Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Religion  > My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 easytag
Joined: 7/15/2003
Msg: 1
My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worthPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
**My personal opinion on this is based on what I’ve seen from my friends and from personal experience, so take it for what it’s worth.**

Rather than argue the legitimacy of the Bible and the principles it’s sets forth (which generally leads to arguments which go no where), I will argue the possible logic behind it. In no way do I pretend to know the exact reasoning behind any of God’s commands, just the POSSIBLE reasoning, at least as I see it.

First of all, and I doubt many people will disagree, that a relationship with someone, especially someone you intend to marry, should revolve around something besides sex. How well you get along, whether or not they share the same values you do, whether or not they will be a good parent, etc. are things most people should look for. But often, probably too often, relationships survive only b/c the individuals have had sex too early.

Case in point

Two people meet each other at a club. By the second date they’ve had sex. They still continue to see other, not so much b/c they are really into each other but more or less b/c they already know what the result of the end of the date will be. They continue to see each other and before long they are seeing each other exclusively.

A few months go by, and they both sort of realize that the person they are seeing probably isn’t exactly right for them, they could probably find someone better if they really tried, but they are going to continue to try and make it work.

One night they get in an argument. The guy ends up pushing the girl, who has never seen that side of him before. Now the girl realizes that he’s obviously not the person she thought he was, and she tells him that the relationship is over. He tells her he’s going out with his friends and turns to leave.

Now, let’s break from the illustration for a moment, and consider a couple of points. This is a situation which, from what I’ve seen occurs in many relationships. It doesn’t always involve any physical violence, it could be any fight over the first few months in which a person realizes the individual they are seeing probably shouldn’t be their first choice. Now, we have to consider what would happen here had they not had sex to begin with. In my own personal opinion, most girls would let the guy walk out of the door. But many times in this situation, the girl will tell the guy not to leave, against her best judgment. Why? Not because she wants him there, not because she wants to sleep with him, but because SHE DOESN’T WANT HIM TO GO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE ELSE. She knows how they met, and the circumstances behind them. If he’s mad, and he goes out, he’s going to be looking to get back at her. And what better way of doing that then finding someone else to go home with.

Again, let’s look at it from the standpoint of how things would be, if they were based on how God would want them. If the vast majority of people were virgins until they were married, imagine how different things would be? If the girl in the illustration had never slept with the guy to begin with,if they were both virgins and planned on being virgins until marriage, she would have no problem with him going out because she would know he wasn’t going out to get laid. In fact, if sex wasn’t an issue, the only thing we would ever base our choice of a marriage partner on would be their personality, and all of the things people say they make their choices on anyway. I think there’s a clear parallel between the prevalence of sex on television, in the media, in movies, in advertising, etc., the rise of premarital sex over the last 50 years, and the ever-increasing divorce rate.

This topic was of interest to me so I checked some statistics regarding sex. Granted, these are very rough and I’m taking some liberties here, but I think the point will pretty much be the same regardless.

The average time between most people have their first sexual encounter and the time they get married is roughly between 6-9 years. But let’s go even further than that and say it’s 10 years.

The average person, from the time they have their first sexual encounter to the time they get married has sex an average of 5 times a month (This is the mean avg. Obviously, the number goes way up for those who have “boyfriends/girlfriends over much of this time, and way down for those who do not).

The average premarital sexual encounter is around 10 minutes.

Now, taking these stats, let’s do a little calculating:

5 sexual encounters a month X 12 months in a year = 60 sexual encounters a year for the avg. person.

60 sexual encounters X 10 minutes = 600 minutes

600 minutes X 10 (years between first sexual encounter and marriage) = 6000 minutes = 100 hours = 4 days, 4 hours

To sum this up, the average person has around 100 hours (4 days, 4 hours) of sex before they get married. Now you can try and figure out exactly what it would be in your circumstance, but generally the figure doesn't come out to be much more than this. Even as much as 20 or 30 days, when compared to the length of one's life isn't all that much.

Again, just think of how different things would be if God had his way. Sexually transmitted diseases wouldn't even be something to worry about. Abortions wouldn't occur at near the rate they do now. Families would stay together at a higher rate because the circumstances regarding their decisions to stay together would be much different. Relationships would be based on what's truly important. And it's a proven fact that kids fair better in life overall, when they come from a stable family as compared to a broken home.

I could go on and on but I think the point is pretty clear. Look at all we give up, and for what? Just over 4 days of pleasure (on average).

God didn't give us commands so that we wouldn't have any fun. He set it up that way because he knew that that was the best way for things to be.

And as for the whole theory that "you wouldn't buy a car, if you've never test driven it"...

You would have nothing to base it (sex) on if you'd never slept with anyone else before!

Anyway, this is just how i see it. I'm sure many will disagree, but I would love to hear everyone's opinion.
 mystikilluzion
Joined: 5/8/2004
Msg: 2
My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth
Posted: 1/19/2005 3:19:57 PM
a high five to you easytag...you've said everything that i've been trying to say all along...i just couldnt find the right words...wonderful post
 miss music
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Thank you for that
Posted: 1/22/2005 5:35:39 PM
Great post!

But am surprized at your figure of 10 minutes per sexual encounter. Where in the world did that come from? And I seem to remember from some distant biology course that for humans, it's supposed to be about an hour. (And 24 for some species of turtle. Ah, the odd assortment of facts that are retained in this head!)
 JessKO
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Thank you for that
Posted: 1/22/2005 6:09:08 PM
You can't argue something logically if your stats are faulty and you base your example on only one possible scenario.

There's more/more types of to pre-marital sexthan what you've described.
 sealacamp
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 5
Thank you for that
Posted: 1/22/2005 6:16:43 PM
[There's more/more types of to pre-marital sexthan what you've described.]


Yes there certainly are. And there are also more types of activities that create the break ups too. Sometimes the relationship actually works out in the long run. But those are the rare cases not the majority of them. His post is right on and eludes to the fact that God only wants the best for us all. Amen brother.
 JessKO
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Thank you for that
Posted: 1/22/2005 7:58:21 PM
Well yeah------- In almost all cases relationships NEVER work out. Sex or no.
You usually end up married to one person at the end of it all anyways.
 easytag
Joined: 7/15/2003
Msg: 7
Thank you for that
Posted: 1/25/2005 1:27:03 PM
"You usually end up married to one person at the end of it all anyways." - danceinpants


not with the divorce rate at near 50%.
 JessKO
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Thank you for that
Posted: 1/25/2005 7:52:11 PM
I'm thinking about the last marriage....not first ones
 easytag
Joined: 7/15/2003
Msg: 9
Thank you for that
Posted: 1/26/2005 8:47:42 AM
" You can't argue something logically if your stats are faulty and you base your example on only one possible scenario.

There's more/more types of to pre-marital sexthan what you've described. " - danceinpants



Of course there are. It was by no means meant to be scientific. I was mearly trying to get the point across, that by engaging in premarital sex, we are giving up an awful lot, and not really getting all that much in return. Not near as much as we may think anyway.
 King_Geedorah
Joined: 12/13/2004
Msg: 10
Thank you for that
Posted: 1/26/2005 11:10:15 AM
Pre marital sex is a individual choice. People should be aware of all the emotions involed, as well as all the risks, but it all comes down to what each person is ready for. My wife and I had sex the second time we meet, and we are happily married six years later. As long as everyone is cool with it there is no problem, but if you are unsure, or don't feel right about it, then don't.
 MsMidwest
Joined: 8/15/2004
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Thank you for that
Posted: 1/26/2005 7:42:03 PM

Not because she wants him there, not because she wants to sleep with him, but because SHE DOESN’T WANT HIM TO GO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE ELSE.


This is absolutely true. I just got out of an abusive relationship (more mentally than physically) and I wanted him there because I new how he was when he went out. If I was with a Christian it wouldn't have mattered. I am trying to become a "born again" virgin, if that's possible??? I haven't heard that term used in a long time!!! But it is hard. I wish so bad I could find a guy who was the same way but it just doesn't seem like they exist!
 MysticinVA
Joined: 9/3/2004
Msg: 12
Oh they are out there....
Posted: 1/26/2005 7:49:41 PM

I wish so bad I could find a guy who was the same way but it just doesn't seem like they exist!
...

the problem is...."A slice off a cut cake is never missed...."...

Many guys out there are only interested in Sex...they will even go so far as to get into a a "relationship" JUST for Sex...never intending to see it through...( yes there are girls who do that tooo....( all my friends used to find those when I was growing up...I never did.... )

Once you find a guy....the next hurdle is what to do about sex....coz chances are he wont be a Virgin...and both parties know what sex is like and how good it can be...that the difficult bit.....


But it is hard..... ...
..........

sorry couldnt resist

 miss music
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Chastity
Posted: 2/2/2005 1:15:10 AM
Fishygrl posted

I am trying to become a "born again" virgin, if that's possible??? I haven't heard that term used in a long time!!!
The word you are looking for is "chaste" which essentially means that you have decided to not have sex outside of marriage. Of course, these days, words don't mean what they used to. Practicing chastity does not necessarily mean waiting for marriage anymore.
 Gilbertus
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 14
Chastity
Posted: 10/31/2006 4:33:03 PM
Kick a*** post. You have out done yourself.
 romegaguy
Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 15
My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth
Posted: 11/1/2006 1:11:53 AM
So im guessing you're still a virgin right?
 Guy Ledouche
Joined: 5/30/2006
Msg: 16
My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth
Posted: 11/1/2006 7:05:58 AM
Sex is the evolutionary need to procreate. The desire for sex is a weakness because it impairs your judgement.

Love is a just a idealistic way of saying you have settled on someone. It goes back to the evolutionary need to continue your seed. Humans are too selfish to actually love someone in the intended sense of the word. Love = settling for someone. Since nobody is perfect you have to convince yourself to overlook the failings of your significant other.

And the ever increasing divorce rate suggests people are gorwing impatient of overlooking the failings of others.

Sex for ten minutes? You're taking too long. I can be done in under a minute and then move on to the reason I went to bed in the first place - sleep.
 romegaguy
Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 17
My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth
Posted: 11/1/2006 9:32:34 AM
There's really no gaurentee in life when it comes to sex before marriage. You can be a virgin and then get married and end up divorce and im sure you can have pre-marital sex with various people and eventually marry and live happily ever after for the next 50 years. Statistics support non-believers for having a more successful marriages with less divorce over believers.
 mazingkt
Joined: 9/24/2006
Msg: 18
My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth
Posted: 11/10/2006 6:45:27 PM
WONDERFUL POST ABSOULTLY MARVALOUS.. i love your use of logic, I am indeed waiting for marrige, for logical reasons, pregnancy ( yes i know there is birth control but mistakes can still happen) std's, and then of course from my religious stand points as well, its wonderful reading something like what you wrote TWO THUMBS UP
 UrbanX
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 19
My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth
Posted: 11/10/2006 7:09:02 PM
Your theory falls apart first on your low opinion of people and the reasons they stay in relationships. It falls apart further on your assumption that all means of passing the time are created equal: 100 hours of pleasure is definitely worth more than 100 hours of watching paint dry. The final place it falls apart is that the art of giving and receiving pleasure is one that usually requires more than one teacher: 100 hours of pre-marital sex (a laughably low number by the way) will lead to a multiplication of the pleasures of the marriage bed. It isn't 100 hours extra of sex in your life, it is much better sex for the rest of your life.

Interestingly, a recent study found that teenagers that took chastity vows were more likely to engage in sex in a given period than teenagers that had not taken the vow.

Cheers,
Mike (I assume you and the girlfriend listed on your profile engage in nothing that could be defined as sex?)
 JerryInTampa
Joined: 9/28/2004
Msg: 20
view profile
History
My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth
Posted: 11/10/2006 7:15:20 PM
The number of alternate hypotheticals yielding the opposing result is astounding.

Let's say you get married and find out your sexual interest are entirely different. Sex can't make a relationship work, but it can break one.

Or perhaps you get married *because* you are so eager to get laid. after all, it's rough being a virgin at 25.

Then of course, there's the issue of the very high divorce rate, particularly amongst Christians. What's the difference between a marriage that divorces in 2 years and dating someone for two year.

Then there's the issue of a later itch... many women in marticular wonder if they missed out... and many did. The lack of exposure to ideas and partners have left them with a mother that tells them to "think of England" and a husband whose idea of foreplay is "brace yourself margret".

Wouldn't it be great if we never left our houses? That would save America 30,000 deaths from influenza each year.

As to the "how much pleasure". Firstly, I enjoy more about my relationship with a sexual partner than just the sex. Secondly, 10 minutes is a damn short sexual encounter. Thirdly, I hope you don't get massages or eat chocolate. You know chocolate makes you fat and only gives you a few minutes of pleasure right?
 JerryInTampa
Joined: 9/28/2004
Msg: 21
view profile
History
 Leaving POF
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 22
My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth
Posted: 11/10/2006 7:52:41 PM
OP: I respect your opinion, however... for someone who has been merely an observer... let me clue you in to a few things about people and relationships.

You say: that a relationship with someone, especially someone you intend to marry, should revolve around something besides sex.

I ask: how many vows have you heard that include "well, your a great lay". People do not marry for sex. In fact, many enter marriage knowing that is the one thing they risk losing.

You say: relationships survive only b/c the individuals have had sex too early

I say: Funny... most women and men will tell you that sex too early will leave you in the dust when the other party bolts for the door. It is a good way to avoid relationships. It is not a basis for one.

You say: They still continue to see other, not so much b/c they are really into each other but more or less b/c they already know what the result of the end of the date will be

I say: that is purely judgemental. Thats the day when people don't like each other but hang in there for the close of business at the end of the night. Any guy will tell you if he just wanted the lay, he would go get it without having to suffer thru the night. People deserve a little more credit than that.

You say: A few months go by, and they both sort of realize that the person they are seeing probably isn’t exactly right for them

I say: Amazing how that works. Not everyone can fall in love with everyone else? What a concept. Sex must have ruined it...should have waited til they were married then they could be divorced instead. *note sarcasm*

You say: One night they get in an argument. The guy ends up pushing the girl, who has never seen that side of him before.

I say: Careful now... you are seriously leaving the bounds of your point. A man being hot headed, abusive, or aggressive is the result of many things specific to that person. Not sex.

You say: the girl will tell the guy not to leave, against her best judgment. Why? Not because she wants him there, not because she wants to sleep with him, but because SHE DOESN’T WANT HIM TO GO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE ELSE

I say: BULL $HIT! Because the truth is, if he were to do that, it is a show of character. If it was a non-sexual relationship, she would fear he would emotionally confide in someone and potentially grow feelings. The same fear is possible, but you think it makes your point. I beg to differ.

You say: If the girl in the illustration had never slept with the guy to begin with,if they were both virgins and planned on being virgins until marriage, she would have no problem with him going out because she would know he wasn’t going out to get laid.

I say: Ummm... if he was pushing her around and left, I doubt she would be sitting back with peice of mind that he is not giving it up to someone else. I think she would be more concerned with the fact that he may not have anywhere to blow off the steam so he might be right back in her face, and maybe next time with a fist. Don't confuse sex and violence OP.

You say: In fact, if sex wasn’t an issue, the only thing we would ever base our choice of a marriage partner on would be their personality, and all of the things people say they make their choices on anyway

I say: Since when does sex determine who we are going to marry? You think because someone is having sex with their partner that they are oblivious to who they are? You are not a martyer because you don't have sex. You may have strong convictions. Thats about the only thing you can brag about. People are essentially good. Sex is not a bad thing.

You say: I think there’s a clear parallel between the prevalence of sex on television, in the media, in movies, in advertising, etc., the rise of premarital sex over the last 50 years, and the ever-increasing divorce rate.

I say: Or perhaps it is children being raised by strangers, greed, violence, low self esteems, easy access to divorce, or peoples general misunderstanding about what love is and means.

You say: Look at all we give up, and for what? Just over 4 days of pleasure (on average).

I say: Or look at what you can learn about yourself and other people during those amazing four days of pleasure. Sex is not always physical OP. It is just as emotional and spiritual if so chosen that way.

You say: God didn't give us commands so that we wouldn't have any fun. He set it up that way because he knew that that was the best way for things to be.

I say: God gave us free will and therefore would never COMMAND us to do anything. He has made sexuality fun and erotic for a reason... so we may enjoy the amazing bodies he has created for us.

In summary... don't tell us how our shoes hurt our feet when you have never walked in them.
 evermore980
Joined: 11/27/2005
Msg: 23
My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth
Posted: 11/10/2006 9:27:49 PM
I like your post and I agree with you. The rules God layed down are for an orderly society in my opinion, one that reflects the way He created us. I think too often people overlook the underlying logic in biblical values, just dismissing them as strict or even punishment.
 Leaving POF
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 24
My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth
Posted: 11/10/2006 11:46:32 PM
The only thing funnier than the post itself, is the comments people are leaving. Post this under Sex and Dating rather than Religion if you want an honest opinion from the masses. Or have I accidently entered the land of the bible thumper? Slander me all you want for saying that... I have a stronger faith than most... but I don't need an institution or anyone else to tell me what is right, wrong, good, bad, sinful, acceptable, or otherwise. God gave us our bodies, our emotions, our sexuality. YES - thats right - our SEXUALITY! Funny thing about this post is that is makes no arguments. If you seriously want to argue premarital sex, argue it as a youthful mistake... the mature adult engaging in sex is different than the 15 year old. If you truly understood your God, you would also understand that he loves and supports you in all that you are, and everything that you do. He does not judge you, so being that you wish to live in his likeness (since we were created in such likeness), you too should not judge. Your assessment of people is off base... you blame one thing on something completely unrelated... and in your opinion it all boils down to a whole 4 hours out of your life, where for some people that can be the most fulfilling, exciting, self discovery times of their entire lives. You seem to forget that sex does not make the marriage... the people do. We are all people... we all have the ability to love and the ability to fall out of love. Waiting until marriage guarentees nothing about the quality of relationship you will have. You might think it does... and thats your choice... but it more correct to say your values do. And having sex before marriage does not erase your values... it just changes one of them.
 Nightwing66
Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 25
My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth
Posted: 11/11/2006 5:20:08 AM
In the precise group that should prove your theory, ultra-conservative Christians (where more virgin couples marry than in the general populace) we find a HIGHER rate of divorce than the general populace.

The current stats do not bear out your wishful thinking.
Show ALL Forums  > Religion  > My own opinion on sex before marriage...take it for what its worth