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 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 1
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Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I am very much the 'giver' and always have been. I can take, but 99.9% of the time I am the one who gives in any situation. With my family, friends, in relationships and in the community (I volunteer a lot) I am the giver. I am told by those very close to me that I have to start taking more often, but I find that I am taken for granted most of the time. A lot of people just put me aside and think that I can and will take care of things and myself on my own. This in turn makes it hard to take because the offers to take are not there.
So, "Are you a 'giver' or a 'taker'?" How do you find the balance between the two?
 pinklily
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 2
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/11/2006 5:20:51 PM
I'm very much a giver...and haven't, yet, found the balance.
 songbird70ca
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 3
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/11/2006 5:22:52 PM
I'm not willing to say eitherway - cause then that will be a tell tale sign of who will and won't contact me. lol It's just better to get to know a person in person and find out what they are really like, you may say you are one thing but then you show yourself a different way and really blow a person out of the water.
 Greanize
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 4
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Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/11/2006 5:23:40 PM
I have a very difficult time finding the balance between the two. I am a giver...completely. So much so, that it wears me down to the point that I almost collapse emotionally. I never ask for someone to help me with anything, but if, on the rare occassion, someone offers their help, I will gladly accept it. Sometimes even accepting someones help is hard for me because I had years of 'conditioning' that accepting help is going to cost me something.
I grew up in a giving environment. To give of oneself to help another was common practise and an unconcious gesture. Then when I got married, I married a taker. If I tried to give of myself to someone or accept someone's assistance, my ex would berate me because he felt that now we would OWE 'them' something.
He constantly told me over and over, if someone offers us something, take it and say thankyou very much, but do not volounteer unless there was something in it for me. So, needless to say, most of my life was spent battling within myself. Now that I am single, my true self has come to surface again, and I give with no expectations.
 swtnsssy
Joined: 9/7/2004
Msg: 5
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/11/2006 5:27:37 PM
I am very much the giver. I can come across as a hard ass biatch, but really I would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it. I think everyone is capable of taking, but the givers just tend to give a little more. Its great to be a giver, but sometimes it gets the better of us.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 6
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Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/11/2006 5:34:19 PM
You are echoing my life ladies.
 stoneside
Joined: 9/3/2004
Msg: 7
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/11/2006 5:35:11 PM
Why am I thinking everybody is going to say that they are a "giver".
 FLIRTY_SUNSHINE
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 8
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/11/2006 5:39:51 PM
hmmm i tend 2 be a giver but i am a taker every now and then...but it takez lotz of coaxing...lol
 c note
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 9
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/11/2006 5:41:00 PM
I give and give, and take the little I get in return. Neither one really gets me anywhere.
 Akendoll
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 10
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/11/2006 5:42:13 PM
I think its about giving and taking. If all you do is give your going to feel spent or burned out. You need to take once in a while and no feel guilty about it.
B
 Honeyb47
Joined: 5/16/2005
Msg: 11
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/11/2006 7:41:32 PM
Nicely said AkenDoll.

For many years I was the giver in my marriage. When my X started to stay out late, not come home, while I worked/looked after our son/ home, I started to feel that my efforts and sacrifices were unappreciated. Anger/resentment soon replaced the love and our marriage started to unravel. There were lots of other things going on at the time and I wont bore you with it.

Its all about balance and moderation. It's ok to give but don't forget to take as well. If you give and dont ask/get what you need, don't complain for you have no one else to blame but yourself. If you are in a relationship that is loveless, making you unhappy...do something about it. Work on it together or leave.
 TaylorH1986
Joined: 1/27/2006
Msg: 12
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/12/2006 12:26:20 AM
Damn Straight, I like to "Give'r" every weekend! - I don't care who ya are, that's funny right there. But on the serious side, I only take as much as I give, It's only fair.
 Creter
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 13
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/12/2006 12:44:16 AM
If I don't give it to you, Take it. I remember the greatest lesson Mom ever taught me. To share.

When I was about four and dad was still alive. My cousin, sister, and I where fighting over two bubble pipes. Mom came into the room and caught us arguing over them. She grabbed them from us and dropped them on the floor and stepped on them.

She said If we couldn't learn to share none of us would have them. I never forgot that lession. To this day I'll give you the shirt off my back. And have many times. However don't try to take it. I had a Uncle that taught me to fight.
 Justin Case Sr.
Joined: 11/29/2005
Msg: 14
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/12/2006 2:10:36 AM
In some ways i think were all takers now. Just to different degrees. It seems to be how the human race has evolved. Don't hear much anymore about us or we or them......mostly only "I" can be found now.
 Canucker
Joined: 7/22/2005
Msg: 15
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/12/2006 4:25:19 AM
In my life I have been a giver...gave till I had nothing left...figurativly and literally....I have now learned to "recieve" not take graciously but I am still a giver and won't change that...even if I could.
 Creter
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 16
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/12/2006 7:10:45 AM
Just takes a couple rounds with you WTMN, something to look forward to.
 .Lisa
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 17
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/12/2006 7:20:19 AM
in life i'm a giver , in the bedroom i'm a taker LOL sorry
 BeCre8tive
Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 18
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/12/2006 8:57:42 AM
I am both...I feel that I have found the balance...before I was a giver "who gave too much" got taken advantage of....so I found the balance.....
 notsobad...
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 19
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/12/2006 11:02:29 AM
I'm a giver ... which isn't good because people will take until you are burnt out ... then you can become resentful. Which I don't want to feel for the people I love ... or anyone for that matter.

If there is a balance out there I hope I find it ... though balance was never my strong point
 john.duke12
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 20
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Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/21/2008 8:13:41 PM
men are always the givers orat least the greater givers.
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 21
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/21/2008 8:36:52 PM
I was given some very wise advise from a counselor when taking care of my aging parents. He asked who took care of the caretaker and that being me, I said no one.
He then said, if you don't take care of the caretaker, you are not going to be able to take care of anyone else. He also said " it's ok to be selfish". It took me awhile, but I got it finally.
 single-in-2008
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 22
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:24:51 PM
Always have been a giver--and wish somehow I could find the balance in that. I have never taken anything from anyone and with that being said have been told that in certain situations come off pretty unapproachable. So I have been working on mellowing that out.

I still give though--to my friends..always there when they need me and wish I could say--but have to admit that I am getting better with that one. Though same days it doesn't seem like there are enough hours in the day. My family...ALWAYS giving to them...but can't complain too loudly as I do have my sisters that usually are available when I need them.
 Summer Dream
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 23
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Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/22/2008 4:29:57 AM
I'm a giver. Sometimes I give to the point of burnout - volunteer work, community work, helping friends, etc.

I'm learning to ask for and take now, though.

It's tough to find the balance (I'm still working on it), but I learned that it's okay to say no even if I have the time/money to help - it seems to make the takers value my contribution more in the end. Being available all the time meant that people took me for granted. While I don't want kudos or recognition, per se, I do have a life of my own.
 laughinglibra
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 24
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/22/2008 6:50:23 AM

He also said " it's ok to be selfish".


Celticmist, that is so true and glad to hear you grasped that!

It is a difficult thing to wrap ones head around when one has never been a "taker". Like the other posters and the wonderful woman who started this thread, I am very much a giver.... to my man, my family, my friends and my community.

Last summer I had a rough go health wise and just about didn't stay on this side of the topsoil. I quickly learned how to ask for help when needed and be able to be a "taker" graciously. It's a hard pill to swallow when one has always been fiercely independant.... being the one cared for instead of the one doing the caring is a very humbling experience.

I will say that it proved to me that you get back that which you put out in the world because I never thought I touched peoples' lives the way I had. When they came to bring food or drive my children to day camp or clean my house it was always with the sentiment that they were happy to help when they heard I needed it because they knew I would do exactly the same for them if the tables were turned.

I am happy to say that while I am still very much a "giver", I am content to enjoy being a "taker" at times too.

 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 25
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Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/22/2008 6:57:06 AM
I'm a giver. One of the biggest - and best - lessons of my life is learning how to receive. My fellow, another giver, has this in much better balance than I do and has helped me tremendously with this.

Too much of a good thing becomes bad. Much, much nicer to have a healthy perspective.
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