Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 anenigma
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship? Page 1 of 40    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)
This is a often controversial subject...there are 'rules' which seem ridiculous and those who have actual experiences with this...I wanna know and hear what people think, guys and women??? Sometimes women want to go with what feels right at the time, and sometimes guys automatically think...'Ho'..so what really gives...(no pun intended)
No one wants to play games on here (not admittedly) but there's always that double standard getting in the way..Any thoughts, opinions, stories??
 leonardo dicatprio
Joined: 1/27/2006
Msg: 2
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/25/2006 10:04:56 PM
i can't believe people are still asking this question. sure- having sex with a virtual stranger is the way to start a lasting relationship. pathetic.
 anenigma
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/25/2006 10:13:00 PM
Perhaps I should have geared the question to all the men online who state they're looking for a long term relationship and proceed to try every trick in the book to seal the deal on the first meeting?? But that's another issue, I think..
 ImNotTaken
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 4
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/25/2006 10:15:39 PM
As I am sure any guy on here will agree, the simple answer is 'no'. Having sex when you meet for the first time will NOT ruin any chance for a real relationship. In fact, I would go further to say, and I am sure I have the full support of all men on here when I say this, that having sex the first time you meet can do nothing but good for the relationship.
 Calculating Infinity
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 5
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/25/2006 10:22:59 PM
I wouldnt want to be with a woman like that, and I think that the idea of establishing a relationship with that woman is facetious as hell... Wouldnt waste my time and oxygen...
 CyberMouse
Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 6
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/25/2006 10:23:49 PM
I don't think it ruins the chances. I broke up with a bf and went for a year without sex. Then I met my current bf, and I demanded sex on the first night. He tried to refuse saying "he isn't looking for a realtionship", and frankly, I didn't care either way. We ended up making the bed suuuuper squeaky that night and many many nights thereafter. We now live together and plan on getting married.

ps: we got a new bed
 HotHandRand
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 7
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/25/2006 10:53:50 PM
There are a number of factors in answering that one. Who initiated the relationship??? What happened during the email, and telephone phases???? Have both parties developed a trust???? Obviously if the earlier part of the date was going well, and I knew things were certain for a relationship, its a consideration. It is possible chemistry was already in place. My profile makes it clear I am not a one nite stand...that also influences how I would feel. After meeting most people can get a feeling whether they would live up to a commitment with the other person. Where I would get concerned is where it takes place. In ones car or a motel room, I would worry. If someone said to me I had a great time come to my house and spend time with them, and one thing led to another, totally different story. I just got told by her she is comfortable enough to trust me at her place. A smart decent guy would think to himself, this is good don't screw it up. Unfortunately "Players" screw that up from happening, leaving a couple that might have been right together, start out having trust issues early on because of a one night fling somewhere before, where someone got dumped the next day. My other concern would be this, what if one of the 2 people was having an off day or had infact been months or years since their last intimacy. A first date that ends in bed with a bad experience is like the death card unless there is super good communication.
 perplexo
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 8
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/25/2006 11:07:17 PM
I think it only ruins the chances of a good relationship if they expect something to happen now that they have had sex. I think it would take being very open minded about things to follow wherever the feelings lead. I would wonder how they could be comfortable having sex with a stranger, considering how important it is to be careful about STD's. But maybe their idea of a good relationship is one where freedom from worry is more important than prudence. I know I wouldn't want to have sex with someone I had just met, not right then. I might want them right away, but I sure wouldn't have sex that soon.
 yvesdouce
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 9
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/25/2006 11:58:39 PM
Having sex right of the bat... I figure it is a bad idea if you want something else to proceed... been there... got the t-shirt... in every color... can't help that I LOVE sex lol... will try to resist next time... one of these times it will work lol
 Coastergal
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 12:29:51 AM
I don't generally kiss on a 1st date.... Hot dayum... maybe that's why I'm still single!

I betta start putting out!!!!
 The Black Knight
Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 11
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 5:15:15 AM
Yes and No.......There is no concrete answer to this question. In one aspect for both sides it can cause trust issues and pondering if the other is too vulnerable. Perhaps that seed can later cause jealousy and mistrust issues causing the relationship to fail. On the other hand, the relationship may have developed on-line and people finally meet and the chemistry is overwhelming. In that respects a relationship may have already been formed and if it happens it may be a good thing.

In my own self disclosure I was in a very long relationship that started from just meeting someone that night and becoming intimate the same night. It could have turned into a one night stand but all the chemistry was there.

But overall my opinion is don't unless you really know someone. I believe sex is more powerful and fulfilling when you love the person you are with.
 Rainmaker411
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 5:21:53 AM
A relationship is ruined if a girl has sex with a guy on a first date. End of story. You can BS as much as you want but fact is: the guy/man will start to think that the girl sleeps around.
So if you don't want a lasting relationship, have sex on your first date. If not play the game and he will be on your door mat (like a dog) early in the morning. Sorry folks but that is reality.
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 13
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 5:24:06 AM
It depend on the two people involved and how they feel about having sex on the first date.
THAT is the reality.
 Rainmaker411
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 5:35:48 AM
Good post but bad philosophy. You have to see it from a guys stand point.

Now, on the other hand, in terms of a sex relationship, you might be right. AND for that reason I would only call it a "long term sex relationship" but nothing more.
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 15
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 5:38:01 AM
It's not a bad philosophy rain because not all men or all women think exactly the same way.
It's bad philosophy to assume that they do
 OnTheBus
Joined: 9/12/2004
Msg: 16
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 5:41:10 AM
Sex is part of courtship. But meeting someone for the first time with the intent of boning them isn't my cup of tea, personally. If it happens though, It is only because we both want it to.
 Rainmaker411
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 5:54:32 AM
Well, we all know that every relationship is different, all personalities are different and all circumstances are different. Too many variables and I totaly agree with you - BUT.

The instinct is based on the hunter and the prey. The hunter (man OR woman) has a goal in mind. The goal might be anything and I mean ANYTHING - sex, relationship, marriage whatsoever. As long as the prey keeps running, the hunter will follow untill the day he gets what he wants.

Now, wise man once said:

If the "prey" is smart: HE/SHE will will make up a secondry goal.
 SteelHawke24
Joined: 2/17/2006
Msg: 18
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 6:06:17 AM
90% of the time, yes (I feel like if she'll sleep with me the first night who else has/will she do with with, and how can you trust anybody like that.)

However if I feel a real spark or the girl seems head-over-heels for me, then I'll give it a chance for a longer deeper (no pun intended) relationship, because we all know that when you're that into someone your judgments and inhibitions slip, and it probably doesn't or hasn't happened with many guys she's dated.
 OnTheBus
Joined: 9/12/2004
Msg: 19
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 6:44:32 AM
I can usually tell if she is slutty or attracted before we meet. Besides, I tend to not communicate with slutty women because they generallly can't converse about other things.

So, when I meet a woman of class and attraction is obvious, then what ever hapens is nothing more than nature taking it's course.
 fristknight
Joined: 2/10/2006
Msg: 20
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 6:45:28 AM
i dont think so i personnally wouldn't sleep with a women on the first night unless i felt like there was something to build ( relationship )
 The Black Knight
Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 21
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 6:57:53 AM
Rainmaker: You are boxing men in. I agree with some of what you say but if this is about cat and mouse then whether she waits til the 100th date then you make it sound like its over once he gets the mouse. Sorry don't buy it. If a relationship is going to happen it is going to happen on alot more than the "sex" variable. Its not conventional wisdom to have sex on the first date and is rather risky and foolish for many reasons. But the world is not a box and human behavior is very complex that even after 7000 years of recorded history we are still dumb in understanding it. All men are not the same and all women are not the same.
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 22
 The Black Knight
Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 23
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 8:20:49 AM
Thank you blue eyes.

I just wanted to add to my comment....The commom stereotype with men and women when it comes to sex on the first date is "He is a player" "She is a slut". Then ask yourself. Did you ever have sex on the first date? Are you a player or slut?

The only real question to ask when you choose to engage in sex on the first date is how well do you really know that person and what are the risks? Anyone that engages in sex without knowing someone is acting mainly on the animal magnetism. It is like trying to steer a boat around an iceberg. You never know what is underneath. This applies to men and women. She may be in it for the relationship and find out later she doesn't like what is underneath. He might be in it for the score and find out "WOW I want to pursue more". That is the chance one takes. My best advice....learn what is underneath the iceberg before sailing near it that goes for both men and women. But if it does happen on the first date. What did you have invested? My advice for women...if he cannot slow down when the signal is yellow or not stop when it turns red....get out as quick as possible....he has now demonstrated that he has no respect for you. A gentleman will wait for your lead when it comes to intimacy and may actually be the one that shows restraint waiting for the right moment in his heart.
 CountrySugar
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 24
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 8:31:21 AM
No any man who will let me have my way with him on the first date is a man whore, I will not be takin that one home to meet mama..
 michieme
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 2/26/2006 8:38:37 AM
I would say yes. Even though i have never done that. But even if you do more than kissing, then it's hard to have a long term relationship. I'm looking for that, and all I seem to get is friends with benefits, which I truly think sucks. I just wanna get to know one guy and thats it! :)

Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?