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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/23/2006 4:47:20 AM | {/If You Wanna Be Happy
Jimmy Soul
If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.
A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her
Then she starts to do
The things that will break his heart.
But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You'll be happy for the rest of your life,
An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,
She'll always give you peace of mind.
Don't let your friends say
You have no taste,
Go ahead and marry anyway,
Though her face is ugly,
Her eyes don't match,
Take it from me she's a better catch.
Say man.
Hey baby.
Saw your wife the other day.
Yeah?
Yeah, she's ugly.
Yeah, she's ugly but she sure can cook.
Yeah?. Okay.}
Funny thing: I ALWAYS get this song stuck in my head... at work... gonna have to memorize the rest of the lyrics so I can complete the song.
Anybody else know any funny songs? | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/23/2006 4:54:22 AM | Dear Penis
this ones for all you the guys out there
Dear Penis,
I don't think I like you anymore,
You used to watch me shave,
Now all u do is stare at the floor.
Oh dear Penis,
I don't like you anymore.
It used to be you and me,
A paper towel, and a dirty magazine,
That's all we needed to get by.
Now it seems things have changed,
I think that your the one to blame.
Dear Penis,
I don't like you anymore.
Now he sings,
Dear Rodney,
I don't think I like you anymore,
'Cause when u get to drinkin'
You put me places I've never been before.
Dear Rodney,
I dont like you anymore.
Why can't we just get a grip,
On our man to hand relationship.
Come to terms with truly how we feel.
If we put our heads together,
We'd just stay home forever.
Dear Penis,
I think I like you after all.
Oh and Rodney,
While yer shavin',
Shave my balls.  | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/23/2006 8:04:51 AM | " Ding a Ding, Dang... My Dang along .. Ling Long " from the song " Jesus built my hotrod " by a band called Ministry !  | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/23/2006 10:06:19 AM | This is a song by a music called Lustra......
Hey!!!!!!
Scotty doesn't know,
That Fionna and me,
Do it in my van every Sunday.
She tells him shes in church,
But she doesn't go,
Still shes on her knees, and...
Scotty doens't know, oh.
Scotty doesn't know-oh.
So don't tell Scotty!
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know.
SO DON'T TELL SCOTTY!
Fionna says shes out shopping,
But shes under me and I'm not stopping.
Cuz Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know.
So don't tell Scotty.
Scotty doesn't knoooooow....
DON'T TELL SCOTTY!
I can't believe he's so trusting,
While I'm right behind you thrusting.
Fionna's got him on the phone,
and she's trying not to moan.
It's a three way call,
and he knows nothing.
NOTHING!!!
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Don't tell Scotty.
Cuz Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't knoooooow....
SO DON'T TELL SCOTTY!
What a show, everyone will go.
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't knoooooow....
The, parking lot, why not?
It's so cool when you're on top.
His full on, your stuck.
Life is so hard, cuz...
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know.
I did her on his birthday.
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Don't tell Scotty.
Scotty doesn't knoooooow....
Scotty will know,
Scotty has to know,
Scotty's gotta know,
Gonna tell Scotty,
Gonna tel | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/23/2006 4:46:35 PM | | The funniest song I have heard lately is ding fries are done it is bad funny | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/23/2006 6:20:43 PM | | ding fries are done? i dont know that? are there other words? | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/23/2006 8:12:31 PM | | ^^^^^^^^^My name is Scotty and that's not very goddamned funny. Okay, maybe a little funny. | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/23/2006 8:14:25 PM | ^^^^^^^^^My name is Scotty and that's not very goddamned funny. Okay, maybe a little funny.
And the song "ding fries are done" is the retarded kid at burger king, there are several but that one is my favorite. Haven't heard that for a WHILE! | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/23/2006 10:30:23 PM | In days of old.......When Knights were bold......And toilets were not yet invented...........They'd dig a hole......and let it roll........AND WALK AWAY CONTENTED!  | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/24/2006 4:03:03 AM | Artist/Band: Prine John
Lyrics for Song: In Spite of Ourselves
Lyrics for Album: In Spite Of Ourselves
( Iris Dement )
She don't like her eggs all runny
She thinks crossin' her legs is funny
She looks down her nose at money
She gets it on like the Easter Bunny
She's my baby I'm her honey
I'm never gonna let her go
He ain't got laid in a month of Sundays
I caught him once and he was sniffin' my undies
He ain't too sharp but he gets things done
Drinks his beer like it's oxygen
He's my baby
And I'm his honey
Never gonna let him go
In spite of ourselves
We'll end up a'sittin' on a rainbow
Against all odds
Honey, we're the big door prize
We're gonna spite our noses
Right off of our faces
There won't be nothin' but big old hearts
Dancin' in our eyes.
She thinks all my jokes are corny
Convict movies make her horny
She likes ketchup on her scrambled eggs
Swears like a sailor when shaves her legs
She takes a lickin'
And keeps on tickin'
I'm never gonna let her go.
He's got more balls than a big brass monkey
He's a wacked out werido and a lovebug junkie
Sly as a fox and crazy as a loon
Payday comes and he's howlin' at the moon
He's my baby I don't mean maybe
Never gonna let him go
In spite of ourselves
We'll end up a'sittin' on a rainbow
Against all odds
Honey, we're the big door prize
We're gonna spite our noses
Right off of our faces
There won't be nothin' but big old hearts
Dancin' in our eyes.
There won't be nothin' but big old hearts
Dancin' in our eyes.
(spoken) In spite of ourselves....
.....kinda makes ya tear up a little... | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/24/2006 8:31:36 AM | Okay.. I hafta hear the tune of this... I am searching for it now :P
Thanks for all the contributions-- loving this. | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/24/2006 1:47:42 PM | I was told this one when I was a kid about 16 or 17 years of age and I'm 49 years old now,I think I rember it being called the soap song,here it goes anyway!??? OH, I WISH I WAS A LITTLE BAR OF SOAP....BAR OF SOAP, OH I WISH I WAS A LITTLE BAR OF SOAP,,,,BAR OF SOAP!!!!! I'D GO SLIPPERY AND SLIDDIE OVER EVERBODYS SIDDIE,,,,,OH I WISH I WAS A LITTLE BAR OF SOAP!!!!!!! I am not sure but,I belive thier is even more verces too this clean tune?????I did learn it over 23 years ago so if anyone knows more verces let's see it okay???? | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/25/2006 6:43:41 PM | | OK- I found the John prine song... LMFAO. I love it! he has found a new fan in me :PI dunno who he is singing with but SO funny. thanks. | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/27/2006 4:25:23 AM | other john prine favs....
-your the reason our kids are ugly
-how much tequilla did i drink last nite
-(we ain't) the jet set
funny...i was just exposed to this very recently my self.....too funny | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/27/2006 10:35:04 AM | | Push Push In The Bush. 1970's I forgot who sang it. | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/28/2006 9:37:34 AM | Back in the late 70's early 80's. Thier was a guy on the raidio who was on late at night on Sunday nights,and his name belive it or not was called,Dr.Demento! And he played all kinds of funny song lyrics! And one of the funny funky songs he played was call,(And I'm again serious) Dead Puppies Aren't Much Fun! I don't rember the lyrics nor could I begin too tell you where too look it up!? But,Dr. Demento I do belive is no longer with us! If I'm wrong about that cool! But, I belive he passed sometime ago! If he is still on thier air I'd like too listen too him again it,he was just simply classicaly funny!  | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/28/2006 5:48:42 PM | By: Lifeboy
Song: Underwear Outside the Pants
Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?
You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.
The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?
Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"
"Who's the ****ing mastermind here? Me or you?"
Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."
Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fvcker. There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.
Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."
We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor **stard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books. | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 2/28/2006 5:50:30 PM | | Oh yeah;,,,,,,just rembered a classic fn song lyric! It comes from the Three Stooges of all people! And it's the alphabet swing song! They played professors ina collage univasity! Funnier than hell for back in the day! | |
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*Gwen*
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Joined: 8/14/2005
Msg: 19 | |
| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 3/1/2006 10:24:52 AM | I'm gonna make you sweat,
The way a pig sweats on a hot day.
'Cos I'm felling real sexy baby.
Real Sexy. Uhhhn, yeah.
That's right, I'm gonna put me a sexy video on,
and I'm gonna massage some oil into my body, baby,
'cos I'm gonna get tight with you.
Yeah. one time.
I wanna take to McDonalds with a candle.
Girl, it's my love you can't handle.
I see you working on your way home from work.
Your Tesco tunic really drives me berserk.
I'm for real - it ain't no quirk.
My love is waitin' the way a rapist would lurk
in a bush, or a carpark in town.
I bought you this necklace, it cost me £12
from Argos, Elizabeth Duke.
Baby, you're the Skywalker to my Luke.
The Darth to the Vader,
flip over the cross-fader
I'll serenade you with a bag of Space Raiders,
or Walkers, or Smiths, or maybe even Quavers,
'cos my love for you is like drugs for ravers -
With glowsticks and funny hats on.
I loves you more than I loves my bong.
Fantasy!
You knows I loves you, baby.
I know you feel it, baby.
Oh you ****ing knows I loves you, right,
but the thing is, it's like this.
You see, I can feel it inside.
I can't explain how it feels.
My sexual love's for real.
Girl, you knows it's true, like Milli Vanilli
I'll buy you ten fags on a daytrip to Caerphilly.
I'm after your heart, or don't you see
that your three kids doesn't bother me, you Know...
I'll give you a rose,
pull out your chair when we eat.
****, I can't - in McDonalds it's a bolted seat.
Don't matter, 'cos I'm here with you
with a medium value meal and a chocolate sundae too.
Later on, I'll come and help you sign on.
I'll stare into your eyes, the housing benefits gone wrong.
Don't worry baby, it won't take too long.
I'm just sitting; I'm just waiting; I'm just writing this song.
You know, that time passes and I'm loving every second -
buying chips for you is as lovely as I reckoned.
You're Victoria Spice, I'm David Beckham
If you were Delboy, I'd be the streets of Peckham.
Why don't you come to me, why can't you see?
My love for you is like Mark Bolan to a tree.
Dance with me
You knows I loves you, baby.
I know you feel it, baby.
Tonight.
I'll take you for a ride, we won't go far.
You've been running through my mind like a shining star.
We've got plenty of time to make sweet love
'cos tonight's the night we take off the glove.
You know what I mean, you're taking the pill.
Don't worry - I'll sort out the bill
Supported by the DHSS,
family allowance will sort out the mess.
What's it gonna take, to get your attention?
A tracksuit? a gold chain? a seven-inch erection?
Say no more, I can feel a tear.
You can smokes a fag and drinks my beer
I'll never want another like I want you.
To prove my love, I gotta tattoo - on my bollocks.
I was gonna have your name,
but I only got initials 'cos I couldn't stand the pain
My physical love
You knows I loves you, baby.
I know you feel it, baby.
Tonight.
The emotional reality
You're the nicest looking woman outside of my sexmags -
especially with your makeup, when your wearing your gladrags.
I gotta tell you, I gotta let you know.
I wanna buy you trips down the Mecca Bingo.
We'll sit together, get four in a row
and win a china dog and with it, too, a family show.
This is romance, how it should be done.
When it's you and me together, it can only spell fun.
We'll walk together, buy some meat in the market.
I'll piss on the car, you'll smile and park it.
I've got to tell you about something I think -
without you in my chain I'm the Weakest Link
So get down baby, and feel my love.
I'll get you drunk in Wetherspoons, into a bush I'll shove
I'll have a grope and get a last bus.
A romantic date.
Just the two of us.
Yeah, one time
You knows I loves you, baby.
I know you feel it, baby.
Tonight.
Electrical Love
You knows I loves you, baby.
I know you feel it, baby.
Tonight.
I'm feeling kinda,
Kinda sexy baby.
What say you put on that exercise video
and I'll watch you...sweat.
Oh yeah!
That damn video with Felicity Kendal.
Damn you can shit, baby.
You making me feel kinda...itchy.
Uhhn...one time.
I'm gonna go put the mask and gloves on.
Oh yeah, yeah, take em off, baby.
Just...**** the music, take them off.
Just, argh, freak this shit, man.
Turn the ****ing tape off, man.
goldie looking chain.......wicked lol
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 3/1/2006 12:01:59 PM | yogi bear
i know a bear u all know
yogi yogi
yogi got a girfriend bear
suzy suzy
suzy she likes whips and chains
kinky kinky
shes a kinky bear
suzy shaved her pubic hair
grizzly grizzly
shes a grizzley bear
yogis nob is long and green
cucum cucum
hes a cucumber
suzy put it in her mouth
gobling gobling
shes a gobling bear
yogi got a cheesy nob
camen camen
hes the camenbert
boo boo turned up with his friends
gang bang gang bang
hes the gang bang bear
whos the bear over there
big tits blonde hair
it must be danni bear
now im here all on my own
lonely lonley
what can i do all on my own
lonley lonley
im a wanker bear | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 3/1/2006 3:31:05 PM | I Shall Be Free No.10
by Bob Dylan
I'm just average, common too
I'm just like him, the same as you
I'm everybody's brother and son
I ain't different from anyone
It ain't no use a-talking to me
It's just the same as talking to you.
I was shadow-boxing earlier in the day
I figured I was ready for Cassius Clay
I said "Fee, fie, fo, fum, Cassius Clay, here I come
26, 27, 28, 29, I'm gonna make your face look just like mine
Five, four, three, two, one, Cassius Clay you'd better run
99, 100, 101, 102, your ma won't even recognize you
14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, gonna knock him clean right out of his spleen."
Well, I don't know, but I've been told
The streets in heaven are lined with gold
I ask you how things could get much worse
If the Russians happen to get up there first.
Wowee! Pretty scary!
Now, I'm liberal, but to a degree
I want ev'rybody to be free
But if you think that I'll let Barry Goldwater
Move in next door and marry my daughter
You must think I'm crazy!
I wouldn't let him do it for all the farms in Cuba.
Well, I set my monkey on the log
And ordered him to do the Dog
He wagged his tail and shook his head
And he went and did the Cat instead
He's a weird monkey, very funky.
I sat with my high-heeled sneakers on
Waiting to play tennis in the noonday sun
I had my white shorts rolled up past my waist
And my wig-hat was falling in my face
But they wouldn't let me on the tennis court.
I gotta woman, she's so mean
She sticks my boots in the washing machine
Sticks me with buckshot when I'm nude
Puts bubblegum in my food
She's funny, wants my money, calls me "honey."
Now I gotta friend who spends his life
Stabbing my picture with a bowie-knife
Dreams of strangling me with a scarf
When my name comes up he pretends to barf.
I've got a million friends!
Now they asked me to read a poem
At the sorority sister's home
I got knocked down and my head was swimmin'
I wound up with the Dean of Women
Yippee! I'm a poet, and I know it.
Hope I don't blow it.
I'm gonna grow my hair down to my feet so strange
So I look like a walking mountain range
And I'm gonna ride into Omaha on a horse
Out to the country club and the golf course.
Carry the New York Times, shoot a few holes, blow their minds.
Now you're probably wondering by now
Just what this song is all about
What's probably got you baffled more
Is what this thing here is for.
It's nothing
It's something I learned over in England. | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 3/7/2006 3:12:26 PM | You're all bloody mad!!!!!
PS - How about:
uh
uh
uh
uh
uh
uh
uh
uh
uh
uh
uh
O Superman
Remember that!?!? | |
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| Funny song lyrics
Posted: 3/9/2006 4:39:37 PM | uh,uh,oh,no don't let the rain come down,uh,uhoh no don't let the rain come down! For my roofs got a hole in it and I might drown,oh yes my roofs got a hole in it and I might drown!uh,uh,oh no don't let the rain come down!(REPEAT)&(REPAET)  | |
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Posted: 3/10/2006 11:56:54 AM | hhhhhoooowwwwss about something like this it was from the early seventies and some of the song I rember went something like this.......Well there I was,The call of the mountain King! I stood naked too the world! Their was big ones,fat ones,skinny ones,I stood tall on the mountain top,naked too the world,and as she slowly caresed my face,I herd her say,Do I,dig that girl,do I, dig that girl,do I, dig that girl, I deed she was! And she poored some of the wine in to a glass, and raised it too her lips and said.Do I dig that girl ah ah ah ah ah ah ah! I'm not sure,but,I belive it was Eric Burdon & War that done did that one!? Or it went something like it! It sertaily had a great guitar lick in it anyhow! If I'm wrong on the artist please let me stand corrected okay thanks!  | |
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