything just magically falls into place...haha  | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/3/2006 3:48:38 AM | You know what really burns my butt alot of women I know married are huge flirts and have occasional affairs. For some reason this is ok, but not for a single woman to have an occasional fling. You know what it is about who is the best liar and keeps it secret from there spouse..I don't get it. As for the term whore honey have to heard of the '60's this no longer exists anymore. I think you should find a better liar who hides her real side! Excuse me for being normal and having sex once every 6 months or so when I am really lonely not just putting notches on my bed post!!!!!
How many guys do you know that flirt and even say really rude things about woman, probably many. Well sweetie there are lots of people out there your age so at this stage you can be really picky about who you want to be with. At my age many people who have been through much good and bad and if we are strong and have done fairly well for ourselves to me that is a bonus. Good Luck the numbers are in your favour! | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/3/2006 4:40:05 AM | Hey hun,
I understand why you are paranoid but it does sound to me like she does wanna be with you.
I read your message and she sounds a lot like me. I was very flirty and still am, I have a colourful past and I still see guys I have snogged or slept with. It doesnt make me a cheat though. If I'm in a relationship I dont think about another guy in that way. I have a lot of male friends and sometimes it is a problem with some others guys but I kinda think its tough. Things she has done in the past shouldnt affect the present. Put it outta your mind.
As for the flirting at present, I think you should just sit her down and tell her that you trust her but that it really bugs you seeing her flirting with other guys.
Kim | |
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| Distrust and jealousy, is it possible for it to work out?
Posted: 2/3/2006 6:27:43 AM | Yes, distrust and jealousy can be worked out, if the intent is there, but.....
. The looks that they give me is like, "You are actually having a relationship with that whore? I ****ed her and chucked her, what's wrong with you?"
your perception of what others think will never allow it. | |
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