| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 12:31:28 PM | | I cant help it wondering, how does good mothers, who stay home with their kids, do the house work (laundry, grocery shopping, cooking etc...), plus being home with their child after giving a painful birth and breastfeeding for over a year lose custody? Especially when we talk about 3 and under? I think single parents are great, no matter what gender, but this subject bugs me and I really want to hear others opinion out there. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 1:27:16 PM | | What about those great single father's who when they come home from work find there stay at home mom/wife drunk as all hell, or stoned. This may be a slight reason for the father taking away children. Just because some women stay at home does not ensure the children are being well looked after. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 3:16:13 PM | Except the OP said 'good mother' so we assume the question being posed deals with a mother who is neither abusive to herself or her children. In this case, a stay-at-home mom (primary caregiver), who is a positive parent, with always gain custody of an infant child. Why?...best interests of the child to be with the parent has provided more consistant care and contact. If a father is the primary caregiver of the child while the mother has the financial role in the family, then the father will most often gain custody in the event of a seperation. Again, best interests of the child. Plain and simple case law.
I would be surprised to see a case based on those facts of law be handled differently. I've never seen it happen. Sometimes a mother will lose custody and say 'It's not fair, I was a stay at home, and I was a good mother'...but if the whole story came out, you would see a very different side of it. Judges do not take (especially infant) children out of a mother's care and control without sufficient reason. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 3:55:25 PM | I gotta agree with secondloader, craneman and intriguing77 on this one... Mothers aren't ALWAYS the best parent.....and besides - lives aren't always open books. I admire all those good single dads!!!!  | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 4:18:05 PM | I would say, impossible.
I would also say, appeal. The judge would be breaking the law (precedent IS law) in the matter and it would be overturned on appeal.
I just don't believe it. I good stay at home mom NEVER loses custody over a father, period. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 5:56:05 PM | | It should be impossible but it is not. Their number is rising, maybe not in Texas but I do know a few. They either did not have a good attorney or I dont really know what went wrong, but it scares me really bad. That is why I wanted to hear other opinions. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 6:19:10 PM | | Well, bibstar, I did just notice you were in Texas and I can't say I am up to date on the laws there and how they differ than here in Canada where that simply doesn't happen. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 6:20:59 PM | | Bibstar I wanted to email you to see if I can assist you in some legal research at all but you have restrictions on your mail. If you would like some help please feel free to email me. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 6:42:10 PM | I tried, its not letting, me it only lets 20,000 miles.
Thank you for your replys though, I won custody of my son, but it was not easy to prove that I am a good mother. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 6:58:27 PM | First I'd like to say I agree with second loader.
In an idealistic world the good parent should have the child, but in the realistic world it doesn't always happen. The judicial system is corrupt, it's easy to pay someone off, especially in Texas.
It's also very easy to get a bad lawyer. Never use a free attorney, even if you can't afford one, especially where your children are concerned. Research attorneys and get referrals from friends that you know that have been in the situation.
And always remember not to talk a bunch of b.s. about the other parent to the child. ( If it should come out in court, the judge will frown down upon you.) It's not beneficial for the child either. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 7:07:36 PM | | The problem is that the Parents... as ADULTS should, in case of Divorce or seperation.. SHOULD think of the children and put THEIR interests First, put aside all the Petty BS that comes with it and understand that the Child or children need BOTH parents regardless of who has custody. So maybe instead of wondering Why it happened.... maybe think about how you can make that childs life Better?..... Just a thought from a Single Dad with 100% Legal and physical Custody | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 7:11:09 PM | In Canada, the onus would be on the father to prove that you were a bad mother in order to gain custody. I suppose that's where our systems differ. They also differ in respects to the fact that we have a legal aid system here. If you are a stay at home mom and you have a seperation, you are entitled to have a lawyer paid for you, and you can still choose from some very good ones.
Really though, is it hard to prove to somebody that you were a good mother? The doctors would say you took them to all the visits and they never saw the dad at them. There would be records that you breastfed, mommy tot groups, family members and friends that saw you with them on a daily basis. There would be an absense of any children's services investigations, evidence of abuse, etc. There would be the obvious lack of income that showed you were indeed the primary caregiver. There are countless ways to show that you are a good parent.
Many parents will accuse the other of abuse in order to get custody but it never works. Judges see it all the time so unless there is documented proof, they will most likely throw it out and look poorly upon the parent that would make such an accusation. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/18/2006 9:02:50 PM | To answer the how do good mothers lose custody, Id have to there is more to the story than you are letting on.
If there is no history or proven facts given to the judge on both sides, and both are found fit, then there is custody rights given to both mom and dad.
In most cases, they do give primary to the mother, but its up to ea. indiv. case and what the circumstances are.
Id have to wonder what the mother did to lose this right. Since its almost impossible and hard to prove otherwise.
In my case, I have full 100% legal and physical custody of my 3 1/2 yr. old daughter. The custody agreement and divorce was default, as he didnt care to show up or contest anything. Part of this is due to him living out of state, but I still dont think that matters, as if it pertains to your child, you would do anything to get time with them. He had a pot and alcohol prob., but I couldnt prove it. That was just the reason I left him and filed. If he had fought, and all this was brought to light in court, Id have to be the one to submit to random drug testing if he wanted to make arrangements to fly out for his visitation. It is supr. visitation, at my disgression, but again, I got all I asked for, as the judge frowned on the fact that this "father" didnt step up to the plate to act like he cared. Id have to have solid proof that he was unfit to even get visitation voided. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/19/2006 9:32:43 AM | | Don't know about the rest of the world, but in this county, he who has the most money wins. Example: Drug dealer kidnaps kid because his new coke whore doesn't like the child support money leaving her pocket. Dad pays Court Commissioner and rep from Family Court services, and suddenly instead of felony kidnapping in a criminal court, mom finds herself in the middle of a custody battle where medical records don't exist (although they have already been filed with the court), a college graduate is accused by a high school drop out of having a dim view of education, etc. There was a clear trail of the pay offs and perjury etc, but dad got custody. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/19/2006 10:11:42 AM | @ INTRIGUING77
Here in Canada it is not the onus of anyne, let alone a male to prove whether the mother is fit or not to be a parent... both sides have their day incourt, present why they think the should be the primary parent, and then the judge decides... Here in Canada, just because a women gives birth to a child does not mean squat these days in the courts... each parent is entitled to be the primary parent for that child... it is, up to the judge to sift threw all teh facts and then make a decisions...
The growing trend here in the courts these days is that if a father wants to be in that childs life, the judge is not going to stop him from having some sort of custody... There are more and more shared custody or joint arrangement these days... sole custody is becoming a thing of the past... | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/19/2006 10:46:44 AM | Actually, if the father wants to say the mother is unfit, the onus IS on him to show some proof, or else the judge won't bother to listen. It works the same the other way as well. You say just because a woman gives birth doesn't mean squat.....actually, legal precedent states that it is almost always in the best interests of the child to be raised by the mother where she is deemed responsible and fit. This isn't my rule, so don't get mad at me or say I'm against father's rights, because that isn't true. It's simply the laws that are on the books.
Secondly, each parent is not automatically entitled to primary custody. It is the parent who was providing the primary care to the child before seperation that has the entitlement, and it is that fact that the legal system looks at to determine interim custody off the bat.
As for your last point regarding joint and shared custody arragements, you're wrong. Judges are very very hesitant to order joint custody (it happens but not often) to a set of parents that do not want it and are not getting along. The shared custody arrangements that you mention are most often decided upon through mediation and seperation aggreements, not court orders. Most often, one parent gets custody and the other various access rights. The logic is this, if parents cannot get along enough to have civil conversations and agree on the basics of raising the child, then they will never be able to make joint custody work. That is something you cannot FORCE on people, which is why it isn't. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/19/2006 11:48:05 AM | | Where I live the standard seem to be its like a competition on which parent is the best parent. Mom can be a good parent but if dad is better than mom then the child goes to dad. Especially in cases where they both want custody. My divorce came down to the fact that I could support my children without any financial help from the state or childsupport. I made more money than he did. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/19/2006 11:56:16 AM | | Hi im new this but im in Ga i saw it happen 4 weeks ago i lady stayed home with her boys and didnt drink smoke are nothing . Got a divorce and lost custody because she didnt work and couldnt provide for them it is a shame in some cases but i got my divorce 22 yrs ago got my son and raised him he still with me too ... | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/19/2006 12:00:46 PM | You are correct in stateing that the onus is on father's to proove the mother is unfit. What i've run into is inspite of having a large amount of evidence against the mother of my children a female judge decided that after the mother of my children went through 3 month's of re-hab that she was now entitled to have primary residence of the children. I had residency for the previous 9 month's. Now fast forward to today! i believe sometime next week i'll have my children back with me as the mother of my children will not or cannot look after my children. If only that judge would have viewed my concerns a bit more my children would not have been put in harm's way by there mother.
So i guess my point is, i feel that judges still favor mother's over father's and i really hope something changes.
As Greywolf states think of the children in all this.
Thank-you all for the support. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/19/2006 12:48:13 PM | I do feel very bad, no matter if the mother loses or the father. I think it is not a winning game, everyone loses at some point.
But it is very true not to badmouth the other parent especially when you are up on the stand. Always take the highroad! I got a lot of badmouthing from my ex, and I really did not have to prove much to the judge. My testimony was only 30 minutes whiles his was 3.5 days with all the peoples subpoenad who were somewhat involved in my life. So yes, be the smarter one, bite your tong and if you can not say anything good about your ex, just say nothing at all. Just and advise. | |
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| How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 2/19/2006 2:25:26 PM | money is unfortunately a big influence on paper in some Judicial systems... i lost custody, for a while about 8 yrs ago after we (my ex H. & i) because i did not have a "stable place to live" for my boys.. prayers & hugs for you...    | |
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