| All "______" are jerks
Posted: 2/5/2006 7:50:16 AM | Did that get your attention?  No, I don't believe that all guys are jerks but I've used that subject line to make a point. Over and over again, I've read posts from guys that insist that all women want is a man with money, a shiny new car, a big house, status, etc. and posts from women that state men are knuckle-dragging, sex-crazed neanderthals. As a woman, I can say that I know for a fact that not all guys are knuckle-dragging neaderthals. I live very comfortably and I can tell you there are male gold-diggers. I can also say that I've dated guys that have less money than I do and it's been more of an issue for them than me.
I'm sorry but when I hear "all women want is a guy's money", what I hear is, "all women are whores". I can also understand how men are tired of hearing that they are insensitive, uncaring jerks.
Can we agree that not all men can be painted with the same brush? Can we also agree that not all women think/act the same? Does anyone here really believe all of either gender can really be given one character trait? | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/5/2006 7:54:05 AM | | This post should be printed stuck at the top of the list. I've been painted with the, "All guys are insensitive jerks who just want to get laid" brush and not only is it frustrating, it is also just a tad insulting as well. Same goes for those "gold digging women" posts too. | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/5/2006 12:15:39 PM | | There are many sensitive guys out here wanting to know why women think that. True many men don't really know what they want even when they have it. Women are not objects of lust they are human beings with feelings just like men. The difference is that men are labeled with the bread winning label from way back in the past. The here and now has women playing a different independent role and I am ok with that. Not all men are jerks but also not all women are either. Life and love and gender is a complicated mix which is pretty awsome when all the ingredients blend together to make a healthy relationship. | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/5/2006 12:51:50 PM | | I am not saying that women all want money, good cars, men with respectable jobs, muscles, ect... But I've never seen those things hurt a guys chances. They mostly help because women want security. I want a better job, money, a good car, and to become stronger because I want that life style and someone to share it with. I wouldn't hide behind those things, because that is just insecurity, and will weed out all the good women (ok one instance was found where it hinders). | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/5/2006 1:02:51 PM | Okay, science has proven at long last that men and women really ARE hard-wired differently -- something that has been obvious to un-biased observers for 100's of years -- but the reason both sexes tend to cling to these bromides is it allows them to not use the brains they've been given to learn with and excuses their own behavior.
Red flag words like: All, None, Always, Never, Everyone, No one, Everything, Nothing, etc ... are usually the first word of the sentence. This should cause people to think before accepting the rest of the sentence at face value.
Perfect example: "Everything I say is a lie."
Well, if the above statement is accurate, then it's false -- because the statement cannot be the truth if I only tell lies. If it is NOT accurate, it is still false, because I'm lying about telling lies. Somehow, a lot of people fail to see this.(Logic 010)
***Aside: I was reminded of this because I saw the "I, Mudd" episode of Star Trek TOS late Friday night on cable. Kirk and company beat a race of androids but telling them that everything Harry Mudd says is a lie, then having Harry say: Listen carefully. I am lying to you right now.
The lead android couldn't resolve the conflict and blew his circuits (figuratively).***
Unfortunately, most people react first rather than think first, and a fight ensues. | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/5/2006 7:27:29 PM |
I am not saying that women all want money, good cars, men with respectable jobs, muscles, ect... But I've never seen those things hurt a guys chances.
Hmmm... depends what's going on between the ears and in the heart of a guy with money, cars, the job and muscles.
When I was in college, I went out with the BMOC at the urging of my friends. I wasn't all that attracted to him in the first place but, when it was found out that he had asked me to go and that I was considering declining, peer pressure came into play. (I was pretty young and mega dumb). He pulled up in his shiny red Trans Am, came to the door and away we went. I didn't realize until well into the "date" there were three of us. I was the third wheel to him and his mirror. He wanted constant praise and validation. It was easily one of the worse dates of my life to this day.
A couple days later, he called and asked me out again. When I tried to graciously decline he asked me why. I finally told him that I didn't think we had much in common. I will never forget his response. "What is wrong with you?" Go figure!
I like to think most women provide their own money, cars and jobs. I know when I date a man, I pretty much insist we go dutch. I don't accept expensive gifts and if I ever were to get into any financial difficulties, I think I could handle them without a man to guide me through the process. For most women I know, that are around my age, (the age group that I'm personally more aware of), we provide our own security. There are always gonna be the ones that want a free ride, both male and female. I just do not believe they are in the majority. | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/5/2006 8:11:41 PM | lady_n_dis_dress:
You dumped him because he was insecure. You didn't dump him because of his car. I know most women provide their own secruity and I agree with you. However in a relationship, their are two people that can provide security. Most women I know, aren't looking to date a moocher. Therefore if a man wants to increase his chances of finding a mate, he must maximize the amount of security he can provide and minimize weakness's(for llack of a better word}. The alpha male will always have more success with women, than the beta man will.
I don't believe that gold digging women are in the majority either. I do believe that the more success a man has in life, the more success he'll have at choosing a mate. I would love to have a hot woman that is really smart and wants to pull in 100k a year, but I recognize that in order to make that dream come true, I have to secure myself with more security than she provides herself. So I strive to better myself, not for her(like your insecury date did), but for my own ends of meeting a fantastic woman. The ways in which I am bettering myself are not for money or power or other people, but for myself which would allow me more money, power and social oppertunites. Basically, I do things because I want to, your date(and alot of guys) did things because he feels he needs to for whatever reason. | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/6/2006 12:11:08 PM | | If you're doing inner work, in my opinion, that will get you much, much further than any outer display of success. I think there are many kinds of success but the most special are those kind that can't be seen, other than perhaps the way a man carries himself and treats others. That's the kind of success that will get any smart woman's attention. Money is a renewable resource. It comes and goes. A millionaire today can be a pauper tomorrow. The person that's willing to invest time and effort into something that can't be taken away is a winner anyway you put it. | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/6/2006 2:17:57 PM | lady_n_dis_dress, we need to get you a plaque, a mdeal, a gift certificate, SOMETHING!
Generalizations are unfortunate and annoying but they're part of our society. Putting everyone in a single category is both easy and quick, and it over simplifies things. Individuals are individuals. I could like something about one person and hate it about the next (and I have) because it doesn't fit well for them. Each person is an individual and unique, and we all want/need different things. | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 8:27:08 AM | | *Waits for plaque, metal or gift certificate* | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 8:36:05 AM | Depending on the forum, its difficult not to generalize.
Questions that Distress pose enable everybody to recognize that we are all individuals. Here, everybody is hard pressed to deny that generalities can be evil. However, other subjects in other areas of this site promote more generalities.
Everybody is guilty of over generalizing. | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 8:42:50 AM | recognize that we are all individuals.<<< amen to that...gawd i can relate to you all here..but i wont bored cause i am sure you all know it as well... | |
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| All ______ are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 9:19:56 AM | | CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY IN POF THE GUYS PUT IN FOR LONGTERM BUT THEN TURN AROUND AND TELL YOU THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THEY WANT ......whyyyyyyyyy | |
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| All ______ are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 10:03:33 AM | I don't think that it is inconsistant for anybody to act differently than their stated goals. Do guys looking for long term relationships have to interact and relate to all women using that original declaration? That's actually a pretty unreasonable standard to hold anybody. Maybe some guys want a long term relationship, just not with you. Is that something that you'd rather they say explicitly?
Sometimes "i don't know" is the most honest answer somebody can offer. It doesnt mean "you're the one." It doesn't mean "you aren't the one." It is what it is.
Finding somebody worthy of a longterm relationship is a longterm process that involves much uncertainty. | |
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| All ______ are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 10:21:27 AM | Hi Ontcuti
Do you really want to be with someone desperate for a long term relationship? Do you want someone with the entire relationship already planned and mapped out? Surely any relationship with this origin is doomed to fail. Isn't it better to start as purely friends and move from there?
Personally, my experience has been different. I have posted quite plainly on my profile that I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. I have also not included a pic in my profile so it isn't construed as an ad for more than what I've stated. I'm not ready for romance and don't want to mislead anyone. For some reason, 90% of the conversations I've had are with men that want to immediately jump from innocent conversation to driving even great distances to meet me with romantic intentions. I don't know what the difference is but I do know that not all men are one way or the other. Perhaps you're just talking to the wrong men? | |
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| All ______ are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 10:26:53 AM | I absolutely agree with you Midnight Idol. When you fill out that form about you and what you're looking for it's hard to sum everything up. I know for myself I'm not adverse to the idea of Long Term however right now my profile states Dating. I think people have the right to change their minds depending on the circumstances and the people they are talking to on POF. I may just want to date for now and then I may find the one guy that I'd put that aside and commit to Long Term with if they also agreed.
Also not all of a specific gender are jerks or gold diggers. Get to know someone first before sticking a label on them | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 11:29:31 AM | | I think the biggest jerks are the men who side with women about how men are jerks.....thinking that is what a woman wants.... | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 12:34:19 PM |
I am not saying that women all want money, good cars, men with respectable jobs, muscles, ect... But I've never seen those things hurt a guys chances.
lady put it well but I'm going to give my own example of how outward projections don't nessicary help and sometimes are the means to an end for some men.
I dated one guy who had a fantastic job... he made lots of money and had aspirations and ideas that would lead to even more money. However, because of this I walked and I'll explain.
I had an awesome job in a career that made me lots of money and I was on a fast track to some even better money. Many people expected to see big things from me because of my skill and my age. However, I was burning out already... I felt like my soul was bought and paid for by the man.. the money wasn't doing it for me anymore and I wanted out to do something I was passionate about. I left my position and took one a couple levels down so I could maintain a life outside of work and find my passion. I've since declined one position I would have KILLED for a couple years ago because it would be the mecca for my profession. I started a business in an area I loved and I'm transitioning out of that career completely now.
Back to this guy... I'm sitting on a date and it's going very well and we get along great. Then we start talking about work. I immediately get flash back to what I was like a couple years before and this guy is all about the coin... I know he'll be wickedly successful and I'm happy for him if that's what he wants. He hates his job though... he had no passion... he's not helping anyone. He didn't understand why I'd be looking to get out of a solid career that made me cry myself to sleep at night and start a foo foo business. The attraction was over at that point.
I would love to have a hot woman that is really smart and wants to pull in 100k a year, but I recognize that in order to make that dream come true, I have to secure myself with more security than she provides herself.
Try being a woman that is successful and trying to date guys that are still getting there... they find out, feel immasculated and run in fear... sadly I learned to down play success and hide that part of me for as long as possible which I think is stupid because I think I should be proud of all I worked for and have achieved. Most of my family and friends share that line of thought but the dynamic is screwed up in the dating world.
I was getting more dates as a starving student... I think they liked the power trip of "being more financially successfull" than I was. | |
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CDJCH
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Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 20 | |
| All ______ are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 1:00:28 PM | There might be instances where (guys or girls) can be painted with one specific trait. As for all guys being jerks? Unfortunately there a lot that are, but this one isn't.
I don't believe all woman are looking for a rich guy; however many seem to be extremely picky. Meaning I am often not sure what they want. None of us here, or on net dating in general know each other from "a hole in the wall" I understand many women are afraid, and it is some of the guys who appear to be nice at first who wind up not being nice as time goes on. So it seems a lot of you are really apprehensive of a "nice guy". I am frustrated because I know I have a lot more to offer than many of the others here, but I do get passed over frequently. Then I read how women were mistreated, or had a bad experience. I get passed over a lot due to being short. I know its not my looks, and can foresure say i am not overweight.
The one common trait men have is they do tend to focus on womens looks, and do think about sex often. I do think about sex, and everyone wants to be with someone goodlooking. But I am not here looking for sex, if i really want sex, my ex will comeover, or I can probably find it in the bar. I would like to find someone who can hang with. I am not sure the net is the place to find someone for LTR, but you just dont know who might come along. My last gf looked as if it was gonna go to the next level, but didn't. The previous gf, the one who will come over anytime is basically just looking i hate to say it to use guys for sex, not even money, she was always a cheap date. | |
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| All ______ are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 2:00:50 PM | It's a defence mechanism.
Saying 'all guys are jerks' or 'all women are gold diggers' is a way to warn someone that you've been played in that game before, and you're on to those tactics.
Trust is something that each person earns individually, and at least you know what prior example you're being asked to overcome. If you're not a jerk or a gold digger or whatever, then you should have no problem, right?
M | |
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| All guys are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 2:09:10 PM | | MDNInja...what healthy women would take on a man who's lazy, sits on his ass all day, provides no financial support nor does he intend to. This would lead to a miserable life for both individuals (I've seen many relationship fail because of this). | |
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| All ______ are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 3:06:55 PM |
Trust is something that each person earns individually, and at least you know what prior example you're being asked to overcome. If you're not a jerk or a gold digger or whatever, then you should have no problem, right?
So, Moon Unit,
Basically, everybody starts off as either a jerk or a golddigger and we all have to work our way up from there? That could be the single most moronic theory of first impressions ever. I don't expect women to work that hard to earn the privilege of getting to know me.
Life gives us enough hoops to jump through. Just let people start off on level ground and let them become to you whatever they become. | |
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| All ______ are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 4:02:37 PM |
Basically, everybody starts off as either a jerk or a golddigger and we all have to work our way up from there? That could be the single most moronic theory of first impressions ever. I don't expect women to work that hard to earn the privilege of getting to know me.
Don't put words into my mouth.
I'm saying, don't be surprised that someone is wary of jerks or gold diggers if they've been burned in the past. I think it's moronic to expect implicit trust right away. You've got to earn it, and that takes time.
I'm not saying 'paint everyone with the same brush', but try to have some understanding as to WHY your date might say something like that, instead of whining about hearing it.
M | |
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| All ______ are jerks
Posted: 2/7/2006 9:57:22 PM | let me say this....i seens so much an heard so much from alot of guys in this site...that i aint wasting my time evening meetin anyone now...just to tired of the bs games...i havent got the time ..i;ve got better things to do.
but i love the forums..hehehe | |
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