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 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 1
men with childrenPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Does anyone else feel this way or maybe i am the only one.....I think that I would think twice about marrying someone who has children he supports if he makes a lot less money than I do. I might want to have my own checking account.
 guernsey_donkey
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 2
men with children
Posted: 2/23/2006 2:40:58 PM
Think it depends what is more important : love or money!
 twobits45
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 3
men with children
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:51:19 PM

Message: Does anyone else feel this way or maybe i am the only one.....I think that I would think twice about marrying someone who has children he supports if he makes a lot less money than I do. I might want to have my own checking account.
I would say that if money is your first and foremost concern, that whether I made more or less, I would want us both to have our own checking account AND a prenuptial.
 Runs With Wolves
Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 4
men with children
Posted: 2/23/2006 5:43:08 PM
Fifi I think you will be thinking twice alot here...lol

The majority of men are obligated and want to financially support their children.

Fifi, wouldnt you encourage your children to have a savings account? Your not going to be here forever, you do want them to survive if anything should happen to you. Treat yourself like one of your own children. Have your own checking account regardless of whom your partner financially supports.

Just for the sheer fun of it Fifi, start looking at bringing your financial worth up with training and or education. Putting all that energy into whats fair or not is a waste of time. Start looking at how your money can work for you (not his).
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 5
men with children
Posted: 2/23/2006 8:03:23 PM
I wouldn't marry a man with children under the age of 18, period, end of story... It's way too complicated, and at my age, I don't want to be dealing with the young kids.. My ex BF has 4 grown kids (ranging from 20-32).. He had discussed marriage, but he wanted everything set up jointly... I told him, there was no way in hell that was going to happen.. I told him that the best I would do is a joint household account which would take care of the house payment; utilities; and food... I had issues with him because 2 of his kids (25 & 26 years old) lived at home, granted one did pay a nominal amount of rent, as he worked.. The other paid no rent because he was a college student (professional student at that), and neither of them did chores.. In my house, there is no free lunch, I don't wait on people hand and foot.. Since they weren't my kids, there was no way I wanted any of my finances going for their college or help pay for their weddings, to me, that is between him & the ex wife..

Was he disappointed? You bet, but better I find out now... The fella has no retirement, and very little savings.. I own my own home, have a great job and am building two successful businesses... So, I am very watchful of my finances..
 Man of Ink
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 6
men with children
Posted: 2/23/2006 8:18:01 PM
The woman marries the man, has kids, then divorces the man. Then she doesn't understand why other men are reluctant to date her, a single mother. She doesn't want a man who has kids because he pays the same child support her ex paid to her. The lunatics are running the asylum, and all is right with the world. It all went off the tracks at the first divorce and hasn't been seen since.
 1JOHNA
Joined: 11/13/2005
Msg: 7
men with children
Posted: 2/23/2006 9:05:17 PM
Men Always have less money than woman when it comes to supporting children . Even if he made as much as you he would still have less than you. Unless a guy runs out on his responsibilities . At least he is there for them maybe you should wait till the children grow up and keep dating at the same time that will keep your finical management in better control and with a little investment here and there will help.
 lizwhip
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 8
men with children
Posted: 2/23/2006 10:45:05 PM
I guess a man who's not rich and is supporting children would be less attractive "on paper". But if you met someone you really liked and it turned out he had kids, well, that would be different. Eh?
 kce33
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 9
men with children
Posted: 2/24/2006 3:56:18 AM
the only time that i can see a man with kids is if the wife died or just got so tired of the guys bullshi.t that she just packed up and ran away....
men are just not put together mentally to raise kids, we lack the nuturing qualities that kids need to grow... a man just cannot take a womans place when it comes to rasing kids, its not a guys fault tho, its just how we are made....
women have those qualities built in, us guys don't... thats just the way it is...

i also think that it would help guys with kids if they would sit down and think when they write their profile and say what they are looking for, there are many women that can't have kids that would love to have a family.....

Now if i were in that situation, i would go thru profiles looking for a smart woman that has a family and email her and ask if she would help me do a profile that would work for me....
there are tons of women on this site that i'm sure would be willing to help a guy out....


kce
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 10
men with children
Posted: 2/24/2006 5:28:40 AM
Lipstick sunsets, I do not have children and am well educated. I guess my point is I do not date these men if they make so little money that they can barely support their children and are looking for someone to help them pay the bills. Consider this post a moot point on my part.
 atrkyhntr™
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 11
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men with children
Posted: 2/24/2006 8:27:48 AM
the only time that i can see a man with kids is if the wife died or just got so tired of the guys bullshi.t that she just packed up and ran away....
men are just not put together mentally to raise kids, we lack the nuturing qualities that kids need to grow... a man just cannot take a womans place when it comes to rasing kids, its not a guys fault tho, its just how we are made....


Maybe your not FIT to be a parent to your children because you have this woman over man syndrome but I can tell you one thing no woman or man is more qualified then the other simple as that... Love is not gender based nor is the issue of you is better able to raise children...

Your living in a cave man


Now if i were in that situation, i would go thru profiles looking for a smart woman that has a family and email her and ask if she would help me do a profile that would work for me....
there are tons of women on this site that i'm sure would be willing to help a guy out....


More to the point you need someone to write your replies other then the :
"insert foot here" your doing now
 galaxy-drifter
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 12
men with children
Posted: 2/24/2006 5:38:16 PM

.....I think that I would think twice about marrying someone who has children he supports if he makes a lot less money than I do. I might want to have my own checking account.


But if I made more could I have my own checking account? And I must say if that was the situation I have no problem with you having yours!!!!

After all fair is fair!
 Darbie
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 13
men with children
Posted: 2/25/2006 8:31:07 PM
Why does it always have to boil down to money?????????????????????????????? What ever happen to love. And what if you did help pay for someones child to go to university, I am sure that that person when grown would be very greatful to you. I am tired of the, how much do you make , how much do I make. Yes it is great to have money, and abundant money, and i do believe that it does help one to be happier, but it does not buy you love. FiFi you say you make good money and you have no kids, when your 80 and sitting in your money alone i really hope your happy. That your heart will feel the love that your money penetrates toward you. That the conversation is enjoyable as you talk to the face on the bill. I would love to have the ability to make it possible for a young person to go to university, to think back and know that I made a real difference in that childs life. God for bid if you happen to fall in love with someone and looke at there moeny, gold digger perhaps, even though you have your own. To find true love is sooo rare, money could never replace it. So if you have real love, food, and a roof over your head, clothes on your back, should that not be considered a place to be at that would make you happy. Money fades but love will live forever. Perhaps FiFi you didnt really love this gentleman. ............
 lizwhip
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 14
men with children
Posted: 2/25/2006 9:06:24 PM
Darbie, you've got a wonderful attitude.
 _Thisisme_
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 15
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men with children
Posted: 2/25/2006 11:12:06 PM
I would have more admiration for a man who is freely supporting his children than concern about his money situation.

The quality of a man's character is far more important than his bank account.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 16
men with children
Posted: 2/26/2006 11:35:49 AM
No one seemed to understand what I meant by my comment at all.
 AnnudderVoice
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 17
men with children
Posted: 2/26/2006 1:00:48 PM
then perhaps u might explain it further?...

i have children i support...and at times it makes me mad, as my ex can afford things i cannot, and i still have to give 'er 17% of my gross, which she doesn't even have to declare...

but, it's MY obligation to my kids, who i love dearer than life...they're the reason i stay in this town rather than move away...

i'm going through some very rough times right now, but i will somehow pull out of it...'cause i owe my kids everything...

but, yes, i can understand that u might not want to become involved with me...

then again, that is what prenuptial agreements are all about, aren't they?
 Brian T
Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 18
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men with children
Posted: 2/26/2006 1:11:17 PM
I understood what you said, but it was so much fun reading the responses to what you didn't say
 atrkyhntr™
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 19
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men with children
Posted: 2/26/2006 1:37:48 PM
Well said annudderhohummale
I know what your saying man...
 _Thisisme_
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 20
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men with children
Posted: 2/26/2006 9:21:17 PM

I do not date these men if they make so little money that they can barely support their children and are looking for someone to help them pay the bills.

Someone who's looking for someone to pay the bills is a freeloader...what is the connection between a freeloader and a man who is being financially responsible to his children?
 Runs With Wolves
Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 21
men with children
Posted: 2/26/2006 10:51:10 PM
FiFi obviously your statement stirred up some responses...lol. The following quote from your last post really is a personal belief and a general one at that," I do not date these men if they make so little money that they can barely support their children and are looking for someone to help them pay the bills. " IF its' so important to you to you that you date only men who dont support their children, why not state it on your profile??? Take care Fifi
 lizwhip
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 22
men with children
Posted: 2/26/2006 11:04:30 PM
I think we're being a little harsh with fifi. She was only expressing a concern about having to bear the burden of another person's financial responsibilities. to me, it's competely understandable. If I'm not mistaken, she was speaking hypothetically. Just kind of "thinking out loud".
 atrkyhntr™
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 23
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men with children
Posted: 2/27/2006 5:07:35 AM
Women so want to be on equal ground with men then statements such as

She was only expressing a concern about having to bear the burden of another person's financial responsibilities.

Men having been doing this for years but many women see this as a NO GO when the shoe is switched to the other foot per say... I have a friend who is a stay at home Dad and his wife won't have it any other way and he is fine with it. He works on the side, odd jobs, handy man type stuff but does the major portion of household upkeep and taking care of the children...
I guess I just hate to hear anyone, woman or man, say they don't want someone because they are in dept or could become a burden on them... I myself am neither in dept, house payed off and no bills other then your normal utilities, insurance etc thus I am not saying this because I need a sugar mamma...
I could be wrong but I always though LOVE was the reason to choose your mate not the size of his/her portfolio
 lizwhip
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 24
men with children
Posted: 2/27/2006 10:52:14 AM
atrkyhntr, I agree with you. But there are people who will take advantage. I think that's fifi's concern.

I don't worry about it, myself. All my money is tied up in the market. (The supermarket, that is.)
 beachesofnc
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 25
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men with children
Posted: 5/9/2006 9:56:23 AM
Married a man with 2 kids....am now separated after 18 years....what's that tell ya?...lol

My next "involvement" has to be with someone with grown adult children who have lives of their own. That's it...end of story.

It had nothing to do with money (in my case)...it had to do with priorities. I wasn't one. I love children and wanted my own (but I was "defective"...lol), but that whole extended family thing can be a nightmare. Not always, but in my case, it was a horrible experience and I really don't want to go thru it again.
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