| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 2/23/2006 12:15:53 PM | | Do you think people date differently if they want to get married? I have wanted to get married for years, just seemed to not find someone who wanted to get married or to me when I wanted to marry him. just wondered how others feel. A married friend said she felt like finding someone when he was wanting to get married was at least 50% of the deal. | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 2/23/2006 12:46:01 PM | I think it's like knowing where you want to go and having a map. It's just easier when you know clearly what it is you really want and what you're willing to do to get there. Timing has alot to do with it as well. I wish you the very best.
I'll tell you something else,,,but it's a secret.... make a list with 3 columns. 1st one is for thing they must not be or have, 2nd is for things they must have, and the 3rd is bonus rounds or wouldn't it be nice if....Think hard on that list before you put anything down. Once you've got it and you know what you want or don't want, don't deviate. Cuts through tons of time wasters. | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 2/23/2006 12:53:07 PM | | I have had that list made for years. and you are right. meeting someone at the right time is important. | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 2/23/2006 1:48:43 PM | | Marriage...been there, done that, got the t-shirt! BUT.... I'm not saying I wouldn't get married again, it's just not my top priority. Finding a man I "would" marry is.....LOL | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:53:58 PM | | Been there, done that...ex wife got the T-shirt! I would marry, but it is not a thought at the time. I am still rebuiilding my T-Shirt supply:-) | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 2/23/2006 5:18:04 PM | I personally think everyone dates with an agenda. Some may be looking for a marriage but more often not. If we were to do a poll with POF users today to report back in 10 or 20 years to check off married or not, chances are 3% would be married.
Marriage today has a different meaning to what you might have known in your last marriage; men and women are 'more' financially independant today then ever before; the expectations behind a relationship/marriage today may not mean the traditional partnership; 60% of marriages fail today compared to 25% twenty-five years ago.
I think what needs to be posted is: What is your definition of marriage today? How would you like to see it?
Yes people date differently especially the second or third time around and more so if they feel they might be implicated in a marriage | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 2/24/2006 2:09:48 AM | | I don't really understand the point of getting married if you've already had your kids. | |
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kce33
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Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 9 | |
| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 2/24/2006 2:58:22 AM | I think that in the back of everyones mind there is that desire to someday have a permanet
relationship with someone that fits them, a nice perfect match with a good mature person that they can build a worthwhile future togather....
I also think that most of us are going to fast to really catch what we want, its like a fast train going nowhere with a few stops here and there....
kce | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 2/24/2006 3:51:51 AM | | Okay, yes, most people would like a long term relationship. I guess I was taking the term "marriage" too literally. | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 2/24/2006 4:52:28 AM | to backcountryman....I've been single going on 3 yrs. I have dated, but haven't met anyone so far that I would want to have a relationship with. I know he's out there somewhere....lol
and thank you for the compliment! | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 2/24/2006 2:24:25 PM | Dating with marriage in mind, now to me, I must answer:
"What for? Do you want to date or go to the alter
and get married the next day?" | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:25:37 AM | | each pic u post looks like your aging everyday! when i look at the pic of us together........u look like my mom instead of my hook-up for the evening! i luv hookers! | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:40:58 AM | | i think u dont look bad for 50yrs old. although u r puttin on the pounds. i can see it in your face! chunky monkey~!! | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:53:28 AM | See John Molloy's book, "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others."
Molloy wrote:
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"Date Only the Marrying Kind
To dramatically increase your chances of marrying you must seek out and date the marrying kind.
Statistical Truths About the Marrying Kind
• Most men will not even consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment. For 80 percent of high school graduates, the minimum age of commitment is twenty-three, whereas for 80 percent of college graduates, it's twenty-six.
• The high-commitment period for most college-educated men is from ages twenty-eight to thirty-three.
• For men who go to graduate school-doctors, lawyers, and the like-the high-commitment period runs from thirty to thirty-six.
• After age thirty-seven or thirty-eight, the chance that a man will commit diminishes. After forty-three, it diminishes even more."
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If you want to get married, then it follows that you should focus on men also so inclined.
Delay in actively seeking a marriage partner, makes marriage a less likely result.
In the middle years, most single people seem to be previously married. Don't discount these men.
Securing a marriage partner is like closing a sale. Be sure your presentation is top notch. | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 5/9/2006 8:33:56 PM | There's absolutely no point in dating a man who doesn't want to get married. It's best to be completely honest about your agenda up-front and simply admit that it's what you're looking for and call it what it is. Be yourself otherwise and have fun, but be clear at the very start before the first date that you are in the market for ONLY husband-material, marriage-minded men. That'll weed out the ones that want something else. Don't use the words 'commitment' or 'relationship'. State your case clearly-- 'marriage', 'husband', etc., etc.--and don't be shy or apologetic about it!! (There's no need to be!) You have every right to find the kind of companion you need, and there are men out there who want a wife too. It may not be the 'popular' or 'progressive' approach to companionship in these current times of instant gratification, but there's no need for self-consciousness in knowing what you want and need and going after it unapologetically with a happy heart and a little panache. Keep looking and good luck with the  !!  | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 5/9/2006 8:44:27 PM | What 38nascar (msg:4) said.
OMG - I had no idea this was an old topic post - I was expecting to read three or 4 pages but typed out my answer when I saw that post - oh well - I still say what msg:4 said | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 5/10/2006 6:09:00 AM | I have been married 3 times and all 3 marriages failed, for different reasons, of course. I have never had children, and neither has anyone I was married to.
I have never "sought" marriage. What I wanted then, and still do today, is a long term (hopefully for life), live-in, exclusive relationship. The legalities don't matter to me.
I lived with the person before marriage for a period of from 2 months to a year. In every case, it was the woman who wanted to get married, and in every case, I agreed to do it because I wanted to please her. And in every case, soon after the marriage, the relationship changed in ways that were not positive.
The divorces ranged from reasonable agreement (first) to a little painful (second) to absolute disaster (this last one). I'm not in a hurry to repeat the experience. | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 5/10/2006 6:09:35 AM |
Some may be looking for a marriage but more often not.
Wow, I must be old fashioned. I thought when you date you're hoping for a love connection and if you're not you hang out with your friends instead.
I know, I know, some people just want to have someone in their life, which could lead to sex IN that "dating" situation.
I was raised in a Christian home and taught that sex before marriage is wrong. I believe that. But it's very hard to not let that happen because of the way God made us. I've done it and so did my parents I'm sure and so have you...had sex without the ring. I only know that "I'm" not out looking to date and get my woman all worked up in "heat"...for what? To just move onto the next one? No. I would date someone with potential. Someone who I might fall in love with and have a life with. Not just to date.
Our society allows free sex, open living arrangements, children out of wedlock, gay marriages and frolick unbelieveably. What ever happened to man and woman, together for the right reasons, in marriage and staying that way thru thick and thin? Heck, even our former president said that a blowjob wasn't sex. WHAT THE FREAK'S UP WITH THAT???
Hm, is this leading me to the cheating issue? Yeah, but I'm not EVEN going there. | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 5/10/2006 6:17:32 AM |
each pic u post looks like your aging everyday! when i look at the pic of us together........u look like my mom instead of my hook-up for the evening! i luv hookers!
i think u dont look bad for 50yrs old. although u r puttin on the pounds. i can see it in your face! chunky monkey~!!
Waddupp with WADDUPP?
I don't understand. lol | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 5/10/2006 6:27:32 AM | I have been married and have no desire ever to get married again. Not saying it won’t happen but I am doing everything I can, not to get involved in that mess again. In looking at profiles, I ignore the women who say they are looking for marriage or hint that they are looking for marriage. I have nothing against them, some are very nice women, and appear to be quite nice. But I am just not interested in getting married. And, although I am looking for a woman to do the “wild thing” with, when I date, I am not dating just for sex. I am dating because I enjoy being with women and if I find someone who is compatible, then I have a friend who I can hang out with and if sex is involved so much the better.
This is one of the reasons my possible selections are pretty slim. I am looking for a woman who has her own life, and is NOT interested in snagging some man just to keep from being alone. Marriage is highly over rated.
Oh 38nascar…those are your grandkids?? Dang lady, you don’t look old enough to have grandkids…
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 5/10/2006 6:55:35 AM | shellsmack on 5/10/2006 6:09:35 AM
Wow, I must be old fashioned. I thought when you date you're hoping for a love connection and if you're not you hang out with your friends instead.
I know, I know, some people just want to have someone in their life, which could lead to sex IN that "dating" situation.
I was raised in a Christian home and taught that sex before marriage is wrong. I believe that. But it's very hard to not let that happen because of the way God made us. I've done it and so did my parents I'm sure and so have you...had sex without the ring. I only know that "I'm" not out looking to date and get my woman all worked up in "heat"...for what? To just move onto the next one? No. I would date someone with potential. Someone who I might fall in love with and have a life with. Not just to date.
Our society allows free sex, open living arrangements, children out of wedlock, gay marriages and frolick unbelieveably. What ever happened to man and woman, together for the right reasons, in marriage and staying that way thru thick and thin? Heck, even our former president said that a blowjob wasn't sex. WHAT THE FREAK'S UP WITH THAT???
Hm, is this leading me to the cheating issue? Yeah, but I'm not EVEN going there.
Hmm how can I respond to this? Yes back years ago, it was expected that a man and woman should date, get married, and live in the little house with the white picket fence. OK hang with me while I try and give an explanation, my mother believed that children should be seen and not heard so I learned to kind of hide out in the edges of conversations my parents had and I learned a lot. It seems that on the outside, sure everything was wonderful with many marriages back then, but under the surface it sucked. They had just as many problems as we do today; they just stuck it out since divorce was not as acceptable then as it is today. Quite a few of the women my mother talked to were miserable…as far as the guys, well not sure about them, since most just kind of bit the bullet and stuck it out in silence, but from a word here and there, even as a kid I got the impression that things were not all roses. (I was an only child and basically was raised as a “small adult” instead of a kid, so I learned to deal with and listen to adults like an adult)… So, just because marriage is supposed to be the end all goal leading to Nirvana, hate to break it to you but it isn’t.
What is wrong with “people just want to have someone in their life, which could lead to sex IN that "dating" situation?” Why should those of us who do not want to get trapped into marriage have to live in “Involuntary Celibacy”? Yeah we can “hang out with your friends instead.” But unless it is an unusual situation, you are not going to get any physical intimacy from your friends. As for having sex and then moving on with the next one, well, that is not me
And as for “To just move onto the next one? No. I would date someone with potential. Someone who I might fall in love with and have a life with. Not just to date”… Well, if I find someone and we have a dating relationship, including sex, I do not just do the “Wham, Bam, thank you ma’am” thing and leave her. I stick with her until the relationship ends. I don’t move from one woman to the next just for sex. I stay with one woman until things end and then find another one. Serial Monogamy? But never marriage.
I was raised in a religious home also and yes, I heard the whole “save yourself for marriage” shtick and I waited like a good little Christian. Both of us were virgins when we were married. Biggest mistake I ever made. All those lost chances to be with women, back then, just because I listened to the religious teachings.
You mentioned cheating.... Well, people would not cheat if the marriage they were in, was the wonderful thing some people think it is. People cheat because they are trapped in a hopeless situation and want something that the one they are stuck with cannot or will not provide......
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 5/10/2006 9:02:33 AM | | There's no doubt that it's at least 50%..........this was a topic with Sex in The city! Yes,a guy dates totally different. I want to find that ltr and I stay away from woman much younger then me,Believe it or not,unless there's something in the profile that I think makes them marriage material. | |
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| Dating with marriage in mind.
Posted: 5/10/2006 9:28:14 AM | Ouch! "a rinq on my patootie"!! That's GOTTA hurt!! (And I thought the ear-piercings were unpleasantly painful!)  | |
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