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 AUTHOR
 will_nevergiveup
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 1
How do you spot a "player"Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I'm pretty new to the dating world. I'd love to get some input on "players" and how to spot them. Anyone willing to help? What constitutes a player?
 Angel_in_jeans
Joined: 8/24/2005
Msg: 2
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 7:53:30 AM
Well, I hope that we are all a little playful.

I guess, to me, a player is someone who deceives us about things that we feel are essential to make a relationship work and we believe them and get hooked on someone we shouldn't. A big way to avoid this is to use common sense and take our time when getting into a relationship. Leave the BS detectors on, don't ignore the feelings in your gut that tell you something is wrong. And, if it seems to good to be true, take a REAL close look at what is going on.

Just my 2 cents.
 picker_grinner
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 3
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 7:53:39 AM
It's easy. They are all marked with a 'X'.
 Angel_in_jeans
Joined: 8/24/2005
Msg: 4
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 8:00:29 AM
^^^^^^^
Wish someone would have explained that to me years ago *sigh*
But sometimes it can be fun learning on your own.
 sambucadawg
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 5
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 8:09:48 AM
they have uniforms on and are running out onto a field!

seriously, your ears and gut, will let you know who they are!
 will_nevergiveup
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 6
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 8:13:36 AM
I'd like to know what the signs are before meeting them? Are they TOO eager? Want to meet right away? How do I make that distinction from out here?
 Angel_in_jeans
Joined: 8/24/2005
Msg: 7
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 8:21:52 AM
It's really hard to figure it out before you meet unless they are really BAD at the game.

Here are a few that I have seen on here:

Pushing for too much personal information because they can use that to adjust their emails to meet your preferences-sometimes they will even change their profile once they know your preferences. I don't get in a rush to give out personal contact information, even my email, until I know that I have a reason to want to speak w/someone.

"I am currently located in (alleged location)," obviously the result of a poor mail merge
and the restrictions on their profile say that you can only contact them if you are in a country that is different than that location-give me a break!

I really don't like to post examples, hate to help these people get better at what they do!

I am leery of people that want to meet "too" quickly. But, in all fairness, that's the reason for a dating site and maybe they just don't communicate well through email, etc.
 PeaceOfficer
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 8
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 8:26:49 AM

I'd like to know what the signs are before meeting them? Are they TOO eager? Want to meet right away? How do I make that distinction from out here?


That's an impossible question. "Players" are people, and every person is different from the next. Every player has his own way of persuing the "game."

Just keep your eyes and ears open. You'll do fine.
 umm1
Joined: 2/13/2006
Msg: 9
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 8:30:31 AM
I guess it can be several things.... a person who tells you whatever you want to hear and leaves off facts.
Can be someone who is sexual with many people and saying they are exclusive with you....
or someone who is chasing the perfect person which has no bearing in reality, like average joe who thinks his match is a hollywood movie star... chasing the impossible or unrealistic ( the player wannabes, lol)..
people who are just out to use and hurt others by not being honest or truthful and hurting people, maybe like revenge on others because of failed marriage or relationship
Maybe there are more types too ?

there are scarier things than players, some guys send pics of their penis and are into all kinds of sick things, sometimes looking for women with kids because they are wanting to have sex with the kids. It happens... and its real and out there.
 sambucadawg
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 10
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 8:34:06 AM
meeting too fast???????

ok, I'm lost on this one

I would only be interested in locals, so what is the problem in going out for a coffee?
Seriously, why waste time and weeks or months, on someone, to finally meet and BAM, NOTHING?
pics and words mean nothing, anybody can regurgitate some lines and words.
chat a few times, if from that and a few pics, just meet and go for a damn coffee?
take it from there!
too many people fall for the illusion in their own mind, setting up disappointment and frustration at a first meet! Then come back to whine about it. It's mostly self created
Also, going by a pic isn't reality, MANY times, I've seen a pic and thought WOW, then check the profile, only to see that 8 or 9, became a 5 or 6 in the other pics.......OOOOOOPS!
Do not be fooled by 1 pic!

ok, I'm done!
 XSHOEMAKER
Joined: 1/27/2005
Msg: 11
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 8:49:13 AM
When you feel your panties slipping over your knees and off your ankles on the first date, you will know you have been played. You can't play the willing. Players will not invest time in someone, they move on to an easier "target".
 Integral_life
Joined: 1/2/2005
Msg: 12
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 9:49:44 AM
When you feel your panties slipping over your knees and off your ankles on the first date, you will know you have been played.


See the XSHOEMAKER knows how it's done. If he says he wants to get a closer look at you're shoes, you know you're being played.
 PeaceOfficer
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 13
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 9:54:47 AM
Haha, Shoe! I almost felt violated by that. Poor women!
 Lisa_Marie
Joined: 2/13/2006
Msg: 14
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 10:15:41 AM
If he seems too good to be true, he probably is. He will listen more and talk less, trying to get info on you so he will seem like the man of your dreams. he will make you believe it was fate.. that you were meant to be, saying you have so much in common and are so connected, etc. What he says to you, will be what he thinks you want to hear. He will be a little too agreeable on any subject you bring up, so test him on this! Bring up some outrages stuff that you find repulsive.. act like you think it's totally awsome and see what he says! If he seems to copy and paste sensual poetic words "flowery prose" to your IM "watch out!" I had one do this. His words made my heart skip a beat. When he is writing you an IM, does he take too long to write back? He could be writing several girls all at once, even using the copy and patse method. Sometimes if a guy is a player and has another women at home who see his buddy list, he will have your name down as a guys name. Ask his to resend your last conversation because you lost it somehow. I caught this same guy doing this. My name was Andrew!! " lioth527 " did all of this, I fell hard and fast. I was new to the internet dating scene and he new it. They can tell by what you know, such as not knowing what "brb", "ttyl", or "lol" means. I knew very little. I guess I was too niave and gulable. He tore my heart in two. All my life I had a wall up because of things that happened to me as a child and pretty much most of my life. I had been alone for 6 years when he came into my life. having been with one man for a very short time 3 years ago. I let down all my walls. Believing he was the one. I cried like I have never cried before and I am not sure if I can find it in my heart to trust again. But I want to. Just be careful. This really hurts.
 Angel_in_jeans
Joined: 8/24/2005
Msg: 15
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 10:22:33 AM
Jasmine, you learned quickly-some good tips there.

I totally agree about men who are too agreeable. I had a guy IM me out of the blue, not on here where he could see my profile either. He kept complimenting my intelligence. Well, I consider myself fairly bright, but there was nothing our 5-line IM conversation that would give him reason to notice that. And he immediately asked for info on what I found attractive, etc. Your advice on IM is right on and I did not know that bit about listing you as a man and that you could find out, that rocks!

About "meeting too quickly." I'm just leery of things moving too fast anywhere and I am very nervous about meeting anyone from the internet because there is not the common ground of "community." You know, acquaintances in common that can warn you of little quirks, etc. The truth is, it bothers me so much that I will probably never meet anyone but friends online, and I am OK w/that-can't have too many friends. My comment was not meant to insult anybody who feels differently, just a comment on how I feel if I feel someone is coming on too strong too fast.
 Lisa_Marie
Joined: 2/13/2006
Msg: 16
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 10:37:05 AM
About "meeting too quickly." I'm just leery of things moving too fast anywhere and I am very nervous about meeting anyone from the internet because there is not the common ground of "community." You know, acquaintances in common that can warn you of little quirks, etc.

I thought that maybe five months was a reasonabale amount of time to get to know him, boy was I wrong. He came just before Christmas, the first night I lay in his arms he says "Ilove you Laura Anne I really do" Uhh... My name is not Laura Anne! He said he was haibing a nightmare about his ex fiance! Ha ha ...yeah right! After he left and went Back to Kansas I received an e-mail from a girl named Chris who was a friend on his 360 page. I had seen her on there but thought nothing of it. Who would be stupid enough to be seeing two girls on the same page. Anyway on the twentyninth of Decemeber I received an instant message from her, She asked "are you in some kind of realationshop with Sean? I said "YES!" Being proud to be with him, Then she said, "well according to him he is single and has been trying to get with me for two years!" Shit hit the fan I wish she had written me BEFORE he came and before I let him touch me!!!
 shakdicaprio
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 17
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 10:51:17 AM
mmmm a player im like u first time single in years never been single long enought to find out what this they talking about players what players ??? mmmmm u mean even at their age they still play foolish games mmmm best to be like we were before. but first rule if they want a lot of information but in return give a little back when ask keep track of it and ask again if u dont get your answer say bye bye why waste anymore time a truth one replys back fast dont beat around the bush when it comes to love ooooooyea and if they are to busy to reply then so are you.love is not a game u either go after it strong if thats what u want or u just play around and think of excuse in the end u will find what u looking for and not a player who's in the wood pile.and there's many for sure look around...but then again hey thats me.do I need luck no I have plenty
 will_nevergiveup
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 18
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 11:27:44 AM
This is ALL good information! I'll remember your advice in particular "shoe." Here I always thought if they were interested in finding out more information about ME it meant they were genuine. That's not true huh? How about if he repeats the same things over from one conversation to another. Is he just absent minded or confusing me with the rest of the mix?
 Angel_in_jeans
Joined: 8/24/2005
Msg: 19
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 11:34:07 AM
Well, shoe's advice is right, but let's try to catch them (players and panties both) before they get quite that far

Oh, if he can't keep straight what he has said to you he is either a bit addled, not that interested in conversation, not all that bright, or confusing you w/someone else. Take your pick!
 Colin A. S.
Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 20
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 11:40:49 AM
I guess, to me, a player is someone who deceives us about things that we feel are essential to make a relationship work and we believe them and get hooked on someone we shouldn't.
i agree with that sentiment. never really thought of it that way, but thinking about what men who've claimed to be "players" have bragged about, it makes sense. (ie. acting the complete opposite of the 'friends with benefits'/'casual sex'/'casual dating' lifestyle they lead; Lying their ass off)

having said that, i don't want to mention the obvious fact that ALL our ex's could be described as players. heck, i could easily spin every relationship i've had into a story of woe and act the martyr. (happily ever after never happened, waaaa)

I know some of my ex's lied to me. call it intuition. *shrug* i'm sure my ex's would question that interpretation vehemently. But, then again, so would anyone who couldn't come to an agreement peacefully.

I believe this is the worst of being 'played'...they'll never ever call you one day and say, "yeah, sorry, i actually lied about this that and the other"...how much of their life was a lie? how much investment did you make to a person...was ANY of it worth remembering as true? Did they love you once or were they always lying from the beginning? Did you "call them on it" or did you "make up shit"?

********

i think most people lie to themselves alot. painful things they want to avoid. when their partner acts naturally it goes against the grain of the person who's acting unnaturally. Is that interfering in someone's private life? Perhaps. perhaps. i just don't like hearing someone blurt out they've been an 'escort' or something equally private IN PUBLIC an i hear about it indirectly for the first time - and then get the "none of your business" when i act NATURALLY. am i clingy? needy? an interfering S.O.B.?

i'm sorry for ranting so long. I just happen to believe, if you're in a relationship involving sex, that implies a level of intimacy involving a silly thing called, "love"...maybe it's because i've never had simultaneous orgasm with my partner on a one night stand. maybe, before i turn ugly and old, i just might have that experience - and that'll change my entire belief system. until then, lust without love = no orgasm. (i'd just call it mutual masturbation)

so, my point is simple. LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION and don't be afraid to ask those uncomfortable personal questions. Otherwise, you know what, you deserve to get played.
 Angel_in_jeans
Joined: 8/24/2005
Msg: 21
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 11:51:03 AM

Otherwise, you know what, you deserve to get played.


Bingo! Maybe a bit strong, but we have to keep our eyes open and take care of ourselves. I have some sympathy for anyone that gets taken advantage of, but let's learn from our mistakes and not ignore the warning signs next time - or be in such a rush to be w/someone that we give up our hearts w/out getting to know them first.
 Lisa_Marie
Joined: 2/13/2006
Msg: 22
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 11:59:01 AM
I agree with listening to our intuition! You are so right about that. The whole time I was with "the Player" I kept having these feelings in my solar plexes that I chose to ignore. (Bad Idea!)

Can you give us an idea about what personal questions to ask a man? How would these questions help us to know whether or not he is a player? And what reaction should we have to his answers? Should we believe anything he says at all? Especially if there is already doubt abiut him.
 Angel_in_jeans
Joined: 8/24/2005
Msg: 23
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 12:02:53 PM
Spill it, Muffy. Those are some good questions ^^^^^
We girls will take all the help we can get!

Personally, if I catch a guy in and out and out lie, that's it. The trust is gone. And I don't care how stupid the lie is. We all have things that we "keep" for later in a relationship and most of us try to put our best foot forward at first, which is fine. But once you start lying to me, I stop believing you.
 Lil Redneck
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 24
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 1:49:43 PM
Well there's a saying that fits the bill here "give them enough rope,
they will hang themself " an it is true.......lol bin there done that......
bin single for 5 years practice the skill should work here......lol
 Indigo Rose
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 25
How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/18/2006 2:14:59 PM
I guess I can't tell thought I could...sometimes players don't put on the uniform till the end of the game...!
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