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Show ALL Forums  > Ontario  > MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!      Home login  
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 Greanize
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 1
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MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!Page 1 of 1    
I got this email yesterday....ya know,,,lovable and insiteful Maxine! If any of you have more Maxine sayings to add, please contribute!

Men are always whining about how we're suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining, you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow!

When the neighbors play music too loud, I dance naked. Shuts them down pretty quick!

Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet. What should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu.

Ever notice how the people who tell you to calm down are the ones who got you mad in the first place......

As far as I am concerned, the perfect bra is a sweatshirt!

If you are not supposed to stick Q-tips in your ears, what the hell are they for?

Actually you can have a healthy sex life well into your later years, assuming you can stand the sight of people your age naked.

I tried on a thong yesterday. I am still trying to dig it out!

I think I must be wearing a "wonder where they went' bra.

Christmas is just plain weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree, in the living room and eat candy out of your socks??

I still got 'it' but NOBODY wants to see it!

I think I have reached my sexpiration date!

Ever get the feeling your stuff strutted off without you??

Don't let aging get you down. It is too hard to get back up!!

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker!!

Don't think of it as hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches!

 Venom40
Joined: 2/22/2006
Msg: 2
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 4:56:00 AM
Excellent Greanize! I too love Maxine. I received this one the other day from a friend who absolutely hates sports ...

"My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself!!"

Keep em coming ladies ...
 miss_allison
Joined: 4/6/2005
Msg: 3
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 4:58:39 AM
i would rather have a root canal than read maxine

ironically i get a lot of maxine comics sent to my mailbox

now i know who i should put on my "forward of jokes" email list!
 Greanize
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 4
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MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 4:59:43 AM
Oh come on Allison....share your Maxine!
 Creter
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 5
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 6:35:43 AM
Now everyones gonna know where my humor comes from.
 Greanize
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 6
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MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 6:41:06 AM
Creter is Maxine! Creter is Maxine!!! How yo doin Max?
 Caressa45
Joined: 3/26/2005
Msg: 7
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 6:42:32 AM
Love her too and print out alot of her comics. I have this one on my filing cabinet...

I'm out of bed and made it to the keyboard. What more do you want?
 Creter
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 8
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 6:56:57 AM
Im like a great set of balls Greanize. Hanging out, footloose and fancyfree
 Belfast Child
Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 9
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 6:59:06 AM
Oh, Greanize: I had such a collection of Maxine mugs many years ago - the operative word being had.

When I have a birthday or other event coming up, I buy the Maxine cards - they're full of wit and always give a laugh!

PS: Where do I receive the Maxine 'one liners' from? Is there an URL?

Thanks!
 tweet911
Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 10
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 7:09:46 AM
What a great forum - I love maxine as well!!
I have one to add:

Life is all about ass;
you're either covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
trying to get a piece of it,
behaving like one,
or you live with one!!
 songbird70ca
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 11
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 7:28:42 AM
I get the Maxine one's too but i was sent this one today and just had to share...

Sing to the tune of "I WILL SURVIVE!!"

At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
When you said you had 10 inches
Lord, I almost died.
But I'd spent so many nights, just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong, And I knew that I could take you on. .

But there you are, Another lie!
I was ready for a Big Mac, and you've brought me a French fry.
I should have known it was so small, Just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those jeans.

Go on now go, Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4,
Weren't you a jerk to think I wouldn't notice it pop out,
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count?

I will survive, I will survi-ive,
Cuz as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex.
I will survive, I will survive. . .hey, hey!

It took all my self control, not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little wiener, standing small and proud.
But too bad about your ego, and to Hell with all your needs!
Now I'm saving all my lovin', for a cordless multispeed

Go on now go, Just make a dash,
Last time I saw a d$#k that small I was treating diaper rash!
I should have asked for confirmation,
Should have asked for pictures, please!
Then I wouldn't have you waving that, wee winkie thing at me.

Go on now go, Just hit the track,
Don't you bring me home no little worm,
I'll always thro! w them back.
The only thing that I could do with a d$#k as small as yours, Is to stick it
with a tooth pick And then call it an hors d'oeuvre!

I will survive, I will survi-ive,
Cuz as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex.
I will survive, I will survive. . .hey, hey!

Go on now go, Get out of my sight,
I'm going back to my appliance, Cuz I know it's length is right,
And if I ever see your tiny pecker peckin' at my door,
You'll be counting your 4 inches as you pick them off the floor.
Go on now Go!
 Ruby Red
Joined: 1/11/2006
Msg: 12
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 8:13:29 AM
At NJ........hehehehe I liked that one too. I have a friend in Illinois always sends me Maxine. Man that old chick is so droll.........excellent thread Bonnie.
 miss_allison
Joined: 4/6/2005
Msg: 13
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 8:25:24 AM
thank you for the chuckle songbird

greanize i would share if i hadnt already trashed em
but no worries my mother always sends em to me

perhaps i'll find you next time and forward them on!
 Greanize
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 14
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MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 9:37:05 AM
I found a web site that has over 200 Maxine cartoon on it. I can't post the link on here, but I just googled Maxine and checked out what came up.
 Lex Lundin
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 15
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 10:49:26 AM
You're not supposed to stick Q-tips in your ears ???
 Belfast Child
Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 16
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 11:53:26 AM
Greanize:

Thank you! That site's a riot!

 ~CityKitty~
Joined: 5/24/2005
Msg: 17
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 12:17:11 PM
OK, maybe this comic is before my time or sumthin'... but I've never heard of Maxine???

I did love that song, Songbird, I was almost crying from laughing so hard!

CK
 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 18
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MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/24/2006 2:51:51 PM
CityKitty...you don't know what you're missing!!!! Go google it....you'll have a ton of laughs...I promise!!!

I get these from a girl I used to work with and I love them!!! Going to check to see what I have right now!!!

JJ

 Greanize
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 19
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MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/25/2006 5:07:06 AM
MAXINE ON TOWEL HEADS SENSITIVITY TRAINING!

TOWEL HEADS!

Recently I received a warning about the use of this politically incorrect term, so please note: We all need to be more sensitive in our choice of words. I have been informed that the Islamic terrorists, who hate our guts and want to kill us, do not like to be called "TOWEL HEADS" since the item they wear on their heads is not actually a towel, but in fact, a small folded sheet. Therefore, from this point forward, please refer to them as "LITTLE SHEET HEADS". Thank you for your support and compliance on this delicate matter!
 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 20
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MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/25/2006 6:08:14 AM
Little Sheet Heads!!! How appropriate!!!!

JJ

 Dilligad
Joined: 7/9/2004
Msg: 21
MAXINE'S BACK! AND WITTIER THAN EVER!
Posted: 2/25/2006 6:09:54 AM
Ouch....that's pretty insulting. But hey as long as you don't put it into a cartoon setting I guess your ok.
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