| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 6:41:45 AM | ok, here goes.
i met a guy on here. at first things were awesome. we met, spent time together. i had to drive all the way to another state for this, but i didn't mind at the time. of course we umm were intimate. i won't go into great details. don't worry. i'm not like that. and he told me he loved me. he got a cold and i even drove 2 hours to bring him soup and juice. anyway, he wasn't working and had money troubles (i know, red flag) and to keep him out of major trouble i gave him $200. i was to be a loan. keep in mind i'm a single mom, okay? so, then all of a sudden he is always busy. never answers the phone, all that. so, being a tad bit insecure from a recent horrible breakup, i get the boneheaded idea to give him a little test. and i know this was dumb. i created a fake profile on here and waited to see if he would respond. to make a long story short, he did. said he was single, all that. but when i confronted him he said he knew it was me. is that even possible??? so now he ended it, got all pissed off, and wont answer my calls or anything. at this point, i just want my money, and a few dvd's of mine he has. but he wont talk to me at all so i cant get them.
so, i ask you, was it all my fault? was what i did soooo unforgivable?? was i used??? was i played?? scammed???
this has been really hard on me. someone please tell me if what i did was so horrible that i deserved what i got. | |
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uk27
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Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 3 | |
| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 6:51:52 AM | Well you didn't deserve the treatment because you created a fake profile. But I think you pretty much got what you deserved to take the a**hole soup and juice and loan him $200.00. When you act that desperate people treat you like s*it.
I'd kiss the $200.00 and DVDs goodbye. Then when the next guy comes along - get some balls and don't let him treat you that bad.
P.S. Creating a fake profile is not a test - it's lame.
In short - no it was not all your fault, unforgivable yes - because you should have said screw him, were you used - yes, were you played - only by yourself. | |
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mogrl
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Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 4 | |
| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:36:48 AM | | never ever go out of your way for someone you don`t know.Women like you make it hard for the rest of us.You`ll never see your money again and No he didn`t know it was you on the other profile but it gave him a way out and to turn it all around.You were used,played and scammed !! Be careful next time. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 8:00:54 AM | Hey girl... what you did was out of the goodness of your heart and you came from the right place.
The guy was obviously a putz and is not worthy of someone wonderful like you. The great news is that
you found out fairly soon what a "special person" he was and now you are available for someone truly special to find you! How exciting is that??? 
I met a guy online 6 years ago from the states (I live in Canada) and I used my savings for a house downpayment (around $9,000) to move closer to him after months of chatting, phoning and yes.. I did meet him. Little did I know that my "special person" was addicted to online dating and had a string of women that he was leading on. I dated this guy for a year before I found out the truth and when I did... I CHOSE to look at it this way:
I am a loving and giving person. I actually love who I am and one day someone will find me and just wrap themselves around me and cherish me for who I am. My motto the day I found out what a loser he was , became... "NEXT!" 
So girl... don't beat yourself up over this. I will give you a bit of advice though:
-Listen to your built in gut feeling... it's a gift that us chicks were given, use it well
-Lending out money to someone new in your life that you are intimate with is rarely a good thing... do so if you are willing to never see it again. (just my thought)
-If you get the strong desire to become a "detective" to catch someone being dishonest to you... chances are you already know the truth.
Other than that... you made a mistake. Big deal. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and forgive yourself.
You did it out of the goodness of your heart. Just please make sure that you learn from this... There are very valuable lessons in each failed relationship. Use them. 
p.s. (I used to be bad for this) Try not to be so eager to please... It tends to attract guys that are users and manipulators...just a thought | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 8:09:26 AM | | You paid $200 for a good and valuable life leason. School is out now so you just gotta move on. It's not his fault, it's not your fault. It's just nature, nobody can blame nature. He's a scumbag and that's the nature of scumbags. I wish I had the opportunity of just paying $200 to keep some folks from contacting me again. Go get youself some new CDs and thank God for the leason on life. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 8:28:59 AM | | Hey I read what happen to you and no you diden't do anything wrong plan and simple you got used that guy sounds like a total ***hole so i would say next time you find someone online make sure that their not just going to screw you over like that guy did to you i know their is a lot of good guys out their me being one of them just to say watch out and be careful ok From Robert. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 8:42:23 AM | NJcutie,
Lexy47 is right you were scammed. Chalk it you as experience. Report the guy to the people who run this website and post his name so that all the other women will know about him. Nothing makes a****roach run faster than a light shining on it. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 9:05:10 AM | | What you can do if you want to go through the trouble is take the guy to small claims court. I know it would be a bummer to see the jerk again but you might get your money and DVDs back. If not, then you move on and be careful next time. Good luck! | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 5:05:11 PM | Geez, I would really appreciate a woman that would drive all the way from another state to see me. I was dating a gal in Pensacola (I live in Pace . . . 10 minutes down the road) and she griped about having to drive to come see me; I went to her whenever she invited)
And intimacy, soup, juice, and $200?  [ Hack, cough, snort ].....Gee I think I'm getting a REALLY BAD COLD [snif, wheeze] Can you come see me? I love you!!!! Honest. I live in Florida. That's not too far is it?
I have a question. What was it about him not working and having money troubles, and living in another state that attracted you to him, hmmmmm? I'd be looking at that first. The scamming he put on you was his bad. Your selectivity (or lack thereof) was yours.
I know that you meant well, and wanted to do things for him. That is not a bad quality, so no one should beat you over the head for that act. You're a nice person. Just make sure the other person is someone who deserves it first. (I should talk . . . . like I haven't done the same thing) Anyone nice is going to get used sooner or later, but don't let that stop you from being nice to people.
I agree with calgarychick: Use your gut instincts. If you're finding yourself thinking about running a fake profile to "catch" him, then there's your sign.
(calgarychick, I also love your motto: "next!", and think nj should make it her's too.... just sooner next time.)
I would like someone to tell me how a guy like that gets a gal like that. I'm not an ***hole, am a nice guy, not too bad looking for my age, and gee, employed. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 5:32:37 PM | | wow he musta been crazy lol. Sounds as though you was a hell of a catch. Keep doing what you are and I'm certain you will find appreciation. Ya if he didnt treat ya right in the first place though shoulda dumped him. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 5:33:29 PM | so, i ask you, was it all my fault? You have to ask? I cannot believe that you would share a story that makes you look so desperate and needy, not to mention irresponsible. You are the type of woman who a. gives other women a bad name and b. makes men think they can treat women like dirt.
Do yourself a favour, join Co-dependents Anonymous and start working through your issues because next time it could be your child that is affected by your inability to make responsible decisions. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 5:44:12 PM |
-If you get the strong desire to become a "detective" to catch someone being dishonest to you... chances are you already know the truth.
This is true -- evidently private detectives are hired all the time by people who have a d4mned good idea something fishy is going on, but just don't want to believe it.
So if you have to ask the question, you probably already know the answer. Chalk this up to experience and learn from it. Trying to get your money back will just keep you and your energy tethered to him. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 5:46:18 PM | I don't agree with the above comment that it makes you look desperate...being open to the possibility isn't desperation, although it may be a bit naive of you depending on the circumstances. An important piece of the equation that was omitted was how long this "relationship" lasted, and how many times you saw each other.
Either way though, it's pretty clear what he was after. It was going to end either way, you just accelerated the process. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 5:49:05 PM | don't agree with the above comment that it makes you look desperate
* I had to drive all the way to another state
* he got a cold and i even drove 2 hours to bring him soup and juice
* to keep him out of major trouble i gave him $200
* i created a fake profile on here and waited to see if he would respond
* wont answer my calls or anything
* so, i ask you, was it all my fault? | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 5:53:46 PM |
I had to drive all the way to another state
* he got a cold and i even drove 2 hours to bring him soup and juice
* to keep him out of major trouble i gave him $200
* i created a fake profile on here and waited to see if he would respond
* wont answer my calls or anything
* so, i ask you, was it all my fault?
Again, naive but not desperate. She took a chance that he was someone she could open up to. Wanted to take care of him, even helped him out of a jam. If she had the time to blow, that's her business. We should all be so lucky.
Then he got what he wanted and cut her off. So she tested him and got confirmation. That's just him getting busted, and her having her eyes opened.
Just because nobody will do those things for you doesn't make her desperate. ;) | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 5:55:22 PM | | Blade, don't get personally insulting. Making yourself into a doormat for someone you barely know IS desperate. I would be utterly creeped out by someone whose self-esteem was so low they did all sorts of outrageous things for me right away. It's not healthy. You don't have to buy someone's love by selling yourself. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 5:58:44 PM |
Blade, don't get personal. Making yourself into a doormat for someone you barely know IS desperate. I would be utterly creeped out by someone whose self-esteem was so low they did all sorts of outrageous things for me right away. It's not healthy. You don't have to buy someone's love by selling yourself.
Poking a little fun is personal? Boy, am I in the wrong place. I doubt he took it personally, so calm down.
Driving to see someone, or helping them out is creepy? Interesting theory. Of course, that should also make him creepy that he wouldn't drive to see her, and he took her money... | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 6:04:08 PM | Not only was this a bad investment right from the get-go (as I always say do your research before you invest) as soon as you took that profile out and tried to one up him, by doing so you gave him the PERFECT leverage to use it against you and walk away scott free of any sort of responsibility to his actions. In his head it was perfect, in everyone else's it smelled of dead rat all along! PEEE-EWWW!  | |
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~iiCe~
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Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 24 | |
| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 6:06:04 PM | sad... give too much you are desperate...
don't give you are bitter...
where do we draw the line...
me.. no I wouldn't drive 2 hours... but I am lazy when it comes to that...
loan money... never... give money if I KNEW the person VERY well and KNEW for a fact that it was NEEDED and not to be used for lame reasons....
live and learn... we have all been stupid in love before... | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 6:07:11 PM | I have no complaints about his "objectionable" outlook, but I did find this snippy comment mildly offensive.
Just because nobody will do those things for you doesn't make her desperate.
And yes, if someone wanted me to do all that for them when we didn't know each other well, or when he hadn't reciprocated in any way, that WOULD make him creepy, too. Thanks for clarifying my point; it's not good to be the manipulator OR the manipulated.
Please now show me where you feel I "lashed out at him"? | |
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