| Is it suppose to hurt this much
Posted: 2/15/2006 11:38:12 PM | | Hi everyone, me and my girl friend split 3 months ago and the hurt is unbelieveable. I go through days like an aroeplane going through a fog. I cant think right and all my consentration is worthless. I cant find any joy in anything and all I want to do is roll up and die. Im not the kind of guy who lets things get to him but this is different. I treated her really good and was always there for her. I know Im not perfect and I have my good and bad spots but I was tring to be better. Im the kind of guy when Im with someone Im hers heart and soul. And now I dont have any purpose and drive or desires to be anything. I understand there will be alot of folks giving advise but I dont need to hear just pick yourself up dust yourself off and move on, right now that wont cut it. What I need is my best friend to talk to but she was my best friend, now I got nobody. Yeah this really hurts, if you see me inside you'd see a borken heart drowning in tears. | |
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| Is it suppose to hurt this much
Posted: 2/15/2006 11:43:02 PM | | Oh darlin that's normal to feel that way. I am not gonna tell you to pick yourself up and dust off that just isn't gonna happen right away. You need to let yourself heal and as hard as this is to believe right now you will heal..I know it doesn't feel like it and that is probably the last thing you want to hear..but you will and things will be better just not right now..you can't just get up and heal a broken heart it just doesn't happen that way *huggs* | |
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| Is it suppose to hurt this much
Posted: 2/16/2006 12:06:10 AM | It is how you feel when things are not fair.
I forget what the steps are to grieving, but something like denial, anger and finally acceptance. I can take years to get through each step.
How do you deal with it? Just one day at a time, whatever works, but you have to keep one eye on the future and reach toward that dim light. The pain may never go away, but eventually, depending on your skills, you will find new paths to happiness. It takes effort.
I found going out often for long walks was theraputic. I also had a patient friend who I emailed often. Typing long sorrowful letters was one way for me to cope.
First, you want to know what you did wrong and what can you do to make the pain go away, so you can feel better.
Second, you will probably be somewhat obsessed to maintain some form of contact with her. These are part of the denial process.
Good luck. | |
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| Is it suppose to hurt this much
Posted: 2/16/2006 12:09:11 AM | | Best advice? Keep busy, get some goals that do not revolve around the opposite sex. It will take your mind off of it, give you a sense of purpose, and a sense of building confidence, etc. Doesn't have to be anything fancy, just something you can invest yourself into. It will help rebuild you as a person, give you a sense of value, and a sense of confidence (which I hear the ladies like). And give yourself time before another relationship. This has all been said before, but here's me saying it again, and hope it works out for you. | |
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| Is it suppose to hurt this much
Posted: 2/16/2006 12:13:26 AM | ^^^ I so totally agree.. In any grieving process the pain is rough. At times you wonder why.. what did you do wrong then at other times things will feel ok then something will trigger a crying jag and it will feel like no tomorrow then it will be like a rollercoaster of emotions.. Good luck | |
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| Is it suppose to hurt this much
Posted: 2/16/2006 12:19:21 AM | | Its totaly normal. The hurt souldnt last for much longer. I know its hard to not think of this person but it helps to try. I broke up with my g/f of 4 years this past sunday. Its hurts but we have had the on again off again thing for about 2 years now so I dont feel any regret. Why I kept taking her back I dont know but such is life. I felt totaly destroyed when we first broke up and there was nothing I could do about it. I was lucky enough to have some great friends to help me through it. Remember that there can and always will be someone you can fill the void with. It sounds kinda bad but trust me dude. Even after my relationship with this girl I was able to do it. You have to help yourself realize that you are the same person regardless of who you are with. You have just become accustomed to having someone around. I know I was... I dont know much about you but I am sure you can find someone for atleast a rebound. Thinking about it too much can harm you. I have a female friend who has been broken up with her b/f for about a year but she hasent done anything to help herself get over it. Waiting around for someone to come back to you never happens. Another friend of mine had his g/f break up with him recently as well. More than 3 months I think. He sits around waiting for her to call or tell him she wants him back. He always says the "once she realizes what shes missing she'll come back" thing. He is now addicted to strip clubs (no joke). No matter what I say to him he wont come to a normal club with me. You just have to remember that if she doesnt want anything to happen with you again she wasnt worth it. Feel free to drop a line if you want to ask me any questions, if I dont know the answer I have many friends who will. Good luck friend. | |
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| Is it suppose to hurt this much
Posted: 2/16/2006 12:34:27 AM | I disagree with rebound relationships
1) it isn't fair to the other person
2) you delay dealing with your new-found emotional turmoil (delay the healing process)
I also disagree that someone isn't worth it, that the next person in your life will be better. Each person brings new enjoyment and learning experiences into your life and it is healthier to work at remembering the good times, the things you were able to experience and enjoy. Dealing with the positives is usually a nice way to appreciate life.
Of course, when thinking about the fun things you did with your ex can also renew the feelings of hurt. It is a bit like rubbing the cut on your hand, by massaging the wound, it can help the healing process. | |
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| Is it suppose to hurt this much
Posted: 2/16/2006 12:53:05 AM | | Rebound relationships can be debated but it will happen no matter what. If the person wasnt willing to work on things or make it so they could part ways on good terms or eachothers support they were not worth it. Yes a new partner will bring new experiences into your life but that is the whole point of it. It gets you thinking about other things and opportunities. Remembering good times will only make you miss that person more and wonder why you are not with them anymore. Rubbing wounds with dirty hands can only make it worse and prolong the healing process. But hey thats just my 2 personal experience cents... | |
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| Is it suppose to hurt this much
Posted: 2/16/2006 1:40:41 AM | Follow Drrilll's advice, wisdom in that on alot of levels.
Personally I went back to college during my divorce.
She got the dog and I got on the dean's list.
Take "should" out of your vocabulary. What she or you should have done is irrelevant, don't waste emotional energy on it. All that matters now is what "is". | |
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| Is it suppose to hurt this much
Posted: 2/16/2006 2:32:47 AM | We have all been in your shoes. Been there..depends on what you do next?? What are you going to do? Get back out there and swim? or sit on a tear stained beach?..you can sit for a while but you get burnt if you sit too long...then get back into the swim of things and learn from this experience...that's what life is all about.. | |
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| Is it suppose to hurt this much
Posted: 2/16/2006 4:27:06 AM | | ok I just got out of a 10 year relationship. Everybody is telling me to take time and heal. Very few will even give me a chance to get to know them because they don't want to be the "rebound girlfriend". Now its true I am not ready for another long term. But why does everyone else get to deside if I'm ready to seek companionship? If I don't even get the chance to get to know you how can we ever get to something that may become long term? | |
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| Is it suppose to hurt this much
Posted: 2/16/2006 4:55:50 AM | > But why does everyone else get to deside if I'm ready to seek companionship? If I don't even get the chance to get to know you how can we ever get to something that may become long term?
I think you are mixing issues.
1) no one decides when you are ready, but people will instinctively avoid the wounded animal unless they are a predator.
2) getting to know someone new is difficult for everyone, not just people fresh out of a relationship. Often, the people you are trolling through, also have just come out of a recent relationship, so meeting on a meaningful level becomes very intense and difficult.
As Butch!! indicated, pain is a symptom of a problem. Often torn relationships stir the emotional pot and it is difficult to pinpoint the source of pain.
One thing that seldom gets mentioned in POF and other Forums, is CHILDREN. People are so involved and concerned for their partnership woes, the children's pain, usually more intense, is overlooked.
The reality in my breakup, I had three children who needed me more than I needed a relationship. Even though my youngest will graduate in June, and often she is out with her friends building the new relationships I have since divorced, I am home, because she needs to know I support her and will be here for her. | |
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