| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 8:27:38 AM | My girlfriend and I got in a fight a couple of weeks ago, and she re-contacted this online friend of hers that she knows from the same dating site she met me at. It wasn't a bad fight, and I think she just contacted him out of boredom because I wasn't chatting with her as much. She doesn't work or go to school right now.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon she asked me to paint her nails. I'm a bit of a foot fetishest so this wasn't unusual, but later on it came out that this online friend of hers wants some foot photos. Don't ask me how I know this, I just do. She already sent him some photos of her dressed up in her sexy Halloween costume.
It occured to me ... she wanted me to paint her nails so she could rush home and take photos of her feet to send this guy. I'm sure she stays up late chatting with this guy as well. It's obvious she likes him. Apparently she went out with me instead of him because I'm skinny and he is stocky.
Now ... I'm about 99% positive this guy poses no threat to me whatsoever ... for reasons I won't go into here, but also because I'm convinced she loves me very much. I think she is just bored and enjoys flirting and likes the affirmation that her feet are cute. Also, she is a little on the kinky side.
Is this just innocent online flirting ? Or is this something I should be jealous about ? | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 8:43:35 AM | | There very well may be a cause for concern, but try to not be over bearing. Do express you're concern to your gf, but do so in a manner that shows she isn't being forced to be with only you, but that you'd like to be the only man she gets sexy for and maybe indulged in this foot fetish with her so that you're the one she comes to for affirmation. Truth is if you don't pay attention to her, you really don't deserve her as it seems you just aren't that into her. | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 8:44:28 AM | your being jealous and Im confused.
So you said that 'she obviously likes him' then later you said you know 'she loves you very much'
If she loves one guy and likes another, then maybe shes just not that into you. Maybe its not love, maybe its just convinece.
I dont know why anyone would want a pic of someones feet, if they are just friends, with no intention on sucking on her toes. Why keep yourself in a realionship that has you thinking shes into someone else.
Find someone who makes you feel speical always, not just sometimes. Dont waste your time with someone who makes you feel second to the computer. Im sure you deserve better than that!
Good Luck with it all!! | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 8:45:09 AM | Sounds to me like you know what the story is already and you are cool with it. You know she's kinky, likes to flirt, talk to other guys and.........hey you are with her. So what's the worry or the dilemma , I don't get it??????
Your also saying that the guy poses no threat to you as far as her leaving for reasons you won't disclose so whats the worry?
You are saying yourself that she likes to flirt online.........bottom line that is who she is and if you are beginning not to like it or feeling jealous, then talk to her about it........or like the other poster said.........get rid of the dizzy cow .
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 8:52:32 AM | Yeah, I talked with my friend and he thinks this is disrespectful behavior.
My intuition told me that perhaps I should feel more jealous than I do. That's sort of unusual for me. I think you are right though, in a "normal" relationship this would be sort of weird. Something about it just doesn't feel right.
As for why she is doing it, I think I understand that ...
She doesn't have a job right now nor go to school. Also, she is sort of kinky and flirty and has sex on the brain a lot ... kind of like me. So, I think it is boredom more than anything else. She has virtually no "real life" friends other than me, only internet friends. She suffers from depression as well. This is her way of sucking up the hours in the day and having some human contact.
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I don't think jealousy is necessarily a bad emotion. It's just bad when you try and control people. Control is different from setting boundaries by the way. Boundaries are something you set, then you recognize it is out of your hands. Crossing boundaries have consequences of course. Control is trying to force people to stay in your boundaries.
Is this a boundary I should set ? Don't send photos of yourself to some guy you chat with online ? There is obviously a little sexual tension to their chats, but it is just online. I don't know, what do you think ? He lives about an hour away from her. | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 9:04:26 AM | Why is she fufilling this other mans fantasy rather than yours? People who are in a committed relationship usually don't do things or care about other people. They don't send sexual photos and yes photos of feet can be sexual. She already knows her feet are cute and that you supposidly love them so why does she need affirmation from some other man?
I think you are concerned way more than you are leading on here. The 1% is getting bigger everyday with good reason. You already know that the two of you met in the same fashion as her on-line flirting fling so what's to stop her for continuing her pattern. People behave in ways that are familiar and that they know work for them (on-line has worked for her).
I really think you need to address your feelings regarding this issue with her and see what she has to say. If she loves you then she will respect the fact that she should behave in ways that are respectful and healthy for your relationship. | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 9:28:15 AM | | I'd set her loose...seems like a bad situation...I think shes using you to paint her nails (which is weird enough) but I think you're mistaken when you say the other guy is no threat. the other guy is ALWAYS a threat :P. I had a situation like that once, i figgured hey, that guys got nothing on me, im better than him in almost everything. I'm better looking than him, I'm more popular, I have a better job, I have a better personality (not to sound stuck up, but everyone I know agreees, this guy had no friends) However, my ( now ex) girlfriend left me for him, and have been sleeping with him for 6 moths before she left me. Needless to say, i was surprised. Oh well, she's a whore. Point is, you can never be too careful. And feet are gross. | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 9:51:01 AM | I got lost somewhere around the foot fetish part
In general, people who are bored at home seek attention and companionship from chatting. You should not be threatened by that mere fact alone. | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 10:08:34 AM | @jesiebunnies
Yeah, I think you are right ... it probably does bother me more than I am letting on.
She is very open, honest, realistic, and kinky ... and anti-romantic. I do believe she loves me very much ... of that I have no doubt. She just doesn't follow the normal "rules", and I think I've slowely gotten desensitized and "trained". That's why it doesn't bother me more. I sort of expect this kind of stuff from her.
Anyway ... I don't feel directly threatened. It's more like this guy is a sort of a "backup" for her or something. If we start fighting, or things take a turn for the worse, I've no doubt she would start chatting with this guy more, and possibly hook up with him if things got that bad.
It's kind of like he is a threat hanging over my head or something.
I think it's worse than her just having a guy friend, because of the obvious sexual tension and the fact she thought about dating him at one point. She has also confessed to having had many sexy chat sessions with him before she started dating me. She told me she doesn't chat with him like that anymore. | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 10:18:45 AM | Hrm.
I am ok with my fiancee flirting a bit, as long as it is open. I catch secretive flirting, and it is time for a serious talk.
The idea that she is taking requests from this guy = creepy. That indicates a level of possessiveness she is permitting him to have on her, and that, to me, is a huge red flag.
Google: keylogger :) | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 10:55:15 AM | I'm not good at making boundaries or controlling. I usually just let what happens happen, and adjust the emotional distance between me and the other person some. Self-defense I guess.
I think I'm just going to ask her not to have cybersex with this guy and no foot photos. I don't think that is being overly traditional or unreasonable.
Oddly, it's not the idea of him seeing some photos that bothers me ... it's the fact my gf would WANT to send them. Of course I can't control her desires.
I just wander if this means she is not as serious as she leads me to believe ?
Or simply that she is kinky and bored ?
Geez ... she could send me some photos and have cybersex with me if she is feeling that kinky. | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 11:00:14 AM |
because I'm convinced she loves me very much. I think she is just bored and enjoys flirting and likes the affirmation that her feet are cute.
Then let her play. No harm. And if you really want to show her that you aren't
insecure....crawl under her puter desk and have lunch while she's playing with him.
 moo | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 11:04:21 AM |
I'm about 99% positive this guy poses no threat to me whatsoever ... I'm convinced she loves me very much.
If you believe your own statement, then why are you even worried?? | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 11:34:18 AM | | If she can do these things online, what makes u believe she won't one day do these things in real life? Boredom is no excuse man, you're going to get hurt eventually....and badly I give it a 2-1 shot....all bets are open! | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 11:47:53 AM | She used to have cybersex with him, before she started dating me.
But I wasn't born yesterday.
I think sending photos of your feet to a foot fetishist is a sign that they are flirting and that there is some sexual tension and play going on. She also sent a couple of pics of herself in her hot Halloween costume. Perhaps it's not full blown cybersex, but maybe it is ? Sometimes "play" is more telling than cybersex anyway.
I don't know.
I wonder if she is going to be this way in real life too ?
Is it wrong to interpret too much flirting as a sign someone is not so serious ? Could be a self-esteem thing too. And what exactly is "too much" flirting ?
I'm starting to think sending pics is "too much", but I wonder if I'm just being too conservative ? | |
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~iiCe~
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Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 22 | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 12:07:17 PM |
If we start fighting, or things take a turn for the worse, I've no doubt she would start chatting with this guy more, and possibly hook up with him if things got that bad.
It's kind of like he is a threat hanging over my head or something.
Sounds like a nice woman.. I await your next thread on how she cheated on you with him. | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 1:58:54 PM | Wow, I just tried to have a nice, reasonable conversation with her about this ... and she nearly flipped out. She became very defensive.
Even worse ... she told me a boldface lie.
ugh !
I'd much rather have a flirty, kinky, honest girlfriend over a flirty, kinky, dishonest one !
Damn. I won't ever be able to completely trust this one now.
I feel like I'm entering into that "just enjoy the sex" phase of the relationship. | |
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| Online relationship ... should I be jealous ?
Posted: 2/27/2006 2:10:47 PM | What you have said to me is just flirting.But watch out!..it could turn into more.I think sending that guy feet pics is the least of your worrys.watch out for ass & vigina pics.
But what you have said,theres nothing to worry about right now id say.U said you think she likes him.as in how?...i think all women want to be wanted by other men outside there main man that they have at the moment.because they beleave there main man tells them what they want to hear.but strange men will tell you what you want to hear to get what they want that your already geting.Men backstab men daily. | |
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