| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/21/2006 4:22:01 PM | hey, im really struggling with approaching women n clubs and bars and its driving me nuts!!! at work im a salesman and can approach anyone and talk about anything, but out of work im sooo shy and self doubtful! what should i say??? whats the signals??? and how do i know if im getting a positive reaction??????
I dont anna die single please help!!!;) | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/21/2006 4:45:32 PM | Is a club/bar really the best place to pick up QUALITY women in the first place? I know it's the stereotypical place to pick up women but really, am I wrong when I say that girls who go to the bar to be "picked up" are likely back the next week or so to be picked up again while quality women go to the bar to cut loose with their friends and have a good time, not wanting to be hit on by every guy in the place? Sure, some good matches are made there but I wouldn't stake a 50/50 ratio on quality vs sleasy. But then again, it depends what you are looking for.
As for what to say, no one has been hiding any magic sentences from you. You pretty much have to get up the nerve to buy her a drink and find some things to talk about that you have in common. I worked as a retail clerk for many years while I was going to college and I agree that there is quite a difference between approaching a customer and approaching a beautifull woman. But you have to remember that unlike a customer, she's probably just as nervous as you are, so relax. | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/21/2006 8:16:22 PM | | You know what, I think my first statement is a new thread worthy question. I think I'll post it. | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/21/2006 8:34:03 PM | Just put yourself in the same mind set as you are at work(unless you're a bad salesmen). Sales techniques and pick up techniques are very similiar.
EDIT: One difference. You go to work to make sales, DO NOT go to the club to pick up. I think of the club as a place to practice approaching women. Practice is the key word. | |
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CsMan
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Joined: 2/5/2006
Msg: 5 | |
| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/21/2006 10:21:37 PM | | Like MDNinja said sales is similar. However, you are trying to sell yourself(not in the literal sense). Treat everyone that you are talking to like a sales pitch if what you are trying to do is "pick up" women. | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/21/2006 11:46:03 PM | An attempt at practical advice:
1. If you choose the compliment route, do not use overstated words like beautiful, or gorgeous....most women do not believe these things about themselves (sad but true), and it will come off as sounding insincere....stating an appreciation of a woman in a low key way will sound more genuine....eg: you have a pretty smile (and please, don't say anything you don't mean, most of us will see through it eventually!)
2. Do not walk up and offer to buy a drink without conversation first....you'll never know if she's just sticking around for the free booze (yes, there are women like this)....however, offering to buy a drink if a conversation is going well, is a display of generousity, gentlemanliness (made up my own word there), and attentiveness....good qualities....this will never be a necessity with a good woman, it's just an added nice gesture if the company is good......
3. Please please please....no pick up lines....women are capable of intelligent thought...most of us will not swoon over "if I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me"........gag, blah, yack.....
4. 'Wuz up' is not an acceptable form of conversation starting......
5. Do not check out other women while engaged in conversation with us....it's bad manners....women want to be treated as though you COULD be elsewhere but CHOOSE to be with her because there's no where else you'd rather be (whether it's for a conversation, a date, or a lifetime)
6. Be yourself....if a woman is not receptive to the real you, she's not it......
7. If you can make a woman laugh, I guarantee at least some conversation will follow.....again, see number 6 for figuring out how to go about this......everyone has a sense of humour in his/her own style.....if you don't, sorry, you're single for life and nothing I write here will be helpful......
8. Prior to attempting any conversation with a woman please remember, bad breath is unattractive and following down drunk, slurring your words, and/or asking her to wait every five minutes because you "broke the seal an hour ago and can't stop peeing" does not make you date-able material......
9. If you're approaching a woman in a group of girlfriends, BE NICE to the girlfriends....they will get veto power and if they think you're an ass, they'll make her think you're an ass.....
10. I really wanted to have a list of ten here but I'm spent.....ladies, anything to add?
Good luck, 5feet | |
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| Yo wasssuz!
Posted: 2/22/2006 12:54:09 AM | | if I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? *really bad breath* | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 12:53:58 AM | JD2005...couldn't have said it much better. The ladies love when you throw a quick glace their way and look at them like there is no one else in the place. Cause frankly you usually have choice of many good looking women and so you need to make this one feel like she is the only one there. Of course becuase you haven't made convo you have to be the eye candy she's looking for. Then you make your sales pitch and the rest is history.
 of course sometimes this fails misearbly and girls would rather you play hard to get....go figure | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 12:59:24 AM | | Just talk to them, there is nothing to lose. Say "Fack it" and give it a chance... thats it.. Personally I dont go looking for potential girlfriends at those premises... | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 1:59:16 AM | lionheart, speaking as a female, the best approach is just to say hi and how is your night going? [ or something easy like that] forget the cheesy pickup lines or trying to be cool or acting macho or any of the other posturing some guys can do. be yourself and you will attract likewise minded ladies
There are no guarantees but some things you can look out for is to avoid women in intense converstaion with their friends. They are talking girl stuff and dont appreciate the interruption unless you're the male dancer for the night. Look for that time when they've done their bonding and their group breaks up a little. I think when they are waiting at the bar or the change machine or the ATM is not so bad as they are on their own. Geez that sounds kind of stalkerish ,,lol...but back when I actively 'out there' this how I was approached. As long as it was just a nice normal high with no BS, I didnt mind saying hi back at all...in fact you can appreciate a quick chat with someone...if you are just waiting around at the bar.
If ou get the signal she then has to move on...a quick way to leave it open is tell her..."well I just here with my friends, would you like to me to come over and say hi later?"...she will then say yes or make her excuses. If she says yes then there is your green light right there
Honestly if you've just approached someone with a genuine hi, with no "moves" and she responds like a narky cow to that, then she wasnt worth getting to know in the first place
PS why are people saying bars and clubs are so bad?? I know some can be but here in Sydney we have some really nice classy places that just about everyone goes to from 18 to 45, depending on the venue. You can eat there, you can have cocktails,listen to some live music and have a jive or sit outside. I dont think you can say ALL bars and clubs are sleazy hell holes where only trolls go. We also have 'lounges' , live music, sit back and drink and socialise. Where are single adults supposed to go out and socialise????? the library and supermarket??? and thats my whinge for this evening : ) | |
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wowmom
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Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 11 | |
| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 7:40:36 AM | | You are right about the 'quality women' statement. I love to go dancing on the weekends, I go with my GF's and we are there to have fun,cut loose,and enjoy an evening out with our friends. While we may meet and talk with men there, we are not there to meet men, or to pick them up. The 'rule' is never go home with a man from a bar...don't take him to your place either girls! This is a safety thing 1st & foremost...this doesn't mean that you cannot give the guy your contact info!! Now, to the thread question...if you are able to smile,compliment,and offer a drink to a lady...most ladies(of quality)will be able to converse with you, or politely tell you that they are 'with the girls' tonight. It may seem like rejection here, but it really is nothing against you. Confidence in self is key...and being successfully sociable in the club/bar scene is an art...so get out there and test your skills baby!! | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 7:43:20 AM | That "quality" statement bugs me and I only go to a bar once every 5 years.
Anyhooo....what happened to good old fashioned winking  | |
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wowmom
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Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 13 | |
| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 8:04:50 AM | | I agree about the fact that just winking is a lost art! I want to know why "that 'quality' statment 'bugs' you"??? | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 8:08:56 AM | | Not sure why exactly... just seems SO many different types of people go to bars/clubs/pubs how can people think they're all of no or low "quality" you know? | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 8:14:48 AM | never offer to buy her a drink
If she is with a group of people, make friends with her friends, guys or gals, and ignore her for a little while. Soon she will want your attention.
Dont go "looking" Act like you already have and things will be so much more fun and easier. gals can smell desperation friom a mile off.
HAVE FUN
Shake hands with the bartender, the bouncer, and anybody that seems cool. Be social.
when you go into the bar IMMEDIATELY talk to the first group of people that are in there, talk about ANYTHING...the food, the band, the freakin weather.
NEVER be seen standing with a trancelike look all by yourself staring at the dancefloor. | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 8:16:59 AM | The quality comes from some of the people inhabiting a bar. Could be someones possibly married, and looking for a secret friend. No telling how many out of towners, that there are.
Or the great ones, when the conversation is all about them. You attemp to talk, getting a few words in. To broaden the conversation, maybe even smile being cordial. But that might not work. | |
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wowmom
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Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 17 | |
| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 8:25:21 AM | | Ok...that makes sense blu...I guess in my use of 'quality' I was trying to convey that if the gal is 'quality' she will not be really rude and tell the guy making contact to get lost or something...I think we all deserve to be treated politely. | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 8:25:34 AM | When I was younger and frequented clubs I met a few quality girls, but most people in bars are there to party, and drunk people are not rational. You will do things you wouldn't normally do, especially with a few aquaintances egging you on. You can meet girls/guys who will give you their phone number and a line of BS a mile long to go with it, and they will go home and sleep it off and promptly forget all about you and evrything else that happened that night. If you do get a phone number, don't forget to get a name to go with it. I don't know how many times I have awakened to a pounding head and several phone numbers without names on them. The problem with being drunk is you never believe you are as drunk as you really are, and think you are going to wake up fine and remember every little detail.
The Five Stages of Drinking
LEVEL 1: It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.".
LEVEL 2: It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool.".
LEVEL 3: One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies. (like,"Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool.".
LEVEL 4: Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an ...after hours bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow ...................cool.
LEVEL 5: Five in the morning. after unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell- at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of level five- the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!" | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 1:12:16 PM | | Of course wespauley meant to quote the author of those "Five Stages of Drinking", the comedian Larry Miller. | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 1:31:49 PM | I rarely go to bars, and never think of them as serious places to meet a woman. The loud music,the drinking, crowds, and general lack of intimacy are all deal breakers for me. Of course, if you are just out to get laid - it's probably the best place to start.
If you just want to go, have a few drinks, and party - then bars are ok. | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 4:56:03 PM | Yes brilliant for sure. Ok here goes. Usualy we go to the club to drink and unwind as a way to get rid of our stress and frustration. If your doing this in a club you are obviously not wanting to do it alone. People put people who drink and party in clubs in a shallow catagory. Not everyone is any less of a person than that of the person who is judging them. I have had good experiences as well as bad dating people that I have met in clubs bars. The ones that think they are better than you usually act as if only there needs are important and the only reason I am here is to get some free booty. Well no love lost; who doesnt want free booty! It dont hurt my feelings when I dont have to do his laundry. I say if you see somthin you like there is always potental. I dont care where you are how many you have had. Life is what you make it. People are people who is to be the judge. Just be smooth. If you want more than a one nighter cuz the one nighter was good well then go for it. Girls like when the guys know what they want. We also like when the guys are interested in knowing what it is that we want. Just because you meet her in a club doesnt mean its gonna be all bad. This goes both ways. Mind over matter. Keep in mind she might be a little in bed if shes had a few. ( A friend once told me) when I asked him what it was like being married."Imagin the last person you had sex with. Now imagin having sex with that person for the rest of your life." I laughed "thats what its like being married" Just be cool usually you get whatcha give and if not well then youve learned somthin. | |
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zapt
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Joined: 11/4/2005
Msg: 23 | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 7:46:52 PM | [Yer gonna die single... Learn to live with it!]
Boy your real posotive! Hope your not directing this at me. What a jerk. Bet you dont get many dates. And if you do it must suck to be them. Id be imbarrased to know someone with your additude. | |
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| When in a club /bar!
Posted: 2/26/2006 7:51:56 PM | | ^^^Well you have no reason to be imbarrased then 'cause he's obviously not on your favourite list. It was a stupid thing to write..but maybe he's just not good at showing people his sarcastic side. Needless to say, I feel the same way you do, but by giving a response to it your fueling him to do it again on another thred. | |
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