| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 1/26/2005 10:59:21 AM | Hello all,
I have the impression that in the online dating world, men out number women by some huge multiple. In addition, I keep hearing that there is a lot of deception going on , with men providing old or false photos and misrepresenting their age, occupation, relationship status and on and on. A guy telling the truth about himself is at a disadvantage (at least during the course of the online email exchanges) in trying to compete with other guys who are creating a fantasy match. Am I off base or are the odds really stacked against us guys?
Ron. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 1/26/2005 11:57:27 PM | well,who says the pics of the ladies posted are really the actual ladies.Many post a picture of a sexy person they found somewhere untill they get alot of high ratings...,then they switch to their actual photo...as if people here don`t notice....HAHA...I was living in San Diego and i hear that there are 4 males for every 1 woman there.And outta that 1 woman-90 percent are married....so,there is lots of single men and no single women to date....on the other hand,I used to live in Perth,West Austrailia....rumor has it that there are 7 women for every 1 man in west Austrailia...good odds for the men...not too good odds for the ladies and the roles are reversed there...yes,the ladies hit on the men...even a funny lookin guy like me gets alotta action....by the way ladies,i`m actually a Doctor and i got so much money it makes me just wanna burn it all as i can`t even count it...hmmm-yeah,well there are many golddiggers here-but isn`t that the way it is in most places...anyways,what`s the sense of lying about who we really are?...I`ve read about many guys saying when they finally met the lady.they were about 50 lbs over the picture...hmmm | |
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RobD20
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Joined: 11/10/2004
Msg: 3 | |
| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 1/27/2005 12:47:10 AM | I can say for a fact that women can post fake pictures. Aside from hearing lots of stories... I saw one in person just two days ago.
I was flipping through match doctor, and I saw the profile for someone I knew from highschool. I was like 'cool, I should email her just to catch up' we talked for a little bit.
Just two days ago, I saw her by accident in a grocery store, and she was easily 30-40 pounds fatter than her old picture portrayed, of how she used to look when I knew her. Yuck.
But to answer your question, yes, we are definetely on the losing end of the battle. Just realize something. In most cities in the world, women get hit on by men on the street. In their daily lives, men come to them asking for dates completely out of no where. Granted, most of these guys are just 'playing the numbers' and they will hit on any girl who looks around their age range and isn't a complete mutant. Girls will often get annoyed by this.
So why would they join a website where they are just going to get hit on more? And usually by perverts and other creeps. Online dating can work for men. It has worked for me in the past, but it takes a lot more time than it would take for a woman to find a date just because of the numbers.
Internet dating is stacked against women in a different way. Because, for women you might end up meeting up with a killer or a stalker or a rapist. For men there is very little odds of this. So women have to be a lot more careful than men.
Remember there is always two sides to every story, and no one has it easier than the other. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 1/27/2005 2:04:39 AM | | a man who tells the truth online is actually better than those who lie and therefore at an advantage. the men who lieabout themaselves so much are bound to get found out sooner or later, but those who are truthful and honestly are good nice people to know with great personalities, well in the end theyre gonna be the ones women go for. in the end, theyre the winners. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 1/27/2005 8:35:21 AM | ardy1...as a girl all I can say is never stop telling the truth! Deception and misrepresentation of a profile only leads to the person coming unstuck!...If you only want fun and online chat I suppose deception and misrepresentation is the way to go! But if you lie you have to remember the lie..I know it works for some people on the net...But if you truley want love you have to be truthful! Cheers Tiff | |
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Koatz
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Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 8 | |
| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 1/28/2005 12:37:21 PM | | I think men are at a huge disadvantage in online-dating. Every online dating site that I've visited, has three times as many men members, as women. It's perplexing because last time I checked, 55% of the population in the United States was women. I think "computing" is a guy thing; that's the first reason. Second, I think women are uncomfortable with this way of meeting men. Then, I think a third reason is, guys are completely comfortable with "encounters" with no strings attached. Let's face it, online dating offers this possibility. The part about out-dated photos is a non-starter for me. I am very up-to-date on my technology but even I haven't found the time to download and edit my most recent photos from my digital camera. But, besides that, people want to put their best face forward. It is not unreasonable to think that they will put an attractive photo of themselves versus one that shows the "spare tire". It's natural and I don't think it is necessarily dishonest. Afterall, the same thing occurs when you meet a woman who wears make-up. It's not her true self. See her without make up and you may think she's a cast member of 28 Days Later. My issue is, the superficial people that tend to post ads on these online-dating websites. It is amazing how many woman want to be "friends". It's like they are confirming that they're gold-digging, sex-starved lunatics that deserve the ill-treatment that they inevitably receive from the Playas to whom they are attracted. Then, they want to label all men as dogs. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 1/30/2005 1:01:05 PM | Hi Gang,
Ok, after doing a bit more reading of posts on this site and other research, it is clear that the guys are clearly out numbering the ladies in online sites. I have heard ratios ranging from 3 to 1 to 10 to 1. I'm not sure how to actually verify this as I'm not aware of a reliable source of this information. It is interesting that the reverse is true in the real world where according the the 2000 US Census, women out number men. The exact ratios will of course vary depending on the location, but this ratio of women out numbering men is clearly the case in New York City. Given these statistics, it would clearly be advantageous for women looking for a relationship to sign up to one of the dating sites... sit back and wait for the flood of emails. I have heard of hundreds of email responses to individual posts by women on Craigslists within minutes of the post being published.
Vicnic, on of the Plenty of Fish members, has some interesting statistics, based on his experience on Yahoo Personals. He estimated that he responded to about 400 ads and got a 10% response rate, equating to 40 responses. Of that number he was able to "connect" with 23 respondents or more than half (about 58%).
It's no doubt that the numbers are working against the guys in online dating. Therefore the guys should accept this as a very inefficient vehicle for meeting women or to use online dating as supplement to more traditional means of meeting members of the opposite sex. Another alternative is to discard online dating altogether, but I feel that online dating is an important vehicle for connecting with people and that this male/female imbalance will correct over time as more women begin to feel more comfortable with connecting with people through the internet.
Regards,
Ron. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 1/30/2005 4:06:56 PM | Hello Ardy__21,
I do not believe that men are at a disadvantage.
I think everyone is at a disadvantage!!!
Online contacts cannot replace in-life experiences. Some men and women seem to grossly exaggerate themselves (perception is subjective), some seem to be cyber-voyeurs, others liars...and some are quite depressing.
As a women seeking a long-term relationship I do not respond to men who [are]:
Married or separated
Want an intimate encounter.... and what is "other"???
Whose ages does not match their photo, are half naked or leering and not in my age range
Who want a prize and yet they don't take care of themselves
Advertise "wealth".... get real
Send "canned" letters...how do you respond to 400??? Don't you discriminate by preference???
Who do not give information in their profiles: YES women do read them.... or use the description section to relive and bash their ex.... it take two to win and two to loose.
If after a few phone conversations we do not arrange to meet.... well that says it all.... move on.
A female friend did boast about all the responses she received. When she showed me her profile I was shocked.... the photo was a glamour pose from years ago and something like 35 lbs ago. I confronted her about it and told her every man who she met who was angry by her deception.... she deserved the humiliation.
On the positive side I have been fortunate to meet some very nice men in person. In fact we have remained acquaintances and sometimes get together.
So Arty... FYOI your photos are very attractive and the guitar photo is great. I do often wonder about someone who has never married and is over 50. Never met the right person does that mean too picky, uncompromising. Not wanting commitment? These questions are not directly aimed at you.... just curious. I tend to not invite contact when I see someone is single and does not give the reason. Perhaps I am excluding people unfairly. Insight on this matter would be helpful. I tend to think single people are "free-spirits" and would not be sincerely interested in a woman with children and responsibilities...am I wrong?
My best to you. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 1/30/2005 4:42:08 PM | | Filling in profiles... yes it's important to put yourself across well, and it's the first thing I look for when browsing for people to send messages to. However quite a few people I've seen just don't bother, or sound too much the same. That's the main reason why I'm yet to make a decent profile! | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 1/30/2005 5:31:58 PM | Hi Dynamics,
I agree that online contacts cannot replace "in-life experiences", but the intent of posting an online profile is not intended to replace real life contacts . I think that it is to the disadvantage of members of dating or friendship sites to dismiss profiles based on specific profile attributes, where the profile would otherwise be acceptable. The profile is by definition a snapshot of a very person. It cannot possibly convey the sum total of that person. If there are inconsistencies or questions raised as you read a profile, I would suggest that you interact with the individual to have a conversation. It maybe that these inconsistencies maybe resolved or the questions raised can be satisfactorily answered. By dismissing someone out of hand potentially deprives you of a possible match or possibly a good friend. Perhaps this again is the case of women being flooded with messages and having the luxury of making superficial decisions as the which to message to disregard. If you are looking to connect with someone special to you, who is of substance and who is compatible with you, it's probably worthwhile to sift through the hay to find the needle (I know there's a better metaphor for this, but that's the best I could do...).
Some of the other issues that you raise are specific to me and we should probably take those offline...
Ron. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/2/2005 6:06:40 AM | from her pic... well she's beautiful... fully clothed... the pic is a bit distant... you can see that she is thin and curvacious...
from her ad... pleasant, straight forward ... in her early thirties... classy, likes jazz n stuff... seems intelligent and sultry... | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/3/2005 5:33:49 PM | hmmm.....i never realized you fellas felt you were at a disadvantage on these sites...i look at these sites as a way to meet people with out having to do the bar scene............and it doesnt matter where you go to meet people, even face to face, some folks are gonna be deceptive.........
 my 22 yr old daughter came over tonight and was reading my profile on here....she said "Mom, your so cheezy, but thats true, thats you" ............and i aint gonna dr my profile to make it sound impressive to someone....i want to meet someone who likes me the way i am!
maybe it shouldnt be a case of who's at a disadvantage, it should be a case of who has to work the hardest to weed out the dishonest...lol | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/3/2005 7:31:21 PM | What about the age factor? I've always heard how the number of available women exceeds the number of available men after a certain age. Doesn't that have an affect on on-line dating?
I too have been investigating this whole on-line dating thing and something occurs to me. It looks like there are quite a number of people of both sexes putting out enhanced, exagerated or doctored profiles/descriptions of themselves. Wouldn't they end up just making contact with others that have done just the same thing since, chances are, they would only be interested in someone that their enhanced, exagerated or doctored profiles/descriptions of themselves would actually be interested in.
So are on-line dating sites worth it for the sincere single person or will they just feel like a sucker? | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/3/2005 8:08:44 PM | well i cant honestly say age doesnt matter to me....i no longer date guys in their 20's  but seriously what certain age are you referring to, Marley?
And by the way did you check out my sexy obviously enhanced, exagerated pictures on my profile.....especially that doctored picture of the softshell turtle i caught at saddle creek..........lol
yeah i think online dating sites are worth it, you get suckered in bars, or single-clubs anywhere you go, i've even been suckered by guys i knew most of my life......but i dont give up... | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/3/2005 8:42:01 PM | Hay! she can't help it if so many ppl put her on their favs list but, btw I was wondering is there any way to take youself OFF ppls favs' list, or take ppl off your own??? Sorry about my 'illeteracy' here. I can't even spell THAT.
Cause I am thinking it may look to men like you are a 'floozy' or something just cause you have so many friends here. Oh well, forget it! I am proud to be on a lot of favs' lists' and to list a lotta ppl on mine!
I have been here since Oct. last year, and am online alot, and this is favorite site to visit, so please guys don't let it be a put off if a girl has a lot of friends. I would think you'd consider it (unselfishly of course) an assett on her part!  
as for the age part, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter, if you represent yourself honestly here (men listen up!), and post a RECENT pic please! Thanx | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/4/2005 4:22:20 PM | Ladydilive8, I know I'm getting off topic but, I wasn't referring to a certain age. I have just heard that because men are more likely to go to jail, go to war, be reckless, do stupid things, etc that after a while the number of women is higher than the number of men and was just wondering if that applied to online dating sites.
I didn't mean every one when I mentioned obviously enhanced, exagerated pictures but, I did think it would be funny if two people who were both bullsh*tting each other actually met and dicovered the truth about each other (maybe I'll work on that for a screen-writing plot treatment).
Thanks for answering my question about whether online dating sites are worth it. I don't think a man is at a "big" disadvantage but, like you said, you can get suckered. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/4/2005 4:33:22 PM | Also, after reading the posts on this thread I finally noticed where on your profile is show how many favs list you're on! After something over 200 days I'm not on any (sob!) but, that really doesn't concern me because I have only recently come back to this site and am still deciding which is why I was so interested in this thread.
To be honest, I don't even know what it means to be on someone's favs list. SHould it be considered an honor or something?
Actually, I have to admit I'm finding the forums more interesting than browsing through profiles. | |
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/5/2005 12:43:00 AM | yes the forums are addictive....but only because we learn so much about ourselves and get to interact with others at the same time.............i dont see that men are at any bigger disadvantage on sites like these than they are in bars............and there are disadvantages on both ends, fellas.........................besides its alot more uplifting to look at our ADvantages, for men and women, dontcha think?
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| Is a man at a big disadvantage in online dating?
Posted: 2/6/2005 9:50:09 PM | oh ladyD.... are they ever addictive... but yah fun 
I guess we do have to share the disadvantages... 
Ive never heard that about more older woman online... but i have heard alot about how there are a ton of men on these things... there are players, there is deception...
I think that your dream gurl is attractive to more than just you... and she will get a ton of mail... she has no need to look.. she may have a hard time sorting it all.. maybe she'll get fed up, and frustrated... and she may have a long list of expectations, that an honest man can not compete with.
but on the plus side, everyone is putting their desires on their sleeve... you don't get that in real life, thats a bonus.
meeting someone is a pretty fateful occurance... if you are lucky and timing is spot on.. you may be able to meet that certain special someone.... I think its worth it.
It helps to really make a statemnet with your ad... youve got space for 16 pics... show who you are and what you look like... your wiles, your humor, your alure, your je na-sae-qwah(arg), honestly represent yourself in the best possible way... if you bring it, they will come
lololol... i think.... 
Oh salamandear you can get ppl off of yours by checking the box an clicking the
delete selected button at the bottom... i dont think you can remove yourself off of other ppls tho... and i really think that lotsa freinds doesnt mean your a floozy... it just means lots of ppl have interest in you... cuz yur neat | |
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